Hello all:0)
I dated the love of my life for two years. He recently broke my heart, approximatly 2 and a half weeks ago:( I am having an extremely hard time with this. We were not only lovers were best friends. The beginning of the relationship was great, as everyone's is, then the second year we started bickering over things, for example I didn't like him on Facebook talking to girls, so he got off it and I was happy. Then it was the bikini calendars that he had all over house. He took those down and I was happy for that. I obviously have insecrity issues and am seeking help with counciling. We got into a big argument about a month ago that prevented him from talking to me foir two weeks. I was persistent and said that we could work things out, he seemed skeptical but he wanted to see me. I asked him if he missed me and he said "sexually" :( As in love with him as I am all I wanted to do was hold him. That night I went there and made love to him, because I love him. That was Thursday, we spent Friday, Saturday together and on Monday he didn't call me. I couldn't sleep so I called and he was so mean to me, he told me that he didn't feel the same and that he didn't have enough love to keep the relationship alive. My heart broke instsnly and I haven't contacted him since. He I believe is going through a lot right now, his parents are divorcing and he detests his mom because of this. Not to mention me and his mom are friends and I told her that I couldn't see her if her son and I were'nt together. She understood and sent me birthday card so the family knows and that was the only way to keep in touch as per my request. His sister and I were friends too, and she too hasn't contacted me:( We are both 25, and I am his first long relatonship. I truly don't feel that there is aother woman, there was simply no time and I am absolutely beautiful. People tell me to just wait it out and maybe he'll call, but even if regret it knowing him I don't think he would call or admit it let alone call and ask for me back. I love
Him and would do anything but as the days go by I lose more and more hope. :( Who knows how long it will take him to realize what he's done and lost? The thing is too he knew when he broke up with me (over the phone) that I didn't want that. When I told him I loved him, he said "I know". That is a hard pill to swallow!

This is a lot to read... but it helped me so much. Just take the time to read it... it'll be worth it.

Sticky: What to expect when you break up.

Leave him alone, and deal with your issues. Your way to insecure, and needy. I would run too, no matter how fabulous you look!

Your choking the guy, and invading every area of his life.

Can he at least pee in peace??

I agree with Tal, if you smother someone too much... obviously they're going to run away. He his bikini posters up? Oh well, he's a guy what more do you want from him. Do you have posters of guys you like up? Or saved somewhere on your computer or something? If you do, you CANNOT judge him, AT ALL. He talked to other girls on Facebook? Oh well, a guy can have female friends too. Do you have guy friends? If yes, then you really have no room to judge him at all. A guy needs to breathe. And a good way for your relationship to survive is to spend time apart. Smothering him will only push him further and further away. Let him enjoy his life, and be glad he's yours while respecting his space.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

I appreciate your advice but saying "can he pee in peace"? A bit of a low blow. Thanks for your advicve but you don't have to be harsh like that.

From the way you wrote your post, direct was what I felt you needed, or you will ignore the point, as I'm sure he has tried to tell you himself, and you have ignored what he was saying because you only focus on what you want. Way to overbearing.

Okay fine. The truth is bitter and it is hard to take and I do see your point. So, the best thing for me to do is to leave gim alone and when he calls, if he does, do I talk to him or ignore his calls and make him run back to me. I am so confused and my heart is aching like you have no idea. I want him so bad, but I can't make him want me!

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So, the best thing for me to do is to leave him alone

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Yes. Give yourself the time to let the emotional dust settle, for both of you.

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When he calls, if he does, do I talk to him or ignore his calls and make him run back to me.

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Its all up to him what he does, and ignoring him will not make him run back to you. I suggest you talk to him, if he calls, and listen to what he has to say, but don't just wait for him to take action, do things for yourself, that make you happy, and balance your life with friends, and activities that help you heal, so you can deal with reality, based on facts, and not just feelings.

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I am so confused and my heart is aching like you have no idea.

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Been there, done that more than a few times my dear. I know first hand what misery, pain, and confusion is all about. Most of us here do, so your not alone at all.

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I want him so bad, but I can't make him want me!

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Your right, you have no control over how he feels, but you must learn how to deal with the way you feel. Trust me, you will learn.

Wow. Thank you!

But, based on facts, what are the chances of him missing me and realizing that what we had wasn't that bad, the problems were just not worked sufficiently, and definitely could have responded to them more suffit. I know I might not be the most secure person and yes that is a turn off, but I am a kind, loyal and true. And he loved me at one point. I felt it.

Sorry about the spelling, doing three hundred things at once.

Sorry, As smart as I am, I can't say what he will do. I do know what you have to do, and that's cope with your feelings, and stay positive, and give yourself a chance to think clearly.

I find that each day that goes by I am effected less and less by this. It's like I can't cry about it any more. And when I do it is for brief moments. I'm afraid that it is over for good though and that we will never be together as a couple again. I cringe at the thought of him with any other girl. I sit here on a Saturday afernoon, doing homework, and think what he is doing. I know I should be concentrating on myself and I am doing that. I've redone my room, I'm on top of all my assignments, I've rejoined the gym and even bought myself a trip to Punta Cana for my birthday. That another thing, yestaerday I received a birthday card from his mom in the mail, so clearly the whole family knows and she knows that if she called me it would be too hard.She sent it 15 dys before my birthday. Do you think he'll call me on my birthday or should I not even expect a call at all. I just wish we could hold each other and everything would be okay. I'm hurting so bad when I come to think of it, I just keep trying to mask the pain.

If he calls when I'm on my trip, should I call him back when I return ?

Cross that bridge when you come to it, but you have done well to stay busy doing things for yourself. Keep it up!

I am doing well I have to agree, but I can't stop thinking about him or his family his 3 sisters, 3brother a beautiful nephew and a wonderful brother in law who I got so along with. Cousins, aunts, uncles. I love them all and miss them very much. How do I know if he feels the way I do. Feel like it was my fault that this went down, he did love me at one point, I know it. Talk about where we were going to live together, kids, marriage down south. I really thought he was the one.

I think you might've gotten too attached to him. Even when you've kept yourself busy, you haven't done the most important thing; you haven't stopped THINKING about him. The idea of the break-up list is to keep yourself busy, yes, but I think that being busy is supposed to take your mind off things. You said that even while you were doing homework you were thinking about him which tells me that you're still too attached to him. A lot of people have good relationships, but they're not always meant to be the one. For one reason or another, it really is impossible to predict. The only time anybody really knows for sure is when you're on either yours or your partners deathbed. THAT'S when you can know for sure. So as hard as it may sound, start hardening your heart. Train yourself NOT to think about him, and always be aware of your thoughts. If you're doing something, put your heart into it so that it can take your mind off things. Eventually, it'll get easier. But it can only come through a lot of effort.

You have built your life around him, and his family, but now you must look ahead to building your own life, whether he decides to comeback, or not.

You are absolutely right, I did build my life around him and I thought that was a good thing. He got sick in the summer for a week. Pretty sick, I stayed by his side, made hime food, rubbed his back, ran to and from the washroom to make sure the cloth was cold for his fevered head. I absolutely adored him, but when my mom had cancer and went in for her hysterectomy he left and went to his cottage not thinking twice whether I wanted him for support. Again , I am his first long relationship as a girlfriend and I don't know if he knew how important tha really was to me. I gave him everything and he threw it right back at me.

All right I'm kind of going through something of the same nature.. My advice is, If he didn't say you might get back together than your prob not. But I think in a way you should wait.. Like I always tell my friends and myself to wait with my heart but not with my actions... So go out and have fun... You'r friends would be the best people to go to for that... Give him a month
And if he is still not calling to talk within that month then the best thing to do is move on.. If you dwell over it, than you might miss out on some really good oppertunities. Keep in touch with is sis if that's possible. Major holidays call and greet them. Who knows that one phone call my be key to a lot of information.. Just don't call his personal fone to make you look like your obsessed because that's the last thing you want him telling his friends. Just live your life around you. And don't worry so much about him. You may find that once your out having all this fun. That this is what's more important to you than boyfriends. Good luck.

I appreciate your feedback. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks that he broke up with me me. I will always have hope because I do love and I want to be with him, but like we have already concluded I can not make him want me and that's the size of it. I still do wake in the middle of the night with so many questions. I don't want to think anymore.

Sherin this all still really fresh. Just keep yourself busy and talk out everything with YOUR family and YOUR friends. It will take some time, but it will get better.

I am about 2.5 weeks in to the break-up of my 3.5 year relationship with the love of my life. Yea, I still think about her from TIME to TIME, but not ALL the time. I have good days and bad days, but I manage to get through them/ You need to find something that distracts you from thinking about him. Learn to laugh and have a good time with friends, that really helps. Make plans to go out with people and HAVE FUN. Don't sit around alone and think. Also post here as much as you want top vent or ask questions, we are here for you.

Like you I had many about questions on why she ended it with me. I found after a couple of days I was able to settle down and reflect back on signs I have missed, my feelings about things and found that neither of us were as happy as we were when we first started going out. Things that happen while we were together wore down our relationship...

I think once you look back with a clear and mostly settled mind you will be able to answer many of the questions you have.

Also, if you tired of waking up in the middle of the night, seriously think about joining a gym, taking up martial arts, or some other physical activity that will wear you out. You will find that it is much easier to sleep through the night.

Also those dreams you may be having will pass or not be as intense as they maybe now...

Just keep moving forward, and don't dwell in the past. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Thank you. You are right and this is still very fresh. But he knows how much love him and how I want it to work. I just don't understand why he feels that this can't work with a little bit of effort. His parents are going through a bad divorce right now and there are a lot of young siblings involved. His parents grew apart, well his mom did and now he detests her. He often had asked me if I would do the same thing his mom is doing to his dad, to him. How awful is that? Everything I have in my life I have had to work hard for, and I gave my all to him: my heart, my time, my all. I guess that was my problem. Not to put all my eggs into one basket:(

You did not give him your heart! That is such a figure of speech and a load of garbage. Put your hand over your chest. Is your heart still beating? Do you still have a pulse? You DO! That means you aren't dead. That means you cannot afford to give up on yourself. The only thing you did was open up your heart to him, and let him in. That is all. He does not have your heart, no one does, except you. Your pulse is the path of your life, use it, accept it and build on it. It will keep beating until you give up on yourself...

He needs time to deal with his family issues himself. He is laying this burden on you, and not appreciating your effort to help him through this time.

Your putting more into this than your receiving... that's no way to go. He knows how you feel but doesn't feel the same way.

The best thing to do is move on with out him. Leave him alone. You need to regroup, heal and start living your own life.

It's hard, but everyone has to do it sometime.

Take what you learn from this relationship and use it in your next one.

Remember there WILL be another guy to come along, but right now you have to prepare yourself for them by working on yourself and becoming happy with who YOU are.

We are here for you!

Pray - for strength to move forward in your life... and don't dwell on it - I know it's extremely hard but the less you dwell on it, and think about your own life, time will have a way of making him think about you... only if it was
Meant to be. They always wander back. It happened to me, and at that time I was strong enough to say, "Have a great life." You don't want to be hurt by people... you want them to love you for who you are, and want you like you want them.

Talaniman, people that do the breaking up, do they regret it most of the time?

Because if he does I don't think he would admit it. I am so worried that if he calls Im going to freeze up, and if he has no intention on getting back and simply arranging for my belongings to picked up or dropped off that I'm going to be hurt all over again. I want him, everybody knows that, even him, why is this happening to me?

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Originally Posted by Sherin333

why is this happening to me?

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This happens to EVERYONE! Do not make the mistake of thinking you are the only one who is going through this or has gone through this. If that was the case this website would not exist. EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and the ONLY option you have right now is to accept this, work on yourself, and let life take care of the rest. I am not the most religious person in the world, but I truly believe things happen for some reason. We sometimes have to learn to accept this fate. It is the progression of life... trying to ignore it or stop it from happening does no good. Your pain is real, and I know how you feel, but you MUST be strong and pick yourself up and keep on moving.

If he calls, just follow his lead, act like nothing is wrong, it's doesn't bother you... he will wonder then, what you are doing - act happy towards him... I know it's hard. Just try.
Don't bring up anything painful... don't call him, let him call you. Don't text him either. It hurts, just wait... do something to pre-occupy your life.
Calm yourself, stop thinking or talking to others about it... I am guilty of this too. Only think of the things that make you happiest together, why you love him, be thankful for what you have. God Bless you.

I reaize he is going through his parents divorce right now, but I've benn there done that, he knows I can help him through. I also think he maybe he may have judged me, I don't come the best of famailies, my mother smokes pot, my father is a drinker and my sister lost her baby to CAS because she is not fit to be a parent. His faamily is not perfect but it is the complete opposite of mine. He I believe judged me and that was an added factor to him not thinking I was for him. I'm so confused.

My heart is aching:(

Don't be. Just don't focus on it so hard... the negative side, think about all you can offer the guy! How great you are, be thankful for the talents God has given you... now, give back, and help someone else through their difficulties, all of us have shared our thoughts... to help you... go online and help someone else, your problems won't seem so hard.

I feel closer to you people than I do him. The man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with has abandoned our dreams and hopes together. I feel so far from him:( I appreciate the feedback and I cry reading it but its facts and what I need to hear, notr what I want to hear, and for that I am grateful. Thank you.

I am 49 with 5 kids... one of my boys left for war, and came back to me - almost died - he is now a mayor of a city. I have been single for 5 years. I have a small business, and I have been through what you are going through... just be patient, let him be him. You can't control him. Let love find you! Thank God for unanswered prayers... my man isn't talking to me, because I stood up for myself. You can too. Stand up for yourself, and get to work, stay busy...

God bless your heart. XO

Stay extremely busy, clean house, take on another job, work your tail off. He will wonder, trust me, if you don't bother him... respond. Only respond lovingly act excited to hear from him... when he calls or text you!

But what if he doesn't. My birthday is on the 20th of this month, so I bought myslf a ticket to the dominican. It's good I know, but when I return this will all be waiting for me. I want to leave y phone on so that when I get back I can see if he's called. Whydo I still feel for him when it's him who dumped me off.

You feel for him because you were dumped... and you loved him. Did you expect to get dumped and all of the sudden wham... I don't care for him anymore?? That isn't realistic. He had been contemplating dumping you for a long time, thus was more prepared than you were to handle this situation. You have extremely low self esteem, which is common in a lot of people... but it quantifies your emotions when you get dumped. You will come out stronger and better however, just trust me on that.

He knows how much I love him and how much this has hurt and is effecting me. I don't think that he will call because he doesn't think I will want to talk to him because of how this al went down.

OK you just answered yourself. He knows, give him time.