My boyfriend is amazing. He is smart, he is funny, he is handsome, he is educated, he is charming, and he knows it. He really is everything I hope for in a man. The problem is, he gets mad at me about EVERYTHING. We argue almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day. He tends to bring up past arguments over and over again, and gets mad about the littlest things. When we argue he says really hurtful things. Tells me to stop talking, always tells me I'm not right for him if I can't make the changes he wants me to make ( like I'm not allowed to hang out with anyone without first telling him who and where. And there better not be guys there. Also I'm not allowed to hang out with my gay best friend who I have known for 10 years because he is a guy... ) He says things in an argument that make me cry and cut me deep. He will ask me questions like "Tiffany, were you wrong, yes or no." if I try to explain my perspective he will cut me off and say "stop talking. YES, or NO. I don't want your explaination. A lot of times it's things i really don't feel should be a major issue. Like someone I know walks by while we are sitting at starbucks and i say hi for a second. This person was a man. I guess in saying hi, I am an untrustworthy attention starved little girl. That may be a direct quote. He really hurts me, and I try to tell him in the most tender way, "you're hurting me. Your tone hurts and the harsh things you say hurt. They stick with me for days, weeks even." he continues to do it anyways. I feel like when I am most vulnerable, he tells me I'm too much. Or what I'm doing isn't working for him. These words are so hurtful. It makes me feel like i'm not captivating, or alluring to him. I want to be the Beauty. I want to be admired for my heart, and my efforts, and pursued. Not reminded on a daily basis of every single time I've wronged him, or the many ways I evidently fail him. I made a frozen pizza one night and accidentily burned it and he was so mad at me. I immediately went to the store and bought a new one and made it, and he did apologize. That's the thing. He will hurt me, but then once he "wins" the argument, and I'm in tears or begging him to stay, he will relax, smoke a cigarette and then apologize and tell me how much he loves me. Then he goes on pretending nothing ever happened, until our next argument where he will bring up that argument, and every previous one where I was "wrong". It hurts. How can I soften him up. He's a military man, and very traditional. He is 28 and I am 23. We do not live together, though we stay most nights together. He stays at my apartment often.He is much more successful in his life thus far than I am, and he points this out to me often in little ways. (mind you he has 5 years on me, and his family really set him up for success. I am an orphan. Never had a dad, and my mom died when I was 15. Not really setting me up for success.) How do I get through to his heart in an argument. He is the sweetest most endearing man when he is happy, but whenever he is mad he is so hurtful... how do I bring out his tenderness??

Your in an extremely abusive situation.

The only way to get him to stop being angry is by ending this toxic relationship.

By walking out and ending it and saying its over, and over for good.

This is your only option unless you want to continue living in hell.

Your boyfriend is definitely abusive. Right now it’s verbal/emotional abuse, but could easily change to physical abuse.

It is possible for him to change but is it likely? NO! It takes years of therapy and commitment to change such ingrained behaviors. It can be beaten into him that it is bad behavior but getting him to actually change and not just have him pretend that he has changed are very different animals.

Emotional/verbal abuse wears away at your self-confidence and sense of self-worth. All the constant isolation (from family and friends), berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance" or teaching, the results are similar. Eventually, you will lose all sense of self and all remnants of personal value.

Don’t allow him to do this to you. You really need to end this relationship NOW before it’s too late.

This is the beginning of a very volatile situation. This is the beginning of the circle of abuse. It's time to get out now before you have children tied into this relationship.

He, not you, is the problem. Run, run as fast as you can and don't look back. You are worth diamonds and gold. I see that just from how you expressed yourself in your explanation of your situation. Treat yourself like the special gift you are.

I agree with the previous posts, although I think, even though you have spoken to him about how hurtful the things are that he says and does, I think you need to take the time and lay it out for him one last time and let him know that if that does change, you won't be around any longer.

This will comfort your mind, because you laid it all out there and gave him the ultimatum, regardless of what the result is. You will be able to feel like you did all that you could and that nothing was left in the dark.

Nobody deserves to be treated like this, and I'm guessing that he has never had to settle for not having things go his way, and has never had to really answer to anyone or face an ultimatum like this, therefore he feels that since you stick around through all of the insults and harmful words, that you will never leave.

That has to change, or you are done, and you have to stick to your guns. Good luck

You got to stand up for yourself. I think the only way to do that is to end this relationship. He doesn't respect you and won't because you let him and it will get worse and worse. You got two choices, put up with it or get out. I would pick the latter if I were you.

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Originally Posted by thadevilsadvocate

I agree with the previous posts, although I think, even though you have spoken to him about how hurtful the things are that he says and does, I think you need to take the time and lay it out for him one last time and let him know that if that does change, you won't be around any longer.

This will comfort your mind, because you laid it all out there and gave him the ultimatum, regardless of what the end result is. You will be able to feel like you did all that you could and that nothing was left in the dark.

Nobody deserves to be treated like this, and I'm guessing that he has never had to settle for not having things go his way, and has never had to really answer to anyone or face an ultimatum like this, therefore he feels that since you stick around through all of the insults and harmful words, that you will never leave.

That has to change, or you are done, and you have to stick to your guns. good luck

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I think once the respect is gone it's very hard to get it back. But it's worth a try, the op got nothing to lose.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

I think once the respect is gone it's very hard to get it back. But it's worth a try, the op got nothing to lose.

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Unfortunately, she has a lot to lose. He could very easily turn violent if she confronts him directly, the way you suggested. Being that he's in the military, he's likely had training on how to cause the most pain in the least amount of time. She needs to cut and run.


t, you need to find the courage to leave him. You need to tell someone what he's like, then break up with him. Have friends stay at your house if you don't feel safe, or stay at theirs. File a restraining order against him. He's likely to get violent after you dump him. You just need to get out of this relationship.

Your story is very similar to another that was started here a couple days ago. Do me, and yourself, a favor, and go read it. There are things that were said there that I think you need to hear. I also think that reading her story will help you a lot.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-465438.html

There's nothing to indicate that he violent and physically abuse her. She either leave or talk to him and hope he change. She got nothing to lose either way.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

There's nothing to indicate that he violent and physically abuse her. She either leave or talk to him and hope he change. She got nothing to lose either way.

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Actually there is a lot telling us that he is, or will become, violent. The fact that she has to report to him of her whereabouts is just one point. It seems that he is trying to distance her from her friends. This is just one of the steps before a relationship becomes violent.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

She either leave or talk to him and hope he change. She got nothing to lose either way.

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She's been there and done that multiple times, but no changes (not lasting, at least). She's already lost her self esteem. What else should she risk losing -- her teeth? Her life?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

She's been there and done that multiple times, but no changes (not lasting, at least). She's already lost her self esteem. What else should she risk losing -- her teeth? her life?

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The LEAST she will lose is her faith in humanity. The MINUTE he hits her, that will be gone.

If she tries to make him hear her out, or insists on pursuing a topic he doesn't like, then chances are that he WILL hit her. All the signs are there. All the red flags.

The scariest part, is that he has military training to back up his abuse. If he hits her, then it will likely hurt a lot more than if the average joe did so. Even if he uses an open hand, there's still a lot more muscle behind it than most people have.

Have we forgotten that the OP came to this site, which goes to show that she is not wanting to be done with the relationship just quite yet. If she was completely content with that decision, then she would have acted on that rather than coming here. Of course it is possible that he could physically abuse her, however, no more so than the possibility that it could have occurred at any point during the relationship.

Keep in mind that her question was, "How can I bring out his tenderness?", indicating that she is not content with just up and leaving. I completely agree that his treatment of her is unjust, cruel and controlling, however, she is wanting to know how to get to him, in order to see if he is going to open up and be kinder to her... thus, if she lays out the ultimatim for him, then she has made that attempt. That is the last step, and then she should know from that point forward that she should disconnect herself. If her question were, "should I get the heck out of here or what?", thus indicating that she is considering getting the heck out of dodge, then your guidance would be suitable.

I have been in a very similar situation. He was a military guy and older than me as well. You need to understand that walking away will be really really hard and that it may take more than one try (it took me like six or seven) but its something you have to do because it will never change and it will never get better. You need to believe that you deserve more, because you do. Everyone deserves to be loved the same way that they love. Period. When I finally left, I still cried all the time, called him, missed him, all of that. But I stayed with a very good friend (for almost the entire year) and she helped me and she never got fed up at hearing the same ole story. I owe her sooo much. And one day, I realized that I hadn't cried in a week... and that I didn't think about him every night as I was going to sleep anymore... and that I was happier the way I was now than I ever was when I was with him. Its been two years now and when I look back, it hurts me to see the way I let him treat me. You will realize that its not OK and that you don't want a life like that, no matter how happy you are when he's being nice. It will be one of the hardest things you do, and you will hurt really bad, but one day, you'll get better. And you'll thank God that you had the strength to walk away and demand the kind of life you really deserve.

I am so sorry for you, because you love this man.

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He is smart, he is funny, he is handsome, he is educated, he is charming, and he knows it. He really is everything I hope for in a man. The problem is, he gets mad at me about EVERYTHING. We argue almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day.

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Sadly, he is a HUGE control freak. I'd like you to go to any website that describes narcissistic personality disorder and see if any of the behavior described sounds familiar. I'm not saying your BF has NPD, but I'm suggesting there are similar traits.

You must understand that it's not sustainable for you to be in relationship where your BF gets mad at you about everything. Be realistic... where does this leave you in terms of feeling comfortable, feeling confident, feeling independent and most importantly feeling love.

Someone that gets mad at you about everything and tries to control everythign you do leaves you in a constant state of anxiety so that you feel you're under siege. This isn't a relationship, it's a dictatorship.

If this man really had a heart you would have seen it by now, and I am unsure whether he has any tenderness to give you. You have already appealed to his heart...

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I try to tell him in the most tender way, "you're hurting me. Your tone hurts and the harsh things you say hurt. They stick with me for days, weeks even." he continues to do it anyway. I feel like when I am most vulnerable, he tells me I'm too much. Or what I'm doing isn't working for him.

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If he really cared about you, why would he continue to behave this way - to hurt you?

All I can suggest is that you both go to counselling. Perhaps this will be the litmus test in terms of what he is prepared to do for you.

Sadly, I suspect he believes that there is nothing wrong with him.

ACTUALLY, I have to disagree with a few posters here. Stating that because of military training its unlikely that he will be physically abusive. That is such a crock. Military training, training to be able to kill. Military training gives this person the upper hand in many ways including physical.

I can name many cases in the army where people have turned out to be rapists and murderers even though they wear that uniform and claim to protect our countries.

I am not saying that all of them are abusive but it is clearly in this case to be factually true.

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper1976

ACTUALLY, I have to disagree with a few posters here. Stating that because of military training its unlikely that he will be physically abusive. That is such a crock. Military training, training to be able to kill. Military training gives this person the upper hand in many ways including physical.

I can name many cases in the army where people have turned out to be rapists and murderers even though they wear that uniform and claim to protect our countries.

I am not saying that all of them are abusive but it is clearly in this case to be factually true.

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There's no indication that he physically abuse her. That's the worse case scenario. Just because he's verbally abusive doesn't mean he'll become violent.


I can give you an example. Some managers are known to be verbally abusive, does that mean that they'll beat you up if you did something wrong? Of course not, at least not in North America. If you standup and talk back to the boss, the worse he'll do is fire you.

In this scenario, if she talk to him, the worse he'll do is end the relationship because he doesn't care but at least she get her dignity back.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

There's no indication that he physically abuse her. That's the worse case scenario. Just because he's verbally abusive doesn't mean he'll become violent.


I can give you an example. Some managers are known to be verbally abusive, does that mean that they'll beat you up if you did something wrong? Of course not, at least not in North America. If you standup and talk back to the boss, the worse he'll do is fire you.

In this scenario, if she talk to him, the worse he'll do is end the relationship because he doesn't care but at least she get her dignity back.

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How old are you hung? Do you have any training and background in abuse? I do. This is a volatile situation to say the least. She needs to get out now before it gets worse.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

There's no indication that he physically abuse her. That's the worse case scenario. Just because he's verbally abusive doesn't mean he'll become violent.


I can give you an example. Some managers are known to be verbally abusive, does that mean that they'll beat you up if you did something wrong? Of course not, at least not in North America. If you standup and talk back to the boss, the worse he'll do is fire you.

In this scenario, if she talk to him, the worse he'll do is end the relationship because he doesn't care but at least she get her dignity back.

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No, the worse he'll do is beat her to a bloody pulp and send her to the emergency room.

The sad fact is that MOST verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling relationships evolve into physically abusive relationships.

You're assuming that because he hasn't hit her, that he won't. That's simply not true. He has ALL the hallmarks of a physically abusive partner. He just hasn't escalated to that point. Yet. Confronting him could very likely push him over the edge and to that point, and she will be the target.

Let me break this down for you all.

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Originally Posted by trs22

We argue almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day.

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red flag #1

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Originally Posted by trs22

When we argue he says really hurtful things.

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One of the trademarks of an abuser. It starts with verbally hurting the partner before it escalates.

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Originally Posted by trs22

( like i'm not allowed to hang out with anyone without first telling him who and where. and there better not be guys there.

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This is the beginning of the controlling and the isolating.

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Originally Posted by trs22

like i'm not allowed to hang out with anyone without first telling him who and where.

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Real partners don't control who their partner sees. ALLOW is not a word in the relationship dictionary.

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Originally Posted by trs22

He will ask me questions like "Tiffany, were you wrong, yes or no." if I try to explain my perspective he will cut me off and say "stop talking. YES, or NO. I don't want your explaination.

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He is NOT her father. He has NO right to talk to her in this manner.

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Originally Posted by trs22

He will hurt me, but then once he "wins" the argument, and I'm in tears or begging him to stay, he will relax, smoke a cigarette and then apologize and tell me how much he loves me.

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This is called the honeymoon cycle in the circle of abuse. Once this circle has run its course, the snowball starts rolling again, but this time it gains strength and speed.

Look at this website. It will give you more insight to exactly what is going on.

Domestic Violence-Cycle

I am trained in abuse. I know the signs to look for. This is a very serious situation and she does NOT need to confront him. She needs to get out NOW!

This is an even BETTER website. Be sure to read it all.

Leaving An Abusive Relationship | Safety for Abused and Battered Women

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Psychological and emotional battering, through verbal abuse, accompanies physical battering. It kills your spirit. It cripples your self-esteem and your sense of self-worth. In many ways, this type of abuse does far more damage and long-term devastation than do physical blows. Unfortunately, with this type of abuse, it can't be recognized as easily as a black eye, a bruise or a broken bone... and it almost always occurs behind closed doors.

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Originally Posted by J_9

How old are you hung? Do you have any training and background in abuse? I do. This is a volatile situation to say the least. She needs to get out now before it gets worse.

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I've been there and seen enough to know that verbally abusive does not necessarily lead to physical abuse. I know there are couples out there that argue all the time, one of them is my friend and sometime can be verbally abusive but the worse that can happen is they end the relationship because they can't take it anymore. Is he like that in all relationships? Of course not. Anyone can be verbally abusive if they are push to the limit. Does that mean they are going to hit someone? Maybe, maybe not.


I know you are an expert in what you do but are experts right 100% of the time? Of course not.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

I know you are an expert in what you do but are experts right 100% of the time? Of course not.

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Heck, No. Experts are not right 100% of the time. And I'll be the first to admit that I am not always right. Heck, I make mistakes all the time!

However, with my background and training, I can tell you that this situation is very volatile. It's like waving a match over gasoline.

This is an explosion waiting to happen.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

I've been there and seen enough to know that verbally abusive does not necessarily lead to physical abuse. I know there are couples out there that argue all the time, one of them is my friend and sometime can be verbally abusive but the worse that can happen is they end the relationship because they can't take it anymore. Is he like that in all relationships? Of course not. Anyone can be verbally abusive if they are push to the limit. Does that mean they are going to hit someone? Maybe, maybe not.


I know you are an expert in what you do but are experts right 100% of the time? Of course not.

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And there you have the difference. This guy is NOT being pushed. He is emotionally and verbally abusive WITHOUT PROVOCATION! He attacks and controls her to the point where she is afraid to talk to people because he might take it as flirting. He has isolated her from her friends. He monitors and controls her every move and moment. It's all those COMBINED with the unprovoked arguing that send up the red flags.

You need to stop focusing on one fact and look at the ENTIRE picture. She is in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship with a very controlling and jealous individual. If she confronts him, he WILL attack. While that attack may not be physical, there's a very good chance that it will be. It's not a chance worth taking.

Would you be able to live with the guilt of knowing that taking your advice got her physically injured, if not hospitalized? no. in cases like this, it's ALWAYS better to assume that he may take the next step into being physically violent. The consequences of ignoring that possibility are too great, and will be an innocent person that will have to live (or possibly, die) with them, not us.



j, do you know how to find a link to j-lo's thread from several months ago? Maybe reading her story will help put this one into perspective for hung.

Edit: I found her original thread, but the one where her friend told us what had happened seems to be gone.

I beg to differ with you HUNG . J-9 knows about what she is saying so don't knock the experts. TRS22 Let me tell you what will happen next!The emotional abuse is worse sometimes than physical abuse. When he snaps it will turn physical and I pray to God you leave before there are children.


After the first slap or and the first black eye or busted lip he'll cry and say how sorry he is. You'll forgive and then it will happen again. He will alienate you from your friends and you'll learn his mood by the way he drives in the driveway.
Then comes the worst part... walking on eggshells cause you're afraid you might set him off.

God help you if you're not like a servant.. fixing his plate and taking off his boots. You have learned not to fight back, it only makes it worse.
Different ER's using different names so the Dr. won't make the connection. You are two-thousand miles from home and you know your stuck.

Finally you have a child and one night he is drinking and starts screaming at a tiny sick baby. That's when you find the strength to fight back and leave. Yes he was in the Military at the time. That was many,many years ago and I wouldn't wish that MISERABLE, LIVING, HELL on my worst enemy.

You get out and get out fast.:mad:

To Hung.. have you ever been beaten? Have you ever had to run out of your house
Ihe middle of the night with a broken rib and a mouth so swollen you couldn't eat?

You are being verbally and emotionally abused.

Don't wait around for it to escalate into physical abuse,as it most likely will.


Walk away.

That's your opinion,which I completely disagree with.

All the red flags are there,the next step may well be a push,a slap or worse.

Even if this were not to happen,nobody should stay in a relationship where they are being emotionally and verbally abused.

And that is what he is doing.

They are not having 'normal' arguments or heated discussions,he is using his anger to control her.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

This guys got a lot going for him and she doesn't as she stated. Why would he beat her up and cause all the trouble while he can just end the relationship and move on. I agree that he's a control freak but it's because they are not compatible. Like I said, anyone can get verbally abusive if they are push to the limit. In this case he's not happy with what she do for him. The worse that can happen is they will end the relationship.


She's more worry about him leaving her than the physical abusing part which you don't know if it will happened.


I am not knocking the expert. I am sure you are good at what you do but you're not a mind reader. What she wrote is one thing but you don't even know the guy and some people are not capable of raising their hand on someone.

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Guys like him are everywhere. You don't have to push a bully to the limit.. because that's what abusers are.. bullies. They look for someone who is vulnerable and they absolutely push them to the limit. They are intimidated by a woman who talks back. Therefore they start the verbal abuse, telling how incompetent she is at everything. Then slow
They take away your self-confidence and freedom. Hiding or taking the car keys.
The emotional abuse is worse, cause it leaves scars inside and it takes
You years to get it back. So Hung you have given me a Reddie for telling the truth... Well let me tell you this.. You say she's afraid he's going to leave her.. THAT IS PART OF IT! They make you feel as though you can't live without them and you are so brainwashed even when you leave them, after all the abuse.. when you finally come home, far away from him.. he still leaves you wondering ,did I do the right thing!

Don't you dare tell this girl she isn't in danger... she is!

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Guys like him are everywhere. You don't have to push a bully to the limit..because that's what abusers are..bullies. They look for someone who is vulnerable and they absolutely push them to the limit. They are intimidated by a woman who talks back. Therefore they start the verbal abuse, telling how incompetent she is at everything. Then slow
they take away your self-confidence and freedom. Hiding or taking the car keys.
The emotional abuse is worse, cause it leaves scars inside and it takes
you years to get it back. So Hung you have given me a Reddie for telling the truth...Well let me tell you this..You say she's afraid he's going to leave her..THAT IS PART OF IT! They make you feel as though you can't live without them and you are so brainwashed even when you leave them, after all the abuse..when you finally come home, far away from him..he still leaves you wondering ,did I do the right thing!

Don't you dare tell this girl she isn't in danger...she is!

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I have to spread the love Kity. This girl IS in danger. The physical abuse may not start this week, or next month, but the potential is there.

While I speak from education, you speak from experience. There is nothing better than experience.

... and you have all successfully just wasted two pages of not even addressing her original question. It is pretty clear she is not emotionally prepared to leave, so instead of bickering over attempting to read the future ans acting as though you KNOW what his next actions are going to be, why don't you spend that time and energy addressing the op's original question. You are all jumping to conclusions and your arguments are as factual as calling a red apple, green. He is controlling but is not abusive and has shown no signs of even considering to bw physical. You need to quit stereotyping just because he is military... no matter what angle you view this from or how you trained you are in this area... in no area of expertise is stereotyping and assuming acceptable.

We aren't stereotyping because he is military. I live in a military town and know very few men like this. Actually, most men I do know that are like this come from a variety of backgrounds.

We are just warning her of what her future may be. It's obvious she is not happy now, we need to let her know that this behavior is not going to change.

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Originally Posted by trs22

We argue almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day. He tends to bring up past arguments over and over again, and gets mad about the littlest things. Tells me to stop talking, always tells me I'm not right for him if i can't make the changes he wants me to make ( like i'm not allowed to hang out with anyone without first telling him who and where. and there better not be guys there. Also I'm not allowed to hang out with my gay best friend who i have known for 10 years because he is a guy...) I am an untrustworthy attention starved little girl. He really hurts me, and I try to tell him in the most tender way, "you're hurting me. I made a frozen pizza one night and accidentally burned it and he was so mad at me. I immediately went to the store and bought a new one and made it, and he did apologize.

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Well that in a nut shell in her own words. I highlighted some of the red flags. She is in an abusive relationship. Emotional abuse can be more harmful then physical, but all these red flags point to physical abuse down the road, or even physical abuse that has already happened but was not talked about yet.

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Originally Posted by thadevilsadvocate

....and you have all successfully just wasted two pages of not even addressing her original question. It is pretty clear she is not emotionally prepared to leave, so instead of bickering over attempting to read the future ans acting as though you KNOW what his next actions are going to be, why dont you spend that time and energy addressing the op's original question. you are all jumping to conclusions and your arguments are as factual as calling a red apple, green. he is controlling but is not abusive and has shown no signs of even considering to bw physical. you need to quit stereotyping just because he is military....no matter what angle you view this from or how you trained you are in this area.....in no area of expertise is stereotyping and assuming acceptable.

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I know what happens next... All the signs are there... I'm trained in nothing. I was married to a guy who could be the carbon copy of this guy. He left scars on my body and inside my heart that took years to heal.

You can disagree if you wish but ALL THE SIGNs are there. I'm no expert
I just know what it's like to be scared to to do anything when he said not too. No calling home.. it cost too much... no friends.. he was in the Military and didn't want his reputation as a wife beater to be known. Beer poured in my face and eyes black.

When I finally got up the courage to leave, I walked through one of the biggest airports in the U.S carrying my child and a purse without a red cent in it. My dad had prepaid a ticket for me to get home. I looked like a war victim and people helped me with my luggage . So don't say what you don't know. I DO know, but all the red flags point to this girls life
Being in danger. I've already got one reddie today so give
Me another.

If I help this girl get away from that man.. it'll be worth a thousand reddies.

... then the advice you giving her, in regarsa to considering leaving him should be based solely on the likelihood that his issues with being verbally abusive may never change... we have evidence that he is verbally abusive and can support our reasoning with that information... regardless of being trained to kill, if being military had anything to do with the likelihood of being physically abusive. Then we wouldn't have too many military men left in the military.

SO perhaps she should consider leaving because he is verbally abusive. And that advice is just... but to attempt to advise her beyond that. Would be unjust and elementary.

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Originally Posted by thadevilsadvocate

...then the advice you giving her, in regarsa to considering leaving him should be based solely on the likelihood that his issues with being verbally abusive may never change.......we have evidence that he is verbally abusive and can support our reasoning with that information.....regardless of being trained to kill, if being military had anything to do with the likelihood of being physically abusive. then we wouldnt have too many military men left in the military.

SO perhaps she should consider leaving because he is verbally abusive. and that advice is just.....but to attempt to advise her beyond that. would be unjust and elementary.

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I don't agree... I think any advice to leave a control freak who dominates her and emotionally and verbally abuses her is good enough reason to LEAVE. It WILL ESCULATE... I'D BET THE FARM ON IT! Are you a therapist?

To the OP...

Do you see your relationship here? The Cycle of Abuse | Domestic Violence Wheel | Emotionally Battered Women

What about here?

Signs of An Abused Woman | Battered Women | Emotional, Psychological and Mental Abuse

Edit:

Anytime you are in a relationship with someone who insults you, criticizes you, keeps you away from your friends, you are afraid to talk to him and you still think he is wonderful, you are a victim of abuse.

He probably has not hit her because she backs down, she does not confront him. He can control her with words right now. I would bet anything that the moment she does speak up, he will get physical with her.

I would not advise anyone to stay in a relationship where they are treated so poorly. This not a matter of someone who may be a bit critical and does not know it, this man is cruel and controlling and she needs to know she is being abused. This man is not going to be tender (except maybe after the first time he punches her out, then he will say he's sorry)
She needs a support group and she needs to leave before he completely destroys her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by thadevilsadvocate

...then the advice you giving her, in regarsa to considering leaving him should be based solely on the likelihood that his issues with being verbally abusive may never change.......we have evidence that he is verbally abusive and can support our reasoning with that information.....regardless of being trained to kill, if being military had anything to do with the likelihood of being physically abusive. then we wouldnt have too many military men left in the military.

SO perhaps she should consider leaving because he is verbally abusive. and that advice is just.....but to attempt to advise her beyond that. would be unjust and elementary.

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I think and this an opinion only, that you are full of it. You and Hung apparently hate woman if you are men. If your're both woman God help us all.because you are probably being abused. Get a clue and visit a woman's shelter. You like to use your big words to try and prove how smart you are.. You are far from smart!:mad: If you are a man perhaps the wife or girlfriend left you for being abusive. My opinion.. :mad:

I think all anyone has to do is read what this young lady wrote. The abuse is so obvious. He uses words to controls her.
To advise her to sit down and talk to him is dangerous. The minute she stands up to him, says something against his treatment of her, he will in all likely hood hit her. She will not confront him because she is afraid of him and she feels unworthy of an opinion.

Any woman who has been abused or knows one who has been abused recognizes the signs, and that are all over this young lady's post.