Ask Me Help Desk - Right decision?

Right decision?

Me and my boyfriend broke up badly a few days ago. Today was the first day we've spoken in a week. We decided to stay friends and to see how we get on. We've given it a 4 month time limit if after the four months we have been getting on well and were both ready wel give it another go if not we will leave it at that and move on. Also we are not allowed meet other people during that four months until we sure. Is this the right thing to do?

I wouldn't have agreed to the "we are not allowed to meet other people" rule. The whole point is to find out if the two of you are right for each other, and dating others will help you decide that.

I don't know, how long have you guys been together? I think that if you were to date around and meet new people, if you did wind up getting back together it would lead to insecurity. If you are like me, it won't last four months. Probably not even 2 days before you want each other back so bad it hurts. If it's meant to be, it'll be.

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Originally Posted by Wolfrey

I don't know, how long have you guys been together? I think that if you were to date around and meet new people, if you did wind up getting back together it would lead to insecurity. If you are like me, it won't last four months. Probably not even 2 days before you want each other back so bad it hurts. If it's meant to be, it'll be.

We have been together just over 3 years.ya I think that's why I don't want to meet other people because if I heard that he was with someone else the insecurity would kill me! He agreed to this no problem and we also agreed that we wouldn't sleep together until then

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Originally Posted by chick23

we have been together just over 3 years.ya i think thats why i dont want to meet other people because if i heard that he was with someone else the insecurity would kill me! he agreed to this no problem and we also agreed that we wouldnt sleep together until then

Back in the '60s, my boyfriend of SIX years and I always left it open to meet new people, just in case. Um, we never married, aren't married to each other today.

I'm not sure I understand this. You are broken up but aren't allowed to see other people. How are you two technically broken up then? I just don't understand how you can try to remain friends with the sole intention of hopefully getting back together. Isn't the point of taking a break to do without one another for awhile to see how it works?

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Originally Posted by chick23

if i heard that he was with someone else the insecurity would kill me!

Was this "friends" thing your idea? If so, why?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Back in the '60s, my boyfriend of SIX years and I always left it open to meet new people, just in case. Um, we never married, aren't married to each other today.

So are you saying that not seeing other people is the right decision?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Was this "friends" thing your idea? If so, why?

No it was his really

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Originally Posted by kctiger

I'm not sure I understand this. You are broken up but aren't allowed to see other people. How are you two technically broken up then? I just don't understand how you can try to remain friends with the sole intention of hopefully getting back together. Isn't the point of taking a break to do without one another for awhile to see how it works?

Well we had spoken an we said wed finish on good terms then as we got talking more it ended up at this decision! This was more or less his idea though

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Originally Posted by chick23

so are you saying that not seeing other people is the right decision?

I'm saying (which I said in an earlier post in this thread) that meeting and dating other people is what you DO when you are just friends and not being exclusive with each other.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm saying (which I said in an earlier post in this thread) that meeting and dating other people is what you DO when you are just friends and not being exclusive with each other.

Wel both of us don't want to be with other people. I guess it just some space without other people being involved. We decided to be friends as in we would meet up every now and again and see how we get on. Not all the time though

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Originally Posted by chick23

wel both of us dont want to be with other people. i guess it just some space without other people being involved. we decided to be friends as in we would meet up every now and again and see how we get on. not all the time tho

Then you are exclusive with each other, not dating others. Nothing has changed. A husband and wife are friends too and "meet up every now and again and see how they get on, but not all the time" since they have lives apart from each other.

Why can't you work together and just get through this without a "break" without these silly rules?

Thats not a break, its holding each other hostage.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Then you are exclusive with each other, not dating others. Nothing has changed. A husband and wife are friends too and "meet up every now and again and see how they get on, but not all the time" since they have lives apart from each other.

So should I say this to him so? That this means we are exclusive if this is what we plan to do

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Why can't you work together and just get thru this without a "break" without these silly rules?

Thats not a break, its holding each other hostage.

Because I think we got a bit too serious a bit too quick. Would a bit of space not do us good?

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Originally Posted by chick23

would a bit of space not do us good?

Space? What space?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Space? What space?

We were together 24/7, just give each other time to do other things besides be together

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Originally Posted by chick23

we were together 24/7, just give each other time to do other things besides be together

Then you are still exclusive. You two "broke up" and are now back together again. "Being friends" has nothing to do with it. You were friends before, and you are friends now.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Then you are still exclusive. You two "broke up" and are now back together again. "Being friends" has nothing to do with it. You were friends before, and you are friends now.

As far as he is concerned though we are not together (and me before talking to ye) how do I set him straight now

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Originally Posted by chick23

as far as he is concerned tho we are not together (and me before talking to ye) how do i set him straight now

If he thinks you are not together, he will date other girls.

I think the two of you need to make sure you are on the same page: together or not together.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If he thinks you are not together, he will date other girls.

I think the two of you need to make sure you are on the same page: together or not together.

He agreed to not being with other people too! He said he would hate to see me with someone else and there was no way he would be with anyone. So do you think he was lying

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Originally Posted by chick23

he agreed to not being with other people too! he said he would hate to see me with someone else and there was no way he would be with anyone. so do you think he was lying

Then the two of you are still exclusive.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Then the two of you are still exclusive.

Guess I got to tell him that then?

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Originally Posted by chick23

guess i got to tell him that then??

I guess you'd better. If both of you agreed not to date others, you are exclusive.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I guess you'd better. If both of you agreed not to date others, you are exclusive.

Thanks loads

OK we came to a decision and decided we would stay together because we both don't want to be with other people but to just give each other some space as we lived in each others pockets before this! To just have fun together, make more time for our friends and stop acting like a married couple. Good decision??

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Originally Posted by chick23

to just have fun together, make more time for our friends and stop acting like a married couple. good decision???????

I don't know if it's a good decision or not. It sounds reasonable and much more emotionally healthy. How does it feel to each of you?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I don't know if it's a good decision or not. It sounds reasonable and much more emotionally healthy. How does it feel to each of you?

Well we've both agreed and are happy with the decision! Were both still only 23 so maybe we should just relax a bit more with each other and enjoy each other.

I think if you just balance yourselves with other things besides each other, you stand a better chance of bonding, and having fun, and not burning out.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I think if you just balance yourselves with other things besides each other, you stand a better chance of bonding, and having fun, and not burning out.

You I think that was happening we were starting to burn out

Any other tips on how to keep each other on track?

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Originally Posted by chick23

any other tips on how to keep each other on track?

Here are a few ideas --

How To Keep The Love Alive In Your Relationship

How often should we talk in a week? Should I let him contact me first the whole time

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Originally Posted by chick23

how often should we talk in a week? should i let him contact me first the whole time

Isn't this a mutual decision and a 50-50 proposition? Sure, call him. Some weeks you might talk with each other several times a day, and other weeks, only twice a week. It depends on what is happening in your lives. Short calls are more intense and enjoyable than long ones that can get boring real fast.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Isn't this a mutual decision and a 50-50 proposition? Sure, call him. Some weeks you might talk with each other several times a day, and other weeks, only twice a week. It depends on what is happening in your lives. Short calls are more intense and enjoyable than long ones that can get boring real fast.

Yes it is a mutual decision but I don't want to be too forward either

OK I'm confused! Had planned a night of bowling with 2 friends last night!he rang me at work and said oh its snowing bad let the lads know!I said OK but if they can't go will I just call to you anyway and he wouldn't give me a straight answer just kept saying I don't mind. I felt like he didn't want me to! Eventually we al ended up going bowling together had a great evening and he was all lovey dovey with me! When I asked him about it later that night he made an excuse that I thought he was lying about it snowing and that's why he kept saying he didn't mind! Did he want to see me or what like

In light of the outcome, I fail to see why this is a big deal. Maybe I missed something here.

If it's want you want, then go for it my girl. What do you have to loose anyway

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Originally Posted by chick23

how often should we talk in a week? should i let him contact me first the whole time

Yep let him contact you first, don't contact him

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Originally Posted by talaniman

In light of the outcome, I fail to see why this is a big deal. Maybe I missed something here.

I'm just confused on whether he wanted to see me or not! He was acting all cool on the fone but when he saw me he was all lovey dovey

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Originally Posted by Jaytdk

If it's want you want, then go for it my girl. What do you have to loose anyway

Confused on whether he wanted to see me or not

Don't start getting all worked up at this point, as his actions were what you wanted right? As you get re- acquainted with each other you will have to develop honest communications with each other, and that can be a slow process. Don't get carried away by the small stuff.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't start getting all worked up at this point, as his actions were what you wanted right? As you get re- acquainted with each other you will have to develop honest communications with each other, and that can be a slow process. Don't get carried away by the small stuff.

So what you are saying is relax and give it time?