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chuff · May 27, 2009, 10:23 AM

Rome can clarify this, but from what he writes here the jewellery was a gift during the relationship. The engagement ring is given for the hand in marriage. That piece of jewellery is different then a necklace or earrings, because if she accepts it she's accepting the marriage proposal. If she accepts it and later backs out, then she has no rights to the ring.

Ren6 · May 27, 2009, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by tree56

Ok everyone, thank you for your support.

BUT: how easy do you think it is for me to just move on? You say it's immature of me constantly checking her facebook profile.. Ok, I know it sets me back.. But, it's natural, isn't? You've been through what i'm going now, don't say you never did what i'm doing now.

Do you think it's appropriate for me to give her a court notice? Shouldn't I try to get my stuff back my sending a friend of mine first?

The most important thing I want back is "the ring" I gave her when we got engaged.. It cost me 3K.. And just to give you some extra info: we are NOT American, we come from Western Europe, and according to our culture, when an engaged couple breaks up, the woman SHOULD give the man back the RING.. And this is a MUST.. Don't know if you do the same in the US, but that's what we do here in our country.. It's just common sense, it's a principle we are taught from our early years..

Hell, I want my ring back.

Yep, you definitely get the ring back. Get a court order. It's normal to want to know what the other person is doing... but it serves you no good purpose to stalk her and see that she's doing what you are not- living life again.

Romefalls19 · May 27, 2009, 10:23 AM

Yep, I agree with Chuff. I would certainly make every effort, friendly and legally to get that ring back. The rest, I would write off as a lesson learned

liz28 · May 27, 2009, 10:24 AM

Some people don't back the ring. Is it right--no but that is why we have small claims court like Chuff said.

I have jewlery that was given to me as gifts for Christmas, birthdays, V-day, etc. I never returned it after a break-up.

However, I would return give back an engagement ring back to someone if we didn't get married. It is the right thing to do but everyone doesn't think that way.

Romefalls19 · May 27, 2009, 10:26 AM

Just to give further input, my fiancé who was married before returned both rings. And happily if I may add

chuff · May 27, 2009, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Just to give further input, my fiance who was married before returned both rings. And happily if I may add

This subject is kind of ironic. I was out with a friend on Saturday night, and she told me when she got divorced she not so happily threw both rings into Tampa Bay. I like my friend and all, but this is not where you want your rings to wind up, so get them back legally before something like this happens to you.

liz28 · May 27, 2009, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Just to give further input, my fiance who was married before returned both rings. And happily if I may add

She probably was relieve given the history she had with this guy. Because if I was her I would have gladly gave him back the rings too.

Romefalls19 · May 27, 2009, 10:43 AM

She stopped wearing them in 2006, when she finally rid herself of him stalking her she gave them back to him and then he went to flip out about how I bought her a bigger ring to show him up.

You're right Liz, with her history, she was EXTREMELY happy to get done with him. Besides the girls of course

tree56 · May 27, 2009, 07:08 PM

Next thing I'm going to do is call a friend of mine who is a lawyer and ask whether I can file such a case, or not.

Do you think it is possibe she's keeping my stuff because she's having emotional trouble giving them back? She hasn't even returned 2 pieces of clothes I asked back.

liz28 · May 27, 2009, 07:17 PM

Sometimes you have to take a loss. Clothes are something that be replace. Any thing you gave her as a gift you won't get back and this includes money.

However, an engagement ring is different especially since the two of you didn't get married.

Be lucky you didn't lose much more because some people have lost thousands of dollars from a relationship and they would never see that money again. Don't be to petty and think if it is really worth it because if it isn't your only prolonging your healing process.

tree56 · May 27, 2009, 11:13 PM

liz I completely understand what your point is. Of course I know we could have even got married, have children, etc. It could be much worse.

But, the ring issue is something I can't tolerate. One way or another, I'm going to get it back.

It's just that she now keeps it just to show it off at the night clubs where she is now hanging out. It's a matter of my own dignity. Be sure that as soon as I'll receive, I'll either throw it away, or I'll donate it to somebody else, I don't want it because of its value.

No way I'm going to keep it to give to the next woman I'm going to propose to.

tree56 · May 28, 2009, 03:37 AM

Threads merged and edited.

Hi all,

Problem is that now I'm all alone, in a foreign country, where they don't even speak English, I have no friends here. I am completely alone. I don't even have some member of my family to support me. My life suddenly became miserable: I wake up in the morning, go to work, then return to my empty apartment. Boring, depressing. The worst part is that even I wanted to, I can make no friends. There are no opportunities for socializing here. I live in a small place, I'd call it a village. Quite isolated.

I'll stay here for at least 1 more year. When I decided to come work here, I did so bearing in mind her promise: that she would be with me, that we could go through this together. But now: she left...

Krs · May 28, 2009, 04:11 AM

Why stay there if u hate it so much?

Romefalls19 · May 28, 2009, 05:09 AM

If you don't like it, why do you stay? Is it maybe because you think she will come back?

tree56 · May 28, 2009, 05:49 AM

Coz it's a really big opportunity for my career. And I mean big. Huge. And that's why we decided to come live here for 2 years.

I can't let this opportunity go, just because of a woman. It's just that I feel abandoned. All alone. No friend to speak to. I hate her for what she did.

liz28 · May 28, 2009, 05:57 AM

So if you want to stay then it is time for you to get out and socialize. Start meeting people, make friends.

I am unsure where your at but try this site. You can join a group your interested in and make friends. I belong to a group there and we all get together 2 times and week and go out. We go on trips, lounges, bowling, plan things with our kids, etc. Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com They are national and have groups all over the world.

Also, I just hope you aren't staying there for all the wrong reasons.

I wish · May 28, 2009, 06:05 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If you are making this choice career wise, then you mine as well make the best out of a bad situation.

Find some things to do there. Listen to Liz28's suggestions (had to spread rep).

Is there a gym that you can go workout at? Sports?

tree56 · May 28, 2009, 08:32 AM

I'm doing all sorts of things one can imagine: I hit the gym 3-4 times/week, my parents sent me a Wii console, I'm reading books, I take long walks along the beach, etc..

But: no social life.. Any activity I take up, I'm all alone.. Options here are limited! How can I socialize in a place where they do not speak my native language, not even English? I live in a small town of China.. Guess what: if you say "hello", you receive weird looks/responses, as if you came from Mars..

The only option I have is a city nearby, bigger than the one I live in, where there are expats living there, but I need 1.5 hour driving to get there.. (1.5 + 1.5 return = 3hrs total).. And what can I do? Just go to a bar drinking beer all by myself?

tree56 · May 28, 2009, 08:38 AM

Extra info: I won't stay here forever.. Total duration of the project is 2 years, already the first year passed, 1 more to go.. (and this might answer the question some of you might have: that my fiancée maybe left because she got too afraid to stay here forever: no, she knew that next year we would return... & get married)

talaniman · May 28, 2009, 09:39 AM

What a great opportunity to learn the native language, and find out what the natives do for fun, besides drinking alone.

That year will pass by much easier if you shuck the excuses, and get proactive with what you have, just be creative, and open minded.

I realize the break up may have your attitude in the dumps, but its up to you to get on with reality, and not dwell in the negative.