Guys and girls, my ex-girlfriend recently broke up with me about last month of 4 years and I've used the no contact strategy but to no avail. Her reason for was that we were too long together and we have known each other too much. I think this is bull**** as she was a very good girl until she started her 1st job in for about 4months. Then there is this colleague senior who would assist her in job related and now he is the new BOYFRIEND!! I confronted her yesterday and she said that this guy is much better than me and I was like how long you know this guy and we were 4 years of many difficult moment. I just couldn't understand why this guy would break us up like that. Why did he approach my girlfriend and steal her from me as she was the youngest in the office. The worst I could feel is that why didn't my ex didn't see this coming that this guy much older than her suddenly keep texting her and ask her out and she don't feel sneaky. They are in the office everyday and would work late together. Therefore the chances for this opportunist guy. My ex family were stunned as well where now my ex seldom hang out with them and would somehow treat the house like a hotel. I am terrified and I did nasty thing to get her back like trying to run down from busy street and feel like dying because I just couldn't accept it that we were to steady together before with plans ahead. Anyway, now I can't eat well, sleep well. I really want her back. Question is How?

Please guide me.

He didn't "steal" her. She was more than willing to break up with you and now she's with him.

Move on go NC and get on with your life.

If it were that easy for her to just up and leave you like that, she didn't really love you anymore.

You just have to tell yourself why would I want to be with someone who doesn't love me, and would do that to me.

If she is moving on with her life, so do you.

Break ups are always hard a first, and you lived your life before you met her, and you can live your life after.

I've enter NC for a month but just know the guy is her new boyfriend. The guy was saying just a mentor at work and now took the advantage of the situation. I found it rather like an opportunist. Its been 4 great years we had. I'm devastated.

Of course you are devastated. Any one would be. But she made her choice and you have to accept it, heal, and move on with your life and something better will come along. So get your head in the right place so you will be ready for what life throws you next.

You are hardly the first broken heart on the planet and for sure won't be the last. Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, and be guided through the healing process, so you can move on.

Agree here that is natural for you to feel upset regarding the break up.. but in regards to fighting for a person... its just not the way to go.. she made that choice for a reason and the best thing to do is let that go and go on with your life... if she wanted to be with you then she would be... but she's not so let it go.

I know that I should move on but the thing is after 4 years that I've met with other girls. She was different and very special. Is just that saying is much easier than actually forgetting her. I am beginning to think that is there a way to actually get her back from her new guy? Because there are plenty of e-books that are selling promises the success of getting ex-gf from the new guy.

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Originally Posted by lamp_post

I am beginning to think that is there a way to actually get her back from her new guy? because there are plenty of e-books that are selling promises the success of getting ex-gf from the new guy.

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You need to leave her alone.

You seem to be focusing too much on the idea that he stole her from you and its his fault.

Fact is, if they are actually together, then she has chosen to leave you and be with him.

She is not the innocent. She has made a choice. That choice was not you.

No book/e-book in the world will get her back if she does not want to come back. Do not grovel, beg or plead to get her back.

If she wanted to be with you then she would be.

Look at the facts. Not the fantasy you have playing in your mind to justify trying to get her back and keeping contact.

Go NC. Before you lose your dignity as well as her.

Any further hopes or contact is only going to cause you more pain.

I agree, don't lose anymore dignity here.

Don't think that she was special. She left you with a lame excuse for someone else.

Suck & hurts. I know. Happens every day.

There's only one thing to do. Go NC & enjoy life w/o her.

That's what's she's doing.

You just have to decide how much time you want to spend on someone that is no longer in your life.

Waste of time, dontcha think?

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Originally Posted by lamp_post

I am beginning to think that is there a way to actually get her back from her new guy? because there are plenty of e-books that are selling promises the success of getting ex-gf from the new guy.

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Let us know how that works for you, so we can tell all the broken hearted people that there is hope, and no need to suffer through NC!!

He didn't twist her arm or kidnap her. She made a choice to be with him.

Go NC and get on with your life.

Yes I broke the NC when she contacted me to terminate our phone line. I guess I can't initiate NC again when I need to pack my things from her house. Yes, I do want my dignity. Is just difficult that I can't eat and sleep well. Is just the many things that we have been doing with each other and now I am not used to it. Christmas is coming, her convocation and her birthday. Got to stay tough.


I know that people would say that she's not as innocent and I was shocked as well when she brought the guy home after few weeks. Oh come on. What was she thinking. Sigh, But you guys didn't know her. She was like the princess before it happened. I am lucky that to have her but is just doesn't work out for her. I still have feelings for her.

I just make a plan to go to a local martial art class and I hope it could help me out. Got to work hard. THanks for the support guys. I will go pack up my stuff again tmr without her at her parents place. I don't think I need to tell her that. Keeping the NC.

It doesn't really matter what you thought she was, or if you were lucky to have her or not. The reality is, she dumped you, and moved on, and had no trouble doing it at all. So its not her, its you who need to face reality, and deal with it, because truth be told, you didn't know her as well as you thought, and she fooled you for whatever reason. Hardly an example of being completely honest, or straight forward. But you were played.

Now you can foolishly blame it on the other guy, and make her seem like she is an innocent pawn to his nefarious schemes, but that would be more fantasy on your part.

You can hope by reading a book that you will gain the knowledge to break the spell the guy put her under, and rescue this damsel in distress, but that's only more foolishness on your part.

Or you can accept that the girl blew your mind, and played you for a chump, and accept your own foolishness, and get better for it. You needed this experience to open your eyes to reality, and the real world, so now that they are open, don't be so foolish again. Growing pains hurt, but you do learn from them. Have you learned from yours? Nuff said!!

Yes, every time when I was so down and depressed. I came to this site and gosh people here are spot on. I just needed time facing the face that she's no longer the one I believe she was.

God, I can't think straight again. I was suppose to hit the martial art class and I skipped them, I took leave from work and I am like a dead fish trying to sleep all day.

Her friend told me that she is much happier now with the guy than with me. I am the guy who will tell you what's right and wrong to do when it matters so I tend not to be so romantic... I will buy flowers though most of my friends don't. I am not hugely an egoistic but always more alike those rational guys.

Anyway, her friend told me that it's her decision to love herself more and she had accumulated all these years and I was like all these years? Why she could jump all this time without telling? Is it my fault? Dang, I tried to get her back but she's already moved on with the new guy that she wanted while I'm sitting here sharing my grudges. I was like why could she be so selfish. Anyway, I want to feel free and hope to get a scholarship to further studies.

Just that everyday I can't eat and sleep well. I feel like dead fish going with friends where I can't help it. I know there are many fishes out there. I've got a girl who she is quite interested in me but I felt it will be unfair for her if I am not ready.

lamp_post

We all go through this when we get dumped.

You're not a dead fish. Just wounded temporarily.

One thing that's essential is NC. That also means to stop getting info about her from friends.

The more you hear, the more she will occupy your thoughts.

Here's something to think about:

She is no longer in your life. She's the dead fish actually.

Everything now is only because of what's in your head. Just past feelings for her. She in fact is in the past. And will be forever.

The bomb has been dropped. But the dust hasn't settled.

She's with someone, made her plan & is not crying over you.
Why should you?

I spent my share of days in bed, then said screw it, Im going to do whatever it takes to move on.

Except jumping into another relationship.

Get over her first.

Don't deny yourself fun or positive things for someone that dumped you.

That's unproductive.

Updates...

Went out for drinks with a friend and told him I'm moving on but can't go for 100% NC when I still need to collect my stuff back from her house. Friend said just leave them there but there's too many to be abandoned.

Worst, I got sloppy and saw her Facebook that she has a new Man United Jersey [I was Liverpool Fc] saying, "became devil" dang... back to square one, can't sleep.

You doing it to yourself.

"but can't go for 100% NC"

Your choice.

Yea is my choice, got to dwell on it. I will let u guys know again after collecting the stuff this Friday. What could I ran into some more. Hmmm.

Update... I decided not to collect those stuff until I need them right now NO CONTACT for me. Is not urgent at all.

Why love kills... I know she's a donkey but why I can still love her this much.

Listen to Kaka, and start loving yourself.

Thanks guys, you guys rock! I am trying really hard to NC. Those stuff I don't even wanted care to collect until she asked.

Why do I need to be so sad when she is the one that did wrong. I treated her good mayb I'm egoistic but I've never done anything wrong behind. I tried to fulfill her needs and everything. I won't be perfect, I know I can never.

I thought I was perfect, but learned the folly of that thinking a long time ago. I also learned there are no guarantees in life, and some times your best isn't good enough for some people. ( the ungrateful, and unappreciative b@sta@rds!! )

Hehehe!!
Isn't that the truth.

You guys were spot-on! Yesterday, I finally managed not to check on her FB it was such a hard work! God. I almost lost my job too. My superior were asking why aren't you focus. Dang, the power of love can make u happy and kill.


A friend told me that I wasn't caring enough. I felt bad that I could do better and why wasn't I given chance.

Tell your friend he is an idiot. And get off that pity pot while you're at it.

You gave your heart to the wrong person is all. Happens to the best of us. We learn, we grow, we get over it no matter how hard it is, so stop feeling sorry for yourself!

>very hard cyber slap, right upside your hard freakin head<

Just like stopping FB, NC also involves removing all gossip. Tell your friends that you don't want to hear it. Remove anyone that you can't trust to support you.

Tal's right.

You can wallow till the cows come home, but that's not going to change the fact.

That its done. Whatever the reasons.

Its up to you now how fast you want to heal. Not us, her or anyone else.

When would you like to be back to your old self?
And better?

Yes after 1 day of really no FB and don't picking the friend's call, I feel better and I really felt that I don't deserve this. It's her choice and I have no regrets for my action and my love towards her.

Good start man, keep it up.

I know its hard to fathom at this point, but one day soon you will be proud of yourself for sticking to NC.

And pat yourself on the back knowing that you didn't cave to the drama.

Its like love rehab. Making a commitment to yourself to get of a bad drug. One that only brings you down.

Takes time. Hang in there with confidence and know that pain you feel now is just temporary.

Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaayaa (2010) excellent movie!

I think this could be a good example of NC. Please watch this.

My ex-gf just called me and I didn't answer. What should I do?

Don't answer. Unless you want more of the drama and her lies and bulldust?

Well what do you want? To be her backup plan?

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My ex-gf just called me and I didn't answer. What should I do?

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Nothing! By my account it was almost 4 in the morning so go back to sleep.

NC, right?

Gosh, another call but it's my friend. I thought it was her and I answered and said, I want to sleep only to realised it was my friend.

Was your stomach in knots afterwards? :eek:

Im sure it was, so imagine how you would have felt if it was her?

That's why everyone says NC. To stop the turmoil and give yourself some peace and a drama free life.

And isn't it nice :)

It's so freaking hard! Woke up this morning at wee hours again. Dang! I kept thinking about her waking up at the wrong place. Got to write it out in AMHD otherwise I will write to her. Thanks AMHD.

monney = morning *