Ask Me Help Desk - A lot on my plate.

Okay fair enough.

I live with my two brothers during the week, and on the weekend we go to our parent's house. Why would I want them to know I'm gay?

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Me and my younger brother*, my older brother stays here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goldentetra

My friend is doing great. He's one of those effervescent people who really lives every ounce of life. Honestly his life is a giant party, I'm kinda jealous :)

In my opinion, telling your friends your problems isn't selfish as long as you are there for them too. Obviously dumping everything on them and then leaving them when they need you isn't great.

If you are feeling suicidal you should talk to someone, I don't know about peer as its a bit tough for some 15 year olds to respond the best to that (although better than nothing I think). See what the other say I'm no expert, just another human.

Do you have any trusted adults in your life? There might be some phone life lines in your area where you could chat to someone about this if not.

I can't emphasise enough how much being your age sucks but it gets so much better. I went away to uni and felt like a different person (I also wanted to kill myself but I didn't have half the problems you have to deal with.)

You will meet someone like him, probably even better!

Glad to hear that, I would be jealous too! :)

And yeah the problem sharing is mutual, neither of us would dare just dumping all our problems without hearing out how they are first, it wouldn't be right.

I don't feel I can trust anyone else really, not anyone else that would understand at least.

Thank you Golden, it means a lot. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goldentetra

You will meet someone like him, probably even better!

Would you please add a word of caution about having sex under the age of consent?

He's 15.

No need for that. ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Would you please add a word of caution about having sex under the age of consent?

He's 15.

Sorry, I meant in the future, I didn't expect him to find someone straight away, and also you can have a relationship without sex :) I was thinking more about when he leaves home and can find more like minded people. School is a very strange environment.

Fiddels, I hope your feeling a little better. Look after yourself, I mean it. I wouldn't tell the teacher about your feelings for him because it'll just end up in a big messy pile of mess. But I think you got that message already.

Right, I'm off to bed, ciao for now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiddels

No need for that. ;)

Would you answer how your friends know you are gay, have come out, but your brothers and parents don't?

You do have a lot on your plate, and little help to guide you through the process of sorting things out. That's a shame sort of but understandable considering your age and lack of experience. I even can see that keeping yourself a secret is easier than coming out to people that may not understand you. Its truly scary I know.

You definitely need a true older male you trust to talk to, but at this time one you are attracted to may not be the best choice. Maybe when you have gotten control of your emotions, and can stay within appropriate boundaries, he may be a reliable source of guidance, and advice.

Until then... you have us! We may be tough, but fair!

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Would you answer how your friends know you are gay, have come out, but your brothers and parents don't?

Told my friends, not my family.

And tal, thank you. It's going to be difficult, but I will keep my emotions under control. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiddels

Forgot to mention my parents are homophobes, and my dad has already threatened that if I ever came out he'd kill me, he's attacked me before so I want to avoid that route.

What does this mean? He thinks you are gay but doesn't want you to admit it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What does this mean? He thinks you are gay but doesn't want you to admit it?

My guess is that it's his fathers fear and he's openly expressing it towards him but it could mean he's suspicious.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiddels

"Told my friends, not my family."

No Fiddels, what we don't understand is how you can tell your friends, having siblings around your age, and your siblings not hear about it? That part is not making sense.

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

My guess is that it's his fathers fear and he's openly expressing it towards him but it could mean he's suspicious.

No Fiddels, what we don't understand is how you can tell your friends, having siblings around your age, and your siblings not hear about it? That part is not making sense.

I've asked the same question two or three times - apparently OP has no answer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I've asked the same question two or three times - apparently OP has no answer.

By we I meant you and I.

I agree with you, I find it odd that all his friends know but no word has come of it to his siblings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

By we I meant you and I.

I agree with you, I find it odd that all his friends know but no word has come of it to his siblings.

I realized that - I just meant that despite the requests, he chose not to answer. No problem - and I'd still like to know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I realized that - I just meant that despite the requests, he chose not to answer. No problem - and I'd still like to know.

He did somewhat answer, just not specifically.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiddles

Told my friends, not my family.

Why would they know if I haven't told them? How is it odd?

I think parents and siblings know if you are gay. They may not want to admit or deal with it, but they know.
You said yourself your father knows and forbids you to "come out".

Just be very careful. This is not an easy life for a teen. But use your head. Don't let your emotions guide you. You can't speak or act on everything you feel.
I wish you well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiddels

Why would they know if I haven't told them? How is it odd?

Does your father suspect you are gay?

He said in an earlier post " my dad has already threatened that if I ever came out he'd kill me, he's attacked me before so I want to avoid that route."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiddels

Why would they know if I haven't told them? How is it odd?

Because you've come out to your friends - you don't think things of this nature filter down through families and friends?

And, yes, I agree - your father very well may know and just doesn't want to hear the words.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He said in an earlier post " my dad has already threatened that if I ever came out he'd kill me, he's attacked me before so I want to avoid that route."

Yes, I know and I have quoted him, but am still waiting for his confirmation. Seems like the public affirmation is what his father fears. Then the father thinks that is a reflection on himself and his masculinity?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Yes, I know and I have quoted him, but am still waiting for his confirmation. Seems like the public affirmation is what his father fears. Then the father thinks that is a reflection on himself and his masculinity?

I agree - the father may know. He just doesn't want to hear it.

If he knew, he would have said something, he's pre-warned me just as parents Pre-warn kids about sex, condoms and those sort of things. He only mentioned it when gay scenes where on the TV.

Honestly doing nothing is the best way to go for two reasons, one it is illgell and will cause problems, because as a teacher and grown man, he will naturally be unsure of what to do and may talk to someone. And secondly hun you are 15 it most certainly is a crush, and it makes sense, an attractive man who is kind to you and gives you advice, and comforts you like you said unlike your parents. Honestly though it sounds more like a deep admiration for who he is, and how he treats people, it is easy to fall more for a persons personaility and the attraction just follows, but you need to remember that it's a crush. And quite frankly it may be weird to him if you tell him, my advice try dating your age or focusing on getting ready to come out or whatever, and just remember admiration and love are two different things. Don't tell him its better that way and just try and forget and move on, its okay to admire him, but it's a silly admiration turned to lust, it is not love in the form you think it is.

I still don't know guys, I can't help it and I still feel the same way about him. Everyone has been telling me just to not tell him and move on because it's the best thing to do - I agree but my heart doesn't.

Then keep talking to your heart until it does agree with your head. Don't do what the heart tells you to do, do what your head is telling you.

Following your heart is what always gets people into trouble...

How long will it take?

It generally takes as long as it takes to convince your heart to shut up and listen to reason, and stop screwing with your head.

It's so hard though, he has been such a father like figure to me, he talks to me and makes sure I'm all right and if things at home are okay. He is very comforting as well, I've never met anyone like him before.

Have you read the stickies to get some ideas as to what to do to help you move on?

Relationships - Ask Me Help Desk

Or some of the other questions people ask about surviving a break up? Coping with your own feelings, in mature positive productive ways?