Ask Me Help Desk - Did not get any answer

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

t never felt better than to tell my ex "I don't care, you did what you had to do and led to the best woman I could have thought of"

Greatness.

Chuff, It truly was greatness, being able to look at her and tell her that. Ahh... brings a tear to my eye ha ha!

This is very simple and straight forward.

You were always second guessing him. Your always insecure. People get sick of that.

Honestly you did this to yourself. You need to figure out why your so insecure and always need reassuring.

I would suggest before you start dating or going out again with anybody that you seek out counseling.

You need to get to the bottom of why you always feel the way you do.

Always second guessing somebody else will damage the relationship. There is no confusion here as to exactly what happened. Honestly 8 months is not a long relationship anyway.

You needed to chill. You did not, kept questioning things for your own personal security for some reason. Now fix yourself up and get to the bottom of the reasons you feel it necessary to always question, and why your always so insecure.

Were there any reasons for you to feel insecure?

Sometimes it's your imagination that something is going wrong and some times it's not. For example, if he never wanted you to go anywhere with him, take pictures with him, or if he didn't ever give you a straight answer for simple questions like his favorite soda pop then I would say that your insecurities were justified. If not, then I suggest you should do as the above posters said.

At first its cute to ask your lover if they love you or are they happy repetitively but over time when things gets deeper and more intimate and the connection is stronger, asking them that makes them feel like all they did for you only left you asking them if they love you or not.

Actually guys, stop saying she brought this upon herself because its not her fault. Its no one's fault that you guys broke up. You need to be forgiving of yourself and accept that it happened because it was meant to happen and not because you ruined it or anything.

No one is perfect in a relationship and sometimes you break up and sometimes you work through it. By breaking up means you weren't compatible with each other and therefore you shouldn't blame yourself. But at the same time you do show some signs of insecurity to some degree.

Although deep inside you might know the answer because he has been giving you the same one but you ask him just to make sure let me guess?

You have gotten your answer. You may not have got all the answers but you got the most important one. He doesn't want to be with you so knowing the answers to the other questions is pointless because he is not going to be in your life anymore so why does it matter?

If it turns out he loves you and he comes back looking for you, get the answers then, if not you don't need them. You need to heal and get on with your life. Stop contacting him and let the emotions bury and be happy without him. You don't need him to live because you still can breathe without him.

Do the things you love and you will meet someone better! Best wishes

- none12345

I'm sure there are two sides to this story. From what has been posted, I can't really blame your boyfriend for getting frustrated with you. You know that he's happy and in love with you, and you send him a text to complain about things he's doing that made you feel neglected.
I think you showed your boyfriend a side of you that he doesn't not want to be a part of. You say you are hurting badly, but I don't think you are the victim here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

Actually guys, stop saying she brought this upon herself because its not her fault. Its no one's fault that you guys broke up.

I'm going to disagree with you. What she did was similar to the stuff I used to do. Now I never complained, but instead I always was so nice to women they would take advantage of it. My behaviors were the same but the girl was interchangeable. She brought this on herself and it's not insulting or degrading to tell her. Quite honestly, I wish someone had told me when I kept screwing up, because I sure was to stupid to see it. By telling her the truth we are attempting to get her to see that she has an issue or issues that should be resolved before she makes the same mistakes. That is impowering her, not placing fault on her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

You need to be forgiving of yourself and accept that it happened because it was meant to happen and not because you ruined it or anything.

I agree she needs to forgive herself. There is no reason to beat yourself up over it. But she should also learn from it. If she doesn't learn from it she will just waste years of her life repeating the same behaviors and driving guys away from her. That is exactly what she wants to stop now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

No one is perfect in a relationship and sometimes you break up and sometimes you work through it. By breaking up means you werent compatible with each other and therefore you shouldnt blame yourself.

Is her ex perfect. Well, she didn't break up with me, so no (IMBD.com comedy expert) and he should have found a way to express this to her. At the same time it's human nature to not want to point out the flaws in others because it's a sensitive subject. The truth is she should have sat her down and said, "I like this and this and this, but I would like you to know how much you mean without asking me all the time, as our time together is proof of that" or something similar. He didn't and instead dumped her and she was confused. I understand that confusion and instead of blaming it on him there is a behavior she needs to correct for the next guy and more important for herself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

But at the same time you do show some signs of insecurity to some degree.

Agreed. There's nothing wrong with the insecurity, it's just not recognizing it or doing something about it that can lead to problems down the road.

Quote:

Originally Posted by none12345

You have gotten your answer. You may not have got all the answers but you got the most important one. He doesnt want to be with you so knowing the answers to the other questions is pointless because he is not going to be in your life anymore so why does it matter?

From my experience it matters because she can take something from a negative and turn it into a positive. I made the same stupid mistakes over and over and over. It took me years to turn a negative into a positive and I want her NOT to take years.

I agree with you that she should not dwell on it. Mistakes happen, and I know she doesn't see this now, but he's one guy. He doesn't matter in the long run. But what does matter in the long run is what good she can take from the bad and apply it.

Chuff, what I meant was that she it wasn't her fault that things happened the way it did but she did cause it. I don't know if I made sense with that statement though.

And yah I agree that she should learn from this experience and apply to the next to not make the same mistake. The next love will be deeper and stronger it always is.

I can see she is kind of similar as me. We like things done a certain way, well prepared and certain of everything so things go according to plan but I've come to realize that the future is unpredictable and it doesn't always go the way you want it to.

Confuse, by the way I'm not sure we got the whole story here. Is there any more to this or is this the main reason why he dumped you? If it isn't than I think we pretty much got it covered.

Quote:

none12345, No one is perfect in a relationship and sometimes you break up and sometimes you work through it. By breaking up means you weren't compatible with each other and therefore you shouldn't blame yourself. But at the same time you do show some signs of insecurity to some degree.

I have to disagree a little bit here. I was with my ex fiancée for ten years and that was the excuse he gave me about us not being compatible. He and I had things in common, but not much, but we were together ten years. But the real reason is is that he left me for someone else.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

I'm going to disagree with you. What she did was similiar to the stuff I used to do. Now I never complained, but instead I always was so nice to women they would take advantage of it. My behaviors were the same but the girl was interchangable. She brought this on herself and it's not insulting or degrading to tell her. Quite honestly, I wish someone had told me when I kept screwing up, because I sure was to stupid to see it. By telling her the truth we are attempting to get her to see that she has an issue or issues that should be resolved before she makes the same mistakes. That is impowering her, not placing fault on her.

I agree she needs to forgive herself. There is no reason to beat yourself up over it. But she should also learn from it. If she doesn't learn from it she will just waste years of her life repeating the same behaviors and driving guys away from her. That is exactly what she wants to stop now.

Is her ex perfect. Well, she didn't break up with me, so no (IMBD.com comedy expert) and he should have found a way to express this to her. At the same time it's human nature to not want to point out the flaws in others because it's a sensitive subject. The truth is she should have sat her down and said, "I like this and this and this, but I would like you to know how much you mean without asking me all the time, as our time together is proof of that" or something similiar. He didn't and instead dumped her and she was confused. I understand that confusion and instead of blaming it on him their is a behavior she needs to correct for the next guy and more important for herself.

Agreed. There's nothing wrong with the insecurity, it's just not recognizing it or doing something about it that can lead to problems down the road.

From my experience it matters because she can take something from a negative and turn it into a positive. I made the same stupid mistakes over and over and over. It took me years to turn a negative into a positive and I want her NOT to take years.

I agree with you that she should not dwell on it. Mistakes happen, and I know she doesn't see this now, but he's one guy. He doesn't matter in the long run. But what does matter in the long run is what good she can take from the bad and apply it.

Got to spread the rep but what you said is EXACTLY what I would have said. There is no shame, only opportunity to learn, improve, and ultimately be happier. I hope she knows we don't say these things to insult but to honestly help. I'm sure we have all been there, done that at one time or another in our lives.