If you call a guy you used to have intimate casual relationship with but doesn't love you and broke up with you because you fell in love with him... and now I'm really missing him (he stopped calling me) and I just want to get laid again... how will he feel if I asked him to come to my place and just have sex without anything else. He told me after we broke up that I should not around to learn from my mistakes and that if I do I should just call him to me... im really missing him and the sex... im itching to call... what will he think of me? Is it a good idea or will he think less of me even more?

You can only ask, and he can only say yes or no, however could you cope if he says no thanks?

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

You can only ask, and he can only say yes or no, however could you cope if he says no thanks?

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I'm also concerned whether she can cope if he says yes.

Tinkerbellbabes, you said you were falling in love with him and he didn't feel the same way. How will you keep the feeling casual without falling for him again? I think you are risking that hurt again, and I can't help but wonder if you have fantasized it will be different this time and he'll return your feeling.

He might scratch your itch, and just see you as a pitiful piece of sex meat.

I think it's a lousy idea. A really lousy idea. You sound like a booty call, or friends with benefits.

Those are lousy ideas, too!!

You are making yourself look as though you are cheap and needy.
Don't do it. You need to stay away from this guy.

He doesn't want you and you still want to have sex with him? You need counseling and you need some self confidence.

I have a feeling if you had some self esteem , you could do a lot better than this loser.

Get some self-respect, girl. He doesn't want you and you're willing to throw yourself at him - that's just pathetic. Sorry for the tough love, but you need to come to your senses and value yourself more. No man will ever love you and respect you if self-love and self-respect is not there to begin with.
Don't mean to sound harsh, but you're worth more than being booty call. Good luck.

You don't want to get laid. You want to try and make him like you gain by offering yourself. It won't work and he will think less of you.

You need some self esteem and having casual sex isn't going to help you find it.

Thanks everyone for your comments. It helped me so much to practice the no contact rule. I almost did it last night. I was calling friends and can't contact them. I even looked for chat rooms to look for someone to talk to. I was about to dial already when I remembered this site... it was a long time ago that I logged in. I even had to reset my password. Then I posted this question and read some related posts. It really helped me to stop calling. So thanks for all your reply... I think I need constant reminder... I always read your replies every time I think of calling him.

Good for you. Keep it up

Vent to us, and don't call him. You will only be a booty call too him. He isn't worth it!

We're here... Leave him alone.

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Originally Posted by tinkerbellbabes

if you call a guy u used to have intimate casual relationship with but doesnt love u and broke up with you because u fell in love with him...and now im really missing him (he stopped calling me) and i just want to get laid again...how will he feel if i asked him to come to my place and just have sex without anything else. He told me after we broke up that i should not around to learn from my mistakes and that if i do i should just call him to me....im really missing him and the sex...im itching to call...what will he think of me? is it a good idea or will he think less of me even more?

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Well First Off It Is Not A Good Idea To Call Him Even If It Is For Sex Only; Because Sex Comes With Emotions; & If You Trying To Get Over Him The Best Thing Would Be For You Not To Call Him; Maybe You Should Erase His Number & Go Out With Friends & Try To Meet New People; If You Decide To Call Him All He Is Going To Think Of You That He Can Come Over Any Time He Wants Cause Your Easy To Get; So To Him You're a Slut; Think Before You Pick Up That Phone; Hopee This Helped(;

Well done on not calling! It might make you feel better in the short term but if he didn't care about you last time it's not likely to change now if you call him, it can only make you feel worse about yourself and you deserve better than that!

Sorry guys, I broke the no contact rule... I called him and yes now I know he was a total . He was so cold and distant and rude. I think I needed to do this to wake myself up... it is just too difficult to forget the memories... its hard to connect the guy who courted me and showed me all the attention before he had sex with me... things changed when he got all what he wanted... I don't regret breaking up with him... im glad I did... I just wish I could erase all the memories... its heard to be living at home alone where we used to sleep together every night... what shall I do to block off my memories of him?

When you think about him you think about sex? I don't think its love hun!

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Originally Posted by Oddboots

You don't want to get laid. You want to try and make him like you gain by offering yourself. It won't work and he will think less of you.

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You are fooling yourself if you think you're calling him just to get laid.
He is not going to think any better of you.
"To thine ownself be true" William Shakespeare

Get your act together and stop being "easy". Guys may act like they like an easy woman and they
Will for an hour or so.

You need some self esteem and you also need to stop making sex a casual thing.

I have just broken up with a guy I fell in love with but who doesn't really love me but love another woman. It was a no string attached set up but because we were practically together everyday day and we do things together, I can help but fall for him despite his warning not to. We were both happy but it was difficult for me to know that I'm not the one he loves.. (he is going to marry this december) so I broke up. But things were so difficult after the break up... he totally cut me off... living alone on another country without much friends around and staying in an apartment where we used to sleep together is so hard... with him, life was easy... I don't know how to drive and he drives me around... in this place, public transport is so hard and there is no life if you don't have a car... I also lost my social life as he wants me to cut off from his circle of friends too whom I started to enjoy with... but because he was sort of the boss nobody every dared to befriend me. Now I'm left alone in this awful place... most of the people here are either married, with kids, not interested to go out, have their own life... now I'm itching to call the guy and he made it clear this time he doesn't want me... how can I move on? How can I forget him? I've tried to get involved with sports, have social life, meet new friends but still he is always on my mind and having these difficulties living here makes me regretted breaking up with him to the point that I blame myself and get angry with myself... now it is affecting my work and the way I deal with people... I have no one to talk to here... I just want to forget and move on... but I'm stuck here until my contract ends... what shall I do? I would love to try anything may it be feng shui, or whatever potion whatever practical stuff whatever,. just want to block him off my mind, forget and move on... I think I'm still hoping he would come back... and it sucks... its been one month now I don't want to be like this for another month... help!

Its rough but you have to stick to NC no matter what and read the stickies at the beginning of this forum.

How long until your contract ends? It sounds like it was inevitable that it would end up this way at some point, so better now than later. You would have only become more attached. I don't know where you are, but some ideas:

1. Is there a college nearby where you can take some classes?

2. Find some books to read, either for fun or learning or both.

3. There might not be good public transport, but you have 2 feet - Can you go walking or running? It will blow off steam and give you a chance to think about you.

4. How about starting to look for what you want to do when your contract is over?

5. Personally I love to listen to music and I'm always looking for new videos on the internet. It's a good way to lose yourself for awhile.

6. What are some things you've always wanted to try? New hobbies, new sports, maybe a dance class or exercise class? Even without transportation, there are things you can do in your apartment. Have you ever tried Pilates? You will be amazed at the improvements it will make to your shape and your disposition. For that matter, why not try something like yoga or meditation? Both are good for relieving stress and can easily be done at home.

Those are just a few ideas - there are 100's of things you can do.

Exercise is good , not only for the body, it's proven that endorphins make you feel better.

Start reading books on how to improve yourself esteem. You don't need a man to validate you.
When the right one does come
Along, be a lady.

While making lunch, I thought of another idea. I love to look up and make new recipes. Do you have any interest in cooking? This can be beneficial on many levels. I like to eat in a healthy way for the most part, which just makes you feel better. You have more energy and get a certain glow about you. It's also something fun to talk about with other people, especially those that also love to cook. Something to think about when you meet new men in the future - I've never met a man who doesn't appreciate a good cook. :)

Are there people at your work that you can become friends with? You might even invite them over for dinner or make something to take into work.

One of the best ways to forget a man is to keep your mind busy and learn something new.

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

While making lunch, I thought of another idea. I love to look up and make new recipes. Do you have any interest in cooking? This can be beneficial on many levels. I like to eat in a healthy way for the most part, which just makes you feel better. You have more energy and get a certain glow about you. It's also something fun to talk about with other people, especially those that also love to cook. Something to think about when you meet new men in the future - I've never met a man who doesn't appreciate a good cook. :)

Are there people at your work that you can become friends with? You might even invite them over for dinner or make something to take into work.

One of the best ways to forget a man is to keep your mind busy and learn something new.

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Great Idea!:)

Hi, I've just been into a nasty break up with a guy who never really cared for me except he just wanted me for sex. I'm trying to survive one day at a time... and practicing the no contact rule... however, what worries me is that the guy is just around the corner... I don't know how to react when I see him especially if he is with another girl or group of common friends. What is the best approach? Should I be friendly or aloof? Do I need to say any nasty things to him? I want to feel good after I see him and not to dwell on self pity again and let him control me... please advice... thanks

Don't be friendly or aloof. He is now a stranger. Treat him like you don't know him. Don't talk to him, and don't answer if he talks first. He is invisible to you.

If you have any involvement with him at all, you are allowing him to be in control again.

What if he is with common friends? Our relationship was kept secret from other people and his friends are already asking why I'm not going out with them anymore. And I just don't know how to react if he is with friends... should I ignore him?

Wondergirl is right.Treat him like he doesn't make a difference to you,saying a hello or smiling also should be very impersonal and formal.Like you would any stranger.

The other day I came across one of my exes at a party--same case like yours,wanted me for sex only.Broke my heart bad.

I didn't expect him there and wasn't even prepared.But I was surprised at the way I felt and reacted.a)There was no feeling in me on seeing him.None of the old feelings,no clap of thunder/flash of lightning/gust of wind as in the movies:),which also helped.It may be too soon for you to get to that point though where you've got over your feelings really well.

b)I found myself being very cool,collected and formal.Thank heavens he got the hint and didn't even try coming near me once.That might work for you.If you are so formal,he might just not want to be snubbed and leave you alone.

Whatever he is/does,always hold your head high,never lose your composure and maintain your grace and dignity.

How did you feel when he didn't approached u? Did it hurt? I'm scared really... ive just been out and every time I see a red car I would really look... a part of me want to see him but I'm scared how to react... I kept on playing on my mind what to do...

Like I said,there was zero feeling.Thanks to a great support system and my own learning and growing,I get over smoothly in the end:)

But mine was long back.Give yourself time,am sure you will reach that stage of cool indifference too.But till that happens,practise being cool and composed.Use every ounce of willpower and strength to appear strong,composed and in control even though you are scared,broken and hurting inside.

Do this only to feel the satisfaction of not losing control in front of him and not giving him any control,which I am sure he wouldn't like.And then one day you will realise that faking it has taught you to become perfect in this whole retaining-control business and that's the day you know you have finally moved on.Help yourself,see yourself through this with all your heart and you'll do fine.

Thanks, I wish I can do that.. in mind I've been imagining myself doing that but I know I cant.. I just heard he was back to tennis and I feel awful and regretting breaking up with him as he has moved on easily and I don't... its crazy and hate this...