I'm not sure how to get over my ex. I've already implemented the NC rules and actually did most of that before I found this website. The hardest part for me has been knowing that he is now in a relationship with a girl he was cheating on me with. Apparently he's been seeing her for months and cheated on me several times over the 6 years we were together. It hurts me that he was so cruel, abusive and plain evil to me and yet he gets to move on and be happy with someone else. Yet, I gave him every bit of my love, support and encouragement only to be cast aside like trash. How do I get over that? I miss him so much sometimes but thinking of him with another woman kills me inside, I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. It just doesn't seem fair that I'm alone when I gave everything to him and to the relationship and he's with someone after being so horrible to me. How do I get over someone who is obviously no good for me and completely toxic. I've been tempted to text him, sometimes to tell him what a creep he's been and sometimes to tell him I miss him and still love him... but I haven't. Usually what I do is call a friend and ask them to help me avoid contacting him. But I work nights and when it's really quiet and I have no work all I can do is think of him. This nc thing is excruciatingly difficult but I know it's the best way to move forward. I'm in so much pain. It's only been 3 weeks since I moved out but he told me 3 months ago that he wanted out. I'm afraid I will never love again because when men come onto me it literally makes me nauseous and terrifies me, will I be so jaded that I'll be alone forever? BTW I should mention that I have never been dumped in my life. Usually I'm the one who ends the relationship so this is a first for me, I don't know how to deal with this pain.

It will take time, and some hard work on your part but you will recover and be better for the experience and the insights you will gain, but it will hurt for a while, so read the stickies at the front of this forum and do what all of us do when we get dumped and hurt.

Welcome to the club, you are not alone.

Time a big bunch of it right now and NC will make it better. Yes it will suck for awhile but that will pass too. Talaniman is 100% .

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Originally Posted by valkman98

Time a big bunch of it right now and NC will make it better. Yes it will suck for awhile but that will pass too. Talaniman is 100% .

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Think of the horrible way he treated you and how you are so lucky not to be in this toxic relationship anymore. He's a jerk and the sooner you realize that and move on you'll look back and think "I'm so glad I got away from him".

The new girlfriend will find that out soon enough and by that time I hope to goodness you don't go back. Work on liking yourself and find friends to spend time with. Hope you are better in a few days and you will be... Kit:)

You said all these evil things that he did to you, then you say how you miss him so much. Even if he dumped this girl and wanted to get back with you, it wouldn't work. You shouldn't even want to get back with him, you deserve SO much better. He killed the trust in your relationship, there are lots of guys who will treat you how you deserve to be treated, go find him!!

NC is hard and painful indeed, but it pays at the end. You have to be patient. A lot of us feel the same way you do, including myself. After all they have done, a word, a picture found in your computer, here you go again, missing something you really shouldn't. We tend to remember the good times and I agree with parisrose here, would you even feel comfortable if you were back to him, knowing you can't trust him?

Reading the stickies over and over again, coming here, talking to people helps me a lot. You mentioned you were used to be the one ending the relationships, ask yourself if it's not your hurt pride taking over your feelings. You will be surprised to see how strong you are. NC is the way to go if you want to heal... Don't rush and don't freak out, it's too early to feel comfortable near another man right now so what you feel is normal. Stay calm, don't listen to your impulsions and if you ever feel the urge, we are here. Good luck!

Don't grieve for someone who has treated you so badly. If he comes back and you go back into a relationship with him,you're asking to get burned.

He's verbally and emotionally abused you and I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't become physically abusive to you in the past.

Don't go back down that road.

Well his new girlfriend is an sucker. He might be happy with her now but what's to stop him from cheating on her now or down the road? She'll learn sooner or later. You're doing the right thing by calling your friends and talking about it rather than texting him. Get as much distance as you possibly can.

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Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

Well his new girlfriend is an sucker. He might be happy with her now but what's to stop him from cheating on her now or down the road? She'll learn sooner or later. You're doing the right thing by calling your friends and talking about it rather than texting him. Get as much distance as you possibly can.

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This is great advice!

I understand that you feel wronged, you have been but whatever you put into a relationship should be unconditional and its partly why you feel so hurt, you gave to the relationship with conditions, and they weren't met, he's cheated on you and this hurts you which is understandable.

You're doing good with the NC if you were to contact him again you would merely be re-opening the wounds and invalidating all the good you've done by remaining in NC.

Calling a friend is a good idea keep doing that.

When you're feeling down and hurting try to remind yourself of what he did, and that in real terms you've been let out of something that was not doing you or yourself esteem any good. Just keep telling yourself I am worth more, I am good I am better off without this cheater.

In time you'll find the right man for you, and when you do you'll be glad you got away from this other man, who had no respect for you.

It hurts I know but remember whatever hurts us makes us stronger, and its all character building stuff that will serve you well in any future relationship.

Plus you deserve more much more and in time you'll get it.

Hold on and keep doing as you are you'll get there.

Just chalk this up to a very bad experience and thank God you're out of it.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

He's verbally and emotionally abused you and I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't become physically abusive to you in the past.

Don't go back down that road.

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Kitkat you're right... he was physically abusive as well, at one point I really believed he was trying to kill me, he through me onto the sofa then started to choke me. I'm a determined strong woman so I never backed down to him and I fought back which at first I thought he respected me for it but toward the end I think he was angry about it because he couldn't control me.

Anyway, I know in my head you're all right about NC being the best route and I know I'm doing the right thing... at least my head knows that, it's my heart that can't stop wanting him back. I wish I could get my heart to the same level my head is in but I guess that will take time and patience. Patience is a trait I have never possessed.

Thank you all so much. Visiting this forum has been a salvation for my heart.

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Originally Posted by lena1024

Kitkat you're right...he was physically abusive as well, at one point I really believed he was trying to kill me, he through me onto the sofa then started to choke me. I'm a determined strong woman so I never backed down to him and I fought back which at first I thought he respected me for it but toward the end I think he was angry about it because he couldn't control me.

Anyway, I know in my head you're all right about NC being the best route and I know I'm doing the right thing...at least my head knows that, it's my heart that can't stop wanting him back. I wish I could get my heart to the same level my head is in but I guess that will take time and patience. Patience is a trait I have never possessed.

Thank you all so much. Visiting this forum has been a salvation for my heart.

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Lena... abusers do not change. I was married to one many years ago.
I got out after abuse you could never imagine. No they don't change.
Listen to me... even after all that horrible, humiliating period in my life when I did leave, I actually missed him .

That's part of the abuse, they tell you no one else will want you and they make you feel you are the one is wrong and after a while you start to think maybe I am at fault. They brainwash you and finally you're free and you still second guess yourself.

Don't ever let him do that to you again. You are someone! You are a good person and you are special. Like me you just picked the wrong guy. I met a wonderful man several years after my Divorce and we have been married a long time. The pain will go away. He hasn't crushed your spirit... God Bless You

I too was married to an abuser, and it almost cost me my life, he went to stab me, I grabbed the knife and luckily for me seeing the blood spurting out of my hand stopped him from carrying on.

So if you've been in an abusive relationship, then you've had a lucky escape.

I understand how hard it is to get over a relationship even a bad one, but you will find it does get easier, day by day you'll get over it, and look back and realise that you too had a lucky escape.

Abusers don't love their victims,
So don't be a victim be a survivor like I am, this will pass...

6 years is a long time. You have every right to feel completely crushed, mad, and lonely.

More then likely the reason he moved on so fast is because the relationship was over long before he broke up with you. It was probably over the first time he cheated on you. He may have corrected his behavior THEN, but the relationship just wasn't strong enough to keep him around.

Just think.. he'll probably cheat on the girl he's with now. Quite honestly, I think the people who constantly cheat on people aren't very happy people in the first place. Mostly with themselves. People who are true to themselves and respect others don't cheat.

Stay strong! I wish I could give you a hug right now!

Its going to take awhile to get over this. Don't expect it to go away within a couple of months. It may be a couple of years before you feel ready to put yourself into another relationship. Don't rush yourself. Rushing yourself will only make you more miserable.

Take this time to miss him. Take this time to reflect on all the good times and all the bad times. Take this time to find yourself again and find what makes you happy. Build strong relationships with your friends again. Spend some money on yourself :) Just heal.

As for the guys who hit on you.. Just forget about them. All guys are opportunists.. They're probably excited your single! When you start to feel a bit better about yourself, maybe go on a no strings attatched date. Maybe do a double date. But only when you feel as if your ready.

All those feelings will go away. Just let the pain take its course. Everything gets worse before it gets better.

Good luck :)

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Originally Posted by Lucky098

6 years is a long time. You have every right to feel completely crushed, mad, and lonely.

More then likely the reason he moved on so fast is because the relationship was over long before he broke up with you. It was probably over the first time he cheated on you. He may have corrected his behavior THEN, but the relationship just wasnt strong enough to keep him around.

Just think.. he'll probably cheat on the girl he's with now. Quite honestly, I think the people who constantly cheat on people arent very happy people in the first place. Mostly with themselves. People who are true to themselves and respect others dont cheat.

Stay strong! I wish I could give you a hug right now!

Its going to take awhile to get over this. Dont expect it to go away within a couple of months. It may be a couple of years before you feel ready to put yourself into another relationship. Dont rush yourself. Rushing yourself will only make you more miserable.

Take this time to miss him. Take this time to reflect on all the good times and all the bad times. Take this time to find yourself again and find what makes you happy. Build strong relationships with your friends again. Spend some money on yourself :) Just heal.

As for the guys who hit on you.. Just forget about them. All guys are opportunists.. They're probably excited your single! When you start to feel a bit better about yourself, maybe go on a no strings attatched date. Maybe do a double date. But only when you feel as if your ready.

All those feelings will go away. Just let the pain take its course. Everything gets worse before it gets better.

Good luck :)

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Lena stay strong. We're here for you! You can do this!

Yes I agree with Kit you can always come here when it gets too hard to bear, We are happy to help you through this in anyway we can.

You're not alone, and you're a darn sight better than that love rat ex of yours.

He will get his come uppance...

You've one thing he`ll never have and that's Integrity...

The best revenge is when he finds out how badly he messed up and you have moved on! The shoe will be on the other foot!

Or up his backside , lol

You'll find your mr right, and it'll be worth every pain or heart break you've experienced.

Wow! Thank you all so much for your encouraging words and for sharing your stories with me. Every time I start to feel lonely or just plain crazy for missing him, I come here and start to feel so much better. I can't express how much this site has helped me. I will get through this with plenty of time.

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Originally Posted by lena1024

Wow! Thank you all so much for your encouraging words and for sharing your stories with me. Everytime I start to feel lonely or just plain crazy for missing him, I come here and start to feel so much better. I can't express how much this site has helped me. I will get through this with plenty of time.

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We're here for you! We've all been through some kind of hurt and we will help you... Sweet Dreams:)

Come here anytime you feel you need us, we will be here to help you through the up days, down days, happy days and thoughtful days, and also on the day you can come here and tell us Im finally over him.

That's what this site is all about helping others through their experiences with support and understanding...

I don't believe in soul mates.

Sure... I think there are Really Special People we meet along the way that might be great fits for us...

But c'mon... a few billion people on this earth and just one is right for you? And he happens to be within ten miles of ja?

I don't buy it.

I get the pain from knowing a love is with another. Its common. The hurt is relentless. Until it isn't.

And it usually isn't when you are with someone else... or you've finally knocked down all the noise that kept you in pain...

When a love breaks up with you, its harder. First... that other person usually has been thinkig about the break longer than you... and they've cycled through the "should i or shouldnt i" noise a lot longer... to you, it is raw... to him, its at least been thought though a time or two... that's no relief of pain for you, but it does help you understand that he might be moving on before you because he was out long before you.

I remember one love playing the "i just dont want to date anyone right now" card... well, within a month she was with another guy... she'd been thinking about a break for a time... not sure of it... but thinking about it and circling around the pros and cons...

So...

Here's the truth... the father I am from past loves, in time, the easier it is... my first Really Big Love Lost? Glad she's married. Good for her. Sorry for him. Meow.

The next Big Love Lost? Same thing. Glad to think she is happy with another boy.

Same for the next.

And next.

Now.. the last Big Love Lost. Its still too raw. But in time, I trust, it will change.

So... sorry you are in this place. But it really is sometimes to be hurting and not knowing why it went "wrong"... because even if you were all in, he wasn't.

And that's on him, not you.

So... welcome to the club. We're mortal. Sometimes we call the break. Sometimes it t bones us and shakes us to the core.

Trust that you are not going to always feel like this. I damn near promise this, from my own experience... it just takes much too long to get to the better place. But it's there.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

i dont believe in soul mates.

sure... i think there are Really Special People we meet along the way that might be great fits for us...

but c'mon... a few billion people on this earth and just one is right for you? and he happens to be within ten miles of ja?

i dont buy it.

i get the pain from knowing a love is with another. its common. the hurt is relentless. until it isnt.

and it usually isnt when you are with someone else... or youve finally knocked down all the noise that kept you in pain...

when a love breaks up with you, its harder. first... that other person usually has been thinkig about the break longer than you... and they've cycled through the "should i or shouldnt i" noise a lot longer... to you, it is raw... to him, its at least been thought though a time or two... thats no relief of pain for you, but it does help you understand that he might be moving on before you because he was out long before you.

i remember one love playing the "i just dont want to date anyone right now" card... well, within a month she was with another guy... she'd been thinking about a break for a time... not sure of it... but thinking about it and circling around the pros and cons...

so...

heres the truth... the father i am from past loves, in time, the easier it is... my first Really Big Love Lost? glad shes married. good for her. sorry for him. meow.

the next Big Love Lost? same thing. glad to think she is happy with another boy.

same for the next.

and next.

now.. the last Big Love Lost. its still too raw. but in time, i trust, it will change.

so... sorry you are in this place. but it really is sometimes to be hurting and not knowing why it went "wrong"... because even if you were all in, he wasnt.

and thats on him, not you.

so... welcome to the club. we're mortal. sometimes we call the break. sometimes it t bones us and shakes us to the core.

trust that you are not going to always feel like this. i damn near promise this, from my own experience... it just takes much too long to get to the better place. but its there.

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It does take time and times goes by so slowly sometimes we wonder if it will ever end. It does.

I was with my boyfriend for 6 years. I gave so much to him in those years. He was an abused and neglected child who grew up in a violent home and he's carried that anger and violence with him his whole life. His father abused him physically, mentally and emotionally and guess what... he abused me in all the same ways. When I first met him I thought he was a complete a**hole and I hated him but after 6 months I realized it was just a front or a wall he puts up to keep people out because he's afraid of being hurt. He has a great deal of self-hatred and he thinks the whole world hates him and everyone is out to get him. I went into the relationship believing that if I gave him all the love and encouragement he never had, than I could change how he feels about himself. I truly believed I could "fix" him. I thought my love would be enough to bring him the happiness he's never had before. I talked him up all the time and told him what a good person he is inside, how good looking he is, how amazing he is as a lover... I pulled out all the stops and gave him every compliment or encouraging remark I could think of.
I gave him everything I had in me and after 6 years he left me for some lowly, trashy woman who he was cheating on me with. Then I found out from HIS friends that he'd been cheating on me for years. I only moved out 1 month ago and it is still so incredibly painful to be without him. I gave him everything I had and he turned around and cast me aside like garbage. It hurts so much and the pain is still so fresh and so raw and so unbearable sometimes. I made the mistake of thinking I could make him happy when in reality, the burden of his happiness is not mine to bear. Only he can make himself happy. I do still miss him so very much and I love him with all my heart. But I feel so betrayed and hurt I know I could never let him back into my life.
How could someone I loved for so long and gave so much of my soul to treat me that way then move on so quickly with another woman? Every single person who knew us as a couple... and I do mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON... has told me I should never have been with him, he never deserved me and I could do so much better. That only makes me wonder even more... If I was truly too good for him then why did he leave me for this classic “trailer-park-trash” woman?

*************

He left because he wasn't there to begin with.

His friends have told you that she was in the picture for years. Have you paid attention to that fact?

Let him and all of that pain go. Give yourself permission to heal. The abused person you need to take care of is yourself as you should have been doing all along.

I am going to suggest you get counseling and find a support group for abused women. I think it is very important that you realize you aren't alone or the first one to go through this.

Give yourself a chance to move forward.

I was in a relationship for many years and when we broke up I longed so badly to tell him I missed him I told my best Friend I was going to text her as if I was going to be sending it to him . Like I would text I love you so much I miss you I long to be near you and then I would send it to her .I got it off my chest and she would send me one back with supportive words understanding words , sometimes it helps because we text before all the time so it was breaking that habit as well . Friends Rock !

Hang in there Lena.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

Come here anytime you feel you need us, we will be here to help you through the up days, down days, happy days and thoughtful days, and also on the day you can come here and tell us Im finally over him.

Thats what this site is all about helping others through their experiences with support and understanding....

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I look forward to the day I can say I'm finally over him. I'm working toward that goal every single minute of the day. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by lena1024

I look forward to the day I can say I'm finally over him. I'm working toward that goal every single minute of the day. Thank you.

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You'll get there... one day at a time... we're here for you!:)

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Originally Posted by lena1024

Every single person who knew us as a couple...and I do mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON...has told me I should never have been with him, he never deserved me and I could do so much better. That only makes me wonder even more...[B]If I was truly too good for him then why did he leave me for this classic “trailer-park-trash” woman[/B]?

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There's your answer right there in the last sentence of your text as quoted above...

Threads merged. You don't have to keep starting new threads about the same thing.



It's been such a bad week for me. I've gone from sad to depressed to just plain pathetic. I can't eat, I don't sleep very well and I can't stop thinking of my ex-boyfriend John. All I can do is cry myself to sleep and hope when I wake up it will all be better.

Since he broke up with me the stress has become overwhelming. Add to the break-up the fact that I've started a new job with more responsibility and my grandmother had a stroke. Well this all lead me to start smoking. Yesterday I tried to quit and after 10 1/2 hours I became physically ill. The stress of the break-up and quitting were just too much at once and I came so close to contacting him. I wrote a text message to tell him I still love him but I didn't send it. I'd rather smoke than give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he's broken me.

Tonight I wrote a letter to my friends to vent and let out all of my sadness and it did ease the pain. I don't know where I would be without my friends and you folks on this site. This pain is just too much sometimes, I don't wish it on anyone. Not even the woman he left me for but it's only a matter of time before he does it to her... this is his pattern and he'll never change.

My ex boyfriend text me today and ask "Are you ever going to speak to me again?" I didn't respond and have no intention of ever responding. That one text was worth all the depression I have been feeling this week because of him. Now I know the bastard DOES think about me and DOES still want me in his life. Maybe his new girlfriend isn't all that he thought she would be, maybe the challenge of having both of us is over and that bothers him, maybe he misses me... poor poor baby, life's a all around. Whatever his reasons for contacting me he can go eat and howl at the moon!

I was so depressed this week, crying myself to sleep, not eating and feeling pitiful. All I've wanted to know is if he thinks of me, does he miss me, is he so happy with his new girlfriend (the trailer park trash he cheated on me with) that he no longer cares about me at all. Well my questions have been answered and I feel a huge relief. If he didn't think of me, didn't care and didn't miss me then he would never want to know if I will speak to him. He still wants me in his life but I will not be another of his ex-girlfriends to sit back and wait for him to come back. He betrayed my trust and abused me, he doesn't deserve anything I offered him and now he will always wonder and regret his actions.

You go girl! I'm applauding for you.

Kudos to you, keep it up! Don't let that scum have any part of you.

In spite of all the pain you've been through, you've got exactly the right attitude toward the jerk! Keep up the good work!

Good for you that's the spirit you're moving on, and it will be his loss, just keep on ignoring him, he deserves all he gets.


CONGRATULATIONS, You're DOING GREAT!!

Yayy!! This was great to read, I'm glad you are moving on!!

You rock Lena!

Way to go, its great when someone finally gets it and does what's best for them and not the person they've started to get over and move on from.

WooHoo...

As Kat said You Go Girl...