Okay so, I feel I've been single for too long. I want a boyfriend. Have for months and months. The last like 4 guys I tried getting to know and dating and liking ended up screwing me over after we hook up. I didn't want to believe that that's the typical guy like people say. But I'm convinced. I've been really hurt by this and feel like a fool. I've been mislead, and used up and then thrown away.
After the fourth guy in a row that did this to me, (took me out, lead me on, called me babe, texted me all the time, even bought me roses, hooked up with me.. and the end.. then its "i dont want a relationship") jerks..
So I started talking to this guy from high school who I knew of but never talked to. Same thing with me for him... he found me on myspace and said hey I remember you.. we talked for a little via myspace.. and soon ended up talking via text. After a few months of talking here and there through text, we started hitting it off pretty well.. getting to know each other personally, and he texted me like everyy day from beginning to end. From when we woke up, until bed time again. Never failed. It got to the point where not one hour, let alone one day went by without us texting. Yet we still have never hung out. This was at first because I was worried about him because in high school he came off as a tool. Shy and modest, but by who he hung out with, came off as one of them.. a tool. Also, he now goes to the same college as me, and is in a fraternity. Party boy stereotype that gets around. Ugh. So I kept distance, but after being hurt from the last one, I gave him a shot, almost as a rebound.. but ended up liking him and the way he talked to me. He calls me babe.. and compliments me all the time. Told me he likes me and its cool how we can like each other just from talking, but really was dyyinngg to hangout with me. Finally, just recently, after about 3 weeks of talking all day every day.. we hung out. I didn't want to do anything more than kiss with him yet because I was still a litlle iffy. He knew about what guys did to me in the past and always apologized for how it keeps happening to me.. when we hung out though, things got a little heated because I'm soooo physically attracted to him, We didn't have sex, I'm actually a virgin still. He knows this, but we did play around a bit. The next day, what a coincidence, was the FIRST day that he didn't text me first thing. This wouldn't usually upset me... but of all days,. I was really upset and thinking not again! :( later in the afternoon I texted him, and we talked.. but he was taking a while to respond, and the responses were very bland and quick. The next day.. same thing.. but I didn't text him this time.. he texted me later in the afternoon saying hey. We talked.. barely.. I finally wrote " okay u know u dont have to talk to me anymore if you dont want to" because I felt like he was just barely talking to me just to prove himself "different" and gradually stop talking to me, to cover himself. Plus because he knows how guys keep doing that to me. Is response was ? I said well I don't want you to feel pressured because of what I told you guys keep doing to me so tell me what you want. Id rather him tell me now, so I can move on. He said "im still here" for some reason that wasn't too reasurring.. guys it already hurts and I feel dumb :( I'm sick of this feeling. And I reallyyy liked this one. Thought we had something with lots of potential... he even said things like he wants me to be all his and I drive him crazy and I'm perfect and amazing. Please tell me there's hope. I refuse to believe it because I'm trying so hard to avoid this ffeeling again.. he texted me today as well (day 3 after hook up) I didn't write back to see if hed care.. so far now.. its been almost a full day.. is he doing this to play it cool? Is there any hope? What should I do? I don't want to let this one go so easy.. I'm willing to fight for him,. but if he doesn't want me what can I do... please help

What exactly is "hooking up" to you, if you are still a "virgin"?

I am a little lost as to the best advice to give, so I will leave that to someone else.

Have you considered talking with a counselor at your schools health clinic to help you sort through what you are looking for in a boyfriend?

you know, like foreplay..
I've just never gone allll the way. Never had sex= virgin.



..

Eventually if there is no sex most men will bail out, that's just how it is.
I'm 38 and as time moves too far on would probably just do the same.
It never used to be that way, but right now I'd rather make each day as happy, and fulfilling as possible.

For me, life is just seriously too damn short and there is hardly any time in the day, to waste on trivial worry or drama on how things are supposed to be, should be or ought to be.

Most men mainly will want sex first which may then enable them to open up and develop into love.
Women may want love first to feel attracted and secure enough to be open for sex.

So. . Take it for what it's worth, you said ;
"he's a fraternity. party boy stereotype that gets around . . ."

well, you probably called it right!
For his time invested you didn't put out and now he's probably "getting around" else where.

Just being frank that's all and even though you don't want to get hurt again, in life you can guarantee you'll get hurt. Whenever I get hurt I know I'm alive, I exist, I breathe in and out and I'm here on this earth. Just WOW !

Everyone gets hurt in the game of love.
So, when real "love" comes your way, you'll really know what makes it special and appreciate it that little extra more than you did since the last time you got hurt.

You took a dive, now take a bow, get up and dust yourself off!

(As for being a virgin, if you're happy and comfortable do it !
And if not then don't pressure nor worry yourself over it either.)

I don't think the two of you are on the same page,so let it go.

Date and get to know guys before you think'boyfriend'.

Date around, stop prospecting and just let things happen naturally. You are expecting too much, don't hook up so much and you might find that things work in your favor

You really need to do more things in real life and leave Facebook, and texting alone.

Get out among real people, and do some real things.

I Remember when I was a virgin and you know what? It is beautiful!
Don't do it with any guy who's not even able to wait a little.
What was he thinking?
I think you should just move on he's not worth it.
Wait a little and you'll see there are many other guys out there.
This will help you to make the difference between the "party boy stereotype " and someone who's really interested in you.
Don't rush!Take it easy.

Sweetie, you sound like me years ago. 1)You cannot make men you date pay for what previous men have done to you. That will doom a relationship before it ever starts. It is OK to share that you have been hurt, and get it out there that you are cautious because of it; then drop it. Don't keep reminding them of what you went through, he heard you and he will remember what you told him. 2)Be confident in yourself, what you have to offer. Know that you are an amazing person with or without a man. Confidence in a woman is one of the most attractive things to men... know that you are a wonderful person with a lot to offer. If someone doesn't realize that, it is their problem not yours. You deserve the best and settle for nothing less than that. 3)All women should "prescreen" men they date. Not openly but to yourself. If you are looking for a long term relationship then ask yourself when you meet a guy if you can see them being a long term person. Never make excuses for bad behavior but on the same hand don't over react if you don't hear from them every second of the day or if they make a mistake (small mistake, not talking about cheating, hitting, etc... more like forgetting to call at 4pm like they said) if this one doesn't turn out to be the one, then don't be down. You will find the right one, just stop looking...
Play it cool, and if he is the one for you either "right now" or forever you will figure it out... just remember the two of you are not in a serious relationship so him not texting is nothing something you have a right to be upset about. Brush it off... play it cool, go with the flow... and most importantly take care of yourself, do right by you and the rest will fall into place.

Hey there..
Well guys doing this to you,is not to take personal.most of them ARE JERKS,and it takes a while to get and accept this sad fact.YET there are good guys out there,and for each of us there is that one who comes along at the right time(though we might not see that)yet it's very true.
Howerver,if he's gone cold,after hook up like u said,than it might be that he did use you..
Best way to find out is to ignore him as much as u can(you not answering his text is a good move!) keep going!
Make him work harder,like call you maybe?
Once you cut off,he realises he must make a move and there you go,either he'll come running,or you go running away.

BEST LUCK!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by marcelina

Sweetie, you sound like me years ago. 1)You cannot make men you date pay for what previous men have done to you. That will doom a relationship before it ever starts. It is ok to share that you have been hurt, and get it out there that you are cautious because of it; then drop it. Don't keep reminding them of what you went through, he heard you and he will remember what you told him. 2)Be confident in yourself, what you have to offer. Know that you are an amazing person with or without a man. Confidence in a woman is one of the most attractive things to men...know that you are a wonderful person with a lot to offer. If someone doesn't realize that, it is their problem not yours. You deserve the best and settle for nothing less than that. 3)All women should "prescreen" men they date. Not openly but to yourself. If you are looking for a long term relationship then ask yourself when you meet a guy if you can see them being a long term person. Never make excuses for bad behavior but on the same hand don't over react if you don't hear from them every second of the day or if they make a mistake (small mistake, not talking about cheating, hitting, etc ... more like forgetting to call at 4pm like they said) if this one doesn't turn out to be the one, then don't be down. You will find the right one, just stop looking ...
Play it cool, and if he is the one for you either "right now" or forever you will figure it out....just remember the two of you are not in a serious relationship so him not texting is nothing something you have a right to be upset about. Brush it off ... play it cool, go with the flow...and most importantly take care of yourself, do right by you and the rest will fall into place.

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okay so about the whole not texting being no reason to be mad. Totally agree. I'm very chill about stuff like that. I just want to point out that isn't it quite a coincidence that he really slows down the texting the dayy after we hook up? Of all days. I still didn't get mad at him for it though.. because your right. Still. But the main conflict that caused here is, do I take his still texting, but just not nearly as much, as: a.) he wants to play it cool so he doesn't fall into the category of every other guy that did that to me. Or perhaps wants to keep me on the side for a random hook up when he so desires. Or b.) he still likes me.. and is interested in me and only me as a person still.. because why else would he put any effort in texting at all if not, right? And maybe the only reason he slowed it down a lot is just because he really wanted to see me in general, and he did. So there's nothing really to try so hard for anymore. Nothing else changed. This is what I keep hoping.. I feel like I'm not making excuses for him for doing "bad" but excuses on his favor, perhaps giving myself false hopes.

Don't give up the 'goodz' so quickly...

So this guy still texts me every day. Usuallly by noon, but done talking due to him not writing back at random by 4pm... :/ I'm leaving it be, cause I know he's in miami now, and ill let him have his fun.. but the thing is, he still takes the effort to text me everyday, it just doesn't seem like he actually likes me anymore.. seems like casual friendship. But he must still like me. Just How can I change the vibe? What can I do to make him like me as more than a friend? Although I believe he must already. I just want what we had before we hooked up back. I want him to talk to me like that again. :( I miss it..
Let me put it this way: basically, I want him to " or get off the toilet" but how do I try to get him to ""
... as awkard as that question sounded.. you know what I mean. Please help

He takes effort to text you because you're always on his mind. It is spring break boys will be boys. Anyway, I think you should just talk to him as much as possible. Like play hard to get. You might have to make the first move like ask him if he wants to hang when he comes back. And see what he says because it shows you are interrested and he may be just afraid of being shot down. Why try if you are going to get shot down? Like prove he has a chance...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lea_09

He takes effort to text you because you're always on his mind. It is spring break boys will be boys. Anyway, i think you should just talk to him as much as possible. Like play hard to get. You might have to make the first move like ask him if he wants to hang when he comes back. And see what he says because it shows you are interrested and he may be just afraid of being shot down. Why try if you are going to get shot down? Like prove he has a chance...

---

Thanks.. yeah that's pretty much what I've been doing..
Im confused on what your saying though, do I make some of the moves and go after him, or do I play hard to get?
But yes, I want to ask him to go out on a normal date.. like invite him to the movies or something.. because if he wanted to be just a hook up, why would he go on a date, if it wasn't like at his house? Ha
And I don't get it, he should very well know that he has a chance..
He pretty much already got me, and I'm still here.. what made that go away?

And lastly, if I'm always on his mind, then why does he stop texting me late in the afternoon everyday now,.
But I think your right, its cute because he pretty much texts me first thing in the morning.. on average he texts between 8:30 a.m and 11
That's a red flag right?

I don't think it is a red flag, I think other than that time he is out playing around down there. Busy if you will. I think you should ask him on a real date and make sure he knows it is a real date. Maybe it'll go somewhere, you never know. However I do have to say this, if that is really what you look like, on your advatar, I'd say he would be crazy to let you get away! You are... well OK I won't go there but he should think you are the hottest thing next to the sun lol. Anyway good luck and I hope you land your man.

Just to clarify and get the whole picture... is this guy the same guy from your recent post...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ts-456360.html

If so... we're going to end up merging threads probably... same guy same issue?

And/or does it tie into this past thread?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-420352.html

Just looking to understand the backstory a little more...

Glancing through, I'm not clear... did you actually have sex with this guy or is it still all the peripheral stuff, but not sex?

As for the red flag... its not enough to convict. If he's on spring break you know he is busy at night. You don't know with whom.

A girl I loved who cheated on me would always conveniently structure her call schedule when she went on certain trips... turned out that those were the trips when she was with another man.

But again... his calling before the madness starts... you can't prove anything there...

As for how to push the relationship foreword... well, different people have different needs and wants... so there's no one way to answer that. Completely depends on what he is looking for and what motivates him.

If it's that same guy in your other thread you need to put it all in same thread...
It makes it too hard to follow your storie.

Hes probably busy at night. I know, its miami, there's lots to do there. What is he doing? Who knows but don't dwell on that. If you like this guy then you should ask him out casually and see where things go. Don't act desperate though and don't text him 50 times a day. Wait till he messages you. Maybe tell him you are thinking about him and would like to hang out when he gets back. Keep it simple

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Larken85

I don't think it is a red flag, I think other than that time he is out playin around down there. Busy if you will. I think you should ask him on a real date and make sure he knows it is a real date. maybe it'll go somewhere, you never know. However I do have to say this, if that is really what you look like, on your advatar, I'd say he would be crazy to let you get away! you are.... well ok I wont go there but he should think you are the hottest thing next to the sun lol. Anyways good luck and I hope you land your man.

---

Aww thank you! :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kp2171

just to clarify and get the whole picture... is this guy the same guy from your recent post...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ts-456360.html

if so... we're gonna end up merging threads probably... same guy same issue?

and/or does it tie into this past thread?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-420352.html

just looking to understand the backstory a little more...

glancing through, im not clear... did you actually have sex with this guy or is it still all the peripheral stuff, but not sex?

as for the red flag... its not enough to convict. if hes on spring break you know he is busy at night. you dont know with whom.

a girl i loved who cheated on me would always conveniently structure her call schedule when she went on certain trips... turned out that those were the trips when she was with another man.

but again... his calling before the madness starts... you can't prove anything there...

as for how to push the relationship foreward... well, different people have different needs and wants... so theres no one way to answer that. completely depends on what he is looking for and what motivates him.

---

It is linked to the first one.. the most recent before this..
But not that second one "got screwed over"
That's old.. I did want to link them myself but wasn't sure if I can or how.
So thanks but no, we didn't have sex.

And I don't care what he does in miami, that's none of my concern right now. Let him have his fun now, now that we aren't anything serious.

Okay so sure he's busy, partyin? Absolutely.. he even told me.. hooking up with girls? Probably.. I don't know. I don't care.
Let it go cause he's on spring break, sure
But you guys, he started this distant texting that stopped by night time 2 days before he left!



.. so..

I think you need to set your standards higher and find a guy who is only interested in you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by coruzzi2

and lastly, if im always on his mind, then why does he stop texting me late in the afternoon everyday now,..?
but i think your right, its cute because he pretty much texts me first thing in the morning.. on average he texts between 8:30 a.m and 11
thats a red flag right?

---

Girl, I want to tell you something lol GUYS ARE STUPID lol. And I just read this thread. And he is a frat boy. Frat boys are pretty interresting because they got that whole B.A. side of them. And you said he gets around? Is he something you want to kiss after he kissed so many girls. I mean it is not a read flag if he texts you only in the morning. It could mean a lot of things: He is busy with school during the afternoon, maybe he does some things he does not want you to know (but it does not matter because you guys are not official), and he might have other priorities besides you. Me and my guy take turns texting first. It is stupid I think. So I quit playing the texting games and I just text him whenever I want basically. I mean the best thing to do is just go out. Have fun with the girls. Go to frat parties. I can't really go to different frat parties because he will get crazy jealous but since you are not hitched you should go to party that is low risk and just meet people. See what is out there. I mean if he is not going to take effort. It is his loss. I am sure you are an attractive woman.

Well things are going well.. I texted him today on my own at about 5p.m.. I said hey.. he said hey how's it going within a minute later.. than I said nm just thinking of you.. he said aw that's sweet.. I asked how his night was he said good, he just went out and drank and then went swimming with a friend. Ha, whatever.. so I said cool.. and asked if he wanted to hang out when he gets back, He said where to? I said I don't know lets go see a movie or something, whatever you want.. and he said sounds good.. and then I ended it with okay well ill let you go have fun! So I feel like that gave me some brownie points a little..
And he'll be back in town on Sunday.

I'm starting to think that the reason he became so distant after we hung out/hooked up is so that we can temporarily slow things down cause he knew he was going on this trip soon after, and wanted to have fun. And meanwhile, see if I can hang. I'm fine with this.. do you guys think that's what it is?

He is a young guy. Who the hell knows. ;) I didn't know why I did half the things I did... sure did a lot of things driven by emotions and impulse and not all that much planning...

Uhm... who knows... I don't think it's the craziest thing to say he probably wanted loose ties at best if he intended to be a little on the wild side... and I have no idea of any past relationships he has had... a clingy previous girlfriend couldve railed him when her walked too close to another girl, let alone travelled unattached to a beach full of them.

A little self check ill do from time to time when going thought the motions of a developing relationship, especially in the really new stage, is to ask "am im i investing a lot more time and energy into this relationship than she is"... and this includes my own preoccupation with the relationship, not just the actual being together...

Don't know if its very clear... guess I'm saying I think you've been pretty at ease with "giving him room" (its his space, you really don't give it, but I'm rambling as usual) on this trip... but you also are spending a lot of time analyzing what's going on... what it could mean... etc.

And I know you've been eager to have a more solid, lasting relationship, if I remember right from previous posts...

So I just want you to be willing to check yourself a bit, from time to time... if you are spending a lot more time on this than he is, there's real imbalance. And sometimes that leads to poor choices or partly blinded judgements... leading to more imbalance.

So I guess id like to see, when he gets back, that he's willing to put in a little effort. You clearly have the attention of the amhd men. Lets hope he's willing to chase you as confidently.

Thanks KP,
I'll keep you posted.

Were do you live? Im 19 and I would love to date you! Anyway, I'm living proof there are non-jerk guys out there who really want relationships ( I do) you just got to find them.

Haha :) I live in vegas!

One thing I am curious about, where have you met these last 4 or 5 guys?

Also try to think of how they picked you up, and if there are any red flags you should consider. How long did each relationship last until you hooked up?

Also consider not engaging in sex until more of a relationship develops and he shows a genuine interest in you. There's nothing wrong with waiting a few months.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

One thing I am curious about, where have you met these last 4 or 5 guys?

Also try to think of how they picked you up, and if there are any red flags you should consider. How long did each relationship last until you hooked up?

Also consider not engaging in sex until more of a relationship develops and he shows a genuine interest in you. There's nothing wrong with waiting a few months.

---

I met most at school.. one at work..
This recent one is from school.
And me and him didn't have sex.
We fooled around a bit, after like 3 weeks of talking.. but didn't go all the way.

I just feel maybe you give in to these guys way too early without going on formal dates.. Maybe you should change your style and try something new. It is OK to kiss on the first date, but change it up a little. I mean a guy can lose interest if you give in two easily. 3 weeks in general is not long enough to know what type of guy he is.

Threads merged.

Here's the update..
He got back in town last night. I texted him at 3:30 a.m.. Because I was drunk. :/ I said hey are you up? He texted me at like 8a.m just saying hey whatsup..
This is going to get weird..

He mentioned that he woke up with wood.
Then I brought up that I still had his pictures in my phone (pictures I had taken for him, not of him) and I said I don't know why but I never deleted them..
He got upset because he thought I meant pictures of HIM.
He also said to send him some.. I was hungover in bed so I said I can't I'm sick, sorry.
He said. "well delete mine. and its fine ill find something else to jerk off to"


OUCHH!
But he said this cause he thought I was talking about pictures of him. I would understand why that would upset him.. so I made that clear to him and said "i said your pictures, as in the ones i took only for you"
And he said oh, well do what you want with them.

Like it means nothinggg that I took them just for him.
But it did when I took them. :(
So I just said "i know :)" and changed the subject.

Ugh, he seems so not interested anymore.. I should go NC huh?
But I feel like that's what he wants.. I want to get his interest back :(


Okay so brand new update:
I just texted him and straight up asked
"youve lost interest huh?
He said no I haven't, I wouldn't be texting you..


:confused:

He sounds pretty flaky. Time to go NC and find someone better!

Harshness warning
That's what happens when a drunk opens their mouth (or text), drunken confusion.

Instead of being clear, and precise, you jump to conclusions, and make assumptions, and create confusion for yourself.

You could have waited until you were sober, and been a lot more clear headed.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Harshness warning
Thats what happens when a drunk open their mouth, drunken confusion.

Instead of being clear, and precise, you jump to conclusions and make assumptions, and create confusion for yourself.

You could have waited until you were sober, and been a lot more clear headed.

---

??
I was sober..
I was only drunk when I texted him the first time..
He wrote back basically the next day

Oh really? So how did you go from his lack of interest in some pictures you took from him, to a lack of interest in you?

Explain how you made that leap?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Oh really? So how did you go from his lack of interest in some pictures you took from him, to a lack of interest in you?

Explain how you made that leap?

---

Ive been thinking he had a lack of interest in me for a while now, that's what this is all about..
Just the whole vibe is different.. and it was worse texting today.. (but I guess its cause he was angered cause he thought I was talking about pictures of him in my phone)
I was just sick of playing the guessing game so I bluntly came out and just asked him..

That was kind of dumb huh? I sound desperate or something..
What should I do..

I stopped writing him back

Desperate and insecure.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Desperate and insecure.

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I am insecure.

:/

What should I do?