Its been closing 2 months since I last broke up with my ex girlfriend.

I been really stupid by doing stupid mistakes like going to her house without both sides parent's permission, me being like brag too much about myself, impatient, selfish. She finds really hard to forgive me on going to her house thing cause she told me that I can't just stab someone mom's heart and just say is not on purpose and request for being friends, she describe it as "like nailing something on a wall, when take out, there's still be a hole". Just that 1 day of me insisting on going to her house that caused our relationship, just that one day.

Instead of executing the no contact rule properly, I though relieving my broken heart to some friends will work but apparently that's temporarily, some how someone got the info to my ex girlfriend's ear. She jump to conclusion, misunderstanding me by saying that people call her evil, heartless. She decided. Either we being really close together or NOT AT ALL. She ask me who would I want to be your friends? Damn, it really hurts me a lot. She also say that I'm never being myself, to her I always copy someone's style or wtvr which is not true that I copy someone's style but not being myself might be true.

She want me to go for my ambition, my aim. She called me to accept the fact that we can be together, saying she can't cope with the way I do things and my way of living. Want me to get on with my life and future. She said that she is happier without me in her way. She also added that Exam, family and teachers and she really don't want me to be another problem in her head anymore.

She blocked me in msn. Both of us are still students of the same school, different class but having the same group of friends.

To me is really beyond my reach, I have absolutely no idea or certainty on how to repair this. Most of the context here is stated by her via email just yesterday night.

What I really want now is to be friends with her, after being friends back then be the friend who can be a listener to her problems and lend her a hand when she needs help. I don't want to lose a good friend like her. I know is my fault that caused her like this. I'm currently trying to move on but in the future or sooner I want to be her friend again.

Please Anyone? Please help me in my situation. I beg you dearly please. :( I'm being strong to move on but I need to know how to be friends back with her and be a close friend after that.

Simply put - if she doesn't want to be friends then you're not going to be friends. You can't make her be your friend - it sounds at the moment as if she doesn't like you very much anyway and is happier without you.

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What I really want now is to be friends with her, after being friends back then be the friend who can be a listener to her problems and lend her a hand when she needs help. I don't want to lose a good friend like her.

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Listen to what she's telling you. You didn't listen before and she broke it off with you.

Listen to what she's saying - she wants time to herself and is happier without you.

Stop thinking about your own ego and listen. Forget about what you want.

Let her go and learn to behave better.

Now is not the time to try to be friends with her. Now is the time to focus on you and getting your life back in order. You can't be friends with someone you recently split up with when you feel this way if you want to get over her. That's going to make things ten times harder for you. Leave her alone, don't call, don't text. If you see her around school, be polite and that's it.

Its too late for all of that friendship stuff. She doesn't want you in her life so stay out of it. You can be as stubborn as you want, but she will only get madder than heck if you don't leave her alone.

Is just like 4 months being with her. Is that still not possible? I am her first love anyway and we're still young like teenagers, her 15 and me 17 years of age. I'm sure there's a way. Is there?
Will time help for her to get over it in the future?
I really don't mind being patient and wait. I asked some adults on helping me with this situation as well and they say for now, move on and let nature takes it course, give her time to think properly, she did put thoughts and effort into the email she sent to me last 2 day. Cause like when somebody feels really mad or annoyed, they will say many things without even thinking through.
I'm moving on with life now, being happy and getting over it already. Taking the opportunity this time to self improve myself. Studies is never the boundary even being in a relationship for us.
I'm just not that type of person who gives up easily.

What the others have said here is right , you need to leave her alone and get on with your healing process. You say you just want to be friends but if your truly honest with yourself you just want that so you can try and get her back.

The more you push the more she will pull away.

Your going through what we see here every day and don't really believe there isn't a chance but just go and read a lot of the threads on here to get an indication of how it usually works out.

It's not easy Bud sorry , but the sooner you realise she's made up her mind and you need to move on the qiucker the healing begins.

Good Luck!

I would like to add this. I remembered when we're together, we wrote stuff about each other in our own respective diary. It seems like she really wants to be in a committed relationship on what she wrote in her book about our love, her feelings, but I think she's afraid to make commitments. She even wrote all the mistakes I have done in her book, that's what her sis told me. She asked bizarre questions that I can't give a definite answer to it.

We're still young I must say again, she's 15 and I'm 17 going on 18. Maybe confusion and/or anger strikes her maybe that cause her like this?

Should I reply her email that she sent which most of it is like the contents above on my post? If I should, what should I reply?

I'm just saying that, I understand guys, for now, I just move on and heal myself. Improve myself into a better person.

Thanks,
Carlson.

She may have written stuff but she's changed her mind , and being 15 she'll change it again many times as she grows and learns lifes lessons.

Move on and let her do her thing , then she may just miss you later down the track but for now she's made her mind up and the more you contact her the more she will pull away.

Hey friend4u178, man, you made me realize something. A clearer picture of my problem. Thanks a lot. :)
Any more advice, hints, guides anyone would like to add please do so.
Thank you in advance.

My advice, let the emotional dust settle before you attempt a friendship, right now all it would do is create false hope and confusion. Wait until you heal, and by that time, I doubt you will even want to be friends with her.

Hey thanks Rome. :) actually I'm being optimistic and targeting like more then friends after being friend with her. Thanks a lot for your advice.
Any advice and guide is most welcome if you want to add. :)

You can't force a friendship with her man, I'm telling your from experience and others will too. Trying to be friends to produce a relationship is not going to work. Just cut ties, it will all turn out better in the end

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Originally Posted by carlson92

Hey thanks Rome. :) actually i'm being optimistic and targeting like more then friends after being friend with her. Thanks alot for your advice.
Any advice and guide is most welcome if you want to add. :)

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Not going to work, trust me. If you want to be her friend, then ask yourself this: Can you handle seeing her being intimate with another guy?

Doubt you can, nor would you want to. Getting stuck in the friends zone is probably about as demoralizing and heartbreaking as anything. Don't do it.

Oh I see. Right. I do as you say so then. Is there a step by step guide I can follow that you can give?

Just look back at my post, IsneezyFunny and KCtigers... That's a good how to guide, along with a lot of what not to do's

Relationships - Ask Me Help Desk

This is a must read!

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Originally Posted by carlson92

Oh i see. right. I do as you say so then. Is there a step by step guide i can follow that you can give?

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As Rome stated, look back at our stories (mine sucks, but whatever) and go from there. My best advice would be to write out 5 things you want to do for YOU. To make you better, and work on that.

Thanks for the advice man! :) damn I feel so secure in this forum. :)
Anymore advice and guide is most welcome and much appreciated.

Threads merged and edited

Hey guys, most of the content is from her email on Sunday which she sent to me. I miss out this particular thing in the email. They are as follows.

She thinks that I play games with her by calling her friends and our mutual friends to forgive me, say that she's evil, unkind, heartless. She think that I arrange all this to the friends and talk and consult her about it. And she said too (think in a sarcastic way) that I am so good in playing games with her that she don't want to play anymore.

That really bothers me and I think my image as well to our mutual friends. How can I handle this situation? Tell her upfront via email or text message and explain to her? Or should I just sit and do nothing? >< lol. That statement really annoys me man and is my image here. Maybe our friends know, maybe not, but whatever it is, I need to do something? Or nothing?

Any advice is most welcome. :)

Don't do anything, refer to my rules for NC. It's a stupid mind game to get you to talk to her somehow. Ignore it and get a new circle of friends

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Q: We live near each other or go to school together; we are going to run into each other. What do I do then?
A: Be short and polite. Tell them “hi” and that you are running late. Take care. Very simple and doesn't lead to a epic conversation about your relationship.

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Got this from your NC rule thread. Just read that thread and is a very nice and useful thread there. Good idea to follow that rule? Since we're still school mates and will definitely run into her. But is it OK to say hi? Will she think too much? And by the way the school is new so the community is not big, is pretty small as the school is like 2 years old only. Lol. Both of us previously came from a large community before moving to this school.

Details help I guess. :)

I worked with my ex, if she said "hi" that's all I replied with. I didn't have to engage in a conversation with her, nor did I want too. I was focused on my life and how I was working things out inside not what she thought of a simple gesture.

People say I know a lot about these relationship stuff but I don't think I do actually. So much to learn. Anyway, NC rule is a way to lead for you to heal completely? If so, after the NC rules... whats next? Attempt to be friends with her if I have no feeling of being together with her? Because really she knows me too well, more then any girl I met or dated before. Don't want to lose a person like her, although we broke and those thing about her saying after that as I really screwed up after the break up for a month, I still have her full trust. Might be stupid question to ask, but should I do the same?

After you heal, which I will tell you, will take MONTHS, you probably won't even care to be her friend. It's hard to imagine right now, but it's true. I am "friends" with my ex, simply because after 5 months of strict NC, I had her friends asking me to be friends, if I could talk to her because she's upset, so I said sure. We don't hang out, we rarely talk. We haven't spoken in months, it's the way I like it.

You will meet plenty of other girls, believe me. I was hooking up and talking to a lot of girls after my break up. I didn't realize how much confidence I gained from going to the gym, I can walk up to anyone and start a conversation, which is how I met my fiancé. She is shy, I approached her and we hit it off. Started friends but the connection was so intense it quickly grew.

It will take months even if is like a short term relationship? Mine is like 4 months only, but we did so many stuff that 4 months feel like it's a year plus.
And is weird, when she is around, her close friends who are girls talk to me very openly and like normally but when she is around, its like so minimal talking to me. To me is weird. Is it? Why this happen?
Congratulation man on being with your fiancée. :D

This is why I say, stay away from mutual friends or even her friends. Trust me, it will only hinder your progress. There is no set time to the recovery process, some take longer some take shorter.

Thanks for the congrats man

Oh sweet. OK then. :) for now, I'll do with the nc rule. Thanks a lot. Any problem I'll update with post and/or contact you. :) one more question, what if, she suddenly after like in the future about 2 months maybe? Text that she miss me. I suppose I ignore the text or take some time only reply it? Actually I know she do but didn't voice out to anyone, my friends which are not her friends realize whenever I chat with other girls, she look, or whenever I sit alone doing my work, she always take a peak at me.

Curiousity my friend, that's all that is. I wouldn't sweat it. If she texts you, handle it then. Post on here, I've been here for a year and half, I'm not going anywhere, a lot of my friends are on here and they helped me through a very tough time and still help me if I ever steer off course.

Wow a year and a half? Sweet. This forum must be the right place then. :] I will keep it update. :D Thanks a lot man.

Please follow Romes advice as he is dead on, and eventually you'll be able to have fun with your own friends, and activities, and not care or worry about whatever she does. There will be many options, and opportunities, when you have gotten over this break up.

You also can update, and give feedback on this same thread, you don't have to start another post about the same situation.

Now if you have a question about another female, thats different.

OK talai. Am doing by starting the NC rule. :)

Quick update, today after the exam, only I was in the room where the upper grades students put their bags. My bag was beside her beg and I saw the notebook that she usually writes with about me. I was seriously tempted to see what's the update in her diary so I opened it. :o I then discover that she... wrote the stuff that she did wrong and the stuff that I did wrong and it was just recent. I manage to read about 2 points on each only as the next moment, the bell rang and I know I won't be alone anymore.
What's does this mean? Why would she care to write? Write mistakes she done to me, I understand as she might want to change from that, but why write about me?

I think you already acknowledge that fact that the girl is right to a great extent, that you not acting like yourself, and I do think if you don't act like yourself you definitely acting somebody else, first thing you have to do is you have to work on be original that means been yourself, and you have to try and figure out what your lapses are what she don't like because relationship is not about one person is about two of you, if she agree to be your friend and she don't like the way you act it's not going to last. So to be able to win her she already give you a clue act like yourself, try your best to be the best and above all act respnsibly at all time, your new life will reflect your actions and sooner people will notice and she will too, then she might give you a sign to come or you try and be nice all time she will definitely look forward to spend some time with you to know what happen, try a complete makeover of your character. It will help.
Thanks
Lewis

NC rule (form roman), work on improving myself (KC, lewis) is what I have to accomplish now. Awesome advice lewis. :) Thanks a lot. :)
But I still think is weird her making a long list of her mistakes and my mistakes. Like I say she making a list of her mistakes is normal, but her making a list of my mistakes? Something fishy might be going on here. Or is there not? Lol.

Also, every time before she leaves to home, she would take a look where I am without me noticing. Roman told me its curiosity but wth? Why would she care? And the list of mistakes thing, on my previous post. Is she writing it to relieve her stress, or does she want to remember it, or what? Why she take that trouble to write a page long filled with words of my mistakes. Although is not for me, but she treat the book like me for example, I(her) don't understand why you(me) have to do this. That's a very random sample. But yeah. Now my curiosity level is high. Lol.

It means you're a snoop, and are opening up a can of worms by reading her private thoughts. That's the point of a diary isn't it?

I don't know of any female who leaves their diary around in public, let alone where an ex has access, but I do know that snooping in her stuff has just given rise to more "why is she doing what she is doing" questions, that will make you want to talk to her to get answers to, and she gets to live rent free in your head.

That will do you no good, because any conversation you have will lead to more confusion, and plant the seeds of false hope.

I don't know what's on her mind, nor will I assume her motives, but I do know the seed has been planted that will distract you to what's really important, and that's you getting your own act back together, and stop being stuck on her, and what she is doing and thinking.

Its been my experience, and you can verify this on this forum, that exes do some strange things to make you initiate contact, to get the part of you they miss the most back. Not for romance mind you, but friendship, and someone comfortable to talk to, to relieve their own aloneness after a break up. That will only last until they have other interests to spend their time on (the new romance potential)

Lets be friends is their thinking. False hope is what you will get from this. That only prolongs the misery, and pain, of the break up, and makes it much worse, and much harder to get through.

Don't look deeper into this than what it is, and recognize you essentially broke NC by snooping, because you were looking for some glimmer of hope she is missing you, and wanting you back.

You just couldn't help it could you? Like stealing candy, and wondering why you have a bellyache, and aren't hungry for dinner.

You have to do better for yourself or your mind will play more tricks on you.

Wise Words always spoken tal, I couldn't have said it better myself.


You need to stop snooping and wondering everything she is doing, you should be worried about the most important thing of all and that is she doesn't want to be with you doesn't matter what she writes in her personal diary.
Or how she checks around to see if you are there. For all I know it could be an illusion.
Bottom line is that you must have no contact, stop prying, and snooping where your nose don't belong. It will continue to set you back. If you respect her or the relationship you had you will let it be. If you continue with this behavior you may ruin any chance of you and her ever getting back together.

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It means you're a snoop, and are opening up a can of worms by reading her private thoughts. That's the point of a diary isn't it?

I don't know of any female who leaves their diary around in public, let alone where an ex has access, but I do know that snooping in her stuff has just given rise to more "why is she doing what she is doing" questions, that will make you want to talk to her to get answers to, and she gets to live rent free in your head.

That will do you no good, because any conversation you have will lead to more confusion, and plant the seeds of false hope.

I don't know what's on her mind, nor will I assume her motives, but I do know the seed has been planted that will distract you to what's really important, and that's you getting your own act back together, and stop being stuck on her, and what she is doing and thinking.

Its been my experience, and you can verify this on this forum, that exes do some strange things to make you initiate contact, to get the part of you they miss the most back. Not for romance mind you, but friendship, and someone comfortable to talk to, to relieve their own aloneness after a break up. That will only last until they have other interests to spend their time on (the new romance potential)

Lets be friends is their thinking. False hope is what you will get from this. That only prolongs the misery, and pain, of the break up, and makes it much worse, and much harder to get through.

Don't look deeper into this than what it is, and recognize you essentially broke NC by snooping, because you were looking for some glimmer of hope she is missing you, and wanting you back.

You just couldn't help it could you? Like stealing candy, and wondering why you have a bellyache, and aren't hungry for dinner.

You have to do better for yourself or your mind will play more tricks on you.

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Wow... you're damn right man. Although after reading it, I feel very little hurt but you're so right... I shouldn't have done it. I did not carry out my reponsibility on keeping the NC rule. F-ing. I need to get myself back together fully first now, not half way through. I need to try to completely makeover my bad character I have. Such wise advice like jol say.

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Wise Words always spoken tal, I couldn't have said it better myself.


You need to stop snooping and wondering everything she is doing, you should be worried about the most important thing of all and that is she doesn't want to be with you doesn't matter what she writes in her personal diary.
Or how she checks around to see if you are there. For all I know it could be an illusion.
Bottom line is that you must have no contact, stop prying, and snooping where your nose don't belong. It will continue to set you back. If you respect her or the relationship you had you will let it be. If you continue with this behavior you may ruin any chance of you and her ever getting back together.

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Yeah... true. Could be an illusion or maybe curiosity. I read her diary about the mistakes I done (which I won't touch it again ever), she did say that I made her think through the mistakes and she want to express it there.

I'm not hiding anything on my problem here, I'm not a person that gives up easily. To me, I just think that lack of communication between us from her and lack of honesty from my side which I'm not honest most of the time as I always try to impress her after she touched my heart with something I can't recall.

And one more thing, she told her friend which is a mutual friend which that friend told her boyfriend and the boyfriend told me that there is chance for me to get back to her if I know my mistakes and/or something special happens. Or else... I not sure. That's all.

He said, she said is not credible, and may not be accurate. Ignore that kind of BS gossip, as it only breeds false hope.

True tal. Thanks so much for your time. :)

That email too I remember she said that I play games with her like tricks and stuff which is not true. Should I send her a email to make it right? My friends recommend that I should cause playing games is a really bad thing. Should I guys?