Ask Me Help Desk - What is she?

Do I respond?

My girlfriend of 3 yrs dumped me for the 4 times. She is selfish, controlling and abusive. Every time she dumps me we end up back and it's the same crap. My question is, she told me 3 days ago to never call, write or come to her house. She wanted to know what she should do with what little items are at her house. I said throw them away. She text me saying she's mad at me for making her figure out away to live without me, and again asking me what to do with the stuff I left there, which I made it clear what to do. I haven't responded to either and wondering why she is writing and should I keep not responding? You see I gave 110% in this relationship and she will admit she can only give about 40%. Then wonders why it won't work. I'm not responding because I'm mad, its because I'm tired of it . Please help.

Your ex sounds just like mine, she broke up with about 6 times. But I would not respond ever. If you respond she might think you guys will get back together.

It looks like she is trying to keep a hold of you in some way, it doesn't sound like she wants to be with you anymore, she knows that you are there so she is testing you to see if you respond... stand your ground, enough is enough

You have 3 years together... that just doesn't go away. She will continue to try and keep you in her life because it is what she knows. The relationship sounds like it wasn't good for either of you.

It sucks but I would go with No contact. It isn't a healthy relationship so why would you want to continue it.

Don't respond she doesn't deserve your company my friend, meet someone new and move forwards into a happy relationship rather than let an ex control your future because it sounds like that's what she'd like to do, and it won't be happy for you from what you've explained..

Quote:

Originally Posted by ceriphante

don't respond she doesn't deserve your company my friend, meet someone new and move forwards into a happy relationship rather than let an ex control your future because it sounds like thats what she'd like to do, and it won't be happy for you from what you've explained..

I agree with some of what you say but I wouldn't worry about meeting someone new right now. 3 years can take its tole on you. Get back into your own groove by hanging with your friends... picking up some old hobbies or starting some new ones. Basically getting to know you again.

See how that works.

Flat out, no.

Yes 3 years can take a big told on you. But you would have to ask yourself when it comes to her..
"Will it get worse?"
"How long will this happen?"
"Will it ever stop?"

But above all, I wish you the best of luck to you.

Though I agree with the others' no response idea, yet, for once may be you can call her and tell her "hey, whatever we had was great, but it's no longer the same and I would request u to please stop contacting me. if you do, I will not respond...am just being decent enough to INFORM you" and that's it. Listen to her no more because every relationship is an equal relationship and where one is not happy, then something is amiss, so leave it right there... and look ahead.

What is she?

My ex of 3yrs never took a shower with me, never let me see her naked, had sex only at dark after midnight, never have oral sex, got made if I ask to. Wanted me to turn her on but no touching or seeing, wouldn't have a orgasm unless with her toy, said she didn't trust me. She's the best kisser and I suck, I live 30 minutes away and go there 365 days a yr, she comes over 0. if I ask her to she gets mad. If no one is watching TV and I want to watch sports its hell no because she don't like it. If I stick up for her kids then she grounds them, if at a party or gathering she says she doesn't have to stick by me or entertain me, if I call her cell and she's talking to someone in person then she says to text her and she will decide if I should call, or won't call me unless she misses me, lol. She's always right and if I prove her wrong then she will make it a rule so she is right,I go to bed at 10 pm and get up at 3am for work, her kids of 14,16,17 are loud, screaming, slamming doors, if I ask for them to be quite she tells me to get over it. Or go home. She hits, name calls, never sticks up for me, now is she selfish, controlling, abusive, or a nut? I'm no longer there because she dumped me, I really thought it was a joke but this is really her and when I did stick up for myself and said no more then she dumped me.

Honestly, she sounds to be abusive, controlling, and manipulative. I would guess that she has her own insecurities that she has not yet dealt with, which can be frustrating and she is taking this frustration out on you. It's probably best your not with her... in my opinion.

Sounds like she is very insecure and the most selfish person I have ever heard of. I would not walk away, I would run, run very,very fast. And where is the kids dad at is he in the picture. Because she may have some old unresolved issues with him.

What is she? Better off left alone, I think.

I feel sorry for the woman because she clearly has some HUGE problems. That being said, you don't have to suffer her abuse because of her problems. If you love her enough that you'd like to give it a chance, tell her you want to go into therapy together. If she won't do it, then she's not willing to work with you. I'd wish her the best of luck and move on if that's the case. You shouldn't be treated like %^&* and if she really cares, she'll work to change.

Quote:

Originally Posted by eric1361

my ex of 3yrs never took a shower with me, never let me see her naked, had sex only at dark after midnight, never have oral sex, got made if i ask to. wanted me to turn her on but no touching or seeing, wouldnt have a orgasm unless with her toy, said she didnt trust me. shes the best kisser and i suck, i live 30 mins away and go there 365 days a yr, she comes over 0. if i ask her to she gets mad. if no one is watching tv and i want to watch sports its hell no because she dont like it. if i stick up for her kids then she grounds them, if at a party or gathering she says she doesnt have to stick by me or entertain me, if i call her cell and shes talking to someone in person then she says to text her and she will decide if i should call, or wont call me unless she misses me, lol. shes always right and if i prove her wrong then she will make it a rule so she is right,i go to bed at 10 pm and get up at 3am for work, her kids of 14,16,17 are loud, screaming, slamming doors, if i ask for them to be quite she tells me to get over it. or go home. she hits, name calls, never sticks up for me, now is she selfish, controlling, abusive, or a nut? im no longer there because she dumped me, i really thought it was a joke but this is really her and when i did stick up for myself and said no more then she dumped me.

The thing about her not letting you see her could be incurities of her body a lot of girls can only get off if is done by viborator the abusiveness to you could be that she was treated that way in past realtionships I've done the same thing and with her kid she lets it happen because your not the father

Quote:

Originally Posted by eric1361

my girlfriend of 3 yrs dumped me for the 4 times. She is selfish, controlling and abusive. Every time she dumps me we end up back and its the same crap. my question is, she told me 3 days ago to never call, write or come to her house. She wanted to know what she should do with what little items are at her house. i said throw them away. she text me saying shes mad at me for making her figure out away to live without me, and again asking me what to do with the stuff i left there, which i made it clear what to do. i havnt responded to either and wondering why she is writing and should i keep not responding? you see i gave 110% in this relationship and she will admit she can only give about 40%. then wonders why it wont work. im not not responding because im mad, its because im tired of it . please help.

Just never talk to her again it's a one way realtion ship

We all agree that she probably has her reasons--that does not give her the right to be abusive. She needs therapy, badly.

Holy*hit, its amazing how you can put up with her for 3 years. SHe is a PSYCHO! Sorry if its too hard, but that's what she really is.

But dude, take this as a happiness. SHe dumped you, how happy you are! Smile please! You are free now, don't even think twice about this woman.

Mentally ill!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by eric1361

my ex of 3yrs never took a shower with me, never let me see her naked, had sex only at dark after midnight, never have oral sex, got made if i ask to. wanted me to turn her on but no touching or seeing, wouldnt have a orgasm unless with her toy, said she didnt trust me. shes the best kisser and i suck, i live 30 mins away and go there 365 days a yr, she comes over 0. if i ask her to she gets mad. if no one is watching tv and i want to watch sports its hell no because she dont like it. if i stick up for her kids then she grounds them, if at a party or gathering she says she doesnt have to stick by me or entertain me, if i call her cell and shes talking to someone in person then she says to text her and she will decide if i should call, or wont call me unless she misses me, lol. shes always right and if i prove her wrong then she will make it a rule so she is right,i go to bed at 10 pm and get up at 3am for work, her kids of 14,16,17 are loud, screaming, slamming doors, if i ask for them to be quite she tells me to get over it. or go home. she hits, name calls, never sticks up for me, now is she selfish, controlling, abusive, or a nut? im no longer there because she dumped me, i really thought it was a joke but this is really her and when i did stick up for myself and said no more then she dumped me.

Maybe she's a .

I think she probably does have insecurities about her body. But... the hitting, name calling, etc. is something you should not stick around for. Maybe she has had an ex who did the same to her and maybe she is taking it out on you because you let her. She is obviously not very open about her emotions (except the ones directed at you). I think she has issues that she must sort out all on her own. There is really nothing you can do in this situation... it will be up to her to change. In the meantime, get your stuff together, you don't deserved to be treated this way and you don't have to put up with the hitting and name calling.

Run as fast and as far as you can and don't look back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by eric1361

what is she?

Not your problem.

Get your own life where your happy alone, work on what you want to achieve in your life, she's your past leave it as that.

Time to move on 4 times is 3 to many.

I feel better about my situatipn reading yours. You can't possibly be so stupid can you. Do you like being punished .

What does want?

After treating me like crap and then dumping me for the god knows how many times, it was like walking on eggshells and when I finally stuck up for myself she said she can't take my crap and dump me, sooooo its been 5 days and after she made it clear that I better not CALL, TEXT, EMAIL, OR SHOW MY FACE AT HER HOUSE. OK clear enough, but day 1 she writes saying she hates me for being stupid and causeing her to dump me, wow. Day 3 she writes asking what to do with stuff left at her house which I made clear earlier to trash, day 4 ten oclock at night a call from her house, I don't answer and finally after the 5th call I answer, its her daughter asking what's up? I said nothing, why? She hangs up then calls back, I don't answer and would like to know what they want and will it stop. Are they just rubbing it in. I've never gone this long after she dump me before, I've always wrote her or answered her, I know what I have to do and will. But what are they doing?

Playing Mind games with you!

They are playing games.

I assume this is the same person you described in an eariler post. She is not stable and now has her kid involved. A non-communication stance seems the best plan of action right now.

Mind games.

Quote:

but what are they doing?

They are playing games with your mind and emotions, to keep you confused so they can control you. Nip it in the bud, by not answering their calls AT ALL. We covered all this in your other thread.

Control lost

In my relationship with my ex which ended 6 days ago, she was controlling and controlled everything, when we ate, what we watched, when and how we had sex, who came and went to who's house, I mean EVERYTHING. So after dumping me and writing stupid crap and calling which I haven't responded to any. What does or how does a control freak handle the fact that she lost it, and I'm not under her thumb any longer?

Eric, sounds like she lso want to control the terms of your break up. Count yourself lucky and do not respond to anything she says or write. She will likely continue to stalk you for awhile so have a plan B if she shows up at your home.

Good luck and let her go. Ignore her you know you can do better

A little question:: Why and How can you let her control everything like that and all you could do is to listen to what she told you to do?

Me one last time.

You know after being dumped and told don't ever show my face or call or text, well I didn't. We agreed before the break up to go to a walk for life benefit. She emailed me this week saying I'm off the hook and don't have to go. I ask why and she finally said she don't feel like watching girls flirt with me. I said OK, you guys have fun. End of story. I THOUGHT. Then next day she texts and says that I can go and can she drop info off to me before work and me take the papers back to her in a couple days. I said just leave it in my car and ill leave it back in your car, that way no seeing or going on with this. She says no just bring it to her. I haven't heard from her in a couple days and she plans on seeing me in a couple to get the stuff. If its done then what is she doing, I don't want to see her and really I don't want to go to the benefit. I read what all your good advice and I'm through with her. Is this just another little ploy to see if I'm still around? I never said I would meet her. I haven't seen hr in 2 weeks and all I have is the ugly bad memories of her. 1 last advice please.

Just text her back and say your not going and don't need these forms, yes it just sounds like a little trick to see you and ask if your single. It doesn't really matter what her intentions are, just do as your doing and keep moving on.

Stick with your own plans, she loves mind games.

I think you should just ignore her, whatever she said, just simply delete it out of your cell phone. Text her back said that " I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN IN MY LIFE, so MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS".
ANd, pack all her stuff into a box or something and send straight to her house without showing up (ask some friend to do it or use some service) and write "thats it, thats all, there is nothing beween us anymore, no reason to contact me anymore, bye".
Be strong, young man! :D I have the feeling that you are very nice person so you deserve the best!

Stay cool