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I hate my life, I hate everything about myself.
I find myself pathetic, lousy, stupid, and just a royal screw up.
I really don't know what to do with myself and I can't even carry on a normal relationship because of all the dumb things that run through my head.
What can improve life?
GM Adam.
I think we all go through periods in our life that bring us down.
Thoughts about burying our head in the sand or wishing we had a fast forward button.
You are so young with a life ahead of you.
Can you give some more details about what is going on right now?
Really sorry to hear this Adam and I am kind of shocked. What do you hate about yourself that impacts your life enough to hate?
Sorry everyone, I shouldn't hat my life. I just find myself to be a big failure.
Things are going great with my girlfriend.
Things are going really good with her and that kind of scares me because I think too much and to many thoughts run through my head.
I just turned 20 years old, I'm just really fat, pretty ugly, high school drop out and don't have much going for me and I hate it.
Everything you have listed above is something YOU can change. You have a person by your side that loves you and the fact remains you don't love yourself. A world of love from other people can't change how you feel. Change your outlook by changing what you don't like. You are 20 and I can promise you there are going to be many more things you do that you won't like, but such is life.Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_89
I was just the screw up in the family who done all the drugs, always blew off school, which lead to dropping out. Both my brother and sister graduated with honors and I am the one who threw it down the drain.
No in comparing that to them, we all turned out very successful, and I probably rank toward the top, but that doesn't get me to far.
Yes, life can change and I know there will be several more hardships to come and that is just part of life, but wow it sucks. I use to have suicidal thoughts a couple years ago because things were much worse but the world is just going to hell and it just doesn't seem fair.
Your only 20 you still have your hole life ahead of you! Font hate yourself for what you look like. Just think of all the things your good at and try to make it worth something! Like get a job on whatever you like best! :)
Wow, Adam, I am so sorry that you are feeling so poorly.Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_89
Confusing since things are going well with your new girlfriend.
Sometimes I think we all feel down on ourselves and very overwhelmed when we are thinking about all the things that we hate.
Can you pick one thing that you can work on to improve yourself in the next couple of months?
I know you have a good job, a good girlfriend, I think I read somewhere that you already own two houses and you are still just a young 20 years old. :) I think you have a lot of things going for yourself, so maybe today is just a bad day... is that lack of sleep catching up with you? :p
What made all of those negative things in your head surface today?
You need to take all of this negative energy you are projecting in toward yourself and turn it in to something positive. It will take some hard work and time on your part, but you can definitely change.
You have to stop beating yourself up and do something positive for yourself. It is not the world against adam_89, it's adam_89 against himself.
Look you are only 20, you have TONS of time to turn things around!
Think about something that you enjoy doing and do it! Then maybe take that a step further and get some education behind that.
Just because your siblings already graduated and whatever, doesn't mean you can't or won't. You are on a different path in life!
Have you ever spoken with your doctor about depression?Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_89
It's not anything to be ashamed of and it sounds like your feelings are somewhat manic.
I haven't ever talked to a doctor or anything. I don't want people to think I am crazy.
It is just one house that I own and it was 2 cars that you probably seen that I wrote.
I just want something better with my life. I think I am just in that part of my job where everything is old and I want something new but I think after a couple more years it will all be down hill from there but it just seems like forever. I was getting a lot of hours and making a lot of money, then I got my hours cut and things got tight but I am still managing OK. I just think I am capable of more. I am not a dumb person but I believe I am. I didn't frop out of school because I am dumb but I just hated it to what it used to be when I first started school. I have way too much time to think about stuff and it just really gets to me.
I fear to many things that could happen. I just think well it could happen so why wouldn't it?
My girlfiend is very beautiful and just way to beautiful for me and I don't see whay she would stay with me, I just can't figure it out. There are just some things I can't figure out and maybe I am not meant to know or maybe I am meant to do something more with my life. I just feel that there is a reason for me and I can't figure out what it is that I am supposed to do.
I hear you, I feel like my life's at a stalemate. Nothing seems to interest me anymore and in two days I'll have been at my job for seven months and it seems like I started a week ago. So, I went and got my motorcycle's license. I practiced hill starts and finally found my bike's friction-zone this weekend.
If there's any goals you've had put aside that you'd wanted to achieve but didn't have the means or the time wasn't right, now is the time to do it. Ideally, it'd be something you'd have to work at to become proficient, basically learning another skill. When you're at your worst, strive for your best, you'll pull yourself right out of this ditch.
This is how I've kicked the blues whenever they'd come, everything from rushing a fraternity, learning a programming language (job related), skateboarding, learning slide-guitar, you name it.
If your beautiful women is with you, it is because she cares about you.
That is you as a whole person.
It sounds as though you are really just having a tough time right now.
I think the finding one thing to work on at a time will be very beneficial to you.
I just also want to say, depression doesn't make you crazy.
It's an illness just like many others.
If these are just current feelings, I don't think you have a problem, but if you continue to feel depressed or especially if you start having suicidal thoughts again, you need to talk to a doctor. It can be a chemical imbalance.
There is a lot I want to do with my life but just don't know where to start. I have almost been at my job for 2 years now and it seems old now.
I think the first step I need to take is getting my GED and I think that would make me feel a lot better about myself. Maybe there is something to do. It is just so frustrating.
Thanks Justy, You have helped a lot. I just think way too much and I want to do something about it. I just think life would be so much easier if I didn't care anymore. People say I am way to nice. So maybe things will be better if I just be an a$$. Except to my girlfriend beacuase that is probably the only reason she is with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
Hehe, what I said in my first post. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_89
You have to start small, make one goal because it is easy to become overwhelmed when you have too many goals at once.
Starting with your GED would be a great start and something that you can do in your spare time, but be ready to commit to it. You already have a full plate with a full time job and a new girlfriend. It's truly going to take a commitment, if you aren't ready to make that commitment you will feel worse for trying and failing, so wait until you know you can succeed.
Adam... everyone has these thoughts a couple of times in their life. Everything just gets routine and it is up to you to change that. I am not saying to quit your job, but get that GED and then once that goal is accomplished, continue making more "short term" goals.
You need to stop getting so down on yourself and start thinking of the things that people around you and yourself like about you. Yes, you are 20 and you do have a whole lot to look forward towards... but sorry, no one has a crystal ball that will show you how/why/and when things will start to improve in your life... so just keep on living your life, and one day you will look back and laugh!
Take me for instance.. and yes, I am about to basically tell the world my story and that is fine by me... as long as you learn something from it, is all that matters!
When I was 18 I finally went to a doctor for my depression that I had had since I was 12. She put me on meds and I didn't care what people thought since I was trying to make myself feel like a normal person for once. Well... the meds made everything worse for me and after switching from one brand to the next... it still didn't help. Here I was, finally 20 years old and I was supposed to be living the best times of my life, but I got so sick of not feeling normal that I overdosed. My dad found me in my bedroom basically dead. Daddy's little girl is alive to this day because my father gave me CPR and rushed me to the ER. The doctors said my heart had stopped beating for three minutes.
Now I was never placed in a room full of padded walls... but my parents had me under lock and key. At 21 I met Mike and instead of having my parents watch me... it was now him. I was 22 years old when I was able to finally get off my meds and I did it cold turkey. I hear that the withdrawal is worse than a heroin withdrawal... and I can believe that. So basically I had to learn what it was like to be off my mind numbing meds and finally deal with life.. and deal is what I did!
Adam, I am 25 years old now... I just got married and my husband Mike and I were trying for a baby when I got the news that I was being cut from full time to part time. I lost all my benefits and all the time I had accrued... Sure, feeling low and hating myself was an option... but instead of taking many steps back again, I have sucked it up and have just dealt with it. Life WILL get better and yes I would like to look into a crystal ball and make sure that everything will be okay again... but then what is the fun of life if I cheat?
Point is: We all have our highs and lows... right now you are at an all time low and you need to do something to change that. Don't get suckered into thinking you are crazy because of how you feel at this very moment... who cares, because being normal isn't as exciting! Just be yourself and go with the flow because this too shall pass!
Adam, I just found this. You hide it well dear.
First, going to the doctor to discuss depression doesn't mean you're crazy. Unless, you think I'm crazy. I've been on antidepressants since 2001, will probably be on them my entire life. Not ashamed about it, it helps me live my life.
Also, I agree with everyone else. You seem to know where you want to be, there's nothing stopping you from getting there. You're young, you're smart, you can do it, but sitting around and thinking about it will get you no where.
Write a list of things you want to accomplish. Start with the small stuff, set some goals, then reach those goals.
I know that life can be overwhelming, so many things you want to do and there doesn't seem to be enough time to do them all, but you have the time, the drive, the want, so do it!
You've accomplished a lot already, especially considering you're only 20. Be proud of what you've done.
Now, chin up, look forward, not back, and do what you want to do. :)
Thanks Justy and Alty and Kari for your posts.
Alty, I was having a really hard time the other day and I think I was having a nervous breakdown or something. I have gotten past it now. I have set down and wrote out some of my priorities and things to do so I think I am on the right track. Thanks again for all your help.
Adam we all have those types of days. The trick is to get through them and keep on keeping on... life's a garden man... DIG IT! ;)
I will dig the whole garden Kc
Dude, depression doesn't mean you are crazy.Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_89
Look at it this way... If you were diabetic would you take insulin? If you had high blood pressure would you take medicine?
These are examples of chemical imbalances that medication can correct. Depression is also a chemical imbalance. It has nothing to do with being "crazy." It just means that you are either lacking in certain chemicals or you have too many chemicals (natural chemicals) running through your body that needs to be adjusted through medication.
Depression is not the same as it was YEARS ago when they put people in institutions. It is now recognized as a medical problem that can be treated as can disorders that I have mentioned above.
Seeing a doctor for a check up, and to ask questions, is a good way to take care of yourself. That's the greatest thing to do for ones self, is to be good to yourself, and get healthy, in mind body and soul.
Do I even want to know what the medication would cost if I was to be subscribed some?
Hi Adam :)
The cost can mount up easily, adam, especially if your on a low income.
I really admire your guts for being able to create a post like this, really :)
How long have you been feeling like this, if you don't mind me asking.
Thanks Bear. It took a lot, but I needed to get how I felt out on the table without someone thinking I was crazy.
I feel like that from time to time, like right about now I am having one of those moments where I feel like I am at the bottom and keep going lower and I don't even want to go anywhere.
Yeah I totally understand, really :)
And I sincearly doubt anyone here would think you were crazy :)
Yea, I was hoping that is why I could open up a little bit here. Here is where I can have a little fun too. So that is nice.
Yea, there is a great community here as you know, and its great that you feel safe enough to open up :)
Hey Adam, I just found your thread too.
Accomplishment builds self confidence, I think that you have accomplished a lot for a 20 year old; your attitude towards others is good, your personality is just fine, people like you, you aren't negative towards others, you are moral, you are a helpful person; accomplishments.
At 20 years old you are in a good relationship, you own a home, you have a steady job, a family orientated person, easy to like, honest; accomplishments
Want some encouragement? Take a look at this website, not saying that we all shouldn't continue our education however internal fortitude has a lot to say with what else we can accomplish also;
The College Dropouts Hall of Fame: Famous college dropouts, successful college dropouts, and rich college dropouts
And, you are a good friend, I certainly appreciate that.
Stringer
I don't know man it just sounds like your bored, you mentioned being at your job for two years and it being old. It can get hard to appreciate what you already have when you see it all the time.
Stringer's right, accomplishments builds confidence. You just got to take risks and get out of the rut.
I would add that maybe you should work out? You mentioned you aren't happy with your appearance? Why not work out a bit... build up some endorphins. Not only will it make you feel better, it will also make your girlfriend feel better, and she sounds like a great girl. It's a nice way to show her that you want to look your best for her and you. It will also help with some of the energy you are giving off, as well as giving you goals to work towards and accomplisments when you achieve them. Ie: lose 5 lbs (1 goal). Bench your body weight, etc.. Remember you are only 20, you have plenty of time in life to do things, why not start today?
I don't like my appearance but she loves the way I look and says she wouldn't change a thing about me. I was up to 260 at one point and in a month lost 20 pounds from a diet a I was on. I would like to lose more but she doesn't want me to. I dress in the most up to date clothes and everything and I might be attractive, I don't know. I get hit on all the time and get asked on dates which is weird because it is usually the other way around. Of course I am taken and completely happy with her its just always the what if. Not the what if I wasn't with her but what if she isn't with me. I used to be pretty fit. When I was weighing 185 I was benching 225 and that was great but now I probably couldn't bench 185 so that would just be depressing in itself.
Thank you Stinger for making me see things differently.
Adam, I've seen your picture, you are a good looking guy. There, ego stroke. ;)
Also, 260, depending on your height, isn't that bad for a guy. Also, muscle weighs more then fat, so remember that.
It seems to me that everyone else is happy with the way you look, you're the one that's not. It's always hard for us to see what others see. We all hate something about ourselves.
For instance, I hate my nose, I'd love to get a nose job. Also, I have bye bye arms. You know, when you wave and the flab on your arms continue to wave after you're done. ;)
You have to learn to love who and what you are. It's not easy, but remember, you're your own worst critic.
You'll have to think better of yourself in order to give yourself a better life. Start with the simple act of loving yourself. Extend that to self respect and go from there. A check up with the doctor to rule out depression can help. There are new good drugs to help those who suffer forms of depression and there are therapists and psychologists who can help you with your thinking. I hope you take advantage of all the things that could help.
Well, I know this is so common of someone to say this, but I am a strong believer in this. For anyone to love you, you have to love yourself. If you are constently putting yourself down, it isn't very attractive. Women like a man with confidence. Maybe you should work on yourself, before you worry about her.
Loving yourself is not so simple, it may be to some, but to others it can be really difficult, take my word for itQuote:
Originally Posted by thewiseoldwoman
You are welcome Adam, I am sure that everyone here that knows you feels the same way as I do bud.Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_89
Stringer
I agree with Tal, wise words Alty. Sometimes being a self critic can work in a positive, a way to challenge yourself with the goals that were mentioned prior on here by other posters Adam.Quote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
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