Multiple threads merged

Hello everyone!

I'm new to this site, I wanted to know that is not responding when your ex calls and becoming 'unavailable' and also not be a wussgal, (like I was)is it effective to get him back?or at least capture his interest?
My boyfriend of 8months and I broke up,he initiated it first,saying he needed space and had a lot of pressure from school,he lost his mom 3 years ago and was shaken by this, I met him on a support group I was going to. Fine I gave him all the space he needed He complained that I was needy and possesive but he does give me reasons
Come to find out while in his "space" he met someone else, a girl at his school. He's 30,I'm 32. I hit totally rock bottom! Thankgoodness we don't go to the same college because if I had a would break her neck! My hobbies are kickboxing and wrestling, maybe I could put them too good use.
Now he asks if we can stay friends because I was his biggest support when things went bad,he was mine also. But stupid me thought of going along with it because I do still love him. Now as I think about its too darn painful, so I've ignored his calls and block his messages. He made his bed now he should lie on it. I deleted my from my contacts on myspace,messenger, his cell you name it, even if I know it by heart.
Would not answering him give him a wake up call?
I still love him but can't be on a limb like this,its killing me because I know I'd take him back in a second,help!

No friendship.

Typical breakup (need space, hey new girl)

Ignore his calls. You're doing fine. Is it effective? Depends on what you're asking about. It's effective to help you get over him.

It might give him a wakeup call... it might not. The thing you should be concerned about is how to get yourself to feel better. So you did the right thing by cutting all contact. Now, get out there and do things for yourself.

Hey thanks for replying. Just I wasn't brought out to be disrespful not replying to folks, but it hurts too much. I do want to hear from him but only if he broke up with that girl.
Plus he didn't leave a message so its probably not important,he would if it was. Just wondering what's the purpose for the calls, if he's got someone. My friends say he might miss me, but that's not enough if he doesn't want to be with me.
Still doesn't make it better.

It's just his way of not losing you as a part of your life. Technically, he's trying to have his cake and eat it too.

I understand that you're trying to be nice, but right now, it's your time. You do what makes you happy and you do what makes you feel good. If it's important, he'll leave you a message, like you said.

I would read the two stickies under the relationship forum. It's on point. If you want, read my story "I am doing NC, what about her?" Read ihatewestseneca's story. Read Romefalls' story. It's all the same.

Okay, I would love to hear your story and Wseneca.
Gosh I feel as though I'm the only one but everyone has probably the same expreience.
About that cake, he needs to find another baker!
I'm trying to stop myself from telling him off,I know he met her and cheated on me but kept denying it when I asked him before!
So ignoring his calls would do the trick? I'm so angry I don't want to speak to him.

Mine: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-161688.html

West:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ak-165161.html

Freakinconfused (halfway down the first page):
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-142152.html

Hi,
I read your post last night,and some again,
tell me did you ever hook up with any of your friends,or started dating again?What happed to your x? Please give me some happy endings here :)

Darlin, no contact shouldn't be about getting him back... it should be about healing your heart and your emotions. You are the important thing in this situation - your heart has been ripped apart, your emotions are on that perpetual roller coaster, and you are probably happy one minute and crying the next, right?

No contact with your ex is not a means to an end. Don't think of it as a way to get him back or make him come to his senses and realize that you are the best thing he could have ever had. Don't view it as a tactic to take him down and make him yours again (I love kickboxing too, by the way!). Relationships aren't a ring - nor can they be viewed as one.

Focus on you. Heal your heart. Re-conquer your emotions. Get off that roller coaster and come have a seat on the porch swing with the rest of us that have been through it.

Take care, hon. And keep that beautiful, amazing, wonderful, individual, unique, divinity-in-a-nifty-package chin up. :)

Happy endings... well, I got a happy ending for you.

Currently, it's been 2 months since my ex and I broke up. From what I hear... my ex and her new guy... suck. By suck, I mean, she has lost many of her friends and her reputation as "the good girl" has gone down the crapper. This is mainly due to the way she broke up with me... and what she did afterwards. Currently, she's dropped all of her friends and is spending time with new guy. Also, the new guy... his rep around town is that he is a cheater... as soon as my ex and him started seeing each other, about 3 - girls came up to me (girls I know through friends) and have told me that they've all been cheated on by him and that he's scum of the earth. So... yeah.

I haven't hooked up with any of my friends... per se. My updates will tell you what's been going on in my life. As of right now, just enjoying my freedom, having a good time... I'm going on a date this Friday with a girl I actually really like a lot... so we'll see how this goes.

Keep your head up. Once it's all over, you'll look back and think,. I cried over that? Ridiculous.

Thanks Historian Chick,and Sneeze guy! You've been very helpful,now can you Histchick help me kickbox some jerks out there, especially Sneeze's as well as my ex! Yes you got that right HistChick,one minute I'm feeling good the next is just downhill!
It's a shame that people have to go around hurting others,and that's also interesting Sneeze that you can f8ind out what she's up to through friends, me I cant. Don't have that many mutual friends that can keep tabs on him,plus part of me don't want to know,(especially if they are happy) That's what you got to watch out for Sneeze,you don't want to hear about her unpcomming engagement or something.
I wish I can look back and erase this but its killing me, haven't heard a peep from him but then I guess I shouldn't care. Unfortunately I do : (

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I still love him but can't be on a limb like this,its killing me because I know I'd take him back in a second,help!

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No contact with the ex, gives you a chance to go through the healing process, with no confusion, drama, or pressure from the ex, and lets you move on, and make better decisions for yourself, based on facts and not emotions. Its about you now, and you have done an excellent job so far ,and I hope you can continue dow that path. 99% of the people who give themselves a chance to heal, and see things from a more realistic perspective, actually see their exes for what they are, and choose not to go back. Click on the links in my signature, and gain some insights into what to do when you break up, and see if they apply to your situation, and let us know. From what you have written, your going through the same thing we all have gone through, so join the party, you are not alone at all.

I'm going to forward you to my "Quotes that have influenced your life" thread... There are soooo many quotes on there that are helpful in any time of heartbreak situation... especially mine from today... here is the last page:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/books-...171287-18.html

HC, I hope there are Home Alone quotes in that link.

And if not for good measure

"I'm not afraid anymore!"

I do that too... delete the contact in the cell even though u know the number by heart. But I think it's a grand statement for you not to answer or save the number. He will realize what he's been mising. He took you for granted.

Hey, I appreciate those quotes, very sad but true. Anamia,I eralize he did take me for granted,and I let him, you guys,this is a blessing! Keep forwarding all this great stuff, You all are Gems. This is the best site I ever stumbled upon, sorry its under these circumstances. By doing this NC thing I read about,I'd worry he'd think I'm pissed at him which I am. But I don't want to be -chattin or shooting the breeze with him thinking everything is okay either

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Originally Posted by Witchywoman1212

Its a shame that people have to go around hurtin others,and thats also interesting Sneeze that you can f8ind out what she's up to through friends, me I cant. Dont have that many mutual friends that can keep tabs on him,plus part of me dont want to know,(especially if they are happy) Thats what you got to watch out for Sneeze,you dont want to hear about her unpcomming engagement or something. (

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Hi
I have to tell you the fact you don't have access to information about him is a good thing for you. I see so many posts on here where a persons progress is delayed because they want to know all the sordid details of what their Ex is up to. Reading their myspace and Facebook etc. asking friends and family what Ex is up to.

There are also a lot of people who don't have the luxury of No Contact , through either having to see them at work , through mutual friends etc.
So make the most of the fact you can go NC quite easily and just bare with the pain for a while , it will get better a lot faster that way.

And come on here and vent whenever you feel a bit down or just need to blurt something out , there are some great people on here and it will become like your very own online support group.

Good Luck!

well the thing is, I don't really try and "keep up" with her... people just randomly come up to me and tell me. At times, someone'll come up and say, "Did you hear what your ex did this weekend?" and I'll smile... and say, "No, I didn't...and I'd like to keep it that way."

As of right now, if I hear that she is engaged to the new guy... I think I would laugh. Mainly because I know how unfit this new guy is for her.

Let me draw you a picture: I am... somewhat intelligent (medical student with math/comp sci background)... pretty responsible... I'd like to consider myself "mature"... I don't really do a lot of things that "normal" kids my age do. I work 2 jobs and volunteer weekly... so it gives me little room to party. I wear a sweatshirt + jeans whenever possible. That's me.

this new guy... hair is gel-ed everyday, wears an earring, is decked out in HOLLISTER wear from head to toe and has a thing for chapstick. He is a year younger than she is and from what I hear... not so brilliant.

we're... worlds apart. I'm not saying that she's better off with me, but I know that this guy is nowhere near her cup of tea.

It's best you don't hear about your ex. Really. Sometimes, it can ruin your day.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

It's best you don't hear about your ex. Really. Sometimes, it can ruin your day.

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Agreed, hence my snooping thread... sigh... haven't checked her Facebook since that thread though.

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

agreed, hence my snooping thread... sigh... havent checked her facebook since that thread though.

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Exactly my point , delays the progress , right "west"?

I'm glad to hear that.

I'm ashamed to say that I can't say the same for myself.

I haven't checked my fbook or myspace in... a month or so, but my school/work network registers everyone onto my buddy list... so whenever she's on, I look to see if the new guy's on as well.

It's weird... because I barely care anymore. I just do it out of habit I think.

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Exactly my point , delays the progress , right "west" ??

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Yes, indeed

So glad that we've all been a help to show you that you are not alone, that you are going to make it through this, and that you will be OK.

Like Friend4u said, this will be your own special support network. It's a great place to vent, but also a place to help others - and by helping others, you find that you are helping yourself.

Take care, sweetie. And make sure you come back here as often as you need! :)

I appreciate this everyone! I'm not going to lie though, I did wish the creep realised his mistake, I hope this NC carries me far.
I wish I can take a pill and erase the hurt,tehres not one day I don't ask myself, what's She got that I haven't got, why her not me?
About checking them on facenopok, or anything close, I torn up his pictures, I can't look at it, much less online.

You will feel this way for a while, but as you rebuild your life without him in it, things will look much better. Come here to vent, or ask questions, as we all have been in your shoes. Some of us more than once, since some learn faster than others, LOL.

I worte a post about a guy I dated for 7 months,and he broke up w/me and met someone,was sort of a LDR thing, but wanted to stay friends with me.
I did not want to continue being friends because it didn't work for me, especially when he moved on to someoneels,whom he ditched me for. I felt I was getting strung along and no longer wanted to be there waiting for his calls or have any false hopes since he clearly moved on.
This stops me from moving on because I still had feelings for him-thats why I written a post asking "Can one be friends with an Ex"
Now his interactions with me is bordering on mental abuse, because I've finally wisened up. Not only is he's 'imsulted' that I no longer want scraps of his time-and that his friendship on his term is not an option. He insults me by acting as though there was never between us,it was all in my head.
This was unortunately an LDR-met him here,he moved back to his own country-met someone local,and wants to stay 'friends'. When I didn't want this he hurts me by writing insulting emails as if I'm crazy and evrything btwn us was all in my head,and we'll never be more than friends,thish hurts more than ever.
Can no longer deal with him or this, I atill love him but can't deal with his insults-rejection while his new girl gets to have him.

I don't see a question here... only a story.

I think you know what you have to do, although it may hurt for awhile. Staying friends with an ex rarely happens unless it was a mutual decision to end the relationship. He dumped you and now he is being nasty to you because you won't be friends with him? Be glad you are rid of him because that is neither relationship or friendship material!

Write him one more email if you need to, to get your feelings out, and AS SOON as you send it, BLOCK HIM from sending you anything anymore!

He can't be emotionally abusing you if you have NC with him! Don't read anymore emails, IM's, text messages, or answer your phone if he calls. You need to move on, he has. Then do what he did and find someone local that you can spend some real time with and is around in the physical sense, instead of a LDR or computer relationship. That just doesn't work.

I appreciate it Starbuck,last time I wrote a response and let everything out I get nothing but nastiness,I learned my lseeson. People I've spoken to, especially my therapists says not to respond,let it be your last contact with hi. But my feelings still want him,I wish they would go away,and how long if I really eploy NC will it take.
Obviously I'll never get what I want from him.

Go no contact with him, for as long as it takes, as the more proactive you are in building a happy life, that you enjoy, the sooner you move from his misery and pain, and confusion and drama. Learn to love yourself, and put him behind you where he belongs, and if that means blocking the phone, or sending his emails to spam, do so now. It's a lot to look forward to, so don't look back.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Go no contact with him, for as long as it takes, as the more proactive you are in building a happy life, that you enjoy, the sooner you move from his misery and pain, and confusion and drama. Learn to love yourself, and put him behind you where he belongs, and if that means blocking the phone, or sending his emails to spam, do so now. Its a lot to look forward to, so don't look back.

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Very right Tal, hey, I can't seem to link on to your how to get him or her back post. I know I shouldn't be reading it. But can you help?

If he can say even 1 nasty thing about you after you break up and are supposed to be 'friends' then I wouldn't waste my time on him it my\ay be lonely being alone but an\t least you know that you can depend on yourself to get you through the day, some guys you can be friends with after being intimate most you cannot and its unfortunate but true, so I wouldn't waste time worring about him and his ex because obviously, and not saying this to be hurtful, but obviously he is not wasting time thinking about you, also don't stoop to his level its hard to be the bigger person believe me I know but the people who know you and care about you will support you even more if you don't go around crying about him or trashing him just drop him and eventually you will find the one who will treat you with the decency and respect you deserve

Cut off all contact, you can't be friends with someone who broke up with you WHILE you still have feelings for him. It's really is wishful thinking, and may I add, a bad one, to ask someone you broke up with to still be friends. While you still feel things towards the person, remaining friends will just be like stabbing your wound over and over again. Move on first and once you do, maybe, just maybe you guys could be friends again... I am in your position RIGHT now to tell you the truth.. It's only been a month and my ex wants to be friends still... and yet she's dating someone new... >_> I'm just killing myself if I do so... Accept and move on first, and just put it in your head that you guys are over... that's what Im trying to do even though I know its hard... keep pushing... X_x I'm struggling myself...

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Originally Posted by Witchywoman1212

I appreciate it Starbuck,last time i wrote a respomse and let everything out i get nothing but nastiness,i learned my lseeson. People i've spoken to, especially my therapists says not to respond,let it be your last contact with hi. But my feelings still want him,I wish they would go away,and how long if i really eploy NC will it take.
Obviously i'll never get what i want from him.

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No hun, sorry to say but I don't think you'll ever get what you want from him. I think you are sad about who you wanted him to be, and it's not really who he is. :(

He is a player and a user! In my opinion he only wants to stay friends to keep his options open 'just in case' it doesn't work out with the new g/f. He wants to string you along to make sure he has you in his 'back pocket', and he thinks remaining friends with you will keep the door open if HE wants to come back to you. Then when you wouldn't play along with his game, he got nasty with you and tried to make it seem like you made things up in your mind about your relationship.

That wouldn't be much of a life for you, would it? Think about it. I'm sure if he did come back to you, you wouldn't have much trust in him and you would probably question his every move. Then he would start to blame you for getting in his business all of the time. He has already proven that he's not above hurting you, and he will do it again after the "honeymoon" period of the relationship.

Keep on telling yourself everyday, I DESERVE BETTER! Take a bunch of sticky notes and write that on them and paste them all over your house so you see them everyday! Find your internal dialouge and instead of saying... 'but I love him and miss him'... try and replace that with... 'he is poison in my life and he's not going to be my future', or something to that effect. Force yourself to look at the notes and say it in your head, or outloud to yourself, everyday!

Have a good cry, and then get angry, get real freakin pissed off, throw darts at a pic of him if you have to. Get your feelings out and the rest will follow. You will realise in awhile that you didn't think of him that day, and a while later you can't quite remember what he looks like, and sooner or later someone will mention his name and it will take you awhile to remember who he was.

Get out and meet some new people, or send a pkg to yourself... maybe the UPS guy will be cute, lol.

Good Luck!

Thank you so much Starbuck8!
Where were you when all this craziness happened,you are absolutely right on the mark. I wish I had real friends like you near me so I wouldnt've counted on this loser.
I really thought I was going crazy and believed his lies that it was all in my head till I saw an old e-mail from him citing that distance was a real problem and that he stilll loved me,and this (distance)cannot be overlooked. I had the right mind to send that e-mail back to him as proof that I wasn't crazy-but hold off on that. I wasn't sure what it would accomplish. Still not sure-but it would make eat his nasty words. Now that he has a gf-its like,oh lets trash Viv-since I don't really need her. I was more of his confident-sex line anything he wanted me to be-except I couldn't just up and leave everything and be with him because I was still in school.
There was a time I was envious of his gf-b/c so there was no way I wanted to play second fiddle,backburner pocket firnd whom he chats about his problems whenever she's not around.
Btw, UPS guys are really kind of cute-always on the go-need to watch out though :)

No Prob! You can send me a message anytime you need to talk or vent... you can send it private if you want to. I'll try and give you the guts not to pick up that phone, or get on your computer and send him stuff that will probably just go right over his head anyway. Relationships are hard when they go bad. Been there, done that, more than once I'm sorry to say.

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Originally Posted by Witchywoman1212

I worte a post about a guy i dated for 7 months,and he broke up w/me and met someone,was sort of a LDR thing, but wanted to stay friends with me.
I did not want to continue being friends because it didnt work for me, especially when he moved on to someoneels,whom he ditched me for. I felt i was getting strung along and no longer wanted to be there waiting for his calls or have any false hopes since he clearly moved on.
This stops me from moving on because i still had feelings for him-thats why I written a post asking "Can one be friends with an Ex"
Now his interactions with me is bordering on mental abuse, because i've finally wisened up. not only is he's 'imsulted' that I no longer want scraps of his time-and that his friendship on his term is not an option. he insults me by acting as though there was never between us,it was all in my head.
This was unortunately an LDR-met him here,he moved back to his own country-met someone local,and wants to stay 'friends'. When i didnt want this he hurts me by writing insulting emails as if I'm crazy and evrything btwn us was all in my head,and we'll never be more than friends,thish hurts more than ever.
Can no longer deal with him or this, i atill love him but can't deal with his insults-rejection while his new girl gets to have him.

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Forget him he is a loser and u deserve better

Some guys are good friends but not good boyfriends. If you were together for that long it might be akward trying to stay friends. But, is he really a person that you would want to be friends with? Some people are better left out of your life. I think we have all met a few people like that. You could always try to treat him like anyone else. Casually talking as if he's a stranger. Then see if it leads to friendship. You guys will end up friends if you both want it bad enough. If you don't want it bad enough, it's not really worth it. Also if you treat him normal, he'll start to think you're over him. This could get him to like you a bit more by jelousy or piss him off. Or he could just not end up caring. Good luck.

Hi everyone

I don't know what to do, its been three months since I last got in contact with the ex who not only tossed me aside once found someone new but he started treating me much different even though he insisted on remaining friends. When I wouldn't agree with remaining friends which meant being his sounding board or shoulder to cry on,he goes on insulting me as well,acting as though everything btwn us it was all in my head,it was an LDR. He did this so he doesn't have to account for his rude,disprectful behavior towards me,in which I let him know but all he did was shoot insults,I never replied to his last email and wonder if I did the wrong thing. Everyone advised me not to but I feel that this is so unresolved,and he got to stab me in the back and because I walked away the pain is still there. The pain of missing him and not being important to him anymore,which he clearly showed through his behaviour.
My Birthday past three weeks ago,didn't hear anything,but I kept away myself. But now I'm tempted to break NC because it seems like he has forgotten me,even though friends tell me its not true,he's just a jerk.
What's causing this is I live in a real borng place-I go to school here and will be graduating in December. I can hardly meet anyone,its so dead. I'm from NYC.
I try to do activities,and will start volunteering if I don't find summer work.
But this loneliness and hurt by him is killing me I feel like what the heck,I'll break NC.
But I know its wrong to do so,my friends says it will make me look weak and desperate? Its been three months already (oops I already said that)
What should I do, any suggestions to get through this difficult time? If I left anything out I'll respond.
Thanks!

Whenever I feel like breaking NC, I just imagine the worst possible scenario. Like I call him, and he tells me all these horrible things like "i hate you, why are you calling me, leave me alone". Or I imagine calling him, and he's with another girl and then he gets off the phone and her and him sit around talking and joking about how sad and pathetic I am. Whatever. As far fetched and unbelievable the scenarios are, its best to imagine it would be the worst thing to do. And I always remind myself, no matter how good or bad the conversation goes, I will still feel crappier afterwards. So, whatever you have to imagine to keep yourself from contacting him, do it!

Call a friend, family member, whatever. Someone who's in your life because they want to be and who deserves to be in your life and cares about you. When you're feeling low, contact someone who will cheer you up. Don't contact a person who walked out on you and caused you so much hurt and pain because it will only make it worse.

Well.. you should ask yourself, what will come out of contacting him?
If anything you'll be happy to hear his voice for about.. TEN SECONDS.. and then reality will kick in, and he might give you a strain of hope.. or he might shut you down.
I doubt you're going to have a hollywood reunion where he'll hang up the phone and run through the rain and knock your door down and confess his undying love.. (sorry.. wish it happened to me too, but I don't see it happening).
You'll probably grow hopeful.. only to get shot down AGAIN.. and it's the beginning of the summer.. you're back to square zero and you miss him more than you did before.. and you're kicking yourself in the b*tt for breaking NC in the first place..

That's my two cents...
I feel tempted to break NC all the time.. but I know better.
BEST CASE SCENARIO: I call my ex, she wants to get back...
But realistically do I WANT THAT.. can I ever TRUST HER AGAIN after the way she just left me?
Nope.
So I'm sticking to my NC guns.

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Originally Posted by nickshehe

Well..you should ask yourself, what will come out of contacting him??
If anything you'll be happy to hear his voice for about..TEN SECONDS..and then reality will kick in, and he might give you a strain of hope..or he might shut you down.
I doubt you're going to have a hollywood reunion where he'll hang up the phone and run through the rain and knock your door down and confess his undying love..(sorry..wish it happened to me too, but I dont see it happening).
You'll probably grow hopeful..only to get shot down AGAIN..and its the beginning of the summer..you're back to square zero and you miss him more than you did before..and you're kicking yourself in the b*tt for breaking NC in the first place..

Thats my two cents...
I feel tempted to break NC all the time..but I know better.
BEST CASE SCENARIO: I call my ex, she wants to get back...
but realistically do I WANT THAT..can I ever TRUST HER AGAIN after the way she just left me?
Nope.
So im sticking to my NC guns.

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He's exactly right... I actually had a reunion that seemed pretty promising... In the end all it did was put me down more. Its been 3 months of NC for you, I really think by now if he was interested in getting back with you he would have by now. Frankly he doesn't even sound worth your time. You're just going through a rough patch, push on through with the NC and you will turn a corner and feel a lot better. And Nicks right, after all he's put you through, would you really ever want him back?? Just think of how he has made you feel, and how he has verbally put you down. Your friends are right, he is a jerk.. think of that every time you want to contact him.