I don't really need relationship advice, but I'm more so curious of people's opinions because it's been a good year and a half since I've been in a serious relationship.

I've been dating this new guy for about 2 months now. We have been hanging out more and more each week, really bonding everything is going in the right direction. My gut feels it's right. Our chemistry is great on all levels. This past weekend I spent a lot of time with him, met his friends, and we opened up to each other more about our feelings (he intiated that). He makes references to the future, or mentions things he would like to do with me, take me to etc. So I guess I could say prior to this weekend I was enjoying spending time with him, and after this weekend - my emotions are now becoming involved. Which is a good thing. But what is everyone's thoughts of when is the right time to take it to the next level? I do believe the guy needs to bring it up, but I also think you have to know in your gut the feelings are mutual. We act like a couple, his friend mistakenly introduced me as his GF the other night, which I made some kind of cute joke out of. But yeah... just wondering everyone's thoughts on this topic.

Define "the next level".

2 months may be long enough. Truly, we can only guess, you should know better than us.

But be careful just how far you make "the next level". There is still a lot to learn about each other.

6 months is a great milestone for knowing you are definitely see each other clearly. 2 months it may be starting, sounds like it is, but there is still a lot of courting behavior even at 2 months. By 6 months, you two should have completely relaxed out of that behavior and are being more genuine.

Jusat exactually what do you mean by next level? I think that you should just ask him one day what he considers you guys as... and if he says just friends or something like that I think you should ask if he ever thinks it will be more. Yeah your right I think he should bring the dateing thing up so just leave it from there. Say ohk and if he still wants to talk about it he will go on with the conversation. At least with this you'll know what he thinks about the whole situation. I hope I helped

I have been dating this guys for 2.5 months but things are going really well. We are basically a couple, but haven't had a "talk" yet to validate that. We are both adults, and in my head I don't need a "talk" quite yet, but I am emotionally getting into the relationship a little more and more each time I'm with him, and I think he is with me too. He talks about the future etc, wants to show me his home town etc. All that stuff is there, but my question is... how do I let him know that I'm emotionally getting into this... I guess I don't want to come across as "hi, i want to be your girlfriend" just yet, but for now I just want to make sure we are on the same page with our feelings, where this might potentially go etc. Should I be the one to bring it up? Or should he? It's driving me nuts a little. I just want to know that when he is out with his friends, that I'm the girl on his mind and that 6 months down the line he want me on his side. I'm pretty sure I am in line for that, but I want to hear it! So guys, what's your advice? Go with the flow, or say something to him? I'm just curious on opinions, this is the first guys since my last long term relationship, that I've had feelings for so I want to play my cards right!

Go with the flow, in my opinion, it makes a woman look more self assured and confident about yourself.
Have fun and take your time while getting to know him.

Hm... here's what I would do.. but, keep in mind, I'm a bit sneaky.
Meet some of his friends.
Get him out in public where he needs to introduce you.
See how he does it.
"hey, this is my girlfriend..."
Or
"hi, this is..."

See where he puts you in his world.
That might help.

Yeah, just go with the flow.
But, when I think about it,
I am a quiet, nervous guy. My last girlfriend basically asked me out. She asked me, "do you like anybody." I said yes, she said "who?" I didn't say, but she asked questions like "what colour is her hair?" And yes/no questions like that. Anyway, we got the point, eventually, that I liked her and that she liked me. I asked her out at that time.

So, maybe this guy is like me, deathly afraid of rejection, nervous and quiet. Just do what my last girlfriend did. Ask questions about who he likes, and see if you can get him to say (admit) he loves you. Trust me, he does, he is just shy.

And by the way,
Its sooo refreshing to see a question about how to begin a relationship. All the questions here are usually like, "How do I get her back" and "I miss her." It's nice to see a happy one. So good luck, and be happy that you are at the beginning of what could be a wonderful relationship.

I would go with the flow too. I would drop little hints. It all depends on how brave you are. If I was feeling really brave I would come straight out and ask him if there was a future, but otherwise I would keep quiet. The relatonship is still in its early stages so keep going as you are for now and see where it takes you.

I'm in a similar situation. I met this guy I'm seeing now about a month ago. 2 months after the end of my long-term relationship (4 years). And I don't really know how to play this "game". For now, I'm just going with the flow to see where it takes us. He talks about the future and is very attentive and everything so I think not having the talk for now is the best thing. Just enjoy each other for now and see what happens.

"Johnny, a guy from work asked me out and I realized I wasn't sure if I should say yes or no? I mean, we're doing so well and all, but it occurred to me I don't know if we've decided to be exclusive or not. I think I might want to be exclusive, what do you think about it? Be honest, too, I'm ok either way, but I'm thinking we could give it a shot. What do you think about it?"

Why can't people just be content when things are going well for them?.

...

Because obviously she wants more. Although it is just a title it signifies a lot both in the relationship itself and to the rest of the world.

Personally I would straight up ask him but then again I like the brash kind of girls.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ka1111

Why can't people just be content when things are going well for them?...

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"The only constant is change"
"Everything flows, nothing stands still."
--Heraclitus of Ephesus, Greek philosopher

Thanks all for your opinions on my post about the "talk." I've definitely decided to just go with the flow and listen to my gut, which so far is saying things are going well. BUT... and this could just be my mind over matter... I feel like the past couple of days he has been distant. He's been the one to initiate hanging out and always calling, and the past couple of days he hasn't been as initiative. So I've been the one to initiate a little more, plus I feel like guys like that from time to time. I know he is really stressed with work stuff right now etc, but for instance... we talk everyday pretty much and Sunday I didn't hear from him, whatever I was doing my thing with my friends, but a girl get's so used to hearing from guy that I started to think did I do something wrong? And yesterday same thing, we talked early in the afternoon but the conversation felt akward, I was hoping he would ask to hang out at night but he didn't so then I got off the phone agrivated and wanted to see him so I sent him a little text just saying "if you're free later maybe we can hang" he said yes for sure but it would have to be late he has some stuff to do. So that did happen but we talked for a good hour last night, but at the end of the conversation instead of asking me to hang today or what my schedule was this week (he knows I'm the type of girl to not just sit around and that I have a social life with my friends), he just said we'll I'll talk to you soon. AM I going crazy? LOL. I guess I wanted to hear I'll talk to you tomorrow or I'll see you tomorrow. I hate feeling like I'm playing a game sometimes. It's like when I'm with him he does and says all the things to validate US and how he feels, but when we aren't together I feel like the vibe changes a little bit. I should just assume he's stressed and wants a little space right? I know I must sound like I don't know a thing about relationships, but that's not the case, I've just been out of the game for sometime since my last long term relationship. Thanks for listenting to me vent, if nothing else :)

Hi Brkf,

This has happened in my past relationship as well with my ex. I wish I could shed some light on this for you, but honestly? I don't know either. Thank you for posting this! I would like to see how other people respond to it, and what there insights are.

Basically I think he just has a lot on his mind.
In situations like this guys can be simple, he may just be focused on work especially if that is stressful. Since you clearly are a busy girl (like you said about your schedule) your BF probably isn't even thinking about it, he just thinks if he is busy you will go out and have fun with your friends. It's actually a good thing because he knows he can do his thing with work or whatever and sees you as confident enough to be OK and have fun without him.

Basically if he wanted space he wouldn't even bother to respond or talk to you OR he would just say it, he sounds like a mature enough guy who is just focused on something else right now. Doesn't mean you aren't important, that you did something, or that he doesn't care.. it just means something else has to be taken care of first.

That's all it sounds like to me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

"The only constant is change"
"Everything flows, nothing stands still."
--Heraclitus of Ephesus, Greek philosopher

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It's funny you quote a fellow Greek..

"Τα πάντα ρει".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ka1111

It's funny you quote a fellow Greek..

"Τα πάντα ρει".

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I married a greek girl, so that makes me half greek.

She says it doesn't work that way. I don't care, I say I'm half greek now. Deal with it. (smug)

In my opinion you can't know until you've said something. Ask him what you are, and where you would like this to go. If you don't ask you'll never know.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

I married a greek girl, so that makes me half greek.

She says it doesn't work that way. I don't care, I say I'm half greek now. Deal with it. (smug)

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So if I bring up the Euro 2008 game today between Greece and Sweden, will you be offended? If you are, then you really are Greek! Haha, Go Sweden! Just joking JB, lol.

I would strongly suggest you no get overly emotionally invested, until you have know each other a longer time. Why can't you just enjoy the getting to know each other, and not get all caught up in future stuff just yet.

Whats the freakin' hurry, to define something that's in its early stages of development??

Guys - just want your opinion. I've been dating a guy now for 2.5 months, for some reason I still feel like he should be the one to call most of the time, make the plans etc. But after how long of dating do you think it's okay for the girl to start initiating plans etc. I personally feel like he is getting comfy in what we have going on and instead of making plans in advance like he used too, now it's kind of call last minute and see what's up. I started thinking maybe he wants me to call more and ask him what he's up too there is nothing wrong with that right? Man, I hate the dating game sometimes.
Also, what are your thoughts about not talking everyday? I am very used to talking to guys I date everyday when things are moving in the right direction and then sometimes I don't hear from him so I'll call him and he'll always call me back, so it's not like he doesn't want to not talk... but it's just odd to me. I always think why hasn't he called? He has time to watch sports haha.

At two months things are supposed to be changing. You calling him and making plans are just as reasonable a change as anything.

Also, pay attention. You're coming into the months where you are going to start seeing who this guy really is. The "honeymoon" months are ending and familiarity will tempt you both to start misbehaving.

That's fine, everyone does it. The key is to observe who you each are when that misbehavin' is going on. You want your guy to be attentive and creative, you want your relationship to growing, growing, growing. Too often, your FEELINGS are growing, but the relationship really isn't, and you just ignore it.

Don't ignore what's really going on.

Also, you DO have a lot of other "free time" activities don't you? THings that occur with regularity and don't include him? He REALLY needs to see you as a vibrant and involved woman who he can't just call on the drop of a dime and you're available.

You need to tell him, "I have plans tonight, (tomorrow, Saturday morning), but I'm free at 8pm? Want to buy me dinner then!?" This needs to happen with regularity, and no apologies. He should have stuff going on, too.

You guys be careful, you're a PART of each other's lives, don't let each other become THE PART of everything, not this soon.

Try not to be so conscerned with what you should and shouldn't do, if you live for him you don't live, for you can only make one person on this whole earth happy, and that is you. YOu can't control any one else, so don't let them control you. YOu may get angree with them for oyu trying to play to the please of their calling and forget your own...

Why not make plans with him, if he's not in to it, then that's your answer. No questions, because I don't think any one particular should be "calling the shots", or taking control. A relationship is the coming together of two, and a partnership. It only works if two are in it, giving and taking. I'm not saying every one should be like that right away, but being considerate of one another is one thing, but if one is calling all the shots then it seems a little one sided eh?

May love and kindness be with you.

I met the guy I've been dating (we aren't exclusive yet but so far things are going well) off an online site. We have been going out almost 3 months. Recently he seems a little distant lately, and I can't quite seem to put my finger on it, but my gut is telling me it's just because he has a lot on his plate, work,$, family stuff. So I've been trying to give him his space, but I'm a girl and girls tend to take "space" "im stressed out" personally. How do I let him know I feel like I want to spend more time w/ him without making him feel overwhelmed? I guess I just want to know if this is going to last or what. I think we both want that, but he has so much on his plate right now that it all gets confusing and I tend to go home at night frustrated. The second part to my post - how do I mention to him to see if he is still active on the dating site we met on? I checked it a couple weeks back and he was not active in a week or so, and lately when I check it everynow and then, he is on it every 24 hrs. He could just be bored and browsing, while I don't care that much about it, I'm starting to get a little curious since it has been a few months now.
Suggestions? I'm confused... damn emotions.

I'd say trust your gut, it is usually correct.

If he is still "active" on the dating site, I would have to say that there are many other places to deal with boredom, and that his idea of this relationship, is much different than yours.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by progunr

I'd say trust your gut, it is usually correct.

If he is still "active" on the dating site, I would have to say that there are many other places to deal with boredom, and that his idea of this relationship, is much different than yours.

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Thanks, I am going with my gut for sure. I guess I look at the dating site the same way I do when I go out with my friends. Since I'm technically still single, I do browse and talk to guys. I'm not necessarily searching as much, but until we make things solid I am open. So I feel like I don't really have a place to ask about the dating site, until we get to that point... and my gut says we are slowly getting there. Make sense?

OK.

The statement here that you too are still active on the dating site adds a new dimension to the situation.

As long as you feel you are moving in the right direction, then ride the wind towards your goal.

Given that new piece of information, heck no you can't ask him to get off the dating site that you are still active on too!

Good luck to the both of you!

To progunr,

"I guess I look at the dating site the same way i do when i go out with my friends. Since I'm technically still single, I do browse and talk to guys."

I think she said when she goes out with her friends she is open to speaking with men. She didn't make any reference to actively seeking them out on a dating site as he is doing. OP?

I'm not still active on the site because my subscription ran out. I think you may have read that wrong. I was trying to say that when I go out with my girlfriends, because he and I haven't talked about anything exclusive, I too am open to meeting new guys until we make sh_t more exclusive. But you are right, my gut is telling me I'm still the main lady on his mind, so I shouldn't sweat it just yet.

The guy I'm just breaking up with after nearly 9 months we were in an exclusive (I guess.. ) relationship. We met elsewhere, not online. He had told me that he had tried dating sites before we were together, so of course I went and checked if he had taken them down. He had not. He had some profiles even with his picture on some dating sites. He was listed as single. Its weird to see your boyfriend on there looking for women. He never did take them down. I never mentioned anything to him that I knew they were there. I checked once in a while and he hadn't been active for a long time, so I figured if he had been 'active' I would confront him.

In our case though there were also lots of other problems, sad to say this was the 'least' of them.

Your man is actively searching for dates on a dating site. Well it's early on. But at three months it seems like you have a right to a 'heads up' as to whether you're exclusive or not.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sokay

to progunr,

"I guess I look at the dating site the same way i do when i go out with my friends. Since im technically still single, I do browse and talk to guys."

I think she said when she goes out with her friends she is open to speaking with men. She didn't make any reference to actively seeking them out on a dating site as he is doing. OP?

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I did read the reply rather quickly, I am guilty of that from time to time.

The original post sounded like this was supposed to be an exclusive relationship, at least in the posters mind, and she wanted to know if he felt the same.

While saying that "he" was still active on the site, to me indicated that she was not, and that while she may have found who she wants to be with forever, he "may" still be looking.

Now it is clear, neither one has made any indication to the other that this is an exclusive relationship, so as it stands right now, they are both free to see or date anyone they want to.

So, to the poster, if you want this to be exclusive, you need to let him know that.

If he feels smothered, and breaks it off, then you have your answer, and you can move on.

Better to really know where you stand, than to keep hoping and guessing.

If you feel he has too much on his plate right now, why do you want to be exclusive with him.

It seems that he is keeping his options open and so should you. Sometimes when people date they date more than one person. Also, for some people, those kinds of sites are addictive and they always browse to see who new or who else they can meet.

I'd say go out and mingle and meet someone who wants the same thing as you. Also,your intincts are always right so always follow it. Leave him on the website looking for girls.

Tend to agree with liz here, sounds like he may be keeping his options open. Wonder if you could casually ask him if he's still trying to meet people on that site? See what he says. If he's keeping his options open still at three months then yeah, he's not smitten enough. You need a man who likes you more than that.

If he's just been looking more from boredom, and says he's not interested in meeting other women and he stops it, then you can keep trying with him.

Just my opinion 3 months is much to early for making or defining a relationship. What ever happened to just having fun getting to know each other with no strings attached? If your hitting it off better in say 3-4 more months then it should be discussed and mutually agreed upon to be exclusive.

There is no need to put undo pressure on a young dating partner at this point in time though. What's the hurry to get to another level, when you haven't explored this one yet?

Thanks everyone. I guess I'm just really confused why men seem distant when they get stressed out.

I'm sure some of you have been following my posts lol. But I just have a simple question... why do men in the dating world tend to back away or seem a little distant when they are stressed out with stuff? What can us girls do to give them space but still remind them we want to be there? I have been seeing someone who I really want to continue seeing, but lately he has been stressed and I feel like I don't know how to react without taking it personally He stills calls me etc we talk daily, but we haven't been hanging as much and I think it's because he is so stressed. I'm confused. It's hard because I want to keep spending time with him, but I don't want to seem like that needy girl in the middle of his stress. You know what I mean? Help... opinions please?

How long have you been seeing him?

My boyfriend was like this initially, whenever he had a problem he'd get all down in the dumps and keep it inside. He still wanted to hangout talk etc but it wasn't the same because it was obvious there was something wrong with him.

When you care about someone I think it's natural to want to fix their problems to make them feel or get to a better place.

I noticed that my attempts of trying to just be joyful and doing things and going places didn't work depending on the issue so I learned to give him space... meanwhile I'd take a few days out of the week to show him that I was there for him whenever he wanted to talk or when he'd worked his problem out.

During this time we had breakfast together a lot of mornings but during his sad times I'd just cook his favorite breakfast take it to him and give him big hug and leave... or send a simple text message: "I'm pulling for you to get through this! I love You!"... also on the internet you can find or create the cutest e-cards some even allow you to put a music in it, this will surely put a smile on his face... my boyfriend sent me one recently and it was a nice warm starter for my day!

Anyway the small things mean a lot, don't press for to lean on your shoulder and vent if that's not the way he copes.

By the way my boyfriend and I are so much closer now, we talk about everything and he's finally comfortable enough to lean on my shoulder and vent... so maybe it'll take some time but definitely try the above.

Sorry So Long!

That's the way we deal with things, especially when it comes to feelings we have. You just have to be patient, and get to know us better.