Hold on, move on, or both?
Hi all, obviously, my problem is about a woman. We broke up to weeks ago. The main reason (she said) was that she didn’t believe in a future for us anymore. We have been a couple for 18 months. The last couple of weeks of our relationship we had a lot of fights. I almost always started the fight because I felt I didn’t see her as much as I’d liked to and because I felt she didn’t make enough efforts to be together with me. So we broke up after a fight one night, got back together for a week and one week later she broke up with me again “because she didn’t know if she really wanted a future with me”. I cried, she cried, we hugged and finally said goodbye. When I asked her if this break-up was definite, she said she didn’t know. My main problem is that I want her back. Now that I have time to think it all over I know what the problem in our relationship was: she’s 3 years younger than me (19) and doesn’t want to commit to a relationship to the same level I do. I wanted to move on faster than her and had all kind of plans in my head that she wasn’t ready for. After all, I recently started working while she is still a student. Now I realize that I have put too much pressure on her by always wanting to be together with her. I told her this in a letter and she agreed with me. The problem is that now I realize these problems and I’m willing to change and give her more time and space etc. I never even thought of the possibility of us ever separating because we loved each other unconditionaly, I thought. We’ve been through a lot and we always managed to work it out. She said she still loves me but she’s not in love with me anymore like she used to be. She also said she wanted to keep in contact with me and has called me a couple of times since we broke up. The first days I begged a little and acted a little bit pathetic but ever since I managed to stop myself from trying to “convince” her or even talk about the relationship. The night I wrote her that letter she called me in tears and said she was sad because of the way things are going. Of course I interpreted this as hope. For the last week I didn’t seek contact with her and I didn’t hear much from her except some “casual” messages to hear how I’m doing. I’ve let her know (in the letter) that I still love her and want her back but that it’s going to take a lot of time for both of us to figure everything out.
Actually I already know what all your answers are going to be: to move on with my life and to forget about her. However, she is in my head 24-7. I can’t think of anything else. I’m completely fixated on the question: “will I get her back?”. Sometimes I think that I should let go and that everything is already said and done between us. That there is nothing in this world that will fix the love we had. That I am just reading in between lines and that my hope is false hope. Another part of me is saying that I’m being too pessimistic. That we both just need time and space to figure this out. That it is not a definite break-up.
The little voice in my head that says I have to let her go is killing me. The other (more quiet) voice that says I have to hold on is killing me too because it doesn’t help me to hold on to hope. I don’t know what to do or think anymore. I wish I could look at it from a distance but I just can’t because I miss her too much.
Can anyone offer me some advice please? Is there a realistic chance of getting back together and how?
