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Rome can clarify this, but from what he writes here the jewellery was a gift during the relationship. The engagement ring is given for the hand in marriage. That piece of jewellery is different then a necklace or earrings, because if she accepts it she's accepting the marriage proposal. If she accepts it and later backs out, then she has no rights to the ring.
Yep, you definitely get the ring back. Get a court order. It's normal to want to know what the other person is doing... but it serves you no good purpose to stalk her and see that she's doing what you are not- living life again.Quote:
Originally Posted by tree56
Yep, I agree with Chuff. I would certainly make every effort, friendly and legally to get that ring back. The rest, I would write off as a lesson learned
Some people don't back the ring. Is it right--no but that is why we have small claims court like Chuff said.
I have jewlery that was given to me as gifts for Christmas, birthdays, V-day, etc. I never returned it after a break-up.
However, I would return give back an engagement ring back to someone if we didn't get married. It is the right thing to do but everyone doesn't think that way.
Just to give further input, my fiancé who was married before returned both rings. And happily if I may add
This subject is kind of ironic. I was out with a friend on Saturday night, and she told me when she got divorced she not so happily threw both rings into Tampa Bay. I like my friend and all, but this is not where you want your rings to wind up, so get them back legally before something like this happens to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
She probably was relieve given the history she had with this guy. Because if I was her I would have gladly gave him back the rings too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
She stopped wearing them in 2006, when she finally rid herself of him stalking her she gave them back to him and then he went to flip out about how I bought her a bigger ring to show him up.
You're right Liz, with her history, she was EXTREMELY happy to get done with him. Besides the girls of course
Next thing I'm going to do is call a friend of mine who is a lawyer and ask whether I can file such a case, or not.
Do you think it is possibe she's keeping my stuff because she's having emotional trouble giving them back? She hasn't even returned 2 pieces of clothes I asked back.
Sometimes you have to take a loss. Clothes are something that be replace. Any thing you gave her as a gift you won't get back and this includes money.
However, an engagement ring is different especially since the two of you didn't get married.
Be lucky you didn't lose much more because some people have lost thousands of dollars from a relationship and they would never see that money again. Don't be to petty and think if it is really worth it because if it isn't your only prolonging your healing process.
liz I completely understand what your point is. Of course I know we could have even got married, have children, etc. It could be much worse.
But, the ring issue is something I can't tolerate. One way or another, I'm going to get it back.
It's just that she now keeps it just to show it off at the night clubs where she is now hanging out. It's a matter of my own dignity. Be sure that as soon as I'll receive, I'll either throw it away, or I'll donate it to somebody else, I don't want it because of its value.
No way I'm going to keep it to give to the next woman I'm going to propose to.
Threads merged and edited.
Hi all,
Problem is that now I'm all alone, in a foreign country, where they don't even speak English, I have no friends here. I am completely alone. I don't even have some member of my family to support me. My life suddenly became miserable: I wake up in the morning, go to work, then return to my empty apartment. Boring, depressing. The worst part is that even I wanted to, I can make no friends. There are no opportunities for socializing here. I live in a small place, I'd call it a village. Quite isolated.
I'll stay here for at least 1 more year. When I decided to come work here, I did so bearing in mind her promise: that she would be with me, that we could go through this together. But now: she left...
Why stay there if u hate it so much?
If you don't like it, why do you stay? Is it maybe because you think she will come back?
Coz it's a really big opportunity for my career. And I mean big. Huge. And that's why we decided to come live here for 2 years.
I can't let this opportunity go, just because of a woman. It's just that I feel abandoned. All alone. No friend to speak to. I hate her for what she did.
So if you want to stay then it is time for you to get out and socialize. Start meeting people, make friends.
I am unsure where your at but try this site. You can join a group your interested in and make friends. I belong to a group there and we all get together 2 times and week and go out. We go on trips, lounges, bowling, plan things with our kids, etc. Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com They are national and have groups all over the world.
Also, I just hope you aren't staying there for all the wrong reasons.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If you are making this choice career wise, then you mine as well make the best out of a bad situation.
Find some things to do there. Listen to Liz28's suggestions (had to spread rep).
Is there a gym that you can go workout at? Sports?
I'm doing all sorts of things one can imagine: I hit the gym 3-4 times/week, my parents sent me a Wii console, I'm reading books, I take long walks along the beach, etc..
But: no social life.. Any activity I take up, I'm all alone.. Options here are limited! How can I socialize in a place where they do not speak my native language, not even English? I live in a small town of China.. Guess what: if you say "hello", you receive weird looks/responses, as if you came from Mars..
The only option I have is a city nearby, bigger than the one I live in, where there are expats living there, but I need 1.5 hour driving to get there.. (1.5 + 1.5 return = 3hrs total).. And what can I do? Just go to a bar drinking beer all by myself?
Extra info: I won't stay here forever.. Total duration of the project is 2 years, already the first year passed, 1 more to go.. (and this might answer the question some of you might have: that my fiancée maybe left because she got too afraid to stay here forever: no, she knew that next year we would return... & get married)
What a great opportunity to learn the native language, and find out what the natives do for fun, besides drinking alone.
That year will pass by much easier if you shuck the excuses, and get proactive with what you have, just be creative, and open minded.
I realize the break up may have your attitude in the dumps, but its up to you to get on with reality, and not dwell in the negative.
Dude, do you know how many people wouid love to have a great job and live in a unique place for 2 years? Or just one of those? Screw her this is your time and it's the best thing to happen to you. Now instead of coming back home and reporting to her you've got the chance to explore a different land and culture. How are you not learning Mandarin? The best way to learn a language is to live where it is spoken. Focus on that and take something of value back home with you.
Good advice there, thanks all of you. Do you think it's appropriate to just go to a bar where expats gather, and start drinking all by myself, hoping I will make new friends out of the blue?
It's not me, I don't feel like doing it, never done it before. But, I need friends. Desperately. What options do I have?
I've thought about registering on one of those meeting/socializing websites, but these only include major cities around the world, not a chance to find a friend/partner close to me.
Quote:
The only option I have is a city nearby, bigger than the one I live in, where there are expats living there, but I need 1.5 hour driving to get there.. (1.5 + 1.5 return = 3hrs total).. And what can I do? Just go to a bar drinking beer all by myself?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tree56
Its not a coincidence, nobody but you has suggested sitting around drinking. Hmm wonder what the natives do with their time?
I would think sitting around a bar drinking would be a mistake. When you are going through a rough time, when you are emotionally vulnerable I don't think sitting around drinking is the smartest thing to do.
Go to work, learn the language, learn the city, some things about the area you're living in. Are there museums? Do the people you work with socialize with each other? Do you have neighbors?
There are 5-6 expats I work with, but they are different age group: over 55-60, all of them. So I guess there isn't much to discuss with these guys, apart from work-related issues.
What I'm looking for is some people of similar age with me, that I'll be able to discuss things of mutual interest to us. I think that's impossible here. It's something natural, every normal person would look for it.
Anything I do, any activity I take up (and there are plenty I have, already), is boring without a friend to share it with. I guess I'm cursed to live with it, until I get back to my home country.
Did you ever try the site I posted for you?
Have you ever seen the movie "Man Date"? Watch it (it is hilarious) because you need one. But the site I posted isn't for that but it seems like the movie sort of fits your situation.
You need to make some adjustment, so you can learn, and grow, instead of dismissing what you have right in front of your blind A$$! No wonder your miserable, and have nothing to do.
[F]I definitely think you should go for the first move because she obviously is waiting on you. Maybe she thinks that you've taken the situation a bit to seriously and that she might have done a mistake that could have never crossed her mind, yet did. If I were you, I'd do the first move because you never know what could happen unless you try.
Uhm... please read the entire thread... not just the OP'd question... A LOT has happened since then. You are new to AMHD, so I didn't rate a disagree... just be sure to read through threads all the way before posting...Quote:
Originally Posted by CatherineLopez
Are you serious?Quote:
Originally Posted by CatherineLopez
You have a wealth of information and experience right under your nose and you don't even realize or appreciate it. You'd be surprise the fun and experience that can be gained hanging our with people that age. 55-60 is not old.Quote:
Originally Posted by tree56
I think you just want to zone out and play the remainder of your time there instead of growing and learning.
You ever hear the expression "bloom where you're planted"? You have been place in a situation that can be the agent for wonderful changes in your life. Get your head out of your butt so you can see it. Stop thinking no one has anything to offer you unless they are younger and female. Maybe even think about what you can offer someone else not your age or female.
I wish you well
Buddy... I feel for you... hell, I changed my life plans more than once for a girl and lived to regret it... you are better than me... you are still there...
Look... you are hurting and you are making her being gone be the reason you are miserable... where you are is where you would have been with her or without her. Do your best to take in all you can.
no... its not going to fill that "empty spot" and its not a substitute for another partners attention... but really... you need to take in your time there as an opportunity...
What is one of the biggest turn ons about any new relationship? I'm asking the OP'er...
What is one of the biggest turn ons about a new relationship... starts with an "M"... ends in a "Y"...
[to be continued]
Ok, got some updates!
A female friend of mine just dropped by, and asked for my stuff back, and guess what she said! "oh, i'm sorry, nobody gave me any notice to prepare the stuff, unfortunately i've put them in the basement!!".. I asked a thousand times for my stuff back, and she places them in a box in the basement?
Anyway, my friend left, 10 minutes later she called her on her mob, and asked her if she could please go to the basement to gather my stuff, and she did.. Gave back the ring, all other engagement gifts, BUT: she (intentionally?) forgot to give back my clothes.. What's wrong with this girl? I can't understand what she's thinking.
Don't worry about it. Move on. She gave you back your ring. Maybe she has not even thought about your clothes.
You are a free man. Clothes are going to go out of style. Forget them, you got the ring and your freedom with it.
Yes, I am!
Do you think there's no point trying to figure out every single move of her? Am I over-analyzing things? You know how it goes: we broke up, don't want to see her again, actually kind of "hate" her, but still, there is a small, tiny hope that she still wants to be with me, despite the fact she's playing games.
On the other hand, I'm thinking that if she'd really love me, she would come back immediately.. Love isn't about playing mind games, is it?
I always thought that my relationship was special because we never, ever played those stupid childish games.. Will I ever find again a partner that won't play games & love me truly, unconditionally? Or should I get used to the fact that -nowadays- it's common practice for people to play games?
Do yourself a favour and let go and move on. Don't think about her anymore, it will only hold you back from doing the things you want to.Quote:
Originally Posted by tree56
Happens to everyone. Get rid of that hope, and someone better will walk into your life. If you don't, you won't know if they walk right pass you because you will always be thinking of the ex.Quote:
Originally Posted by tree56
Correct. Not immediately though. What if she doesn't come back? Will you still be waiting for her?Quote:
Originally Posted by tree56
So did everyone else when they broke up with their ex. No one likes breaking up but it happens. You are blinded by emotions that's why you think its special but over time you ll start to think its not as special as you once thought it was.Quote:
Originally Posted by tree56
Yes you will but there are steps you will have to take. Step one, forget the ex.Quote:
Originally Posted by tree56
Love shouldn't be about playing games. If you find love, you won't have to worry about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by tree56
I think you need to accept the fact that she no longer wants to be with you.Quote:
Originally Posted by tree56
Was she and is she playing a game? I don't know. It could be that she just got tired of waiting around for you. 7 years is a long time to be dating someone and then a two year engagement. Maybe she was going to just keep you hanging on for a while.
At any rate, move on. Let this go!
First... when the sh!t hits the fan, there isn't a lot of reasoning involved when trying to figure out the splatter pattern...
Good relationships sometimes crash and burn. Been there at least twice. Where what seemed logical and normal and good turned completely f'ed up beyond all reasonable expectations... doesn't mean it wasn't good while it lasted... just means the ending took a bloody turn that wasn't expected.
Breakups can really, really screw with you. And her. And all of it.
As for playing games... don't know what to say there...
Stop elevating this past relationship to some supreme level. What? Would it be worse to be with a girl who played some "mind games" but who loved you endlessly and faithfully??
Sorry bub... I've had too many girls cheat on me when "things were good"... does that mean I expect mind games and cheating?
Nope.
I expect my partner to be toe to toe with me... and if that doesn't happen now... well... I still think it'll happen.
So don't play the victim.
Stop with the "will i ever find another girl who is true" noise.
I've been there... right where you are. It suck big rocks. And yes... you will find other girls who will try to be true.
The connection you have with each new partner is different... you won't ever have "the same connection" as you did with the last girl...
And as for the "if she really loved me" noise...
I believe some love is meant for a time, but not all time.
What really hurts is that she never gave me any good signal of her being bored with our relationship. At least I would be expecting it, I'd be prepared for it.
And, what also hurts, is that during those 7 years, she was always this pretty cute girl, that was polite to everyone, shy, she never -ever- hated anyone, she would forgive everybody for their mistakes, She had a VERY big heart (or at least, I thought so -maybe she was pretending? I dunno)
So, what hurts, is that suddenly she became this arrogant, selfish, revengeful woman. When I say suddenly, I mean it. It's OK for people to change. But not so suddenly.
Please give me your opinion about this: guess what she also did on facebook: she added a new friend: a guy my older sister was dating for 8 years. My sister broke up as soon as I met my girlfriend, 7 years ago. Hence my ex & this guy only met 1-2 times. She even roughly could remember what his name was -let alone what his last name was-.. So HOW they hell did she find him on Facebook, and WHY did she add him on her friend's list? This guy lives 500 miles far from where my family & my ex live, not a chance they had a mutual friend or something. They were complete strangers.. What is wrong with my ex?)
Sorry for the big post. It's just driving me crazy. I look forward to hear your thoughts.
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