[Kitkat22]

I know this is a bit silly but I feel really lonely... for the last couple of hours I've been trying to get some revision done but I can't stop thinking about how much I miss him and how much I have desires to just talk to him. Instead of considering ringing him I thought I'd come on here instead. I know I'm going to be told to go out and do something, but to be quite honest the people here aren't the type of people who go out much & I'm not too close to them (keep themselves to themselves) and I'm not feeling up to going out anywhere this evening. In pyjamas with no make-up.. really don't fancy it! I think I just want somebody to talk to. I feel bad cos I should really be able to deal with these lonely feelings on my own.. but when you have somebody there for you every minute of every day for a couple of years it's pretty hard when they're gone.

Sometimes we have to stand still and let the emotions run their course. It's okay to be alone. It's okay to cry or scream as long as it makes you feel better. You can be in a crowd of people and still feel alone. There was a lady on a talk show recently who had just gone through a very traumatic breakup with her boyfriend and she said.. "even though I know I'm better off without him, I cry every night and wish he were here. I know that isn't possible because if I give in and he comes back it's like telling him it's okay to do the things he did before, only this time it would be worse". She went on to say, "I love being free and not being told what to do and I've even chosen to move away in order not to see him , until I am over him."

It's better to be with people and have friends around. Try not to think about him, you've come a long way and if you let yourself think too much about what might have been.. you'll find yourself going backwards
.
We're all here for you... Hugs... Kit

[eveamee09]

Hi Kit,

What that lady said is exactly how I feel. It's bizarre because I know he was so bad for me and often didn't treat me in the way I deserve, but I can't help missing him like crazy and feeling sick whenever I am on my own and thinking about it. Even throughout the day when I'm busy it's still there at the back of my mind. Sometimes I feel like I'd do anything to speak to him and have him tell me he loves me and that everything will be okay... I feel so alone.

It's weird how many other people have been through similar things though. I just hope this will get better. It's probably because I'm at University all on my own, once I go home in a few weeks and am around family and friends it should get better.

I feel proud that I've come this far but feel like it's all almost going to be ruined when I speak to him again after the three weeks is up and tell him it's over. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not talking to him now.. if I'm going to talk to him in 3 weeks I might as well chat now. I don't know.

[eveamee09]

I can't stop crying. This is not good. I feel like I want to be able to make myself feel better without calling or relying on someone else, but it's so hard. I have been seeing a counsellor for the past 5 weeks and she said that I've got to rely on myself, but I can't, because all this being alone business is hurting and it's not making me feel better. I want to go home.

[eveamee09]

A girl who lives round the corner here just came round for a chat about exams and stress etc. I feel better now after speaking to someone. And I'm so glad I didn't phone him. Night

[Kitkat22]

A girl who lives round the corner here just came round for a chat about exams and stress etc. I feel better now after speaking to someone. And I'm so glad I didn't phone him. Night

I would get it over with. Are you strong enough not to crumble? Why not wait at least a couple of days and take someone with you... PLEASE. I feel as if he may be lulling you into a sense of false security and when you tell him, he may get violent. Think about it... Sleep Well:)

[eveamee09]

Thanks for your advice Kit. The thing is, I'm here at University, and he is 3 hours' drive away. I'm here for another 3 weeks, so I sort of have to wait (unless I go home beforehand, but not sure about that yet). But yes, I am DEFINITELY going to take someone with me when it does happen, and will do my absolute best to not fall for any win-back tactics. Today I feel a bit more positive as I'm going to go to the library all day and get out of this depressing little room.

Thanks again, enjoy your day.

[positiveparent]

I agree that if you go to meet him he may just get violent, my ex attacked me in just those circumstances so please be very careful, when people realise that a relationship is over they can be inclined to act violently, its like taking a toy from a small child they'll have a temper tantrum, however in adults it can so very easily get out of hand.

I know its hard I know you miss him, I too missed my ex, for quite some time after too, he has been a major part of your life for a very long time, so its only natural you'll miss him, but it will get easier with time, try to keep busy, I know that too can be hard, but please be strong, I know you can get through this, and you will, I don't know if you can email members here but if you can I would be happy to chat with you or email you, I too am in England so we would be on the same time zone.

I do really want to help you through this. Thinking of you.

[eveamee09]

Thanks, I have sent you a private message that you can read by clicking on "my profile" on the top right. Good night

[Kitkat22]

Thanks, I have sent you a private message that you can read by clicking on "my profile" on the top right. Good night

Goodnight and keep being strong. I know you can do it... Kit

[eveamee09]

Oh gosh this is difficult. Especially when you come in after a long busy day and all you want to do is ring somebody to tell them how it was and what you've been up to. I so badly want to talk to him and catch up and feel that comfort of having him there listening and caring... it's so hard not to phone him. All my other friends have gone to bed already so it's just me! I'll probably try and go to bed myself soon.. but then the lying there staring at the ceiling for an hour happens... and that's when the urges to call are even stronger... I hate this...

!!

Also doesn't help when piled on top of exam stress, and especially doesn't help when your friend has spent the whole day telling you how she tried to commit suicide on Monday and showing you all her suicide notes! Ahhh!

Sorry, just needed a bit of a rant! Apart from that I'm okay!

[Kitkat22]

Oh gosh this is difficult. Especially when you come in after a long busy day and all you want to do is ring somebody to tell them how it was and what you've been up to. I so badly want to talk to him and catch up and feel that comfort of having him there listening and caring... it's so hard not to phone him. All my other friends have gone to bed already so it's just me!! I'll probably try and go to bed myself soon.. but then the lying there staring at the ceiling for an hour happens... and that's when the urges to call are even stronger... I hate this....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also doesn't help when piled on top of exam stress, and especially doesn't help when your friend has spent the whole day telling you how she tried to commit suicide on Monday and showing you all her suicide notes! Ahhh!!

Sorry, just needed a bit of a rant!! Apart from that I'm okay!

Positive and I have been very worried about you! I imagined all the horrible scenarios. I'm so glad you're OK. Your friend is a bit unhappy. Calling out for help. It will get better. Have you talked to your mom? How long till exams are over? Please hang in there and keep posting. Kit

[eveamee09]

Oops looks like the last half of my above message was cut off earlier.. can't remember what I was going to say though! Have been out with a really nice girlfriend tonight, we went to watch a show at the theatre and then to the student bar for a relax afterwards so am feeling much better this evening. Also have another whole day of revision planned out for tomorrow, so plenty to do! Appreciate your support, will let you know how I get on. Exams will be over in 2 weeks so not long to go now.

Goodnight, enjoy the rest of your weekend! :)

[Kitkat22]

Oops looks like the last half of my above message was cut off earlier.. can't remember what I was going to say though! Have been out with a really nice girlfriend tonight, we went to watch a show at the theatre and then to the student bar for a relax afterwards so am feeling much better this evening. Also have another whole day of revision planned out for tomorrow, so plenty to do! Appreciate your support, will let you know how I get on. Exams will be over in 2 weeks so not long to go now.

Goodnight, enjoy the rest of your weekend! :)

Keep posting and have fun... I worry about you.. but I think you get stronger everyday. You're in my prayers. Kit

[eveamee09]

Hiya... just to let you know how I'm getting on.. the last couple of days have actually been rather good (surprisingly)! I'd been spending a lot of time with friends and was quite worried last night when everyone was busy because I knew I'd be in my room on my own most of the eve... but was actually fine, spent time chatting to an old friend on Facebook who's recently been through a similar thing to me, and put some up-beat music on and had a dance so am feeling better. And I didn't cry! It's weird though as I still think the whole situation hasn't quite sunk in yet.. I'm sure it will in a couple of weeks when it's finally like officially over.. but every day I become more sure and fixed in my decision and am quite proud of myself for coping this long without talking to him at all. I've proved to myself that I can do it and that I will be okay even if it does take a good few months, so feeling more positive in that sense.

Also, I have a couple of friends who are in the middle of really controlling relationships and I sort of look at what they're going through and am thankful that I've decided to realise it now and not wait years until babies and marriage happened etc etc. So yes, thanks for your support and I will keep you posted! It still comes in waves every now and again but finger's crossed, okay fot the time being. Hope you've had a nice weekend :)

[positiveparent]

I had also been worried about you, and was hoping you hadn't succumbed and gone back, Im relieved to know you're doing OK and you seem to be coping better now. Great

It does get easier with time, and one day you'll find you haven't thought about him, for the whole day, and then it'll be 2 days and so on.

As you know Kit and I are always here for you. So Keep On Keeping On you can do it. I have faith in you. Im sure Kit does too.

[Kitkat22]

I had also been worried about you, and was hoping you hadnt succumbed and gone back, Im relieved to know youre doing OK and you seem to be coping better now. Great

It does get easier with time, and one day youll find you havent thought about him, for the whole day, and then itll be 2 days and so on.

As you know Kit and I are always here for you. So Keep On Keepin On you can do it. I have faith in you. Im sure Kit does too.

I feel like giving you a star evaame... Positive and I will be here for you. You feel like one of my kids... Kit

[positiveparent]

Yes I second that emotion Kit she also feels like one of mine. LOL.

[Kitkat22]

Yes I second that emotion Kit she also feels like one of mine. LOL.

Both of us now have another daughter! :D

[eveamee09]

Both of us now have another daughter! :D

Hehe I am delighted to have 2 new Mums! Lovely ones at that! The more support the better, thank you. :D

I was on Facebook yesterday and completely out of the blue he sent me a message via Facebook chat. The message basically was along the lines of: "I know you probaly wont reply but I want you to know I will always love you.. I want you to be happy...And most of all I hope you have been well the last couple of weeks! See you can be independant you are a strong loving girl who will always have a place in my heart :) x x"

So I'm a bit confused right, as first I thought it was a win-back tactic, trying to tell me that I'm independent and therefore have succeeded in what I wanted to do so now I might as well go back to him, but then I'm wondering if it's just him wanting to tell me how much he loves me and how he truly feels. Anyway, you'll be pleased to know that I just exited the conversation and didn't reply. We are supposed to be in NC, remember! So yes, it makes me wonder... do you think this means he has sort of come to terms with the fact that I don't want to be with him and he just wants me to do what makes me happy? Because I'm more inclined to believe it's a "come back to me you've got what you wanted now come back!" sort of thing.

Thanks again, I'm off to a dance class now and for a swim before revision so will keep busy all day! Enjoy your days too x

And positiveparent, I did reply with an email last week, just in case you hadn't realised. I hope it was the right address!

[eveamee09]

Oo and I'm going to wear a bikini.! ;)