So me and my ex had been together for nearly a year. We have broken up probably 12 times, but she would always take me back or come back. I really love her with all of my heart,but this time she broke up with me out of the blue. She said that she no longer has feelings for me and doesn't like me in that sense anymore. I'm having a hard time coping with this because I basically let myself become vulnerable to her. It's been one week and 4 days since the break up. At first she said she didn't want to talk or see me again. I tried my hardest to ignore her but caved this last Friday. She wouldn't answer or respond to me. Then she texts me on Sunday and apologizes to me. She wrote I'm an awful person so sorry that's all I wanted to say. I responded with something random like the scarf you gave me is really warm. Then, Monday she texts me a song by Atmosphere called Wild Wild horses. I didn't really get it and I hate atmosphere by the way, so I didn't even respond. I've been feeling so lonely and worthless,so this morning I called her and we talked. She seemed interested in talking to me. Anyway she basically said she has no feelings for me and doesn't want to get back together. I begged her to see her one last time and she was like I donno. I was like I need it for closure I want to give you back this ceramic heart you gave me etc. She said she didn't want it and to throw it out. I begged her to see me, and get coffee with me for like half an hour. She kept saying it wasn't a good idea and that she doesn't want to. As direct as she was trying to sound I made her laugh a couple of times and she seemed to be having fun, but for some reason she kept trying to suppress her feelings for me. I love her and miss her and got her to say yes. In fact I'm going to meet with her right now. I want advice on what to do and how to handle this. I really want her back and I'm leaving right now to maybe change her mind although I promised her I wouldn't mention the relationship and that this meeting is purely for closure. Please help guys!

I would let her do the talking and get the closure she seeks.
Stalking her is not going to win her back and maybe nothing can win her back.

Twelve break ups in one years time averages to once a month.That is a very poor track record.Whatever was wrong in your relationship kept happening again and again.Do you have any relationship communication skills,either of you?

Have realistic expectations based on what she is saying and doing and don't try to read more into the meeting than what it is.For your own peace of mind,you may just have to accept that this is the final break-up.

She seems confused give her time to think about it if u stalk her and beg to come back she won't like it...

Making up, to break up, just means your both not working together to solve your problems, and she has gotten tired of the mess. That can't be fun after only a year.

Now she doesn't want to talk about the relationship, so maybe its best to be friends, as you make a lousy couple.

Give us an update, as I think you have been demoted to the "FRIEND ZONE"

Hey I came back from the meeting,it was ing awful. I told her I loved her and wanted her back. She said that she no longer loves me and cannot be with me anymore. As I was driving to drop her off, Radiohead started to play and I cried with tears in my eyes. I've never cried since I was little,because my mother told me real men never cry. I broke my oath. She thought I was going to kill myself and kept calling me till now. I told her I'm sad but wouldn't do anything like that. It hurts so much when you love someone,and they don't love you back. I treated her like a queen, and she broke my heart. She says there's no one else,but just isn't in love with me anymore. She's 18, and I'm 19 and the reason she kept breaking up with me cause she's wasn't sure or something along those lines. I think she's just immature. I want to let go, but I keep wanting hold on. God, this hard

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Originally Posted by krim19

Hey I came back from the meeting,it was ing awful. I told her I loved her and wanted her back. She said that she no longer loves me and cannot be with me anymore. As I was driving to drop her off, Radiohead started to play and I cried with tears in my eyes. I've never cried since I was little,because my mother told me real men never cry. I broke my oath. She thought i was gonna kill myself and kept calling me till now. I told her I'm sad but wouldn't do anything like that. It hurts so much when you love someone,and they don't love you back. I treated her like a queen, and she broke my heart. She says there's no one else,but just isn't in love with me anymore. She's 18, and I'm 19 and the reason she kept breaking up with me cause she's wasn't sure or something along those lines. I think she's just immature. I want to let go, but I keep wanting hold on. God, this hard

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Yes,my friend,it is very hard.
Know that time really does make things better and there is tons of great advice on this board to help you get through a break-up.

You will go through many stages of grief and in the end ,you will come out a survivor.Stronger and wiser as well.

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Yes,my friend,it is very hard.
Know that time really does make things better and there is tons of great advice on this board to help you get through a break-up.

You will go through many stages of grief and in the end ,you will come out a survivor.Stronger and wiser as well.

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It's hard. I used to be a man. I feel worthless. Was I not good enough for her? We would never really fight, but how can someone have a change of heart, just like that.. And she always would do the breaking up, for no reason, as if the closer I got, the farther she would try to run. I will hopeless

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Originally Posted by krim19

Yes,my friend,it is very hard.
Know that time really does make things better and there is tons of great advice on this board to help you get through a break-up.

You will go through many stages of grief and in the end ,you will come out a survivor.Stronger and wiser as well.


It's hard. i used to be a man. I feel worthless. Was I not good enough for her? We would never really fight, but how can someone have a change of heart, just like that.. And she always would do the breaking up, for no reason, as if the closer i got, the farther she would try to run. I will hopeless

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Right now ,your emotions are so raw that to try to figure this out would be a waste of time and effort.
You may never know what drove her to feel the way she does.
You are not worthless simply because one girl decided she could not make up her mind.You are very young and you will have more loves in your life.
I promise you that in a few months time,you will look on this break up differently.
Give yourself time and please don't beat yourself up.

I'm sorry to hear about your break up.

You've broken up 12 times in 1 year. If you can't fix the problems that broke you up in the first 12 times, then you're just going to break up again.

You've given each other plenty of chances to repair the relationship, but if there isn't sufficient progress, someone is going to give up. I'm sorry to say, but it happens.

The best thing you can do is learn from the experience and move forward with your life. With time you'll realize that you're better off going your separate ways. On-and-off relationships are extremely unhealthy. One day, you will be in a much heathier relationship.

Know that you're not the only one suffering. Read the stickies at the top of the page: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/

They really help in the healing process. The first few weeks of this breakup is going to be very painful. But with time, it will get easier. You just need a little patience with yourself.

Thanks guys. I see the beauty and it's nothing but time and a face to lose.It's just that I feel so alone. My friends and I have gotten out of touch over the past year. I feel like I have almost nobody to talk to. I've always depended on myself over the past years. This girl was the only person I let my guard down for. She touched me so much, I felt as if my life was taking on new perspective. Now a gaping hole has crashed through my reality. I'm going to try best to cope, as long as I have rational people like yourselves for advice. Thanks for reading and for me knowing at least somebody cares enough to share my pain.

Hey, I took this road. This exact road. She said the same thing, "I don't have feelings for you anymore." I saw my ex after the break up twice and told her I loved her/asked her to get back with me. I serenaded her with songs and gifts. I begged her to get back with me over the phone. Don't do it. Those were failures and bad moves. Stop talking to her completely. Do it now.

THERE IS NO CONVINCING HER. THERE ARE NO MAGIC WORDS YOU CAN SAY TO MAKE HER COME BACK.

You want to know how it turned out? I waited for a long time. A hell of a long time and she called me. I acted stupid and told her I loved her again. That was the end of everything. Her and I are done. She wanted to be friends and I said no because at that point I knew being friends was not something I could live with. I still have feelings for her but know we aren't meant to be. I have a new girlfriend now.

That's life. Honestly you have to throw away all hope. Girls only want what they can't have and she has you. Don't be hers. Don't be anybody's. Live for yourself.

We had broken up before the final one but I got her back that time. The reason I got back with her was because I didn't want her anymore and had moved on with my life. The reason why you aren't going to get back with her is because you won't want her anymore either. The feelings may always be there but you don't want her because you know she's bad for you and things will never work out.

Make more friends...

Seven weeks ago, my ex dumped me because she didn't have the same feelings for me anymore. It's painful, I know, but staying in touch with her at this point is only going to make it worse. Was she your first by the way?

Maybe check these out:
How to Get Over a Break Up - wikiHow
How to Cope With Emotional Pain - wikiHow

She was the first girl I loved. Let my shield down and everything. I've been hurting so bad that's she's even trying to help me cope which is confusing me further. I told her I want her back, she cried and everything. In the end she said she likes me enough to be friends, but doesn't love me anymore and insisted it would be unfair to continue the relationship. I told her that we could never be friends. She said if it's all or nothing that she chooses nothing. Man that hurt, like hell. We were texting and I begged for her back some more. Inside I knew my efforts were completely futile and felt disgusted with myself. I guess I've done more than enough to fight for it. I told her that I'm dead now and so are all my feelings. She pleaded for me not to end contact and ended u saying she really messed up, and that she loved me too. I haven't texted anything back. She just asked me if I was OK, but still I won't reply. This one is for my broken heart,and all the other people that chose to love and get hurt. Unrequited love is the most painful thing ever, because with every fiber of my being, I try to fight the circumstances. I think I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm not ready, but I'm trying to move on. Maybe she'll miss me when I'm gone.

Make sure you keep busy and see friends and family.
It's not a losing battle,your pain will go away,in time-just be patient with yourself. One day at the time.

I'm sorry about your pain, but she's made it perfectly clear that it's over. I know it's a hard pill for you to swallow, but you have 2 choices. You can either continue drowinng in your misery or you can man-up and move on.

It probably feels like the end of the world, but I'm sure there's another lady out there waiting to meet you. Just remember that you can't find anyone else to love if you just stay in and drown in your sorrows. Good luck!

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If you can't save the relationship, at least save your pride.

I feel for you, I really do. I recognize a lot of the feelings you describe. It's painful as ****, but like Devorameira said, we can either let it destroy us, or we can try to make the best of it and get our lives back on track. It's okay to feel down, but try to give yourself a break every now and then. Get out and be with friends, that helps a lot, even if it doesn't completely take your mind off things.

Hey I'm sorry for you loss. I too am fighting this battle and every advice these guys tell you is the bare truth. As crazy as it is... the sticky that are link are closest thing ull ever find a guide to recovering and maybe getting your ex back. Something that hit me yesterday... you really need to make yourself look like your OK. I mean imagine a girl who you don't with and she just cry and beg for you back , etc. Would you want her back or would you want a girl who is independent. Most of the time its all a mind game... in your own head. So you if you act normal and OK, you eventually be OK! Trust me Hang in there!

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Originally Posted by krim19

Hey I came back from the meeting,it was ing awful. I told her I loved her and wanted her back. She said that she no longer loves me and cannot be with me anymore. As I was driving to drop her off, Radiohead started to play and I cried with tears in my eyes. I've never cried since I was little,because my mother told me real men never cry. I broke my oath. She thought i was gonna kill myself and kept calling me till now. I told her I'm sad but wouldn't do anything like that. It hurts so much when you love someone,and they don't love you back. I treated her like a queen, and she broke my heart. She says there's no one else,but just isn't in love with me anymore. She's 18, and I'm 19 and the reason she kept breaking up with me cause she's wasn't sure or something along those lines. I think she's just immature. I want to let go, but I keep wanting hold on. God, this hard

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Yeah I to just had the same thing happen to me lol.Well I have not got that last meeting yet and I don't want it.But dog I know all to well, she's is gone for now my friend!! Give it some time and trying to find something new.It well be hard but that's all you can do.I just cried because man she was right there and now she is not.She has not called me in two day and I don't plain on calling her.Just have to get over this because man I love her now more then anything.But I hate that feeling!

Ex keeps texting and calling to check up on me. And for some reason keeps reinforcing how she's going to miss me. I mean jeez, why be so cruel..

You could always tell her that you need a little space right now, maybe she'll take the hint. Or you could change your phone number.

Where are the stickies. It was said that they were at the top of the page but I can't see them.

Use the link in my signature, as they are at the top of the relationships forum page.

I see, I was looking at the very top of the page... Long day, sorry

Hey guys I'm doing better I guess. It's hard sometimes, but think she still does care about me a bit.It's just enough, but I think I'm coming to terms with it. I don't feel like I'd want her back if she wanted to get back with me. She lost a good thing.

: )

Doing better is good,and you should be doing that for you,nobody else. You should be your number one priority now,so keep on doing really well and get yourself a good life.

You will be fine... im going through the same thing, multiple break ups, song lyrics, watching her go to a new man, throwing away what we had for years within days...

Just realize if it is meant to be, you will find her as a new better you and she will have grown to a better woman...

But in the meantime you don't know if that will happen or not, what you do know is that you want to make yourself happy so do what you must for you not for her...

She can't control your life, only you can... so now just let her go, ignore her all together and just live life better than when you were with her

It wasn't right. 12 breakups in a year. Hello?

Says a lot.

Its time to regroup & figure out who you are. Grow some.

You have a whole life ahead. Learn from this one.

Then touch the right ones. You will know who they are if you have your sh&&t together.

Never give yourself away for someone else.

Hey guys I haven't updated in a long time, but tonight was an awful night for me. I think I might have completely relapsed from my situation. This post might be kind of long, but then you do have the option to read it, so here it goes. About a week ago I was hangin at a really good friend's house. We were chilling in his room and he was on his computer browsing through his Facebook (tool of the devil). Up comes my ex-gf, who he friends in front me. I never told him about her,but after he friends her I tell him the situation. I told him not to contact her, because she's my ex and I have feelings for her. Although it might sound controlling on my part, he had recently made me promise to never contact his recent ex. I agreed, because I figured that's not what "friends" do. Anyway I go home and end up turning my phone off for about a week, basically until tonight.

So tonight I went with a couple of friends to get some drinks. I call my friend, and ask him to come out as well. He seemed kind of evasive. We texted back and forth and all of sudden he tells me that he's going out with my ex. Well, I didn't take it well(yea I know,sorry guys), and flipped on him. I told him that I would knock him out and called him out on the spot, etc.. Please keep in mind that being drunk does not help in taking bad news well.

I then ended up texting and calling her. My friend has three charges of impending rape on him. Also there was this instance of him beating on his last girlfriend, who broke up with him. I ended up separating the two and got into a little fight with him. I mentioned these things to my ex, and she replied with, "I don't like you. I am actually in love with X and please leave me alone" I was just so hurt by this. She has been with my friend for a week and they love each other? I mean what the hell man? I am just so very hurt. I got betrayed by two people I thought I could trust, and it's like every inch of my being has to hold me back, from going to knock his face in. I just really need some advice and support. I don't know how to handle this and I'm freaking out. I couldn't believe my ex would ever betray me like this either.Probably not going to get any sleep tonight.. thanks everyone

Well man, that surely sucks, but be glad.

They sound perfect for one another.

2 bad friends, liars & cheats.

NEVER speak to either of them again.

Shows you who to be friends with and date.

Do some positive things for yourself (ie: not drinking)
Workout, hang with family. Whatever. Maybe go see a therapist.

Its going to take some time, but don't be one of those guys that wants to make a scene.

Show both of them who's rad.

I guess this the 13th time.

Ouch. I can understand where you're coming from man,but I was doing so well with the NC. All of sudden, these circumstances come up and I got swept up in it again. I just can't get a hold of my feelings right now. It just really hurts

Just stick with it man. Don't think of this as a set back as much as it hurts.

This is a huge slap in the face you needed to move on from this madness & get with people that are true. The ones that you don't even need to question.

Im sure you have or had that feeling.

That means you being aware & using your gut when things don't feel right.

I have all confidence that you can overcome this & understand.

Double the betrayal,double the pain. In essence I know these people are just f'd up, But right now, the shock and anger is getting to me. I just want my feelings to pass. My head is rushing with so many impulsive thoughts, it is killing me.

Yup-he's not your friend,and whatever she is doing with him is not your responsibility now.
Don't allow yourself to be drawn into this. New drama.

You need to go back to total NC and stay that way.

The powers that be are ridding these people from your life.

Be grateful.

Well now that I am completely sober, I feel a hundred times worse. I'm going to go exercising, but my head just can't get around this. How could they do this to me? I mean they're in love after a week.. is she doing this to get on my nerves? My friend's actions are inexcusable, and I informed him to never contact me again. Barely slept last night, and haven't eaten anything. I feel so awful. Anyone in a similar situation with any advice?

Go get some exercise-and eat properly,that will make you feel better.

I understand that you are hurt and feel betrayed,but you must move past those feelings so that you can begin to heal.

Don't allow their obnoxious behaviour to cause you all this pain.

Leave them in the past where they belong.

These things happen in life, and its bigger than all of us. Time will get you through this, and make you better for the experience. Until your emotional dust settles though, the gym is your friend.

You will have many situations where you get to see the true nature of people, and as shocking as it is, its for the best. For now though, heal, and get over your shock, and anger, and make new friends.

I can't even concentrate in class man. This is getting out of hand. There is like this ugly side to me right now, that wishes the worst for them and to get revenge. I just don't know if this is normal. I will not go out of my way to get so called revenge, but right now karma seems like it's taking it's sweet time. I'm almost coming to the point of moving away. If anybody has any techniques for coping with these feelings, that would be very helpful.