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1. Send her an e-mail with a date to come and get her stuff, a month's notice is usually good. Try to arrange for a third party to be there. If she calls, be polite but short with her telling her when she can arrive. Don't make it hard at all.
2. Either keep the dog, or tell her she needs to take it now
3. Joint belongings, divide them up equally.
4. Computer photos, but a jump drive, put them on there and then get a box and put them in there as a memory box and keep it packed away
Question - how do you go about NC if you work with your ex and see them on a daily basis? There are times where NC is just not an option without being ridiculously awkward in front of co-workers...
ATG, read my story, I worked with my ex. Who cares about co workers, worry about yourself first.
So just yesterday I realized that after 5 months, of texting my ex every single weekend (cuz I missed him on the WE, still do) I realized that NC is the healthy answer to all all my questions, and frustrations. 5 MONTHS ! Of contact after a break up! Has anyone done that for so long after a break up? Please tell me if you have, so I stop feeling so much like a weak person and so much like .
I need to start NOW, the penny dropped when I sent him 7 texts in one day because he wasn't answering. I've been trying so hard to let go of him, but the truth is that deep inside of me I didn't want to let go, I even know I've become annoying, even if he still answers me, I know it in my heart that I am disturbing him, It's just so hard to control my feelings, I thought that I still loved him but the truth is that I am not sure about that anymore, love's supposed to me nice and calm and I haven't been expressing that to him at all, I think Im just fixated now, I didn't sent him that many texts even when we were dating, we were together for more than a year. I think he has been rally patient with me because maybe he still cares about me, and he says he still loves me, after calling him a player and a jerk and telling him that I hated him with all my soul, he still says that he loves me. I really don't want him to remember me as the obssesed ex that sent him texts non stop. I really don't.
I never really accepted that it was OVER until know. At the beginning of the break up I sent him hate massages, blaming him for breaking us, for breaking what we had, because he broke up with me, I was so so mad at him because I felt so betrayed, I thought that he just played with me, I felt like he never really loved me, but just know I realized that there's really no one to blame, we both made mistakes, and now I am sure that he loved me. But the truth is that people change, feelings change and we have to learn to accept that because life is unpredictable and you never know what's going to happen.
It will be very hard to let go of him for good, but I was hurting myself and him, by still holding on to him and what we had.
I was in the same boat, but more like 6 months for me. Those 6 months I refused to believe it was over and I kept thinking that my ex still loved me. One day I just had enough and decided it was time to move on. And guess what, I did. Took me about a month to get over her enough to live a normal life again.
I got a question. After the NC rule when feels like I don't feel the sting in whatever her action is. Is it possible to pursue a relationship again or even friendship?
Just my opinion, anything is possible once the healing process is complete. There is a big difference though, in being healed, and feeling better.
Would you be happy if she had a boyfriend?
Did she contacted you after that?Quote:
Originally Posted by wontgohomewou
My rule always was, if you can hear the other talking about sleeping with another person and allow them to go into detail.
Hmm I see. Don't think will be happy but cool with it. I mean which guy do if they still like the girl. Now, for me, my healing process might take another month maybe to be fully complete, don't want to jump to conclusion like you say feeling better and healed is 2 very different thing.Quote:
Just my opinion, anything is possible once the healing process is complete. There is a big difference though, in being healed, and feeling better.
Would you be happy if she had a boyfriend?
Love this page! Thanks for putting it together! I'm going through a hard break up right now and I'm bookmarking this page in case I have moments of weakness. :)
I am glad to hear it! If this page only helps one person I feel as though it is a success. Break ups are hard emotionally and physically but once you finally break through the hard ships, it truly is rewarding
Update it, Rome. :)
Okay, so it seems there have been a few things that I have been reading about that need to be addressed.
1. My ex has things of mine, what should I do?
a. First you should have had this conversation with them already, this needs to be addressed in the first 3 days I believe. I will give you the 2 day shock grace period but after that, the stuff obviously wasn't that important. \
2. They said they were confused and doesn't know what they want.
a. Cliché line for "I don't want to tell you this right now and let you figure it out on your own.
I have more on the way but time is a precious thing for me right now with wedding planning and mortgage companies lately
Well said man. :)Quote:
2. They said they were confused and doesn't know what they want.
a. Cliché line for "I don't want to tell you this right now and let you figure it out on your own.
Keep the updates coming. :D
Can the words '' I have mixed emotions '' fall in that category too ?Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Meaning : I don't want to hurt your feelings right now, but it's over.
Can mixed emotions clear and she will have feelings for you again?
Mixed emotions hardly ever are "mixed" emotions, it's their own personal fear of what life will be like without a safety net. 9 times out of 10, after the dust settles, you realize that this was just a line to give you hope and wait around in case she doesn't find something better.
Thank you for this, really. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship. My first one too. He broke up with me. He told me he didn't feel the same way about me anymore and needed time to think. So far I'm on day 3 or no contact. Its been so hard, but I can tell I'm feeling a little better from no contact. On day 3 he actually texted me three times! Saying things like, "I've been thinking about you all day" and "such a bad time these things to happen" but no signs of him wanting me back. So far I have not replied. I want to stay strong. He is probably surprised I haven't called or texted like I have the past week since we've been apart. I want to ask, is his texting me a way of him feeling guilty? I'm so confused! I still plan on not talking to him though. This is so difficult! I want to, but then I don't! He was so cold and rude to me during our breakup so I have to remember that.
Welcome Honey! I am extremely proud that you have managed to ignore his texts, kudos to you. You are a very strong person (much stronger than I when this happened to me). Don't know his reason for texting you, probably out of guilt and curiosity. It doesn't matter though. Keep being strong and keep pushing! Good luck. Vent away to us if you need to.Quote:
Originally Posted by honeytea
Hi honeytea. Keep up the good work.I can't remember which day I'm on! Ten or so. I broke up with him see my thread but this time ill not try to mend it.take one day at a time keep busy pamper yourself.cry when you need to allow yourself to be angry hurt etc.all the best.
Thanks kctiger! I wasn't so strong the past week when he broke up with me.. I did some pretty desperate and embarrassing things that I regret.. I knew this had to stop when I finally realized that he really has given up. I don't want to be with someone who does not want to be with me. Nothing, not even sex, begging, crying, and all the love in the world I had for him would bring him back to me. I tried my very best. I lost a lot of weight and tons of sleep the past week. Now I'm slowly starting to eat and sleep again after "no contact" And crying still happens, but with less tears than usual.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it. I don't have anyone to talk to who would understand this situation as I'm living alone in a new city with no friends. I lost all of my friends while I was with him. I put too much time into him. I'm slowly trying to build myself confidence up now.
Wow, amicon! I want to someday get to the point where I can't remember which day of "no contact" I'm on! That would be wonderful. I just read your thread and I wish you the best too. And yes, I'm taking it one day at a time, keeping busy and pampering myself a whole lot! I've been going to the lake to read my books and relax everyday. So far, five different guys have talked to me. I guess it helps going out and being busy helps sometimes :)Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Honey anytime you need to vent you know where to find us. You'll get through this, but some type of support system always helps. Good luck to you!
You are doing great! All my best wishes and have a happy life. Monica
After a NC of 3 months my ex girlfriend called me and I talked to her in "FORMAL" tone.. but not a caring and friendly one... is it a mistake... also I made the conversation very short (2 mins) and said I had some work and had to go ad hung up... reply
I kind of have a problem, with the NC. I didn't keep pictures or anything, but me and my most recent ex both loved music. I have a memory for nearly every song on my playlists. I don't exactly feel pain but I start getting delusional, like she'll be back soon. It's a really sad cycle I put myself in.
You were text book perfect. How is your life going now?Quote:
Originally Posted by maverick1989
No worries, this to shall pass.Quote:
Originally Posted by AtrumCarnivale
Music does that to us.or rather we let music do that to us.but this will fade in time. :-)
I'm fine.. just as the book said... I'm enjoying my hobby ( guitar)... I have friends with whom I pass most of my time... its just I WANT MY EX BACK IN MY LIFE... HAVE I DONE A MISTAKE BY TALKING IN FORMAL TONE INSTEAD OF FRIENDLY TONE?? I thot that friendly tone will make her think I still have feelings for her...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Please visit my post in my profile... its my story... please.. I need your advice guys... I'm following t w Jackson's book...
Please visit my story...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-387297.html
Stop worrying about tones of your voice, if you are this worried about it you really shouldn't be talking to her
That's not the book I was referring to. The one here is, written by the experience of the people on this forum. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/ .Quote:
Originally Posted by maverick1989
What about txt messages? We never usually call people... its usually just txt... do the same principles apply?
Ignore all text messages. If you can't resist, then have someone that you trust delete the text message for you so that you don't have to read it.Quote:
Originally Posted by usagistars
Change your number if you have to.
Texts fall under the same category as an e-mail, useless words falling on what should be deaf ears. Simply delete without reading or block their number
What happens if you are doing all these things but your still not over her?
You stick with the plan until you are.
Wow it is a great idea.But how if you get over your ex and the anger and hate stays to word the woman who took my ex from me.how could you deal with that kind of situation
You have to think of things this way, because I had the same thing. No one can take someone away unless they want to be. So while your anger is placed on her, you have to place a lot on him as well.
Put the ex's things in storage for very short period in ex,s address and give the storage attendant ex,s phone number. I think that in some storage place, it's only $1 for first month, so you won't lose that much. Do call from an outside phone (knowing that he/she is not home; just leave a message) letting ex know where his/her things are and tell him/her that he/she is responsible for the rest of the storage fee and that you are no longer responsible for these things.
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