I had the most amazin boyfriend for 1.5 years. He cared about me so much, and I cared about him. And he knew it, for about 1 year. Then something happened in my life that changed how I thought about... everything. I became so obsessed with it, that it changed how I acted towards him. And I hurt him, many many times. And for .5 years, he put up with it. And then he broke up with me for good. He said that there came a point where he was hurt so many times that he just knew we weren't meant to be together. He wants to be friends.
I have realized my mistakes and I keep thinking about how we USED to be, and I KNOW I can be that person again. I also know he doesn't trust me right now because he has no reason to believe I won't do it to him again.
I REALLY want/need him back. Without him, I feel empty and I feel like I have lost the most important person in my life.
Do you think it's possible for me to be his friend and show him the old me? Do you think I'll eventually gain his trust back this way and eventually he'll give me another chance?

I would like to offer some sound advice, but you haven't provided any detail.

What was it that caused the breakup, and why were you treating him so badly, and when your thinking changed about 'it', what does that mean.

Hindsight is 20/20. What did you do that was so bad?

I have strict parents and they don't let me date and they only care about grades and they were very disappointed with me about my fall semester grades that all I could think about was making them proud. And I neglected him and yelled at him a lot.

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Originally Posted by trulysorry

i have strict parents and they don't let me date and they only care about grades and they were very disappointed with me about my fall semester grades that all i could think about was making them proud. and i neglected him and yelled at him alot.

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How old are you and how old is he? If yelling at someone is all you did... then why would he not want to see you again?

I am 20. He is 21.
I just yelled at him A lot. I took a lot of my frustration and anger out on him for half a year. He said he is relieved to be single because he no longer feels constantly worried about getting yelled at or disappointing me.
He felt that as my boyfriend, he was supposed to take all this anger and frustration away from me and he didn't. I didn't really need him to make all my problems go away. I just needed him to BE THERE next to me, which he was, and that was good enough for me. But it wasn't good enough for him.

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Originally Posted by trulysorry

i am 20. he is 21.
i just yelled at him ALOT. i took a lot of my frustration and anger out on him for half a year. he said he is relieved to be single because he no longer feels constantly worried about getting yelled at or disappointing me.
he felt that as my bf, he was supposed to take all this anger and frustration away from me and he didn't. i didn't really need him to make all my problems go away. i just needed him to BE THERE next to me, which he was, and that was good enough for me. but it wasn't good enough for him.

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He is probably trying to move on with his life. Give him the time and if it's meant to be it will happen.

For six months you took all your anger and frustration out on him, and eventually he got tired of being your punching bag.

At least you can see what drove him away. As to your question, "i want him back, I need him... what do I do". (Italics mine).

The point is, he doesn't need you any longer. He was in a relationship that was all give and little take. While he took your abuse and helped you as you said, his needs were not met. He was belittled and deflated with the yelling, not to mention knocks to his dignity; there was very little in this relationship over the past six months, that he didn't see as negative.

How can he predict the future. How does he know that next week, or next month he's going to be facing the same when you have anger and frustration over your problems.

I realize you have some remorse, and that you probably miss him terribly. The whole relationship wasn't 'bad', but the last six months caused the end of it.

Take what you have learned, especially the insight into your own behaviour, to build a healthier relationship the next time.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

For six months you took all your anger and frustration out on him, and eventually he got tired of being your punching bag.

At least you can see what drove him away. As to your question, "i want him back, i need him.....what do I do". (Italics mine).

The point is, he doesn't need you any longer. He was in a relationship that was all give and little take. While he took your abuse and helped you as you said, his needs were not met. He was belittled and deflated with the yelling, not to mention knocks to his dignity; there was very little in this relationship over the past six months, that he didn't see as negative.

How can he predict the future. How does he know that next week, or next month he's going to be facing the same when you have anger and frustration over your problems.

I realize you have some remorse, and that you probably miss him terribly. The whole relationship wasn't 'bad', but the last six months caused the end of it.

Take what you have learned, especially the insight into your own behaviour, to build a healthier relationship the next time.

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Jake is right.. Learn from this.

But what if I learn from this and GIVE him everything for the next couple months... show him that I'm sorry.

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Originally Posted by trulysorry

but what if i learn from this and GIVE him everything for the next couple months... show him that i'm sorry.

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If he doesn't want to try again, how can you do that? Has he given you any indication at all of wanting to try again?

He didn't say he wanted to try again. He told me he believed that if we were meant to be together, we will be, even if it means later. He told me he still likes me and cares about me a lot.

There is nothing wrong with saying you are sorry, and providing some insight to him that shows you understand that what you did was wrong. If he knows you well, he will appreciate your candor and honesty in putting the truth on the table.

You have not solved how you deal with anger and frustration, and that was the biggest factor in how you ended up treating him.

If there was something specific that changed you during the past six months, maybe now you are reaching a point where you can deal with it. If however, you have always had this edge to you when things go wrong, no amount of apologizing will take that trait away.

What will help you is learning how to control your own emotions. You might consider taking some therapy for those specific issues. It is not as hard as you think to learn new and appropriate was to deal with anger and frustration. If you want to change you can change. But, none of us are born with instruction books. This is something you need to learn.

I think of it as an investment. In your own happiness for sure, but also you will have much more rewarding and richer relationships. Down the road when you have babies, you will need those skills to cope with motherhood too.

Maybe try to speak to him with the truth. I think that he sounds like a very patient man, and with any luck, he will listen and appreciate what you have to say.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

There is nothing wrong with saying you are sorry, and providing some insight to him that shows you understand that what you did was wrong. If he knows you well, he will appreciate your candor and honesty in putting the truth on the table.

You have not solved how you deal with anger and frustration, and that was the biggest factor in how you ended up treating him.

If there was something specific that changed you during the past six months, maybe now you are reaching a point where you can deal with it. If however, you have always had this edge to you when things go wrong, no amount of apologizing will take that trait away.

What will help you is learning how to control your own emotions. You might consider taking some therapy for those specific issues. It is not as hard as you think to learn new and appropriate was to deal with anger and frustration. If you want to change you can change. But, none of us are born with instruction books. This is something you need to learn.

I think of it as an investment. In your own happiness for sure, but also you will have much more rewarding and richer relationships. Down the road when you have babies, you will need those skills to cope with motherhood too.

Maybe try to speak to him with the truth. I think that he sounds like a very patient man, and with any luck, he will listen and appreciate what you have to say.

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Very True... I wish you luck

You have not earned anything if you are trying to intrude in his life after he has told you he's done.
When you learn a lesson it does not always mean you can then get what you want.
Some times you learn and then do better down the line.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You have not earned anything if you are trying to intrude in his life after he has told you he's done.
When you learn a lesson it does not always mean you can then get what you want.
Some times you learn and then do better down the line.

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Homegirl is right... you learn and do better.

What if you give him everything for 2 months and then you get more pressure to please your parents or your granny or your cat, are you going to go back to being cruel and thoughtless towards this young man.

Probably, and I say this because you subjected him treatment that was less than equal in thought compassion or even as a human, and you can't do that to people, they're not there for you to use and abuse as you want, at anytime you have something else to occupy your mind or self. The world doesn't revolve around you.

Sorry you treated him like a doormat or similar for 6 months, then you have to learn to accept that he's had enough, and remember this in any future relationship, just as males cannot treat females like dirt it also works in reverse.

You've possibly destroyed his faith in females.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

What if you give him everything for 2 months and then you get more pressure to please your parents or your granny or your cat, are you going to go back to being cruel and thoughtless towards this young man.

Probably, and I say this because you subjected him treatment that was less than equal in thought compassion or even as a human, and you can't do that to people, theyre not there for you to use and abuse as you want, at anytime you have something else to occupy your mind or self. The world doesnt revolve around you.

Sorry you treated him like a doormat or similar for 6 months, then you have to learn to accept that hes had enough, and remember this in any future relationship, just as males cannot treat females like dirt it also works in reverse.

Youve possibly destroyed his faith in females.

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What he is trying to tell you is; he is through. He's trying to let you down easy. Leave him alone and get on with your life.

Deal with how you handle stress and pressure before you worry abut trying to get some one back who you have abused for nothing. Chasing him and making promises never works out, so leave him alone NOW!!

You have to change for yourself.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Deal with how you handle stress and pressure before you worry abut trying to get some one back who you have abused for nothing. Chasing him and making promises never works out, so leave him alone NOW!!!

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I really agree with this. I went through a divorce and I have realized that sometimes in life all you get out of a broken relationship is a window into a part of your soul... you learn things about yourself that you didn't know before. Sometimes your heart aches so much because you long to have an opportunity to amend some of the wrongs you committed against the one you loved... "please give me one chance; I can change." But no amount of begging or pleading can create such an opportunity again when it's over.

I know it's tough to let go because in some respects, I haven't fully let go of my loss either. But I'm learning that accepting the loss is necessary to move on. I'm also learning that I have to face directly into the pain and see what I did wrong and try to learn from my mistakes. And I also think that in some respects I haven't fully learned all of my lessons yet. It's best to be on my own for now and learn and heal. Maybe you can take a page from my book.

I know it hurts my friend; believe me I do. But we all have to work through these hurts in life and move on and I hope you are able to.

Live well.

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Originally Posted by jakester

I really agree with this. I went through a divorce and I have realized that sometimes in life all you get out of a broken relationship is a window into a part of your soul...you learn things about yourself that you didn't know before. Sometimes your heart aches so much because you long to have an opportunity to amend some of the wrongs you committed against the one you loved..."please give me one chance; I can change." But no amount of begging or pleading can create such an opportunity again when it's over.

I know it's tough to let go because in some respects, I haven't fully let go of my loss either. But I'm learning that accepting the loss is necessary to move on. I'm also learning that I have to face directly into the pain and see what I did wrong and try to learn from my mistakes. And I also think that in some respects I haven't fully learned all of my lessons yet. It's best to be on my own for now and learn and heal. Maybe you can take a page from my book.

I know it hurts my friend; believe me I do. But we all have to work through these hurts in life and move on and I hope you are able to.

Live well.

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So very true.. Very heartfelt and honest.

Me and my boyfriend broke up... 2 weeks ago.
And I'm finally accepting it and trying to move on. But he likes this other girl and he thinks there could be something there. But all I can think about is them making out and getting all physical and THAT's driving me insane...

I'm sorry, but you have to get over it. He's not your boyfriend any more. Get over him and start looking for someone else.

There are loads of things you could be doing instead of listening to sad music,picturing your ex with some else,and generally feeling like crap.

It hurts,and I'm not taking that away from you,but if you don't change the way your thinking it will really start to affect your life.

Throw yourself into work,school,join the gym or start running or walking,at least you will be able to sleep and the exercise is great to release those feel good hormones.

Arrange a night in with the girls,pizza and a good comedy.

Get some emotional support,and do not check Facebook,etc for news of him.

This is your time,to start healing and get back to you.

Get on with your life and don't check up on his. If anyone wants to talk to you about him, say "I don't want to hear it"
Hang out with your girl friends. Sitting around and doing nothing forces your mind to wonder to him and that is just not healthy.

As much as it hurts there's just no point in wasting your energy over something you have no control over.

No Contact and stop trying to find out what he's up to , and before you know it you won't care.

I think you need time, and other things to do that you enjoy, with people you enjoy doing things with.

Two weeks is not a lot of time when you think about it. Maybe you need more, without contact from him.

Read the stickies in this forum.

You have to accept that it is over.
I'm sorry you're hurting and I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I know words can't do that.

I hope you will move on as soon as you can and you'll find each day it will get better.

It really does get easier as each day passes, one day soon you'll go the whole day without thinking of the ex, then it'll be 2 days and so on.

It hurts now but that too will become less and more bearable as each day you stick to NC passes too, but you've got to stick with the NC rules.

If you fall off the rails in NC you're undoing everything you'll have achieved until then.

You'll get there and when you do you'll wonder why you were even bothered...

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

It really does get easier as each day passes, one day soon youll go the whole day without thinking of the ex, then itll be 2 days and so on.

It hurts now but that too will become less and more bearable as each day you stick to NC passes too, but youve got to stick with the NC rules.

If you fall off the rails in NC youre undoing everything youll have achieved until then.

Youll get there and when you do youll wonder why you were even bothered....

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As positive said don't break NC. It will only make it harder!