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jmw0713 · Nov 9, 2008, 08:13 AM

Sherin this all still really fresh. Just keep yourself busy and talk out everything with YOUR family and YOUR friends. It will take some time, but it will get better.

I am about 2.5 weeks in to the break-up of my 3.5 year relationship with the love of my life. Yea, I still think about her from TIME to TIME, but not ALL the time. I have good days and bad days, but I manage to get through them/ You need to find something that distracts you from thinking about him. Learn to laugh and have a good time with friends, that really helps. Make plans to go out with people and HAVE FUN. Don't sit around alone and think. Also post here as much as you want top vent or ask questions, we are here for you.

Like you I had many about questions on why she ended it with me. I found after a couple of days I was able to settle down and reflect back on signs I have missed, my feelings about things and found that neither of us were as happy as we were when we first started going out. Things that happen while we were together wore down our relationship...

I think once you look back with a clear and mostly settled mind you will be able to answer many of the questions you have.

Also, if you tired of waking up in the middle of the night, seriously think about joining a gym, taking up martial arts, or some other physical activity that will wear you out. You will find that it is much easier to sleep through the night.

Also those dreams you may be having will pass or not be as intense as they maybe now...

Just keep moving forward, and don't dwell in the past. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Sherin333 · Nov 9, 2008, 08:47 AM

Thank you. You are right and this is still very fresh. But he knows how much love him and how I want it to work. I just don't understand why he feels that this can't work with a little bit of effort. His parents are going through a bad divorce right now and there are a lot of young siblings involved. His parents grew apart, well his mom did and now he detests her. He often had asked me if I would do the same thing his mom is doing to his dad, to him. How awful is that? Everything I have in my life I have had to work hard for, and I gave my all to him: my heart, my time, my all. I guess that was my problem. Not to put all my eggs into one basket:(

kctiger · Nov 9, 2008, 09:22 AM

You did not give him your heart! That is such a figure of speech and a load of garbage. Put your hand over your chest. Is your heart still beating? Do you still have a pulse? You DO! That means you aren't dead. That means you cannot afford to give up on yourself. The only thing you did was open up your heart to him, and let him in. That is all. He does not have your heart, no one does, except you. Your pulse is the path of your life, use it, accept it and build on it. It will keep beating until you give up on yourself...

jmw0713 · Nov 9, 2008, 09:32 AM

He needs time to deal with his family issues himself. He is laying this burden on you, and not appreciating your effort to help him through this time.

Your putting more into this than your receiving... that's no way to go. He knows how you feel but doesn't feel the same way.

The best thing to do is move on with out him. Leave him alone. You need to regroup, heal and start living your own life.

It's hard, but everyone has to do it sometime.

Take what you learn from this relationship and use it in your next one.

Remember there WILL be another guy to come along, but right now you have to prepare yourself for them by working on yourself and becoming happy with who YOU are.

We are here for you!

GDArtist · Nov 9, 2008, 09:38 AM

Pray - for strength to move forward in your life... and don't dwell on it - I know it's extremely hard but the less you dwell on it, and think about your own life, time will have a way of making him think about you... only if it was
Meant to be. They always wander back. It happened to me, and at that time I was strong enough to say, "Have a great life." You don't want to be hurt by people... you want them to love you for who you are, and want you like you want them.

Sherin333 · Nov 10, 2008, 08:47 AM

Talaniman, people that do the breaking up, do they regret it most of the time?

Sherin333 · Nov 10, 2008, 08:51 AM

Because if he does I don't think he would admit it. I am so worried that if he calls Im going to freeze up, and if he has no intention on getting back and simply arranging for my belongings to picked up or dropped off that I'm going to be hurt all over again. I want him, everybody knows that, even him, why is this happening to me?

kctiger · Nov 10, 2008, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by Sherin333

why is this happening to me?

This happens to EVERYONE! Do not make the mistake of thinking you are the only one who is going through this or has gone through this. If that was the case this website would not exist. EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and the ONLY option you have right now is to accept this, work on yourself, and let life take care of the rest. I am not the most religious person in the world, but I truly believe things happen for some reason. We sometimes have to learn to accept this fate. It is the progression of life... trying to ignore it or stop it from happening does no good. Your pain is real, and I know how you feel, but you MUST be strong and pick yourself up and keep on moving.

GDArtist · Nov 10, 2008, 08:55 AM

If he calls, just follow his lead, act like nothing is wrong, it's doesn't bother you... he will wonder then, what you are doing - act happy towards him... I know it's hard. Just try.
Don't bring up anything painful... don't call him, let him call you. Don't text him either. It hurts, just wait... do something to pre-occupy your life.
Calm yourself, stop thinking or talking to others about it... I am guilty of this too. Only think of the things that make you happiest together, why you love him, be thankful for what you have. God Bless you.

Sherin333 · Nov 10, 2008, 09:01 AM

I reaize he is going through his parents divorce right now, but I've benn there done that, he knows I can help him through. I also think he maybe he may have judged me, I don't come the best of famailies, my mother smokes pot, my father is a drinker and my sister lost her baby to CAS because she is not fit to be a parent. His faamily is not perfect but it is the complete opposite of mine. He I believe judged me and that was an added factor to him not thinking I was for him. I'm so confused.

Sherin333 · Nov 10, 2008, 09:04 AM

My heart is aching:(

GDArtist · Nov 10, 2008, 09:06 AM

Don't be. Just don't focus on it so hard... the negative side, think about all you can offer the guy! How great you are, be thankful for the talents God has given you... now, give back, and help someone else through their difficulties, all of us have shared our thoughts... to help you... go online and help someone else, your problems won't seem so hard.

Sherin333 · Nov 10, 2008, 09:10 AM

I feel closer to you people than I do him. The man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with has abandoned our dreams and hopes together. I feel so far from him:( I appreciate the feedback and I cry reading it but its facts and what I need to hear, notr what I want to hear, and for that I am grateful. Thank you.

GDArtist · Nov 10, 2008, 09:19 AM

I am 49 with 5 kids... one of my boys left for war, and came back to me - almost died - he is now a mayor of a city. I have been single for 5 years. I have a small business, and I have been through what you are going through... just be patient, let him be him. You can't control him. Let love find you! Thank God for unanswered prayers... my man isn't talking to me, because I stood up for myself. You can too. Stand up for yourself, and get to work, stay busy...

Sherin333 · Nov 10, 2008, 09:24 AM

God bless your heart. XO

GDArtist · Nov 10, 2008, 09:29 AM

Stay extremely busy, clean house, take on another job, work your tail off. He will wonder, trust me, if you don't bother him... respond. Only respond lovingly act excited to hear from him... when he calls or text you!

Sherin333 · Nov 10, 2008, 11:13 AM

But what if he doesn't. My birthday is on the 20th of this month, so I bought myslf a ticket to the dominican. It's good I know, but when I return this will all be waiting for me. I want to leave y phone on so that when I get back I can see if he's called. Whydo I still feel for him when it's him who dumped me off.

kctiger · Nov 10, 2008, 11:16 AM

You feel for him because you were dumped... and you loved him. Did you expect to get dumped and all of the sudden wham... I don't care for him anymore?? That isn't realistic. He had been contemplating dumping you for a long time, thus was more prepared than you were to handle this situation. You have extremely low self esteem, which is common in a lot of people... but it quantifies your emotions when you get dumped. You will come out stronger and better however, just trust me on that.

Sherin333 · Nov 10, 2008, 11:19 AM

He knows how much I love him and how much this has hurt and is effecting me. I don't think that he will call because he doesn't think I will want to talk to him because of how this al went down.

GDArtist · Nov 10, 2008, 11:23 AM

OK you just answered yourself. He knows, give him time.