Based on your earlier posts it seemed like sex was how you felt validated. And this guy was not a soulmate otherwise. Get help. And learn the difference over time.

Hi it's Theresa.

Well last night got really bad... I can only remember some of the night, my memory is odd these days.

I had said something that bothered him and as always he smacked me and threw me around the room, then he picked me up by my hair and legs and pushed me out the back door he then grabbed my purse and threw it at me so I got up and walked to the corner store to buy cigarettes ( I don't like to smoke, but I can't help it ) anyway he ran after me, telling me he'll beat me right on the street if I piss him off and I told him to get away from me. Then he yelled at me and told me he hopes I get raped ( he always says that, because I've been molested as a child, and nearly raped by my mothers boyfriends. ) I stayed outside for what felt like hours but I'm sure was only 20 minutes, he called my cell asking if I was all right? <-( I really don't understand that part, and it makes me feel like I'm the crazy one. ) He told me to come inside and that he won't touch me and he told me he's going to bed. So I came inside and I saw Porn on the computer and I asked him what the hell he was doing looking at that. He said " I was proving to you and myself that porn doesn't do anything for me, I got an orgasm from your pictures" and of course, I don't believe him because I wasn't there to see it, and he grabbed me and demanded I believed him, I said " I wasn't here to see it, Taylor.. why do you expect to control my mind, why do you lie at every chance you get?" He beat me for over and hour for that. Kicked, punched, stomped, slapped, crushed, yanked, pulled EVERY part of my body, I found myself in the fetal position holding my ribs and face I thought he had broke a rib. ( it's still so sore, hurts to breathe and move my left arm) while laying on the floor he kicked and kicked my tailbone and buttocks and the small of my back over and over again. I guess that's because I don't give him anal in bed. He forced me onto my back dug his fingers into my ribs and punched my face hard and fast. He told me I'm an insecure little Bit** He then got two hand fulls of hair and continued to smash my head into the floor until I was nearly unconscious He put more porn on and told me to watch or he'd kill me, he kept telling me.. "look it's not doing anything for me you stupid whor*"grabbed me again and lifted my body onto the bed and slapped my face more and got a good grip on my hair and pulled and pulled until it came out onto his hands, he whipped all the sweat off his forehead and cheeks onto my cheeks because he knows I get acne from his sweat. I was so dizzy from the head trauma I almost puked, I couldn't see straight.. and I remained this way all through the night. He said I stopped breathing while I was sleeping and I can remember him hitting the bed to wake me up, saying " keep breathing baby keep breathing" I made myself stay awake until my breathing was normal, and he fought with me more, I apologized to him for making him so angry. He kept telling me horrible things and I got up to go outside to have a cigarette to just relax and he followed me telling about Scarlet Johan son and how he wished I were her and how much he loves her breasts ( I am a C38 not small by any means and definitely not "saggy" )... He basically tells me anything that will bother me, he loves to pick at the little things I don't like about myself. He completely ruins myself esteem. He is spiteful and he wants to hurt me as much as he possibly can. When he's angry with me and tells me that I should think about the things I do and say... He told me to help him get better, he said I don't care about him because I never help him or have faith he'll change. What am I supposed to do? I can't help him... I don't believe anyone can help a monster like him.

So this morning I woke up and called my mom who lives back home. I told her I need to come home and she welcomed me. As soon as I can. I am going home!

I want you all to know I am grateful for your feedback, You all have touched my heart, All of your words of wisdom I will never forget.. I had little faith in humanity, but I believe there are good people out there now. Bless you <3

Thank you and I apologize for any crappy grammar I am trying to type this in fast.

Theresa Bevan.

Theresa, while you still have physical prove of his abuse on your body, I'd highly suggest going to the police and having him put in jail. So, that he doesn't do this to you ever again, or anyone else for that matter.

This isn't right, and you don't deserve it. To be perfectly honest with you, this story infuriated me. GET HIM PUT IN JAIL, and get a restraining order. Then he'll be gone when you pack up and move to be with yourmother.

Best wishes to you.

Based on your other post, I have to say he needs to go to jail, and you need to go back to your mother. Get rid of this person. He's a waste of human flesh.

GET THE FUDGE OUT OF DODGE!! I am so happy your mother welcomed you back! Get a restraining order on the jackoff, please!

Do not let this acehole detour you from loving again. Those guys are NOT real men, real men would never touch a women that way! I am so angry right now. It's jerks like this that gives women complexes that all guys are the same. Guys like this should be strung up from the highest tree, or hey, put me in the ring with him, I'd love to go a few rounds in a boxing match with him

I tried to do what everyone on here told me to do, nothing got better, it only became worse through the months. Now I am leaving.. and I feel so numb...

But it's for the better...

SORRY for your troubles!. Wish I could have gotten this printed out before it happened again - but here it is again... good luck. God speed. And foxus on good people from here on... never tolerate any violence. EVER. Or wasting of a life with alcohol and drugs... I am not sure why you confronted him again knowing his violent ways, but my guess is there was abuse and or abandonment in your past and you took it all as normal in some way - that's what counseling is for! But it won't work unless you isolate from these people... hanf in there!

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Originally Posted by Ash123

Here's your Survival Plan:

(write this down and follow it for 12 months and don't take one day off or you will lose your valuable forward progress!)

First of all, everything is going to be ok, as long as you work with this information.

1. contact the women's shelter in your town. if it is full call your therapist and ask for resources for help and shelter.

2. Leave and go to parents or friends house. do not tell him or any of his friends where you are going. (i am not sure if your parents are helpful but i'm guessing they are not a big part of your life right now)

3. If you have any injuries go to the police station and have them open a file and take dated pictures. If you do not have bruises then go to 4.

4. clearly you feel trapped so you need to get a temporary restraining order and that can become a permanent restraining order. you can talk to a lawyer without having the funds. ask your therapist or the police the number of the office for a public defendants office.
see if he or she can help if the police require a lawyer to do it.

5. whatever job you have, (or whatever you are studying or want to study ) now look for ads in another town that are in same job....you can try craigslist.org or just google a town and look up the chamber of commerce and call them. use a phone card if you need to.

6. change your cell number if you have one. go to the store soon.

7. repeat: go to a friends or parents or relatives house.

8. get all of your things out of the house one day - if you share a house - if you wish, you can call him from a pay phone later with friends to stand by.

9. go to the post office and have all your mail forwarded to a friends or parents ASAP.

10. see a counselor once a week for a year.

11. never share a room with that man unless you are with someone else - or best - not at all.

12. goal: new address in 1-2 months
new job or new school in 4-6 months.

13. use this site when needed but make sure real people are helping and protecting you.

14. If you do all this, your life will be better and a year from now you may be in a whole new place but it takes work, and help to get there.

15. you are young and probably do not have good role models but the good news is that you made your mistakes NOW, not 10 years from now.

16. you do not need a boyfriend. i'd wait at least a year or two until a guy is ready to be a strong help in your life makes him worth a relationship. casual relationships are not going to work. your instincts will lead you to false companionship. you can learn more about how to give and respect mutually in counseling. without a good role model it is TOUGH!! so, look around at successful people and realize it's gonna be tough for you to learn at first and you need to go slow, but clearly you are special and people will see that quickly.

lots of great things are coming your way - just get ready for a tough 6 to 12 months and you'll be smiling one day again!

A

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Ash its not really a guess, she stated that she was molested in the past, and I assume that's what it derives from.

Why are you with him? I don't get it. Have some self respect for yourself. Give one of us on here his address - well call the cops for you. Get out of the situation or from what you are saying , it will probably lead to death , and I really pray that doesn't happen. Life is precious, you are young. Stay strong. And most importantlt LEAVE HIM!

Use your experience with this to grow into a mentor for girls around the world who have similar situations.

You know Theresa, I have a question for you.

I look at your photo and I see a really beautiful girl and then I sit her and think to myself, my biggest problem with woman is I get to a point where I get so nice women hate it. I sit here and I read this and I think to myself, how is that there are MILLIONS of quality men out there like me who would never even think of laying a hand on you and at the same time try to help you and build you up and we can't catch a break while you would put up with this guy?

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Originally Posted by chuff

You know Theresa, I have a question for you.

I look at your photo and I see a really beautiful girl and then I sit her and think to myself, my biggest problem with woman is I get to a point where I get so nice women hate it. I sit here and I read this and I think to myself, how is that there are MILLIONS of quality men out there like me who would never even think of laying a hand on you and at the same time try to help you and build you up and we can't catch a break while you would put up with this guy?

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My guess is with a childhood as bad as hers she seeks out dysfunction unwittingly. A nice guy is basically an alien life form. Tough stuff. For all concerned.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

my guess is with a childhood as bad as hers she seeks out dysfunction unwittingly. a nice guy is basically an alien life form. tough stuff. for all concerned.

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Oh I agree 100%. The point of my question though was to make her think outside her box a little bit. She has been conditioned for years with no other reality that this the way life is and this is the way a man treats a woman. To be fair, much like I've been conditioned that I must be nice no matter what, and if I don't catch myself the brain goes on auto pilot and that's how I act. What I wanted to her to think about though was the reality she lives in does not have to be the reality she chooses. She can and should turn her thoughts around for her own good. My question was supposed to make her think outside her comfort level. I give the girl all the credit in the world because she's reaching for an answer. I may not have the exact answer but I want to to start answering different questions then she's accustommed to. We can write 100 pages of posts that say "leave the guy, he's not good for you." but women have allowed themselves to be beat for centuries over "love." There's more going on, as you point out, and for her to get there she needs to start thinking outside her own reality and comfort zone.

I hear you chuff,
I agree she needs to go out of the box. But it will be tough. It will take wholesale lifestyle change - and that requires a lot of motivation and guts for a long time.
Most people do not have that kind of will power.

Re: nice guys - I actually do believe that nice guys are what a lot of women want. (as long as they were not in a divorced or abusive house)

(what they don't want is a guy that has no bigger life that they can join in and does whatever he has to to make their every moment painless - that is a valet.)

I think the women that make us be anything than who we are are clearly not the one for us :-)

I know a lot of super nice guys and gals that are happily married. DepressedMe20 faces longer odds than any of them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chuff

You know Theresa, I have a question for you.

I look at your photo and I see a really beautiful girl and then I sit her and think to myself, my biggest problem with woman is I get to a point where I get so nice women hate it. I sit here and I read this and I think to myself, how is that there are MILLIONS of quality men out there like me who would never even think of laying a hand on you and at the same time try to help you and build you up and we can't catch a break while you would put up with this guy?

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I still don't know why I ever put up with him. When I first met him I thought he was the sweetest caring guy so generous with his time and always complimented me and liked me for me, he was basically my dream boy from what I knew of him.. and I didn't know very much but we were persistent and focused on meeting and eventually having me move here to British Columbia.. it was when I moved here and lived with his family that I began to see his and his familys true, true colors... I can't say I was fooled I just didn't know... yet.

I considered myself very different from other ladies, I never ever had boyfriends growing up and I was never sexually active. I promised myself that I will save myself for the man that I love, Money/Looks never mattered to me, I was always a crush for someone and had many guys wanted to be with me but I never took the bait.

I was afraid of sex and I was afraid of being abused by a boyfriend/husband etc. So I know my childhood played a big part on my reasons for staying for so long, After awhile I just got used to it, like I was used to the abuse at home.. Never once did I think "it's OK" god it's NOT! It's horrible, it is something that just SHOULD NOT happen to anyone for any reason period. I didn't feel worth anything anymore, I felt like dying everyday for a year

And since I gave him my virginity I felt I needed to stay with him and be married to him. (now sometimes I feel like doing the first guy I see, I don't know why... resentment maybe, am I desperate? Possibly because it's gone now and it isn't so precious anymore. I won't though.)

I spent a lot of time alone talking to myself, trying to figure out what to do. He knows all about my life and everything I've gone through. And you'd think he'd want to protect me from it, because that's all he ever told me, " I wont ever touch you, I promise" ugh...

I know that not every guy out there is a women abuser. I hope one day I can find love, find someone who will just be with me for me and I for him, no strings attached no lies or control, and most of all someone who will let me speak without fear.

Theresa.

How soon are you getting out of there? You will find an amazing guy believe me

Tomorrow evening I am taking a greyhound to my moms house back home.

I've already transferred my banking,phone,bills I've already purchase my ticket and NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME. I went to Walmart today to buy a little blanket for my trip (I'm pretty excited about my new blanky) anyway I'm just packing and keeping positive

Thanks :)

Is it possible to stay in a hotel until tomorrow night? He might snap seeing you packing

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Is it possible to stay in a hotel til tomorrow night? He might snap seeing you packing

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Do you mean tonight? And that's a good point. You could also have a cop accompay you while packing the rest of your things, so that you are being safe..

I just maxed out my visa on purchasing everything for my trip. I don't have the money for a Hotel and from what I know most of the shelters here are full.

My mom is calling me every three hours she said no matter what If I don't pick up she's calling the police, I promised myself once things seemed like they're going to get violent I am going outside and calling the cops.

I don't want to get scared and think about the possibilities... I just want to remain calm

Trust me I know the things that "could" happen and I think I'll be OK.

Does he know that you are leaving?

Ok... If possible, check in with us on here too.. I am worried and hoping for the best! I am SO proud of you for doing this! It makes me happy to hear that you have realized you deserve better than this jerk!

YES, please check in with us. We are worried about you. We ALL wish you the best of luck.

Yes he does know I am leaving, He is hurt... I am too, but this is my life and I am important and I DO have a right to be here on gods green earth, I am taking this as a lesson learned and this is so much of a learning experience for me. It's so nice to have people routing for me. Thanks so much for all of your help guys I will check in again tonight and then tomorrow before I leave. I just got to be strong, it's hard not to cry

Bless you all.

YOU ARE important!! You are absolutely correct.

Women that are strong enough to remove themselves from an abuseful situation get all the respect in the world from me. I can't imagine the strength it takes to walk away from that. My girlfriend did it as well as you have, upmost respect to you and I hope life gives you everything you deserve and nothing less!

I am not sure what you are doing going back there?

While I am glad you had time for a glamorous new photo... this is serious stuff. I know you know that, but some part of you doesn't 100% believe it. You need ZERO tolerance for all things that are harmful.


Be safe. We are there for you... As is your friends and mother.

Take my list with you... and be well.

If you get out without any more violence, please make sure someone takes photos and dates them of your damage. It will be invaluable later should charges or a restraining order be required.

All the best. And please no more tempting fate. Or sleeping with men to make anger or pain go away. Its about personal inside peace you are seeking over all else...

A

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ash123

I am not sure what you are doing going back there?

While I am glad you had time for a glamorous new photo...this is serious stuff. i know you know that, but some part of you doesn't 100% believe it. You need ZERO tolerance for all things that are harmful.


Be safe. We are there for you...As is your friends and mother.

Take my list with you...and be well.

If you get out without any more violence, please make sure someone takes photos and dates them of your damage. it will be invaluable later should charges or a restraining order be required.

all the best. and please no more tempting fate. or sleeping with men to make anger or pain go away. its about personal inside peace you are seeking over all else...

A

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I do hope I find inner peace. By the way I changed my photo because I couldn't stand to see myself sad. The photo I have now was taken over 2 years ago, before the abuse happened, and to me it makes me feel better. I won't be sleeping with anyone and if I decided to act in any sexual activity it's when I know what I am doing. I am going to concentrate on me and only me until I have healed, I am going to continue counseling for as long as I need it. One day I'll be whole... can't say "again" I don't know if I ever was

Thanks ash123

Theresa.

Hey guys, well... I am in winnipeg and have been here since I last posted. I am doing a lot better... I have met knew people, and I've been on a ton of dates, I'm modeling for a clothing store and I feel absolutely beautiful again. I'm still in contact with Him but, I will never go back.. unfortunetly he has relocated here, Now.. He is living in a Shelter now he barley has food and I just can't help him. Part of my wants to but, I just can't.. He hasn't changed except he has not hit me.. But I'm not stupid guys I know if I live with him again He most definitely will.. Yes I am involved with him still... for some reason I can't break his hold, and he refuses to go back to BC.. is this my fault he lives here now? Maybe..

I refuse to be hurt.. I will not be hurt

I'm going to get some counceling

Quote:

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Is this my fault he lives here now? Maybe..

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Yes its your fault, as would he be here if you left him alone?

Probably not,

Leave him alone... I'm sorry I just scanned through the other replies and read your post. Get away. Go to a woman's shelter if you need support to do this. Find a way. Stop talking to him. Throw your phone away if that's what you need to do.

Do something, and do it quick or soon your posts will look like they did before... and so will your face, and yourself esteem...

I don't speak to him anymore, I am staying with my sister... I don't answer his calls.. I'm trying really hard to be smart!

Then how do you know that he's there? That he has no food?

Because I was in contact with him, But I am not longer.

Good, stay strong this time!

Well then just continue having NC. That's all you can do, one day at a time.

I know, I will...