Hello,

So a little history my guy and I have been together a year. He has always been a little broken as he has had many losses in his life. Our relationship has always been almost perfect and I am not ready to end it. He has become distant lately and after a week of silence I received a text from him...

Did he break up with me? It sounds like he wants to but he didn't really say it. And as immature as it sounds his stupid myspace still says "in a realtionship". Seriously we are both in our 30's. He is also in a band and I was not at the last show... Our fight started because I was unhappy that he did not come see me one night. (He mentions we never see each other but we hadn't seen each other because he ignored me for five days)
It has been four days since I received the text. Also he is a Leo if that means anything to anyone. I am a Gemini.

"I really don't know what to tell you. I have been bummed all week. The way you get when you don't get what you want is something I will not deal with. And I doubt I will ever be able to do/be what you want. I don't want to be hurting you- it's not fair - and I don't need to feel like I am letting people down all the time...

I don't know whats for the best right now... I'm trying very hard to pick myself back up again and I need to concentrate on that.- I've got a long way to and the more distractions, the longer and harder it will be. I have spent too much of my life in situations that weren't right and I won't do that anymore.

I want to say these things to you in person... but seeing that we never see each other I am saying them now. I most certainly do not want to deal with this at the show."

He seems to be very down on himself right now, and I don't think he knows how to deal with it. The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is just don't push him and let him know you will be here for him if he needs you. At this point, I would say that he does not want to be in a relationship right now, but the last thing he wants is one more person (you) to be upset at him, so he is avoiding you. It is a rough spot to be in for both of you. You seem like the stronger one, and you should be able to cope with what may be a harsh reality: it could be over.

Sounds to me like he is hurt and upset with your relationship right now and he wants you to understand your part. You are both contributing to the silence and it is bothering the both of you. Swollow some pride and make time to hear him and really listen to him. If you want this to work do your part to work this out.

I have made several efforts in trying to communicate with me. No response to any text or phone calls. I wrote him a message last night telling him how I felt and that I was not going to continue to pursue him if he could not respond to me.

It was a genuine heartfelt letter. I was not mean or harsh.

So now I wait...

*sigh*

He needs time and space, give it to him!

How much time is acceptable to wait?
It has been another week with no contact.
Guess I cut my losses and move on?

The silence hurts so bad I doubt I can take him back now...

Forever. Cut the losses and move on. Work on yourself and your issues so this doesn't happen in future relationships.

Yeah it does sound like he's implicitly breaking up with you unfortunately...

Ok here is me bieng juvenile and stupid...
Why has he not changed his myspace status...

Does he think we are still in a relationship?

Maybe he knows you will look at it and ask questions like this... maybe it isn't the most important thing in his life to change his myspace status right now... got your mind going though didn't it :)

Maybe. Or maybe he doesn't see it as an option to change it. Maybe he doesn't feel ready to change it even though he knows he's single. Maybe he doesn't want everyone to know he's single yet. Maybe he hasn't even really noticed that's what it says, and maybe you should stop checking his myspace and speculate on what he means with his actions when I suspect you know what that text message meant... Maybe.

It drives me CRAZY!
Everyday I look to see if he has changed it! :mad:

I am to afraid to change mine cause then I feel like its really over.
And then he will change his and I will be sad.
Seriously? Am I 30 years old??

Is he so weak that he is waiting for me to just get mad and end it because he can't do it?

Myspace and Facebook are absolutely the DEVIL in break ups. Avoid them at all costs. You see how it got your mind going? It does more harm than almost anything you can do because it leads your mind to questions and assumptions... NO GOOD!

My husband and I have been married since June now and in his "who I'd like to meet" he still describes what he's looking for in a girlfriend. He finally updated it to "in a relationship" after we were engaged. You really can't go by people's myspace pages because a lot of people don't care about it as much as others. I remember it drove me nuts when we were together for months and it still said "single" but getting on myspace wasn't his top priority either.

I am still in denial.
No contact from him in about 10 days but he has done this once before. I keep waititng to hear from him and nothing...

Uggghhh!
I keep reading that text and I just don't get it.
I am so mad at him for kind of leaving it open...

I honeslty never saw this coming which I think is so hard for me to understand.

[QUOTE=Kitten78;1369152]

'He has always been a little broken'[QUOTE=Kitten78;1369152]

Sorry but it seems like you have been accepting that he is going to nag, be pissed off, cry... whatever he feels like. If it was me I'd give him space if for no other reason than absence makes the heart grow fonder. Then again, I don't find a victim very attractive.


Just an opinion.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kitten78

'He has always been a lil broken'

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Sorry but it seems like you have been accepting that he is going to nag, be pissed off, cry... whatever he feels like. If it was me I'd give him space if for no other reason than absence makes the heart grow fonder. Then again, I don't find a victim very attractive.


Just an opinion.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kitten78

Uggghhh!!
I keep reading that text and I just don't get it.

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Delete the text

Yeah, you need to rid yourself of that text, as you seem to be overanalyzing it... perhaps you should change your number as well, this way you won't be waiting for him to call you.

It seems like he does not want to talk to you and right now it is time to let go and accept what is going on.

You both are in your thirties but it seems like he want to help childish and play childish games because adults talk but cowards hide and now a days people dump each other through email and texts instead of at least picking up the phone and talking that person.

If I was you I would move on because and let go because if you don't you will only cause yourself more pain and misery. Do you really want guy like this in your life that runs away instead of talking to you and who wants to dump you through a text, I wouldn't.

I got a new phone and do not have his number in it. Which is good because so many times of they day I want to tell him what a jerk he is.

Maybe it's because in my last relationship my ex and I broke up and got back together all the time that I expect that he to come back to me as well?

People break up for a reason. It isn't healthy to break up constantly and then get back together. That just prolongs the period between you being single and finding someone that truly makes you happy.

Im so tempted to text him...

"I gave you my heart and you broke it. You F**cking A**hole"

And then just delte him completely out of my life.

Don't... that would just be a classless move on your part. He wants to know you are hurting, that he has that power over you. Don't give him the satisfaction. The best way to get revenge is to move on and be successful and happy without him..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Don't...that would just be a classless move on your part. He wants to know you are hurting, that he has that power over you. Don't give him the satisfaction. The best way to get revenge is to move on and be succesful and happy without him..

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I have to spread the rep, but EXACTLY!

What you really need to try is to find out if there are any codependancy support group in your area. It is a program similar to AA but for people dealing with codependancy. You can find support, peace of mind, and distraction there. You may even find yourself with some new local friends.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

What you really need to try is to find out if there are any codependancy support group in your area. It is a program similar to AA but for people dealing with codependancy. You can find support, peace of mind, and distraction there. You may even find yourself with some new local friends.

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Hmmmm...
I am a pretty level headed girl. I am just confused and hurt and looking for some insite.
I think I can do with out the support group. :p

We are your support group! I am here for you

Me too :)

Thank You!

And I didn't send the text...

Even though it seems like it would feel sooo good to do...

Well as wonderful as everyone online is, it should not be taken as offensive to recommend face to face support and it should also be noted that many of the people that attend support groups like codependancy support groups are completely level headed and it's insulting to put that characterization on anyone who does attend. I think that you would have found it comforting to be around others experiencing the same situation at the same time on a face to face level. Most are just as level headed as anyone else just going through times that they find themselves obsessing with situation outside their control. Too bad you had to look at it so negatively.

You would feel good for like five minutes, then back to feeling like crap. Believe me, it is better to be the bigger person.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Well as wonderful as everyone online is, it should not be taken as offensive to recommend face to face support and it should also be noted that many of the people that attend support groups like codependancy support groups are completely level headed and it's insulting to put that characterization on anyone who does attend. I think that you would have found it comforting to be around others experiencing the same situation at the same time on a face to face level. Most are just as level headed as anyone else just going through times that they find themselves obsessing with situation outside their control. Too bad you had to look at it so negatively.

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I didn't mean to be offensive or take anything negatively. I just know myself well enough to know that a support group is not for me.

Just because I have posted my question on this board dosen't mean I am obsessing...
I am just trying to work it out in my head. I still get up everyday and go to work, and go out with my girlfriends, and hit the gym. I still function even though I cry.

When I think about him I come here... and I am not here 24/7.

Well I have been there and it was a success for me. It was my suggestion from experience. I was obsessing and functioning as well, when it consumes your thoughts you are obsessing if you ask me and it just sounded to me like I have been where you are.

Justwantfair we all have our own way of dealing with issues.


Kitten. You are obsessed with him and reading the text over and over again..

This is obsessive.
You not wanting to change you relationship status because then it might really be over.
Obsessive.

So OK you are obsessive deal with it.. nothing to be feel down about. Just don't lie to yourself

He seems to have a lot of issues in his life and is not ready for work that goes into a Relationship.
And he is taking the easy way out.

So Deal with this.. go on with your life as you are doing. And try to stop thinking about him.

Stop re thinking things and wondering what's ifs and buts.. because that will get you no where.

Find out what makes you happy and do more of that stuff.
Go out with some friends
Or play an online game.

I don't have the text in my phone.
I just see it here when I post...

But no exucuses if I still read it.

I just need a couple more days and then I will brave up and do what I need to do.

Ok so this is said with humor... :)

If it's over can I finally go off these damn Birth Control pills?

No comment... :D

His status is divorced...

And before I saw that I sent him a text this morning saying...

"you broke my heart and I am so mad
but i know the reason i am so mad is because i love you
so i need you to do something for me...

if its truly over, if you no longer believe in us...
we have no chance??
I need you to tell me that"

Now I feel ridiculous

Good luck, at least now you know for sure where you stand with him. Hopefully this is just what you needed to hear so that you can start to heal and move on.