My Bf and I have been together for almost 5 years now.. sure we had a rocky start but we were young and still are... A little while back I posted the "My Bf thinks i'm a leach" post (link is) https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ach-32210.html

Things got better until 2 weeks ago When I was told to Grow a sense of humor or he was leaving me... the reason he told me to grow a sense of humor is because his older cousin constantly makes fun of me, runs me down and makes me feel like plain ****. I'm sorry but I don't take lightly being called an idiot 60 times or more a day. I don't want to leave my boyfriend but I can't handle being run down every day. His cousin's at our place Monday to Sunday from 5 in the evening until sometimes 1 am. I can't handle being made fun of all the time. Ryan (my bf) says its all me and that I should just let things roll off my back.. but I was made fun of all my life and I grew up in a very bad home I can't handle what they are doing to me.. what should I do I don't want to :mad: :confused: leave him. Last night his cousin even had the nerve to say "he was even looking for a girl to replace me so ryan can have a better girlfriend.
God this hurts me so much inside I don't know what to do

Right if the house you are living in with your boyfriend is yours, then you have all the right send his cousin flying.
I wouldn't stick anyone calling me an idiot 60 times a day... and most of all IN MY OWN HOUSE. (That made me angry! ).

Secondly your boyfriend should be genuine enough himself to also send his cousin flying and not expect you to find it funny!
Your boyfriend should have more respect.
Tell him you don't want this cousin in your house, you are not stopping him from seeing him but just not in your house.

Why is his cousin at your house everyday?
Doesn't he have a life!

He lives with his nanny.. (his cousin does) my boyfriend says he's his cousin so I have to be nice.. I don't think he classifies it as our house I think he thinks its his even though I helped pay to furnish it and build it... I told his cousin to leave last night because I was sick of it and all that did was get me *****ed at :(

Im sorry but your boyfriend needs to learn the definition of respecting a girlfriend.
You should come before his cousin. You should be his priority. I mean you've been together 5 years not 5 weeks.

You should tell your boyfriend when he tells you " he is my cousin so be nice " you tell him " SO WHAT AM I???? ... AN OUTSIDER??".

Who pays the monthly loan payments for the place you are both living in?
Who pays for the necessary bills?

If you both pay everything equally then as much as its his its yours.
Is it only in his name the house?

Ouch Binx, I think your being abused. Not physically but verbally. The problem with those of us that were teased as kids is that we 1) we were emotional and 2) Never learned to defend ourselves. If his cousin is saying something like that to you then and your boyfriend doesn't defend you then neither one them respect you. If this has been going on for 5 years then it's definitely abuse. If it just started recently maybe your boyfriend wants to break up and instead of hurting your feelings by breaking up he's becoming a jerk so you'll dump him. I don't know the answer to that but I do know that if you don't start sticking up for yourself now, you never will and he will walk all over you. Even if you argue and lose at least get your point out in the open.

Before I lost my job which was about a month ago half my paycheck went into bills and food.. he said I could take my time and find a job and not to worry about that.. It's only been like this since his cousin starting hangin around.. getting worse each week... he thhreatened to dump me already if I didn't "grow a sense of humor" but I'm, me and he knows that so I don't know why I should change and not him.. if anything should change its how I don't feel respected any more.. things are always fine when his cousins not around

Do you have friends or family who live close by?
If so then I would pack a few things and leave for a few days.

He is really disrespecting you.
I wouldn't put up with it, he needs to taste his own medicine.

I have my mom but I can't stay with her.. she's the reason I moved out... herher bf's and my father

Can't understand your last sentence.sorry.

Friends?

WELL!! If your boyfriend allows this... time for a new boyfriend. They both are JERKS. He shouldn't have allowed this to happen once.

Why on earth would you wan to be with a guy who allows your cousin to abuse you. And this is MAJOR abuse.

Your boyfriend sounds like a real jerk to me. Maybe you have more info - but if my girlfriend allowed this (although I WOULDN'T ALLOW IT TO CONTINUE - but, I have a mssive, major spine and I am blunt) - I'd move on.

That isn't humor what so ever. Find someone to live with move on - you don't need a boyfriend like this at all. This is pretty simple.

What are you doing making excuses for a guy who lets someone in his home to abuse you?
Get rid of this bum and get a life you can enjoy.
Don't you think a real man would defend his woman? How come you accept this behavior?

Plus - your jerk boyfriend says 'get a sense of humor'?? / and then threatens to leave. That's abuse as well.

This is REALLy an unhealthy situation. These two jerks are tag teaming you and your emotions.

With boyfriends like yours - who needs enemies?

My god - get this jerk out of your life. Seriously.

I know but its just so hard to up and leave him he showed me what a real life was to begin with before all of this has happened.. he took me into his heart when I had no wheres else to go, when my mother wouldn't even let me live with her.. He stood up for me when I was raped, helped me through the loss of my grandfather and also the suicide of my best friend he was the first and only person still to this day that ever showed genuine care... or I thought he did

Well - he has completely taken you for granted. He certainly doesn't respect you anymore.

HAVE YOU TOLD HIM HOW YOU FEEL? I MEAN Really SIT DOWN AND TOLD HIM.

No one deserves to feel this way or be treated this way - ever. You shouldn't stand for it or put up with it.

Quite frankly I'd tell the cousin what an imature jerk he is.

First off, as I was told once by someone on this forum, "There ain't that much love in the world." It was very good advise, I might add!

No matter how much you "love" your boyfriend you shouldn't want to be treated like this. You may have had nothing when you met him, but I cannot believe you still have nothing. Pick yourself up and start a new. Tell both those "things" to have a good life together and walk away.

There are more "fish in the sea" go find a keeper and toss back the rest.

Unfortunately it doesn't sound like Ryan respects you enough to stand up for you. That "get a sense of humor" line is a big cop-out. Frankly I don't know why you wouldn't want to leave him. He won't go to bat for you and condones others making fun of you then tries to blame you for not having a sense of humor! Come on, now! Frankly I'd do away with this one now.

Thing is it always easy for us to say LEAVE when we are not in the situation ourselves.
You need to sit down and write down the pros and cons about this guy.

I personally would not stick with a guy who expects to me to get a sense of humor when that humor is being laughed AT me... if WITH me then its different.

Your guy needs a good telling off and a good piece of your mind because he is truly hurting your feelings, and if he still stands up for his cousin then please realise he is a jerk and a loser.

"binx44 agrees: i agree with you but every time i try ad talk he walks away"

If he walks away then he doesn't give a damn what you think. That's actually worse than listening to you and not doing anything. He won't even give you the time of day. You've got to save yourself now. The relationship is over. It sounds like it's been over for some time. Look your coming here and your asking for help so I know that your know this is wrong. Some women would never even look for help so I know you've got the strength to get out of this. You just have to realize the time to act is now. Get out now and worry about the rest later. It's only going to get better once your gone.

Well.. I finally gave both of them a piece of my mind but its like ryan is an idiot. He doesn't see where I'm coming from at all. Hes right back to the "Your acting 5 not 19, get a sense of humor." I suppose have until he gets home tonight (when he comes back from my friends place with his cousin {she likes his cousin, and he won't go alone}) To make my decision on whether I am leaving or not. And if I decide to stay I have to be different tomorrow (as in letting his cousins "jokes" roll off my back and learn to take life as it comes at me) Or I'm kicked out. Well personally I don't think a few hours of thinking is all I need this is something I really need to think about (I know some people think "Why would she need to think about this") I don't know why but I just do. Is all I can say. So I'm hoping maybe when he gets home tonight I can tell him I need time to think and see what he says. At least now, if I just leave or need to get up and leave I know I have a place to go. God I never knew how hard life can be. I thought it was getting better. I was finally beginning to put my childhood into my past and spend my life with the man I love and all of this bull comes flying at me...

IF you can go somewhere, LEAVE. Teach this guy a lesson. Leave, go. You see he thinks there is no way your going to leave. He knows he has you under his complete control. And he does. He is daring you to go knowing you won't.
So I say go. If you really love him doing this may be the catalyst for him to change his ways and realise he is treating you poorly. It may be the best thing that happens to your relationship.
OR you may leave and relaise you are better off without him and never go back. I know that is a scary proposition for you right now but it is entirely possible!
Read you signature again. It is so true!

Thanks for the help

I LEAVE. This guy has shown he is a complete jerk - this sounds liiek a form of abuse as well.

I the mean time start pulling back and preparing for the leave... maybe he will wake and realize you are leaving and change - I doubt it though - this gu yis a dumbazz.

He kicked me out a few hours ago.. its over... he woke up from a nap and looked at me and told me to leave

Binx, I am sorry to hear this for you, but on the other hand I am happy that you are out of this abuse.

Apparently he can't grow RESPECT!!

I know it hurts now, and may for a while. But look at the fact that you can be YOURSELF now. You don't need some freak telling you how to act.

Keep us posted as to how you are doing. And, no matter what he says, don't go back. Tell him that you don't need to grow a sense of humor, but he needs to grow balls!!

Wow, did I say that? Well, if he is going to be a real man someday that is what he will need to grow.

You take care of you now. And don't forget you have us for support.

I hate to see relationships break-up but in this case I think celebration is in order. You have just gotten rid of a major obstacle to your happiness.

Yeah Binx,

Im very sorry to hear this for the fact that you must be really hurting and feeling alone right now. We all know that feeling.
But really, this guy has done you a favour. He has treated you like crap for long enough! It should have been you leaving him but you are obviously a good person and have been pateint with him. There are some lessons there for you.
Nwo pelase don't leook back. He will probably at some point expect you to come crying back to him. Beggine, pleading with him to take you back. Don't giove him this pleasure.
Look forward. Go. Never contact him again. Don't let him contact you. Don't go back to this abuse!
Please, be with friends, family now. Cry on their shoulders for as long as you need.
Join a gym, workour, feel better about yourself. But whatever you do just look forward now and realise it will get better and that you are so much BETTER with out this abuser!

Ohhh I'm sorry.

It will hurt now, but time does heal and you will slowly learn you have lost nothing.. its him who lost a respectful girl.

Keep strong.

I found myself in a similar circumstance as you not too long ago. I was in a serious 2 year relationship with my boyfriend and he acted similar to yours. He would say cruel things to me, and let his friends say mean things to me in joking ways, and I, like you could not handle it.the teasing took its toll on me. And when I talked to my ex about it he would get mad at me! He would say things like if we broke up and I was with (insert a girl friend of his name here), would you be mad? Or things like shut up or get out and walk home and then when I cried or told him it hurt me, he would either say you can't take a joke or hed get mad at me and start a huge blow out fight. This is emotional abuse as much as we want to pretend its not. I'm out of it now and I hope you are too. It hurts, but the emotional abuse every day would have been a lot worse. Hang in there. Breakups are awful and I'm still struggling, but in time you will meet someone who will treat you right and respect u, unlike this guy here. And when it is over id advise you to never go back even if its hard. Cut contact and fight through each day- u will be stronger because of it. Trust me.

In the long run this will be a great thing. A great thing for your life. You don't need people like this in your life. It was a really bad situation - obviously he did not love and could not tell you that.

Love was never the problem.I hurt so much.. I don't have friends to talk to my best and only friend is his friend too and he's there every night with his cousin

I feel like hell and so alone

Well, we're here for you - talk it out. You're better off without the abuse - which was not going to stop - he felt it was OK to abuse you - that's horrible. You seem like a great gal - move on. Go back to schol, new job...

Where are you livng now? Somewhere safe?

Seems like this break-up has pointed out some things you neeed to work on like having a life without him, new friends and places to go and different things to do. Scary I know, but think of the opportunity to build the kind of life you want, and being treated with dignity and respect from some real nice people who want you to succeed. Cry today but look forward to the future.

As Wildcat asked... Where are you staying? Do you have a job? You need a place to stay for a while and if I recall you said you weren't employed right now, those are major for you. Do you have any family or a friend? I know you mentioned your only friend is his friend also... that sucks. That is why it is so important that when people get into relationships that each of you keep your own friends, so you both have someone to talk to.

If you could find a job that could keep you pretty busy and maybe you could meet someone through there. These first few weeks are the toughest... but time heals all pain. Where are you using the computer at?

Tal - I can't spread - but you hit it on the head!! That's it - she needs other things in life. Where are her other friends?? Because these guys were not her friends.

Well if your friend is there with your ex and his cousin every night then she / he isn't your real friend.
Call her. Tell her you need her now. Talk to her. If she doesn't help you maybe you could talk to family.
If they can't help you then find someone, anyone to talk to. In oz here with have counselling hotlines which are free for people to call and simply have a chat with someone!
Just try and talk to people. Keep yourself occupied. I know it sounds so hard and the pain is incredible but you will get through this.
You WILL!!

Or join a sports club, a gym. Anywhere where people are. You must try and stay busy! Work, school, sport, gym, art, anything... Just try and find things to do!
Just don't drink or do drugs. That certainly won't help!

Or you could spend some time asking and answering questions on a forum or ask me helpme site where people look for answers to the questions of life and get to know good people from all over the dang gone world. A goood past time between working out and bird watching.

I'm using the computer at my mothers house but I have to leave here wed. after my doctors apt in lunenburg. My friend said I could live with her but I would feel bad moving inthere because she has 5 children. I still don't have a job and have been trying so hard to find one.. I don't know if I can do this though. I've never felt things hurt so much in my life before... was talking to him and he said that "he couldn't live with me right now and he couldn't go out with me but he still wanted to be my friend. He said he still wants to spend time with me and that if I ever think he's going to go out and get another girlfriend I am thinking wrongly. He said he doesn't want to be with anyone. Last night was the first time in 5 years I've seen him cry... it hurts so much

Binx, Feel your pain but it is important for you to focus on you and getting your life together starting with a job and a place to stay. Forget the boyfriend and not contacting him at all will help healing and give you time to do what is needed for you right now. The feelings can heal but you must learn to support yourself.

You have to worry about yourself now and no one else.
You are your own priority right now, just remember that!