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Originally Posted by eveamee09

Hi Kit, yes I agree with you, we would definitely never agree on how to raise children... that would be a nightmare and would cause SO much stress. I am realising more and more how lucky I would be to get out now, and to avoid much more further heartache, for both of us. When I think about the summer ahead I feel down though.. I don't really know what I'm going to do with myself for 3 months of being here in this house whilst my family are away on holiday and knowing that he is just around the corner and probably free, and that we could go for a nice walk or something. Perhaps these next three weeks of exams will help to take my mind off it and make me learn to cope on my own without him, and then I won't even WANT to meet him for a walk as going down that whole route again.

And yes, I see his Mum as quite inspirational to me, the fact that she went through pretty much the same thing as me and then ended up divorcing him just shows that Western women and strong Islamic cultures don't really mix. Although, I do wonder if I'll ever find anyone who truly suits me? I don't drink alcohol or go clubbing or anything like that really, through my own choice (I was this way long before I met my boyfriend), and finding a guy who is similar might be quite hard.

I want to know what will happen in the future now and get rid of all this waiting!!!

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Join a health club. Go walking somewhere else. Go to a different market. I think it's very good that you don't go clubbing and drinking. Mixing loneliness and alcohol with a few drinks and roomful of men who are looking to "score" is a recipe for duster.

The right one is in the future.. but wait till you get this guy out of your system. Reconnect with your friends. Call them today and make plans to go to dinner or a movie. Take a trip by yourself to somewhere you really like. There are lots of ways to fill those empty hours. You say you are agnostic but there are many churches that have singles groups and there are very nice men in those churches.

I believe there is something for you... try really asking yourself about God and Jesus... If you ask.. God will help you through this... There are many ways to worship and I'm not berating the way you feel. What I'm suggesting is maybe talking to a minister. Who knows what could happen.. . Kit

That is very true - I have actually started organising meals out with friends over the next few weeks, and planning things with my best friend (such as that holiday to Spain that my boyfriend and I were going to go on, I've changed it to go with my friend) and I'm definitely thinking about taking up Salsa or badminton over the summer, and getting back into my belly dance classes. Church groups are also something to consider for the future. I also do quite a lot of volunteering already in places like care homes and with Victim Support, so I'm planning on really getting into that this summer!

I actually met him at my usual health club but don't have plans to go back there anytime soon.. especially not until I feel a bit more comfortable with the whole situation! Still sort of dreading seeing him in 3 weeks after exams when we will exchange our stuff and I will basically tell him face to face that it is definitely over, that will be very hard especially if he gets upset and promises to change/let me do whatever I want... you see I know they'd just be empty promises that he'd be saying out of emotion and not because of a genuine belief that I should be able to make my own decisions.

Once again thanks for your advice. I am going out for a meal tonight with a lovely Spanish lady I met at belly dancing classes last year, it will be nice to catch up and practice the language.

Enjoy your evening. What time is it where you are? Where even are you!

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

That is very true - I have actually started organising meals out with friends over the next few weeks, and planning things with my best friend (such as that holiday to Spain that my boyfriend and I were going to go on, I've changed it to go with my friend) and I'm definitely thinking about taking up Salsa or badminton over the summer, and getting back into my belly dance classes. Church groups are also something to consider for the future. I also do quite a lot of volunteering already in places like care homes and with Victim Support, so I'm planning on really getting into that this summer!

I actually met him at my usual health club but don't have plans to go back there anytime soon.. especially not until I feel a bit more comfortable with the whole situation! Still sort of dreading seeing him in 3 weeks after exams when we will exchange our stuff and I will basically tell him face to face that it is definitely over, that will be very hard especially if he gets upset and promises to change/let me do whatever I want... you see I know they'd just be empty promises that he'd be saying out of emotion and not because of a genuine belief that I should be able to make my own decisions.

Once again thanks for your advice. I am going out for a meal tonight with a lovely Spanish lady I met at belly dancing classes last year, it will be nice to catch up and practice the language.

Enjoy your evening. What time is it where you are? Where even are you!!

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It is 1:17 p.m here in the Southern United States. I'm glad you're going to have a nice evening. Have a great weekend and if you need to post... I'll be on and off this site all weekend... Blessings:)

Hi Kit, still keeping busy and trying to answer other questions on here to take my mind off it. It is half past midnight though so I will probably try to sleep now and not worry too much about everything.

Thanks again and I hope you also enjoy your weekend. Speak soon : )

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

Hi Kit, still keeping busy and trying to answer other questions on here to take my mind off it. It is half past midnight though so I will probably try to sleep now and not worry too much about everything.

Thanks again and I hope you also enjoy your weekend. Speak soon : )

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I'm glad you're getting involved here.. We need you. Have a great weekend:)

Hey, just wondering if I could get some advice on this.. it's his big boxing match in exactly one week and I was supposed to be going to watch and support. Obviously I'm not going now, but I really really would love to know how he gets on and whether he wins/loses etc... it's something he's been preparing for all year and means a lot. Do you think it would be a good idea to text him good luck before hand, and then ask him to contact me afterwards to tell me how it went? Or should I contact one of his friends who's going and ask them to text me the result? I know one friend quite well so could easily ask him to keep my updated. What do you think?

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

Hey, just wondering if I could get some advice on this.. it's his big boxing match in exactly one week and I was supposed to be going to watch and support. Obviously I'm not going now, but I really really would love to know how he gets on and whether he wins/loses etc... it's something he's been preparing for all year and means a lot. Do you think it would be a good idea to text him good luck before hand, and then ask him to contact me afterwards to tell me how it went? Or should I contact one of his friends who's going and ask them to text me the result? I know one friend quite well so could easily ask him to keep my updated. What do you think?

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Contact through the friend is definitely the best way to go... Also something else I've been thinking about.. when you all meet to exchange your personal items or you to give his things back.. have a friend with you... Please. I really think his mom might be the best one to give him his things back. Would she do it for you? The less contact the better.

This man isn't going to change his ways and he thinks you'll be the one
Cave and come back to him. He's going to come at you with emotional tactics i.e. tears, sadness, guilt... don't fall for it. The tears are because he is alone and you're not there to be the little woman anymore. Be Brave... Kit

Hey eve,
Check your private inbox

I think any contact through friends or family from afar is a lousy idea. Trying to keep up with what he is doing only prolongs the confusion, and pain, and totally distracts you from gaining clarity, and objectivity to your own recovery.

Kit, I agree with what you are saying - the thing is talaniman that the break-up hasn't really been made official yet - for the sake of both of our exams, we have agreed not to talk about it for the three weeks and discuss everything afterwards. I truly believe though that he is holding onto the hope that I will come round and decide to be with him (which is definitely not what I am planning on doing at all, but I think it's good that he thinks this for the time being though as it really is what's getting him through these important exams) and then I will tell him afterwards. I feel bad for allowing him to live with this false hope, but I think it would be crueler to do it all now, and disrupt both of our degrees.

I am pretty sure Kit that he will try all those tactics. They worked on me a year and a half ago, so he thinks they'll work on me now. I think the idea about having someone there with us when I give the things back and break-up with him face to face is good. I might plan to go to his house making sure people like his Mum are there at the time, and make it quick and swift - just tell him the truth that I don't want to have this relationship anymore, and get out. I think I owe it to him to say it face to face though and not on the phone/through other people. But if in 3 weeks I feel differently I might change my mind if it's best for both of us. I wish I could just do it all now and begin the healing process - but that just wouldn't be fair or sensible in my opinion.

Thanks both for all of your advice. And I will try to find my private inbox - haven't a clue where it is!

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

Kit, I agree with what you are saying - the thing is talaniman that the break-up hasn't really been made official yet - for the sake of both of our exams, we have agreed not to talk about it for the three weeks and discuss everything afterwards. I truly believe though that he is holding onto the hope that I will come round and decide to be with him (which is definitely not what I am planning on doing at all, but I think it's good that he thinks this for the time being though as it really is what's getting him through these important exams) and then I will tell him afterwards. I feel bad for allowing him to live with this false hope, but I think it would be crueler to do it all now, and disrupt both of our degrees.

I am pretty sure Kit that he will try all those tactics. They worked on me a year and a half ago, so he thinks they'll work on me now. I think the idea about having someone there with us when I give the things back and break-up with him face to face is good. I might plan to go to his house making sure people like his Mum are there at the time, and make it quick and swift - just tell him the truth that I don't want to have this relationship anymore, and get out. I think I owe it to him to say it face to face though and not on the phone/through other people. But if in 3 weeks I feel differently I might change my mind if it's best for both of us. I wish I could just do it all now and begin the healing process - but that just wouldn't be fair or sensible in my opinion.

Thanks both for all of your advice. And I will try to find my private inbox - haven't a clue where it is!

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Good luck and let me know how the weekend goes...

Hey.. the weekend went surprising well thank you.. I hope everybody else's did too. I distracted myself quite a lot by spending time with my family and going out for meals/to the cinema. I have just arrived back to Unversity now though for three weeks... and I can't believe how lonely I suddenly feel. This room is a place where I spent a lot of time with my boyfriend and somewhere where I'd chat to him on the phone every day for hours.. like normally I'd call him up now to talk and tell him how my journey was etc and that I've arrived safely... but he's not here any more and that's a really hard thing to accept.

I am not going to contact him no way but the desire is definitely there. I suppose I just have to try and distract myself by studying and talking to some friends.. but where I am it's really quiet and there's hardly anything ever going on. I have just sort of realised how much I miss him and feel a bit down. This really isn't good.

It is what it is, deal with it, and be creative like blast the box, and talk to the first one who complains, or grab a nutty hat, and explore the campus, or go make friends. Why sit and be bored, that's so boring.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

It is what it is, deal with it, and be creative like blast the box, and talk to the first one who complains, or grab a nutty hat, and explore the campus, or go make friends. Why sit and be bored, thats so boring.

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Tal gave you great advice and you need to call some friends and have them over or meet them for coffee. Don't sit in that room studying... study outside or go to a coffee bar or a park. You'll get through this.:)

Thanks guys. I am planning on getting out this evening and going to visit some friends living near by to catch up. Either that or study at the library. I was just sorting through one of my draws and came across the most beautiful Valentine's Day card he had written for me. Stupidly I read everything in it, all the poems/jokes/lovely things about our love that he wrote. It's so sad because I am remembering what we have between us and how in love we are/were.. and it hurts. But you're right, sitting here thinking about it won't do anyone any good. I will try and go out.

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

Thanks guys. I am planning on getting out this evening and going to visit some friends living near by to catch up. Either that or study at the library. I was just sorting through one of my draws and came accross the most beautiful Valentine's Day card he had written for me. Stupidly I read everything in it, all the poems/jokes/lovely things about our love that he wrote. It's so sad because I am remembering what we have between us and how in love we are/were.. and it hurts. But you're right, sitting here thinking about it won't do anyone any good. I will try and go out.

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Good for you... have a great day!:)

Im sure you've already been given all the advice about how to deal with this, however I merely wish to enforce all other views and opinions expressed here.

You have made the right decision, I was in a relationship myself once many moons ago and that person was controlling and once we married I ended up a battered wife, in the end he went to stab me, and the result being I ended up having over 2 hours of surgery on my hand as I had grabbed the knife that he was attempting to kill me with, and yes he did want to kill me.

Anyone who tries to control you as a person is bad news so put a huge distance between yourself and them, you say you argued often about religious issues and such, you really have had a lucky escape and he's trying to use emotional blackmail on you, don't fall for it, like his not getting back to you one time when you phoned him, that's his way of using emotional blackmail, don't fall for it, don't call him at all, your relationship with him is over, make it a clean break, don't go meeting him to give him an explanation, you owe him nothing, he knows why the relationship is over, let him get on with his life and you yours.

Also don't fall for any promises he may make you about him going to so say change and anything of the kind, he won't change, or he may for a few weeks or months, but in no time it will all go back to how it was, leopards don't change their spots they merely re-arrange them.

I was in a controlling relationship for 7 years I was often promised the earth how he was sorry how he would change, He didn't change, he got worse, and as stated I ended up stabbed, had the sight of the blood spurting from my hand not scared him I could so easily be dead now.

You've done the right thing, now let it go, you really must for your own sake and peace of mind.

Good Luck to you, and I wish you the best.

You made the right choice

Hello. Wow, that is such powerful advice and has made me feel so so good about what I've done. I am so glad that you managed to come through okay, especially after how awfully he treated you. Hearing stories like yours makes me feel stronger and more eager to do the right thing and get out whilst I still can.

I have been considering for the last few days to actually not even meet him to give him an explanation, but to simply make it a phone call instead so that I don't feel the pressure of seeing him face to face, and so that he doesn't get the chance to manipulate me. Because I know he would do his best to manipulate me, probably with best intentions at heart, but obviously detrimental for me if it somehow worked. After what you've said I'm beginning to think that this might be the best idea, because I really don't want to be dragged into this whole thing again. However it's annoying me because judging by his text he sent last week, he seems to think that the reason I'm leaving him is because he wouldn't sleep with me anymore, and that I got fed up with that. It's hurtful because sex was one of the last things on my mind. It was more the lack of intimacy and acceptance that upset me rather than the actual sexual side of things. So I feel like I want to explain that to him, if you know what I mean.

I agree with what you say about people not changing. After 2 years of trying he hasn't altered one bit, just got worse, so I believe that he will always be this way. I don't necessarily think he is a person who would physically hurt me, but the mental and emotional torture was enough for it to cross the line, and you never know how it could all progress in the future.

Right now being on my own is quite hard though, as all the feelings of love and missing him come back. They are also paired with the feelings of relief and knowledge that I'm doing the right thing, but I can't help missing him terribly and imagining what it would be like for him to hug me again. It sounds silly after all he's put me through but it really hurts that that will never happen.

I have to be strong though. This website has turned into a bit of a personal journal for me, it's helpful to see it all laid out in words. I feel sorry for everyone who has to read it though!

Thank you for your advice positiveparent, you really have helped and encouraged me more. And Kit, thanks for your encouragement and care too.

You're doing better.. I can see that . Keep it up.

I know this is a bit silly but I feel really lonely... for the last couple of hours I've been trying to get some revision done but I can't stop thinking about how much I miss him and how much I have desires to just talk to him. Instead of considering ringing him I thought I'd come on here instead. I know I'm going to be told to go out and do something, but to be quite honest the people here aren't the type of people who go out much & I'm not too close to them (keep themselves to themselves) and I'm not feeling up to going out anywhere this evening. In pyjamas with no make-up.. really don't fancy it! I think I just want somebody to talk to. I feel bad because I should really be able to deal with these lonely feelings on my own.. but when you have somebody there for you every minute of every day for a couple of years it's pretty hard when they're gone.

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

I know this is a bit silly but I feel really lonely... for the last couple of hours I've been trying to get some revision done but I can't stop thinking about how much I miss him and how much I have desires to just talk to him. Instead of considering ringing him I thought I'd come on here instead. I know I'm going to be told to go out and do something, but to be quite honest the people here aren't the type of people who go out much & I'm not too close to them (keep themselves to themselves) and I'm not feeling up to going out anywhere this evening. In pyjamas with no make-up.. really don't fancy it! I think I just want somebody to talk to. I feel bad cos I should really be able to deal with these lonely feelings on my own.. but when you have somebody there for you every minute of every day for a couple of years it's pretty hard when they're gone.

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Sometimes we have to stand still and let the emotions run their course. It's okay to be alone. It's okay to cry or scream as long as it makes you feel better. You can be in a crowd of people and still feel alone. There was a lady on a talk show recently who had just gone through a very traumatic breakup with her boyfriend and she said.. "even though I know I'm better off without him, I cry every night and wish he were here. I know that isn't possible because if I give in and he comes back it's like telling him it's okay to do the things he did before, only this time it would be worse". She went on to say, "I love being free and not being told what to do and I've even chosen to move away in order not to see him , until I am over him."

It's better to be with people and have friends around. Try not to think about him, you've come a long way and if you let yourself think too much about what might have been.. you'll find yourself going backwards
.
We're all here for you... Hugs... Kit

Hi Kit,

What that lady said is exactly how I feel. It's bizarre because I know he was so bad for me and often didn't treat me in the way I deserve, but I can't help missing him like crazy and feeling sick whenever I am on my own and thinking about it. Even throughout the day when I'm busy it's still there at the back of my mind. Sometimes I feel like I'd do anything to speak to him and have him tell me he loves me and that everything will be okay... I feel so alone.

It's weird how many other people have been through similar things though. I just hope this will get better. It's probably because I'm at University all on my own, once I go home in a few weeks and am around family and friends it should get better.

I feel proud that I've come this far but feel like it's all almost going to be ruined when I speak to him again after the three weeks is up and tell him it's over. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not talking to him now.. if I'm going to talk to him in 3 weeks I might as well chat now. I don't know.

I can't stop crying. This is not good. I feel like I want to be able to make myself feel better without calling or relying on someone else, but it's so hard. I have been seeing a counsellor for the past 5 weeks and she said that I've got to rely on myself, but I can't, because all this being alone business is hurting and it's not making me feel better. I want to go home.

A girl who lives round the corner here just came round for a chat about exams and stress etc. I feel better now after speaking to someone. And I'm so glad I didn't phone him. Night

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

A girl who lives round the corner here just came round for a chat about exams and stress etc. I feel better now after speaking to someone. And I'm so glad I didn't phone him. Night

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I would get it over with. Are you strong enough not to crumble? Why not wait at least a couple of days and take someone with you... PLEASE. I feel as if he may be lulling you into a sense of false security and when you tell him, he may get violent. Think about it... Sleep Well:)

Thanks for your advice Kit. The thing is, I'm here at University, and he is 3 hours' drive away. I'm here for another 3 weeks, so I sort of have to wait (unless I go home beforehand, but not sure about that yet). But yes, I am DEFINITELY going to take someone with me when it does happen, and will do my absolute best to not fall for any win-back tactics. Today I feel a bit more positive as I'm going to go to the library all day and get out of this depressing little room.

Thanks again, enjoy your day.

I agree that if you go to meet him he may just get violent, my ex attacked me in just those circumstances so please be very careful, when people realise that a relationship is over they can be inclined to act violently, its like taking a toy from a small child they'll have a temper tantrum, however in adults it can so very easily get out of hand.

I know its hard I know you miss him, I too missed my ex, for quite some time after too, he has been a major part of your life for a very long time, so its only natural you'll miss him, but it will get easier with time, try to keep busy, I know that too can be hard, but please be strong, I know you can get through this, and you will, I don't know if you can email members here but if you can I would be happy to chat with you or email you, I too am in England so we would be on the same time zone.

I do really want to help you through this. Thinking of you.

Thanks, I have sent you a private message that you can read by clicking on "my profile" on the top right. Good night

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

Thanks, I have sent you a private message that you can read by clicking on "my profile" on the top right. Good night

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Goodnight and keep being strong. I know you can do it... Kit

Oh gosh this is difficult. Especially when you come in after a long busy day and all you want to do is ring somebody to tell them how it was and what you've been up to. I so badly want to talk to him and catch up and feel that comfort of having him there listening and caring... it's so hard not to phone him. All my other friends have gone to bed already so it's just me! I'll probably try and go to bed myself soon.. but then the lying there staring at the ceiling for an hour happens... and that's when the urges to call are even stronger... I hate this...

!!

Also doesn't help when piled on top of exam stress, and especially doesn't help when your friend has spent the whole day telling you how she tried to commit suicide on Monday and showing you all her suicide notes! Ahhh!

Sorry, just needed a bit of a rant! Apart from that I'm okay!

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

Oh gosh this is difficult. Especially when you come in after a long busy day and all you want to do is ring somebody to tell them how it was and what you've been up to. I so badly want to talk to him and catch up and feel that comfort of having him there listening and caring... it's so hard not to phone him. All my other friends have gone to bed already so it's just me!! I'll probably try and go to bed myself soon.. but then the lying there staring at the ceiling for an hour happens... and that's when the urges to call are even stronger... I hate this....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also doesn't help when piled on top of exam stress, and especially doesn't help when your friend has spent the whole day telling you how she tried to commit suicide on Monday and showing you all her suicide notes! Ahhh!!

Sorry, just needed a bit of a rant!! Apart from that I'm okay!

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Positive and I have been very worried about you! I imagined all the horrible scenarios. I'm so glad you're OK. Your friend is a bit unhappy. Calling out for help. It will get better. Have you talked to your mom? How long till exams are over? Please hang in there and keep posting. Kit

Oops looks like the last half of my above message was cut off earlier.. can't remember what I was going to say though! Have been out with a really nice girlfriend tonight, we went to watch a show at the theatre and then to the student bar for a relax afterwards so am feeling much better this evening. Also have another whole day of revision planned out for tomorrow, so plenty to do! Appreciate your support, will let you know how I get on. Exams will be over in 2 weeks so not long to go now.

Goodnight, enjoy the rest of your weekend! :)

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

Oops looks like the last half of my above message was cut off earlier.. can't remember what I was going to say though! Have been out with a really nice girlfriend tonight, we went to watch a show at the theatre and then to the student bar for a relax afterwards so am feeling much better this evening. Also have another whole day of revision planned out for tomorrow, so plenty to do! Appreciate your support, will let you know how I get on. Exams will be over in 2 weeks so not long to go now.

Goodnight, enjoy the rest of your weekend! :)

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Keep posting and have fun... I worry about you.. but I think you get stronger everyday. You're in my prayers. Kit

Hiya... just to let you know how I'm getting on.. the last couple of days have actually been rather good (surprisingly)! I'd been spending a lot of time with friends and was quite worried last night when everyone was busy because I knew I'd be in my room on my own most of the eve... but was actually fine, spent time chatting to an old friend on Facebook who's recently been through a similar thing to me, and put some up-beat music on and had a dance so am feeling better. And I didn't cry! It's weird though as I still think the whole situation hasn't quite sunk in yet.. I'm sure it will in a couple of weeks when it's finally like officially over.. but every day I become more sure and fixed in my decision and am quite proud of myself for coping this long without talking to him at all. I've proved to myself that I can do it and that I will be okay even if it does take a good few months, so feeling more positive in that sense.

Also, I have a couple of friends who are in the middle of really controlling relationships and I sort of look at what they're going through and am thankful that I've decided to realise it now and not wait years until babies and marriage happened etc etc. So yes, thanks for your support and I will keep you posted! It still comes in waves every now and again but finger's crossed, okay fot the time being. Hope you've had a nice weekend :)

I had also been worried about you, and was hoping you hadn't succumbed and gone back, Im relieved to know you're doing OK and you seem to be coping better now. Great

It does get easier with time, and one day you'll find you haven't thought about him, for the whole day, and then it'll be 2 days and so on.

As you know Kit and I are always here for you. So Keep On Keeping On you can do it. I have faith in you. Im sure Kit does too.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

I had also been worried about you, and was hoping you hadnt succumbed and gone back, Im relieved to know youre doing OK and you seem to be coping better now. Great

It does get easier with time, and one day youll find you havent thought about him, for the whole day, and then itll be 2 days and so on.

As you know Kit and I are always here for you. So Keep On Keepin On you can do it. I have faith in you. Im sure Kit does too.

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I feel like giving you a star evaame... Positive and I will be here for you. You feel like one of my kids... Kit

Yes I second that emotion Kit she also feels like one of mine. LOL.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

Yes I second that emotion Kit she also feels like one of mine. LOL.

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Both of us now have another daughter! :D

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Both of us now have another daughter! :D

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Hehe I am delighted to have 2 new Mums! Lovely ones at that! The more support the better, thank you. :D

I was on Facebook yesterday and completely out of the blue he sent me a message via Facebook chat. The message basically was along the lines of: "I know you probaly wont reply but I want you to know I will always love you.. I want you to be happy...And most of all I hope you have been well the last couple of weeks! See you can be independant you are a strong loving girl who will always have a place in my heart :) x x"

So I'm a bit confused right, as first I thought it was a win-back tactic, trying to tell me that I'm independent and therefore have succeeded in what I wanted to do so now I might as well go back to him, but then I'm wondering if it's just him wanting to tell me how much he loves me and how he truly feels. Anyway, you'll be pleased to know that I just exited the conversation and didn't reply. We are supposed to be in NC, remember! So yes, it makes me wonder... do you think this means he has sort of come to terms with the fact that I don't want to be with him and he just wants me to do what makes me happy? Because I'm more inclined to believe it's a "come back to me you've got what you wanted now come back!" sort of thing.

Thanks again, I'm off to a dance class now and for a swim before revision so will keep busy all day! Enjoy your days too x

And positiveparent, I did reply with an email last week, just in case you hadn't realised. I hope it was the right address!

Oo and I'm going to wear a bikini.! ;)