OK, I met the girl of my dreams about 8 months ago, problem was she was already with another guy. After a few days of talking to her I admitted to her that I loved her and she said she felt the same way. She left her boyfriend, who in my opinion cares more about WOW than he does for her, and we started dating. After about a month she tells me that she is in love with both of us and feels bad about leaving him the way she did, sho she dumped me to go back to him. Now we have to keep it a secret that we even talk because he is scared she will leave him again and has forbidden her from talking to anyone in her past. We still text each other almost daily and she still says she loves me but refuses to leave him again. Is there any way I can get her back?

Look at the facts:She breaks up with her boyfriend to be with you- then dumps you to go back to him whilst keeping up secret text messaging with you.Does this sound healthy to you?Why would you want to be with someone who plays two guys?Leave the mess behind and in the future don't get involved with someone who s already in a relationship.

She wasn't in a relationship at first, I was scared and waited and she met him before I told her how I felt

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Originally Posted by HellHound82

she wasnt in a relationship at first, i was scared and waited and she met him before i told her how i felt

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Your making excuses for her..

She's using you and cheating on him...

For your own mental and emotional health walk away,this is a threesome that will only get worse.

I think that she's playing you both and that she's being dishonest. Is this what the girl of your dreams does? Sounds like a bad dream to me.

Harshness warning

1) She's flip-flopping her feelings. This is what we call a triangle.

2) You're now her backup plan, just in case it doesn't work out with this guy she can always come crying back to you.

3) She's messing with your mind. How can you even believe her anymore?

Stop being her dormat. Stop being her safety net. Have some self-respect and go find someone else who's not "all of the above".

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is there any way I can get her back?

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Relax, she is already back, as your secret text buddy. That's all she wants you to have of her. Don't worry, if her official b/f cuts up to bad, you might get moved up the food chain.

Until then, be happy with being second fiddle.

If you can't realize your being played, then I'm not going to tell you.

Thanks all... moment of weakness

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Originally Posted by HellHound82

thanx all.... moment of weakness

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We all have them...

OK, I think I already know the answer but I felt the need for input anyway, the girl I mentioned in my last post is single again and says she wants me back... should I give her another chance?

Threads merged
Please keep all your questions about the same issue in the same thread.

If she just broke up, then give her some space to allow her to recover from the break up. Let her contact you if she needs to talk, but don't put any pressure on her.

Well, your going to do it anyway, so if you wish upon immediate gratification now, and tortoreous pain later, be our guest.

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Originally Posted by Reactor

Well, your going to do it anyways, so if you wish upon immediate gratification now, and tortoreous pain later, be our guest.

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Bingo

I really think you should try to pursue this girl. She obviously can not make up her mind, and she's using your infatuation for her to her advantage to keep playing games. You don't wan tto get mixed up with this, she's got some issues, don't make them yours. Good luck with this one. :)

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Originally Posted by HellHound82

ok, i think i already know the answer but i felt the need for input anyway, the girl i mentioned in my last post is single again and says she wants me back.... should i give her another chance?

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She is single... for now. You could "give her another chance", and she could do the same thing all over again. It's a vicious cycle. And if you give her another chance, and she doesn't go back to the ex, she may find another "secret text buddy" to replace the open position, since you got promoted.

I would stay away from her. She's a player!!

Why, what has changed?

Move forward, not back, as you already know what she is about.

Like I said fugured I knew the answer, just wanted to know if anyone thought that I should

The fact is: She was never fully available in the 1st place. How many conversations have you actually with her boyfriend? Could you possibly what he cares about? Perhaps you are basing on what information she, "the middle man" has conveniently provided. Maybe he's nice guy, just like you. After all, you have the same tastes. 1st things, never criticize negatively somebody that you're in love has seen or is seeing. Basically you're saying something about there choices in men, which ultimately comes right back to you. It casts doubt in there mind about their choice in you. Support yourself 1st and worry about her later. Is she there to fully step up to the plate and worry about you. Passive aggressive (returning to what she failed to finish, her boyfriend), tactics always leave you, not in 1st and not really even in last place, nowhere, that's where they leave you. She's is beginning a pattern of having her cake and eating it too. Worry less about her and more about you and suddenly her true colors will be clear on her decision regarding your relationship. All the best -- EM

I have had plenty of conversations with him, we used to be friends. Anyway it is over I am not going to give her another chance

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Originally Posted by I wish

2) You're now her backup plan, just in case it doesn't work out with this guy she can always come crying back to you.

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Agree 100%

OK, time to put future in hands of complete strangers again... my wife and I have been separated and have both dated other people, now my wife says she wants me back but still spends more time with ex-boyfriend than with me, I do not know for sure how much of what I hear is true, I know he says he loves her, when they are out, and she admits that they hold hands and kiss. She also never fails to point out the differences between me and him "if i could put the 2 of you together I'd have the perfect guy" tells me he does things that I don't that she wants and that I do things he dosen't. Is this something I should be putting up with? Also the things I am unsure of make this decision even more difficult because I have been told that she said the only reason she wanted me back is so the kids could have their father. That's no reason to stay together... I guess to simplify all this, when we got back together I told her that if this was going to work that she would have to tell him it was over, and even though she tells me that she told him it was over between them when they are together they still act like a couple... is there any reason I should keep trying?

To be honest,no.

Either you are together and working on the marriage,or your not.

This half way is not good enough.

You can still be a very good father to the kids outside of the marriage,happy parents make happy children,the kids will be fine,but if you continue down this road of emotional and mental torture,you won't be.

Where's the honest communication? The building of bridges and the willingness to work on this,maybe through counseling? I don't see you doing any of this-so,time to call it quits and be the best possible parents you can be.

I would be seriously offended if some man said that I would be the "perfect girl" if put together with his piece-on-the-side. Honestly? If you take her back, you are accepting the fact that she will still carry on a relationship with him, that she will always compare you with him, and that she will not be committed to making your relationship work.

Is that something you want?

Is that the example that you want to give to your children?

It definitely sounds like she wants you back in her life just for the sake of the kids and I would never recommend doing this. She says she wants you back yet still spends more time with the other guy? It's over between them yet they still act like a couple?

Actions speak louder than words in my book.

You can be a great dad without her in your life.

Sorry guy I don't share my woman with anyone.

But on your part, get the FACTS, and then make a decision.


How come after I merged your posts together, the story get rather weird?

You seem to be on some sort of emotional round about!

Get off it!

Take some time for yourself (6 months minimum) and try and get yourself back on track.

Your not jumping from one women to another,but your jumping from one romantic maybe to another,all the while tieing yourself up in knots of confusion.

Get some space away from the drama and confusion,get some perspective.

Well talaniman it is a weird situation, me and wife split up but never divorced, then I met another girl (first post) then wife says she wants me back (2nd post)

Update: wife finally made a decision, to stay with new guy, and a few weeks later he tells her its over and now she wants me back but we aren't together.

That's great, kick her to the curb, and be done with all this misery and crap. This is where guys say to hell with it, and go fishing. That's what's called for, some time away from the BS!

For those of you still interested things got better, for a few months. Then she left me for the guy who was supposed to be my best friend. I still have no contact with either of them.