Ask Me Help Desk - I can't figure this guy out!

Hi firefly, It's funny how things work out isn't it. I too accidentally found this website because I was patheticly trying to find websites that tell you how to get your ex's back... I came on here franticly looking for a way to get him back.. I was told things that in the beginning honestly made me mad... I didn't want to hear that I should move on, I wanted to hear there was some magic strategy to get him to see how stupid he was being. Now over time and many good people like yourself beating it into my head I realized there isn't anything you can do to make them come back... I think you and I were somewhat in the same stage of recovery because it seemed we always related to and answered many of the same posts. Here's to the new year and a new outlook for the future..

Happy Holidays, firefly

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I think you and I were somewhat in the same stage of recovery because it seemed we always related to and answered many of the same posts.

Hi Missinghim. Yeah, I've notice that too... am I following you around or are you following me? :p At least we know we're not alone on this crazy ride!

Happy holidays to you too! :)

Many thanks for such a positive and uplifting note. I found this site in the course of researching topics having to do with heartbreak. This is a place where we can come and participate in the healing process. I was having a positive vibe several days ago, that I wanted to take this heartbreak and somehow grow with it, to be a stronger and better person. Merry Christmas.

As a Witness, he is messed up mentally and not living up to his dedication. 1 Cor. 7:39 gives the reason for Witnesses to "marry only in the Lord". If you go to meetings, you also know that most Brothers there are kind, reasonable, and level-headed. If you decide to progress to baptism, you would surely be blessed in the future with someone who will treat you right
- if that is your desire. Whether inside or outside any religion, it's obvious to see when someone is playing games - many times meaning they are messed up mentally; not always meaning they are mean and devious. Witnesses do marry outside their religion on rare occasions, and also on rare occasions, the relationship works. Try and be with someone you are compatible with on all levels. But that takes patience. Don't try and squeeze the square peg into the round hole. It only leads to heartache and disaster down the road.

I was raised a jehovah's witness and to reply to lenovo's comment about it being suggested it's not suggested if you are so much as dating anyone outside of the religion you can get congregation privlages taken away. Even if you're dating someone in the religion you can still get in trouble. Also first off this guy wasn't in a very good place in the congregation to one be separated from his wife two be at a club (seeing as how they're not supposed to do that) and three to pursue a relationship with you. Please I ask of the people reading this don't date a jehovah's witness. It's just a bad idea because eventually those feelings and those roots that have been planted in their heads will come back and bite you in the

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Originally Posted by little firefly

In December 2005 i met a man at a dance club that i go to regularly. i had no particular interest in him but he kept returning to the club with the hope that i would be there. i thought he was very nice and i was flattered at his interest in me. i consented to go on a date with him and we ended up in a relationship. it was extremely intense and we fell in love rather quickly. we were both married but seperated from our spouses. i am of the baptist faith and he is a Jehovahs Witness. this botherd me a little, but i was so in love with him that i dismissed all of my doubts. he was extemely sexual to the point of almost being a nymphomaniac! He explained that his wife had grown cold toward him over the past several years. after being with him for 10 months (during which time we talked at length about wanting to get married) he tells me that he had been wrong to be with me and that he needed to concentrate on getting back in good standing with his congregation, and being a better spiritual leader to his 4 year old son. i was so hurt but understood his convictions. after about a month apart we reconnected briefly, but after 2 months his wife decided to go through with divorce proceedings. Again he told me that he had been wrong to be with me. he felt that he had been selfish and had been unfair to me. for the sake of his son he wanted to try to do things right. he maintained that he still loved me and wanted me very much, and that the only reason he couldnt see me was because it wasnt right. things werent able to be worked out in his marriage and they went through with the divorce. as recently as 2 months ago he came to the club wanting to spend time with me. he told me again that he loved me and wanted to be free to be with me. i spoke to him a week ago and he informed me that for the past month he has been seeing his best friend of the past 3 years. according to him they had never felt anything for each other but suddenly she and him saw each other in a different light. he tells me that he is in love with her and that he is very happy. By the way she is not a Witness. i've been left so confused and hurt. i keep asking myself what could i have done wrong? how could he love me 2 months ago and then suddenly not love me anymore and be in love with someone else. i honestly thought i would be spending my life with this man. i need some insight on this. What happened? did the fact that he is a witness mean trouble from the beginning? is his new girlfriend heading for the same heartbreak?:confused:

It probably has nothing to do with you. Here are the facts:
As a Married Witness, your boyfriend, though in a failing marriage, would be disfellowshipped, or ostrasized if your relationship was discovered.

Once his marriage ended, he preferred dealing with a witness female. A person who shared his distinct beliefs. In this type of organization, couples are looked up to. Having a non witness wife would place him in a awkward position of having married a "non-believer".

Additionally, his now estranged wife could convince her congregation elders that he had been having an affair with you during the marriage. If this is proved to be true, again, he could possibly be disfellowshipped, or ostrasized (shunned) by his fellow congregation members. This act of shunning extends to every witness he knows (including family if they are witness)

Hope this helps!

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Originally Posted by BB683

It probably has nothing to do with you. Here are the facts:
As a Married Witness, your boyfriend, though in a failing marriage, would be disfellowshipped, or ostrasized if your relationship was discovered.

Once his marriage ended, he preferred dealing with a witness female. A person who shared his distinct beliefs. In this type of organization, couples are looked up to. Having a non witness wife would place him in a awkward position of having married a "non-believer".

Additionally, his now estranged wife could convince her congregation elders that he had been having an affair with you during the course of the marriage. If this is proved to be true, again, he could possibly be disfellowshipped, or ostrasized (shunned) by his fellow congregation members. This act of shunning extends to every witness he knows (including family if they are witness)

Hope this helps!

Thanks for that response! I wish it would have been something I would have known a long time ago!! Fortunately for me he's been out of my life and out of my head for over a year now and I've been in a wonderful new relationship for almost 6 months. He was raised Baptist too so we're more of a match. I couldn't be happier! :)