Ask Me Help Desk - Is it really cheating?

Is it really cheating?

So after talking to many friends and also having my own opinion I thought I would ask all of you if you thought a strong "emotional" connection was really cheating... and if it is what makes it cheating if there is never anything physical between the two?

I cannot give a straight complete answer. It can go both ways and it depends entirely on the people involved

I mean it depends on how each person defines cheating.

I do believe a person can have a damaging emotional affair with someone I absolutely have seen it happen.

Some people are hurt and relationships are destroyed from emotional attachments believe it or not.
It really depends on the people involved, and to what extent the emotional encounter is involved.

But I guess there is no right or wrong answer to this just mere opinions from each individual.

Have you told your girl friend/boy friend about this person or do you keep it a secret. The secrecy IMO makes it cheating.

... in other words is this going on behind the person's back? If it is IMO you're cheating.

Ah, it's a double edge sword. It depends on several factors I think. Why do you have a strong emotional bond for this person, if it weren't for your relationship would you pursue her, what do your talks consist of? Personally, I think it is emotional cheating if you are talking about anything intimate with a member of the opposite sex.

Yes, it is cheating. Sex is one thing, but becoming emotionally attached to someone is almost worst. Just my opinion.

Think about it this way. If your boyfriend hung out with another female because they were strongly attracted to each other, would you call that cheating? If they hung out constantly, flirted, and when their eyes connected, there was something more than friendship... would you mind? Would you be hurt?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Have you told your girl friend/boy friend about this person or do you keep it a secret. The secrecy IMO makes it cheating.

I have not cheated... I ask because one of my friends I work with we talk about all kinds of things (not making an emotional connection with him) but he says he was close to a women right before his marriage never in a sexual way... just felt like he could talk to her about things that he couldn't with his soon to be wife... now 3 years later they are married with a child... and sometimes he says he has better conversations with me than his wife. He is a good guy and all but his wife is not my biggest fan he told her I had a girlfriend and everything still she worries that I want him... He is a good friend but I do not want to affect his marriage plus I don't want him. He is just really smart and someone to converse with... Oh and my relationship is solid and they know about the guy I work with totally not jealous on their end.

Then he needs to stop talking to you. If his interaction with you is causing problems in his marriage it needs to stop. You need to leave him alone.
A man should not be spending more time talking to another women than his wife.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Then he needs to stop talking to you. If his interaction with you is causing problems in his marriage it needs to stop. You need to leave him alone.
A man should not be spending more time talking to another women than his wife.

I'm not trying to take up for him but he doesn't his relationship with his wife is strong and good but because of his past she has a strong disdane for me... I mean some days are good we get along and others are bad... I guess I would understand more if we talked at all outside of work but we DON'T! I don't hang out with him, I don't call, nor text... We just talk in work like regular people but because I am around his age and the only female that can have a decent conversation I am made out to look like I am the bad guy... or even want him. Which is totally FALSE and he knows that! She does too I am just and easy target for past experiences...

You should really tell this person who is "emotionaly attached to you. If you do than there is nothing to fear, and its not concitered cheating!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kagan88

I'm not trying to take up for him but he doesn't his relationship with his wife is strong and good but because of his past she has a strong disdane for me... I mean some days are good we get along and others are bad... I guess I would understand more if we talked at all outside of work but we DON'T! I don't hang out with him, I don't call, nor text... We just talk in work like regular people but because I am around his age and the only female that can have a decent conversation I am made out to look like I am the bad guy... or even want him. Which is totaly FALSE and he knows that! She does too I am just and easy target for past experiences....

You said the man has a strong emotional connection. You should not do anything to keep it going. Tell him he needs to tend to his wife (especially if he knows she has a problem with it) and stop spending time talking to you.

If you don't want him but his wife thinks you do your better off staying away from him. Do you reallly want this kind of drama in your life? I wouldn't!
Also, you might not want him but he might have thing for you and in return it is adding fume to the fire.

I mean what exactly do the two of you talk about? Who knows what he tells his wife about you or what other people at your job are telling her?

It may not qualify as 'cheating' persay... YET..
However this can be a thin ice situation as it very well has the potential of skating very close towards emotional cheating (I just ended a 5 yr relationship because of this type of thing), and it can devastate the people that are involved and invested in the relationship (or invested in the people involved in the relationship!) I would tread lightly, and be aware that your actions, i.e. letting him open up to you in ways he feels he cannot to his wife, can and will appear selfish to an observer *aka his wife* and to her, even if nothing is 'happening' between you two, you are still looming over her relationship and he is enabling you to do so. You must think of how you would feel if the tables were turned and you were in her position. Even if there is trouble in their relationship, please just respect yourself enough to not let yourself get drawn into that typical dramatic triangle. And always keep in mind, what he would do WITH you, he can do TO you, and it says a lot about the type of character he might be.
All the best..

It's a bad idea to be friends with half of a couple. Cheating, emotional attachment, confidante, it doesn't matter. Right now you're "the other woman" whenever they have a difference. If you cannot be friends with both, hold it at the level of aquaintances/coworkers. If he can't do that then his marriage is in trouble and you need to be far away when it blows.

I was asking this question because I was just curious I used him as an example... I am not the other women and his wife knows this! She has even admitted to telling him that she just doesn't like me because how he has acted in the past. I know the answers to everything that is being brought up... The question should have been worded in your opinion is having an emotional connection with someone considered cheating? I should have never brought an example into it because truthfully it doesn't effect my life at all! My girlfriend is totally cool that we talk in work and has no problem with it... She thinks he is a very intellegent guy.. and what do we talk about liz28... hmmm sports, work, news, literature, school, sometimes I think he sees me as a younger sister or a "guy" friend... And he is totally honest with his wife... when I was questioning it I even asked her myself because I didn't want her to dislike me... I am a very honest person and strongly believe that the truth will always succeed... So now that we are passed me being the other woman and so on...

Having an emotional connection with someone... I can see from some of you is cheating?

I didn't accused you of being the other women nor did anyone else. Yes, you gave an example and we gave you our opinon based on the information you provided.

You stated the wife doesn't like you and I stated if she doesn't why put yourself in the mist of the drama?

However, it is your life and you can do what you want. Remember you were the one asking an open ended question. So why asked about having emotional cheating if you knew neither of you are doing this?

To sum things up this guy is just your work buddy and your not interested him and only have contact with him at work. However his wife doesn't like the friendship the two of you share because of his past. What should I do? This way there is mention of an emotional affair.

Good luck to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

I didn't accused you of being the other women nor did anyone else. Yes, you gave an example and we gave you our opinon based on the information you provided.

You stated the wife doesn't like you and I stated if she doesn't why put yourself in the mist of the drama?

However, it is your life and you can do what you want. Remember you were the one asking an open ended question. So why asked about having emotional cheating if you knew neither of you are doing this?

To sum things up this guy is just your work buddy and your not interested him and only have contact with him at work. However his wife doesn't like the friendship the two of you share because of his past. What should I do? This way there is mention of an emotional affair.

Good luck to you.

I'm not offended by far I ask the question because I want to know people opinion on it I picked a bad example but the reason I thought of the question was because it came up at work amongst everyone and I was interested in not only the people I know but the people I don't and aren't afraid to sugar code anything...

When it starts to affect relationships with the significant others of the people involved, then it is emotional cheating. When a person puts the needs of their "friend" a head of the needs of their SO, then it is emotional cheating. When more time and emotional energy is spent on the "friend" than the SO, that's emotional cheating.

When feelings start getting confused between the "friends" that is emotional cheating that is dangerously close to physical cheating.

That would be my definition of emotional cheating.

I said from the beginning. If one person is having conversations with another in secret, they don't want their significant other to know about it or the extent of it, IMO this is cheating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I said from the beginning. if one person is having conversations with another in secret, they don't want their significant other to know about it or the extent of it, IMO this is cheating.

I agree, Most affairs start as emotional, also I like to add if it feels wrong, then it is wrong.

Yep I agree, if you can't tell you S/O about a conversation that you have between a member of the opposite sex, then it's probably not a good idea to have that conversation.

Workplace friends are often close, that's pretty natural, and since it stays at work, why would the wife even be mad? I think its more about their own relationship, than anything that happens at work.

To be fair friends often have strong bonds, or emotional ties, but as long as there are no secrets from any ones partners, I would not consider the interactions as cheating. If a person stays within the boundaries of good behavior there should be no problems. When there is, you have to recognize the real cause of the problem.

I also think your friends wife has her own issues, that he needs to deal with her about.

To answer your question though, I always thought emotional cheating was something that takes away from the relationship, usually done in secret, but can be done in the open at the expense of the relationship. Like not including your partner in activities, or spending way too much time with others, instead of your partner.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Workplace friends are often close, thats pretty natural, and since it stays at work, why would the wife even be mad?? I think its more about their own relationship, than anything that happens at work.

To be fair friends often have strong bonds, or emotional ties, but as long as there are no secrets from any ones partners, I would not consider the interactions as cheating. If a person stays within the boundaries of good behavior there should be no problems. When there is, you have to recognize the real cause of the problem.

I also think your friends wife has her own issues, that he needs to deal with her about.

To answer your question though, I always thought emotional cheating was something that takes away from the relationship, usually done in secret, but can be done in the open at the expense of the relationship. Like not including your partner in activities, or spending way to much time with others, instead of your partner.

I agree... I think the real issue is between her and him and because of past experiences I am the easy target... But outside of work him and I have no connection. I see him at work and that is all.

Thank you everyone for you opinions and views they have been very insightful...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angella

Your in a emotional relationship and it is not fair on your partner. Does your partner know about your relationship, if not ask yourself why?.....bottom line you have something to hide. I strongly suggest you stop it now, before it becomes more than emotional

I think you need to read the whole message board... I am NOT in an emotional connection.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angella

Your in a emotional relationship and it is not fair on your partner. Does your partner know about your relationship, if not ask yourself why?.....bottom line you have something to hide. I strongly suggest you stop it now, before it becomes more than emotional

Read the entire thread. This is not about her.

I think the problem is between your friend and his wife, unless there's something else we don't know. Does he talk about you constantly at home, or something?

You're not seeing him outside of work, or talking on the sly... perhaps he and his wife need counseling to figure out why they don't have good conversations. For certain, they need counseling to hash out his past behavior and her resulting jealousy/suspicious behavior.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ren6

I think the problem is between your friend and his wife, unless there's something else we don't know. Does he talk about you constantly at home, or something?

You're not seeing him outside of work, or talking on the sly...perhaps he and his wife need counseling to figure out why they don't have good conversations. For certain, they need counseling to hash out his past behavior and her resulting jealousy/suspicious behavior.

As far as I know once we leave this building we are stuck in he goes his way and I know I go mine... His wife and I got along great at first and then recently it's just become wores. Who knows... She does obviously have issues with what he has done in the past but I don't want to be seen as the person causing the issues now.

But no outside of work we do not communicate.

This is simple... I would consider it cheating based on the fact that when you are in a relationship you are in it, or at least you should be in it for a life long partnership trying to find that special someone... you are with them for that emotional bond. If you don't have that bond then you only have sex with the person that you are with... now with the one that you are talking to the one who you might be considered to have an affair with wel that seems more like a relationship then the one you are currently conducting.
If you don't give your significant other your heart then when are you giving them?

Hope that helped!

If you feel a voice inside your little head telling you to seek a answer, (you are cheating) . You are worried about what could or may happen. If you feel nothing and have nothing to be ashamed of and you yet you KNOW that you are true to the one you love, then it's not.

My guess would be in this case it is or you are worried about it becoming more. Only because you are making such a BIG deal of it.

Remember we have the right to choose. Nothing can take our will from us unless we give it willingly.

Anything beyond friendship is cheating, emotionally or physically.

I have not nor feel I am in any type of emotional relationship!

I dont think it is cheating. Because having feelings for another person is completely normal when you are dating someone else. There is nothing physical right? its not cheating... although it is better if they ask just to tell the truth... This has happened to me befor and i had to learn the hard wayy. Never Lie.