My girlfriend of two years is planing to take a break from me after our two week vacation is over. We both love each other a lot. We have been through so much. One day I hopefully want to marry this girl, and have kids with her. She says she wants the break for some alone time, and to clear her mind. I am afraid that I'm going to lose her. She claims that I don't treat her the way she should be treated. I want her to give me one final chance to show her that I'm ready to grow up, and love her the right way. I love her so much she is the only person I have by my side, and I don't want to see her walk away. I need a second chance, what should I say, or do?



Edited/T

Sadly,there's not a lot you can do-if she wants a break that's what you're going to have to agree to.

It seems to me that her feelings have changed and I guess there is not a lot you can do about it.

There's no way you can force someone to give you a 'final chance'-they're going to have to want that themselves.

Amicon, I do agree with the break and I will give it to her, but I want to know even after I agree with the break is all hope lost ?

Nobody can tell you that.

I can only say that,statistically, most breaks become break ups.

What are the rules for the break?

No contact?

Amicon, during the break there will be contact

My experience - "I need time alone" is the preface to "It's over." It is difficult to tell someone you want to break up. Sometimes a gradual break up is easier on "them."

And you can't make her be with you if that isn't what she wants.

Judykaytee, well the way she is making it seem lis that she isn't too sure about a complete break up so I don't know really know what to do

Amicon, during the break we will call and text and still see each other from time to time but not as much as before the break

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ronaldd09

Judykaytee, well the way she is making it seem lis that she isn't too sure about a complete break up so idk really know what to do

---

Leave her alone - give her the time she's asked for. I think if you push you're going to lose her OR she'll "come back," only to leave again.

It sucks no doubt about it. But you have to give her the space she is asking for. You mentioned that she said you do not treat her the way she should be treated. During the break think about that think about how you did treat her and what you can do to improve that.

I don't want to get your hopes up but when my wife and I were dating she broke up with me early in the relationship and I did all the stupid things called her all the time text her all the time. Don't do that stuff as much as you are going to want to do not do it. If she contacts you then talk to her. Right now space is the key.

Go out have fun with your friends live life it is the best thing you can do.

This post will not make you happy

I don't know your age, but when you get dumped for whatever reason and hang out to stay around until she changes her mind, then she loses respect for you, and starts looking for someone else to spend time with. Not only does she lose respect, but you lose your dignity, and self respect for yourself, because you waste time being her loyal pet, to please and entertain her.

When you get dumped, disappear from her life, and don't be available to her, and start doing your own thing, without her because at least seeing you happy with yourself will at least earn respect, and she may even miss you.

Even if she doesn't at least you have something else to do besides trying to keep her by sticking your nose up her butt, and treated as an option when she has nothing better to do. Let her go on her break/vacation, and don't be there when she gets back. What is this grade school?

Sorry for being harsh, but you seem so willing to keep her in your life you will stoop to any foolishness she puts you through.

Talaniman, she says wants to keep in contact with me, I will give her the space she needs. I love her and everything I'm just hoping it doesn't end so sour

Of course she wants to keep in touch, you are no longer a priority, you are now an option. Sour ain't the word for what happens next. You have options yourself, but you can't see them because she is in the way.

Talaniman, so what should I do when she decides to see me? Should I try to get her back slow but surely or do I just act as a friend for the time being?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ronaldd09

Talaniman, so what should I do when she decides to see me? Should I try to get her back slow but surely or do I just act as a friend for the time being?

---

Depends on how badly you want to get hurt.

You aren't listening - you can't "win" anyone back. She's not the prize in a contest. You can't make someone love you.

Do you act as a friend? No, you don't act like something you are not.

Can you see her on a friendship only level?

Judykaytee, most likely it will be on a friendship level and if it decides to go further so be. If not I'll continue to live my life.

Live your life, and enjoy it. Whether she wants you back or not. I have always been to busy with other things to spend a lot of time trying to get some one back who had dumped me.

If they wanted you as much as you wanted them, you would be together and working to resolve your issues to the benefit of you both, so you could be enjoying staying together.

You have been dumped, so love and romance with you is no longer a priority for her.

There's only one thing to do.

Man-up, accept things & move on.

Put all of your efforts into yourself.

You can't wait in limbo forever, why start now?

And lost hope? Well, that's up to you. Hanging on to false hope will only drive you mad & paralyze you.

Face facts, go NC & enjoy...

You Can't Love What You Can't Have. Sting said that. And who can doubt Sting, the quintessential poet?

Fear is the enemy of the living. Sober up when you ponder kindly on your loving 2 yr. old relationship. 40-60 % of married couples end up in divorce on average 10 yrs. Or less. Guess what? Pretty much all of those couples felt they could not live without that other special person and they wanted to be with them forever.

The lesson in this? Don't take yourself too seriously. Try someone else for size and come back to this forum in 2 years.

Help me please, me and my ex of two years broke up about 4 weeks ago. Her reasons for breaking up were that I was too attached, I suffocated her too much, she says she needs "me" time. Also that I didn't treat her the way she needed to be treated. I asked her if she loves me, and she says yes, and I asked her if she is still in love with me she also says yes. So I asked her to give me a chance to prove myself and she responded by saying that she doesn't know if this relationship is what she needs right now, and that she isn't too sure about giving me another chance at the moment.

Since then, I've been on No Contact, but she texts me about once a week. I saw her about a few days ago. We talked for about half an hour, not too long, just catching up on things. I had to go but during my time with her we were both smiling, and laughing, and looked very happy when I left she gave me a kiss.

I didn't talk to her about getting back together that day, its seems to me as if she is confused about being with me. I really love her a lot, and I want to be with her what should I do ?


Threads have been merged and edited/T

So basically she has been stringing you along for the past four weeks, and you come when she has time for you right?? That's hardly the way to correctly do the NC things you know. You are so desperate to keep her, you will take whatever she gives you. She knows you are hooked, and please don't think that's attractive, or by being there whenever she wants you is going to help your case any.

She isn't confused at all, she knows for a fact she doesn't want to see you everyday, and that you are only a text away. I am just wondering how long it will be before you get treated like a part time option??

Get some confidence, and protect your dignity, and self respect. Tell her to piss off, and stop torturing you. At least act like a man, and not her puppy. Sorry to be harsh, but why get dumped and stick around to get dumped on?? Answer me that!!

Read my signature,v-v

Find your dignity and tell her to get lost!
Don't be the backup plan-do NC proper and disappear from her life.

@ Talaniman I've only seen her one time since the break-up and that one time it was for about 30 minutes and to pick up the last bit of my things from her house. Since then I haven't seen her. I don't text or call her at all she is usually the one to conatct me via text and even then I keep our text conversation really short and not too much detail. So I want to know I am doing anyhting right or wrong?

That's good to hear, and I was wondering as you basically posted the same thing after a few weeks of the break up, hence my "straight" answer, which may have been a bit harsh, I know, and I know the struggle with your own feelings also. I know its tough. I think seeing her for a short time also brought those old intense feelings back to the surface. That's understandable, and now that you have gotten your things, IGNORE her texts. They can also keep your feelings stirred up, and give false hope that she has changed her mind, or cares.

Hope you are staying plenty busy, with family, friends, and activities you enjoy, as over time that helps, as you begin to see other options and opportunities when you are ready.

Maybe not so much now, but in another month, OR TWO. Have you read the stickies? They have many good suggestions and insights from others who have gone through what you are now, and probably will again. Over all though, you are doing the right things for yourself, and just need more time.

@Talaniman I am keeping busy by hanging out with friends and working out. I've lost a good amount of weight which I am really proud of.I am trying to set-up a date with one of my former high school classmates. I knew that she liked me in High school and I liked her too but I never got around to talking to her because my now ex-gf was in the way and had me caught up with her. Also she used to be one of her friends but they aren't friends anymore. Is it too early to set up any dates and especially with one of her former friends ?

Of course its to early to replace the hole in your soul, especially with a former friend. But its never to early just to have fun, without getting carried away and trying to change a failed relationship with another that may fail also. Friends, and fun, is what you need, not hope of a romance, or thinking you are ready to jump into another relationship. Make some new female friends. The more the better. FRIENDS, not partners.

Do you even know how to have fun with females, without falling hopelessly in love with the first one who smiles at you?

Of course I do know how to have fun with females I am a Libra after all. My intent isn't on dating her or anything because I know that most rebound relationships end as fast as they start. I just want to start hanging out, talking, becoming good friends who knows where it will lead.

You got that right, you never know where life leads you.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Fat, short, skinny, or tall! 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

Break means break.

Not in-between.

Look at it this way. If she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't need a break. She would have wanted to work it out at all costs. Stick with you.
That isn't the case.

You need to start living your life w/o her.

Not worrying about what may or probably won't happen. Go NC. Be carefree.

NC doesn't mean that you don't care. Just that you don't need any more heartbreak or BS. Getting strung along at her whims.
Builds character. Do it.

@VanHeart yeah that's pretty much obvious if you "love" someone with all your heart you stick it out but I guess that doesn't apply in this situation lol. Sooner or later she'll come running back to me because I wasn't such a bad BF but if she doesn't oh well I'll be okay. Love hurts people but is doesn't kill anyone.

Exactly.

Don't wait around for her to love you.

May never happen.

I love optimism & love stories, but...

"sooner or later she'll come running back"

Nice one. I like that. I would follow that line up w/ a chuckle...

What you should do is:
GIVE HER THE SPACE.

If you don't I can GUARANTEE you that she will break up with you. Like she says, she just needs some time to herself and wants to think things through, and there is big chance this might be a break up. However, if you want ANY chance of getting back with her, you are going to have to stop smothering her and leave her alone for a while, she will come back to you. If you get drunk and drunk dial her or anything of the sort, your part of the game is gone. Play safely and do as she says, if she is telling you that she is not being treated the way she should, ONLY and I repeat, ONLY after she has called you back from this break, can you ask her what is it that she thinks you should change so that you know the way she wants to be treated properly.

Screw that, just go NC. Don't be her pal.
And don't jump into another relationship full time.

Just have fun & enjoy.
Be selective.

Update: I haven't seen my ex in a month but she has kept in contact with me. All the times we spoke is because she reached out to me not vice versa. So I talked with her the other day about regular things, just catching up and she decides to mention that she has went on dates without me even asking her. She even told me that one of the guys she went on a date with kissed at the end of the night she says it was "accidental" I didn't show any kind of emotion is basically made it seem like I was okay with it. A couple days later I found out that she might be getting into a relationship with the same guy that kissed her and she also works at her job and its only been about a month since we broke up, but in the message I read the guy that she might potentially date hasn't asked her out or anything and it seemed like he isn't committed at the moment or doesn't want to be in a relationship but only time will tell. I also went on a few dates myself and when I Told my ex she got jealous I could hear it in her voice she . Then she started comparing her dates to me saying that I did things that they didn't do (in a good way). She's called me a couple of times saying that she misses me and still thinks about me everyday but I don't feed into it. I've been really good without contacting her, and now that this new rebound relationship might happen soon should I just forget about her and move on or would I still have a chance ?

Your best bet is to forget her. You are just setting yourself up for all kinds of trouble and pain if you keep hanging on to hopes that you two will be together again. Even if it did happen, you would end up in the same situation you are now. Think about this... she wanted a break, some "alone time" to "clear her head"... what did she do? She cleared her head by going out with other people? That's pretty stupid, isn't it?

Basically, she was done with you when she told you that she needed time. Now she just contacts you either because she feels guilty and is trying to get past that guilt by being "nice" to you or she wants to string you along in case the other things don't work for her. Either way, it's BS and you don't need it.

I once had a girl tell me she needed time... not space but time. Ok, no problem. I asked her, how much time are we talking about? She blew up on me and told me that if I couldn't respect that she needed time and I was going to push her for an answer, then she has to end it right now... I left her no choice but to end it so I didn't have to go through any pain. That's how much she cared for me. Do you see what I'm saying in there? She wanted it to be over (I know she met someone else) but felt guilty about it so she needed time. Me asking her was a way for her to turn the whole thing on me, that it was my fault we were done. Then, because she was so wonderful, she still cared for me and wanted to spare me the pain... well, that was her way of making it all nice in her head and completely brushing away any guilt. This was an extreme situation as she was somewhat nutty anyway but I think you get what I'm saying, right?

Good luck to you.

Quote:

---

Update: I haven't seen my ex in a month but she has kept in contact with me. All the times we spoke is because she reached out to me not vice versa.

---

Just because she is the one calling you, doesn't mean you have to be available. The way No Contact goes you can be very brief, polite, but to busy for her emotional BS. Trying to play this friendly is torture isn't it? So stop doing it.

Start all over with NC, do it right, stay out of her business, keep her out of yours, and no more excuses about she has contacted you, because in fact you allowed it, and has got you thinking in confusion yet again.

Stop it, put an end to her having access to you.

I totally understand your point of view. Honestly I'm not hoping that we get back together but you never know. And most of our convo's are short. Why did she seem so jealous and angry when I told her that I also went on dates when I didn't get not one bit mad when she told me about her dates and the kiss?

Why did she seem jealous? It's a game. She got jealous because she is supposed to be having a good time, not you. Get it?

Yeah I get it A close mutual friend of ours told me that she got jealous and angry because she was expecting me to be grieving over her for a while and keep chasing her, but I haven't its only been a month but I have severely matured and lost massive weight even dropped down two pants sizes.

See? She doesn't really care about you. If she did, she wouldn't be playing this game. I mean, think about it, if she did care, would it annoy her that you weren't spending your life grieving over her breaking up with you? That's kind of twisted, isn't it?

So, continue to feel better about yourself and move on. You'll be OK... you really will.

Yeah she is kind of twisted in the mind and as much as I love her and miss her I don't think it will work out in the long run if she continues with that kind of mindset, she has a lot of maturing and growing up to do which is sad to say because she actually seemed really smart to me at one point LOL, I'm trying my best to move on, having fun, doing things, being flirty with other females. I try my best not to think about her because when I do it puts me down. But when I'm not thinking about her I'm having so much fun and my mind is so much Clearer at first I didn't want this break up but now I think I'm actually happy it happened.