Don't worry about meeting someone knew as it will be a while before you will be mentally prepared anyway. You need to stay busy and workout even at home and find time to do things for yourself! You will be happy and I am discovering that myself, right now! I've never tried being happy alone and maybe that's been my problem as it may be yours. It's not a bad thing though, I can tell you that. Fill your head with good thoughts. Time to take charge of this situation by the horns and stay busy when you think about it. Take a good shower or go to the cinema even alone. Find time for a college course. You get the point. Stay busy while moving on! Be tougher!!

I haven't had many girlfriends so I now I can be happy on my own but this relationship break up has devstated me I puta lt into it thought we both wanted the same thing, I know its not a competition but I can't feel that way about anyone else at the moment and for hr to be with someone so quick is just a huge knock back in my confidence

You are not suppose to "feel that way about anyone else". That is why you don't. When you heal then it will happen. Reread my advice on what you need to do. That will rebuild your confidence. You seem to come on only during this time. Is this your free time? Stop dwelling on it and do something! You already know what to do. Next time you write here, tell me the good things happening in your life and what are you good at?

I'm working back shif this week, every time I'm busy I can do what I need to do while still thinking of my ex can't get her out of my mind, I know she isn't worth it and I'ts only making me I'll buther life is so much better than mine so I feel worthlsss

You can't think that way. It's only true if you think it. You have a job and are alive. You just have to focus on work and make everyday exciting by doing something different after work! You can do this!

Maybe will try that next week am done till Monday now, have got plans for tomor and Saturday is my mates birthday so hopefully that will ocupy me for some time

Every one goes through this at least once in their life. The first thing to do is put everything she gave you, things that remind you of her in a huge box, etc and keep it somewhere where you don't see it. Always remember that there is some girl out there waiting for you to be her boy friend. Go out have fun with your friends, spend more time on things that you like doing or if you don't have any hobbies, start having one now. Keep in mind that it takes time to heal.

You have gotten lots of good advice in your other thread,if you feel you can't cope with the feelings of loss and heart break consider seeing your gp.

Breakups are hard,but people do survive,we all find are way out of the heartbreak eventually,but for some they need a little more help.

Go easy on yourself,and perhaps along with a trip to the doctor you might consider therapy as well,it really can help.

Well woke up this morning with her on my mind because had a dream about her and justbeen lyin in bed struggling this is getting tooo difficult to deal with when I think how long ago it happened

Go shower fast and go back to bed.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 00dude

well woke up this morning with her on my mind because had a dream about her and justbeen lyin in bed struggling this is getting tooo difficult to deal with whn i think how long ago it happened

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Get up,get out into the world,how will you ever recover if you don't get pro active.

Give yourself a kick in the ar*s and do something you enjoy.

Meet the lads for a game of football,go for a run,do something active,it will release those feel good hormones and you WILL feel better.

Staying in this poor me I'm so heart broken state WILL not help you!

You have been given some great advice so far, and now its up to you to put some actions in your life, because you are responsible for your own healing, and happiness. The busier you are, the better you heal.

I'm trying theses things but doubts still come over me because I can't help but kbow I did the best and it was over just like that

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Originally Posted by 00dude

im tryin theses things but doubts still come over me because i can't help but kbow i did the best and it was over just like that

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You did the best you could for THAT relationship,it didn't work out,but maybe it was for the best,maybe there is a girl out there,perfect for YOU,a relationship where you do your best and it is good enough.

But that's not going to happen unless to start to put your ex behind you.

It took me bloody years to meet a guy where my best was good enough,guess what I did before him,I made a lot of big relationship mistakes,and eventually learned to love me for me and know I am bloody good enough,it was them who were not good enough for me.

Learn to love yourself again,let go of the hurt,what use is it?

I know its no good to anyone but I relationships actually mean something to me that's why I haven't had many, but some people can just seem to go from on to another like that, so they can obviosuly drop feelings quite easily I want to be able to do the same

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 00dude

i know its no good to anyone but i relationships actually mean someting to me thats why i havent had many, but some people can just seem to go from on to another like that, so they can obviosuly drop feelings quite easily i want to be able to do the same

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No they don't!

They hurt and cry and then pick themselves up and start again.

Well she didn't seem to take long in getting a new bloke everything we did how come I'm the only one that seems to remember I thought I made her happy, well she seemed it anyway neer told me any different that's why I was surprised when she dumped me even er mates said they were shocked so how do I move on that quick

Its been 3 months,have you made any progress at all?

Have you read the stickies in the relationship forum?

Have you kept busy?

Have you deleted her number,got rid of photos,old text messages etc?

Have you stopped asking about her to her friends?

3 months is not that quick,3 months is a nice chunk of time,it may take you a little longer,maybe even a year,but if you don't start making some progress,I would suggest some therapy to help get over this stickie bit.

I've done everything I'm supposed too deleted everything of hr more or les after 2 days an didn't seem as bad for a month then all of a sudden since then itsbeen really bad, I've read a million things about I and while they all make sense and are right I can't put it into practice and all I do is think about her plus with her being with a new gu din't exactly help either

Stop worrying about what she is doing and focus on what your going to do.

It takes time,all the things your doing are working,the benefits just are not visible yet,keep doing them,keep busy, stay no contact,start a journal if it helps,writing is a great way to reflect.

Is it normal to feel as if I'm going backwards though? I am doing the no contact thing but I have faltered a coupl of times over the past couple of months I wantto be able not to hink about why she doesn't want me but it does creep into my head all to often an I try som of the things I have read about but there is times where it builds up and gets too much

Sorry guy, but you sound like a guy with few friends, or activities.

Every time to break nc,you start again.

So when ever the last was that you made contact, that's your starting point.

Its natural yes it go back and forth in the beginning,but if you have made contact,that would explain your feelings.

Do you exercise regularly? If not I strongly recommend it,it will help you sleep,it produces those feel good hormones and something like running takes your mind into a new space,where all you here is your own breathing and the sound of your feet on the road,this gives your mind a chance to relax and find solutions to problems.

A relaxation cd would be no harm either.

Lay of the alcohol,its depressent.

The last time we spoke she was the one who contacted me first but I didn't know what to say so was just small talk then I told her I had to goafter a couple of minutes, the reasn istopped the no contct in the first place was that I felt guilty from deleting her from everything in my life, but do know that th moths leading you to us speaking was no were as bad as its been after, I've nevr been able to sleep properly for years so its summat I don't really think about and I am out the house all weeken doing activities with my friends bike riding, cinema, rock climbing etc but it doesn't stop me thinking about her, I do feel better pyhsicaly dontget me wrong plus I work long hours during week so gives me a lot of time to think and I nevr plan ahead usually do things on the spot or with not much time to organise more exciting that way

Just keep going out an having fun with your friends. This will help you keep your mind off her. If she calls, try your best to ignore her. I know it's harder than it sounds. I went through a period where my ex contacted me frequently. We made a lot of "small talk" and whatever. All it did was make me miss her more and instill a sense of false hope that we would get back together. Then I hung out with her and saw how things really were. It wasn't good. It is best to just be done with her and cut her out of your life. You will save yourself a TON on pain and anguish if you do.

Yeah I know I needto move on in a previous relationship w broke up and got bck together afte a few months which is what I wanted but it took us getting back together for me to relise I really didn't want to be with her and how horrible she treat me when all my mates were telling me while we broke up, I tried chooseing an hour a work today where I sai to myself I'm not going to think about her till at least a certain time which went OK but because I was frcing myself int no thinking about her it she kept popping into my mind and id quickly tink of sumat else is very hard thing to do

I know exactly how u feel.. it hurts, jhow can someone you are with so long, act like what uj two had was nothing and transfer feelings to the next clown.. please.. love makes time.

Well I met this girl we went out on a few dates but she says she doesn't feel a connection, she said I'm funny great to be around and make her laugh so I just accepted it but she messages me a lot and we get on so well when we see each other and she texts me things after we've met like I had a great time tonight was nice to catch up and contacts me when she knows I'm out in town on the night I'm confused because too me she is doing things that make me feel like she likes me that way but I guess I'm only going to see it from my position, does anybody have any ideas on what she wants is it worth me putting all my effort onto her?

No. She has already stated that she does not feel a connection. It would be a good idea to back off and keep things at friendship level.
Store your effort away for a girl that wants to put effort into you.

Seems pretty clear that she's content with a friendship. Funny how, when we have feelings for another person, we try to twist their words into thinking that they are interested in us.

If she was interested in your or considering a possibility, she wouldn't have said that she doesn't feel a connection.

Accept the friendship and move on. If you can't handle the friendship, i.e. only friends because you have a sense of false hope that something more can happen, then leave her out of her life until you feelings for her have gone away. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

I can tell you, as a female, that it's definitely possible for a girl to see a guy as just a friend. She's probably very friendly, outgoing, flirty, and all that, but she KNOWS that she can get your attention. I'm sure she likes knowing that a guy likes her, and even though she doesn't like you as a boyfriend, she still likes you as a friend. It's kind of a weird middle feeling, it can send the wrong signals.

I met a girl on Saturday night while out clubbing she introduced herself to me and for the next couple of hourse we were talking and having a great time in which we exchanged phone numbers, also she had her arm round me at one point and most of our attention was on each other rather than anyone else, I texted her when I got home saying it was nice to meet her and I had fun and she said she had a good night too, the next day though when we were talking over text message she didn't seem as keen as the night before and it was talking her a while to text, I am working late this week and she was out last night so didn't want to invade when she was with friends and I don't get home till 10:30 and don't want to text late in case she is in bed etc have I made a mistake in not contacting her or shall I do it in the morning which I was planning on too, plus this girl makes me forget about other things and I can't take my mind off her I really enjouyed her company and want to ask her out on a date but I don't want to make the mistake of coming on too strong or not being interested, have I wated too long or shall I leave it a while to ask her out what do you think would be best?

You should try and ask her out on a date..
But don't be so upset or hurt if she says no...
If she does say no
Give her a couple days and try talking to her again don't try and jump into the relationship so quick

I won't be upset I would rather have a yes or no answer asap but don't want to come on too strong straight away

If she responded to your texts, then she's willing to keep in touch anyway. So no need to over-analyze.

You sound like a nice guy, but why not call her? If she wanted to go out with you, she would. No need to worry about coming on strong.

I haven't text her for a couple of days though wouldn't it be wired if I just came out asking her out in the morning?

Hello Dude,

As a women's point of view, I would ask her to hang out. It's more romantic for me to have a man pursue me then the other way around. I say go for it!

You're worried about coming on too strong, but if anything, you didn't do enough.

You don't need to worry about when you're texting her. You should text her whenever you feel like it and she will respond when she has time.

Furthermore, calling her to ask her to hang out isn't coming on strong either. It's called getting to know each other.

How are you suppose to build friendships or relationships if you don't even have any contact or communication with the other person.

I think that this is a question of confidence on your part. Get some courrage, pick up the phone and give it a shot.

The worst that can happen is that she's no longer interested in getting to know you better. But at least you would know the answer, as opposed to constantly wondering what she's thinking.

Like I said before I'm working lates this week so if I text her in the mornin and she don't reply till later I won't be able to speak back till I finsh work so if I ask the question I won't be able to do out about the answer, and I know my confidece is a bit low because of a previous relationship I don't want to mess things up but like you said I should have said more but don't think its appropriate to contact her so late at night

Well I sent her a message this morning asking how she is and if she had a good night when she was out but no reply, maybe I just got my judgment wrong on Saturday night thinking that she was interested