First you have to love yourself before you can get love from someone else. You don't seem to love yourself very much because you let him treat you like property repeatedly and then go back for more. He shouldn't have to "handle" you, he should listen when you talk and not be mean about it, that's what a relationship is about, a relationship is not what you have.

If you feel invisible without him then you need to deal with other issues before you can have a successful relationship. You cannot expect someone else to make you feel complete, you have to find that within yourself.

Good Luck.

But He Also Has Many Many Gd Things In Him... hes Funny, He Understands Me Very Well... and He Also Have Problems At His House... so I Wanted To Make Up For Him For All His Sadness And Disappointments... he Loves Me A Lot That's Why He Is Soo Controlling... He Wants Me To Do The Right Thing All The Time And He Gets Sooo Mad If I Mess Up... but You Know How It Is Like To Be In love... u Look Away On The Bad Sides Of The Person And Focus On His Gd Sides

Honey, you only look away at the bad when you are young or insecure.

I once dated a guy that was wonderful, he was kind, caring, giving, we had allot in common and we really hit it off. I was 15, he was 18, but it didn't matter to me, because heck, I knew everything when I was 15, or at least I thought I did.

One day we were driving around in his truck, he pulled into an alley, turned to me and said "I've done so much for you, now it's your turn to do something for me, I want to have sex." I said no, he grabbed my head and smashed it into the windshield of his truck, the windshield broke so he punched me because he was angry that he'd have to replace it.

I learned a valuable lesson that day, things aren't always as wonderful in a relationship as you think, looking back, there were signs that I either refused to see or completely overlooked. Don't make the same mistake.

Trust me when I say I know the type of guy you are dating. It starts with a few little acts of control, it ends with you getting beaten or worse. Honey, you don't have to learn this the hard way, take a lesson from what I experienced and kick this guy to the curb.

You deserve better, you may not know it, but we do.

Oh thanks for your advice it really helped me... tomorrow I'm going to talk to him face to face and c where this relation is going but I'm going to evaluate everything tonight to see id this relation is worth saving or nt...

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Originally Posted by dunnowhat

Ok.... I Will....by The Way ..... Do U Have Any Children Of Ur Own Homegirl 50?

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Yes I do. I have a 26 year old daughter and over the years have had 5 foreign exchange students

Be careful sweetie. Remember, you don't need him, you only need yourself. When you are ready then someone great will come in to your life. That's what happened to me and we've been together for 18 years, have 2 beautiful kids and a wonderful relationship. Don't settle for so-so, you deserve something GREAT!

Good Luck, let us know what happens.

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Originally Posted by dunnowhat

But He Also Has Many Many Gd Things In Him.....hes Funny, He Understands Me Very Well...and He Also Have Problems At His House......so I Wanted To Make Up For Him For All His Sadness And Disappointments...he Loves Me A Lot Thats Why He Is Soo Controlling....... He Wants Me To Do The Right Thing All The Time And He Gets Sooo Mad If I Mess Up...but You Know How It Is Like To Be Inlove....u Look Away On The Bad Sides Of The Person And Focus On His Gd Sides

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Honey, please listen to some of the good advice given here... PLEASE! Take time tonight to REALLY consider it. I sure wish I would have had a place like this to come to when I was your age, and had people give me the advice and support that we are willing to give you.

This boy is controlling, and you don't have enough self confidence, or self love to see it. It may have come from family problems that you've had as you say. He may have also had his family issues, but that is his problem, not yours to solve for him. You have to explore your own problems and insecurity issues. You need to develop your own self worth and the confidence to know that you don't need a boy to make you feel good about yourself.

Please trust me when I say this. He will take your lack of self confidence and use it to his advantage, and sooner than later, you will have a lot less than you started with! You MUST NOT feel guilty, or like you made a mistake because you went to a concert with friends, or had an innocent dance with another boy, or anything that you want to do!

YOU ARE NOT INVISIBLE without HIM! You have a right to your own decisions and your own life, whether he is in it or not. I sure hope your answer is NOT!

I was with a man for many yrs. and then with another one for several more, that took yrs out of my life that I can NEVER get back again. They took my most precious commodoties, by controlling behaviour like you are describing. You might not see it now, but it will smack you right in the face later when it's too late. The men I was with were very kind, charming and loving in the beginning too! But that controlling behaviour turned into abusive behaviour. Men like that do it very slowly. You start letting the small things go unnoticed, and then the bigger things get swept under the rug, and before you know it, you feel helpless to leave him! You can tell yourself over and over that you will never be "that girl", and one day you wake up, and you ARE that girl!

So please, listen to someone who knows, and find yourself someone who will treat you with the mutual respect and trust that you deserve!

Best of luck to you!

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Originally Posted by dunnowhat

But He Also Has Many Many Gd Things In Him.....hes Funny, He Understands Me Very Well...and He Also Have Problems At His House......so I Wanted To Make Up For Him For All His Sadness And Disappointments...he Loves Me A Lot Thats Why He Is Soo Controlling....... He Wants Me To Do The Right Thing All The Time And He Gets Sooo Mad If I Mess Up...but You Know How It Is Like To Be Inlove....u Look Away On The Bad Sides Of The Person And Focus On His Gd Sides

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You know you can find guys that are funny, understanding, good looking, treats you like a princess, wishes you wonderful things in life... without the drama, right?

There are guys that will love you and take care of you without acting like your parole officer.

... My advice is to get rid of the guy... but I strongly doubt you'll listen to that... but I do hope you look at yourself and reevaluate your situation. You don't need a guy to make you feel great... you need a guy to notice that you're great.

Vous pouvez explorer l'univers cherche quelqu'un qui mérite plus de votre amour et votre affection que vous vous êtes, et vous ne trouverez pas cette personne n'importe où!

There is nothing you can do to get him back love yourself first, you do not need him.. You only think you do, You can live without him, keep telling yourself that. You are in control not him, To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance" Oscar Wilde. Please give him the space he is asking for, you may ruin any chance of him ever talking to you. Take this time to work on yourself, I know it sounds easy but fasten up your seatbelt and enjoy the ride called life, its full of detours and unknown roads, but as long as you know where you are going, then you will be fine... That path should be ahead..

After reading all of your advices... I told him that I prefer that we just stay friends and stay away of each other's lives... and with time if he misses me he can contact me but it is the best way to move on... so he said : OK I promise you ill stay away from your life and don't worry about me going out with girls.. im just having some fun...

So I decided to do the same... I will put him as far as he can be from my life and start enjoying it.. thx for the advices I really needed to hear from people with experience

Please trust me when I say this. He will take your lack of self confidence and use it to his advantage, and sooner than later, you will have a lot less than you started with! You MUST NOT feel guilty, or like you made a mistake because you went to a concert with friends, or had an innocent dance with another boy, or anything that you want to do!


You are absolutely right.. I have noticed that I have a big lack of confidence and my friends have been having bad influence on me... I was turning into a copy of themm.. thats one of his reasons for braking up with me... and I did in fact stop talking to them although they were the only people next to me when I was going through that drama... so now I want to focus on my friends and have a nice life and most importantly get back my confidence

I wish you the very best young lady. Stay strong.

Thank you a lot for helping me... ur like the mom I never had:$ on internet:P

You're welcome dear one.

It is evident that you are very young. No adult should have to ask for permission to do things, as if you were a child. You should however be accountable for your actions. If you really loved this guy, you would not have danced with another, but respected and protected your relationship. Learn from this and move forward.

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Originally Posted by FeelingBlue

It is evident that you are very young. No adult should have to ask for permission to do things, as if you were a child. You should however be accountable for your actions. If you really loved this guy, you would not have danced with another, but respected and protected your relationship. Learn from this and move forward.

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May I please just say to you, that she is her own person. Her boyfriend was completely disrespecting her to begin with. If she wants to go out with her friends, she should go out with her friends. If her boyfriend had respect for her, he would trust her, unless there were previous reason for him not to.

From what I read, she "danced" with another boy, and didn't feel comfortable when the boy made advances that she didn't feel comfortable with, and called her friends in for back up.

She doesn't "belong" to her 'boyfriend'! She didn't cross any boundaries as far as "respecting or protecting" their relationship. However, her boyfriend has, by her feeling like she has to ask for "permission" and being made to feel guilty for just going out for an evening. It really didn't sound to me like she was trying to "pick up" this other boy.

Trust and respect is a two way street is what I'm saying. :)

Yeah there are some previous reasons preventing him from trusting me cz I had lied to him many times... but about small issues...

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Originally Posted by dunnowhat

dumped by my boyfriend

we both love each other very very very much....

we broke up cz i had done a mistake that wasnt a big deal

hes my first serious relationship

i loved him from the bottom of my heart.... hes everything to me and he represents happiness....

after we broke up ..i tried to get back with him and promised him that i will change and i really wanted to!!

i know he doesnt like me to go to concerts and stuff like that without him or alone cz there are too many guys alcohool drugs.... but stupid me,

i was soo weak cz i was soo sad

started telling my bff to get him off me and finally she did

i appologised to my ex and started begging for another chance

he got soo furious and now he doesnt want to talk to me , he blocked me on msn, removed me from facebook, doesnt answer my msgs or my phonecalss,and hes says tht he wldnt be with me even if i was the last girl on earth

he trying to mke me jealous and he did...so help me to get him back!!

ps:he is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stubbornnnnnnnn!!

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Honey, I picked out some quotes from what you originally wrote. I didn't do it to be judgemental or harsh. You really need to sit down and consider the advice given by everyone that are truly trying to help you. Some of these people aren't just telling you these things because they pulled it out of their A$$,. if you know what I mean ;). We know from experience and are trying to prevent you from being hurt.

He dumped you! You should NEVER beg anyone to take you back! I understand that you said that you lied to him. I don't know what the lie was, or how bad it was, but I get the feeling it wasn't anything life altering.

If you learn how to communicate and how to appologize for lapses in judgement, then someone that actually LOVES YOU, will sit down and listen to what you have to say... at the very least.

Love isn't controlling! Love isn't having to beg someone to be with you! That just ISN'T what love is.

I know you're young and you think right now that you "love love love" him... but "real love" isn't just a "feeling". That 'feeling' is called "infatuation". "Real love", and "real relationships" require a lot of hard work.

Don't sweat the small stuff girl. You will have many other "loves" before you find the real one. Just think about it for awhile. Hold your head up high, and don't let anyone make decisions for you, or make you feel any less than you are. ;)

Starby, I had to spread the rep. Wow, that's all I can say, your answer was great.

It's hard being young, it's hard having all these feelings and all these confusions and not knowing what to do with them. We've all been there, that's why we're giving you the advice we're giving.

Honey trust me, trust Starby, trust all of us older people, life really hasn't changed that much since we were young, we've all been there and we survived, we're just trying to make it easier on you. Learning from your mistakes is a good thing, but not all mistakes have to be made in order to learn. In this case, learn from our experiences and our mistakes, we aren't giving you this advice because we're "adults" but because we've been there and done that and been hurt, you don't need to go there too, learn from our mistakes.

I wish you all the best. Trust us, leave this guy where he is, out of the picture. You will meet someone that is worthy of you, you really will, then you will know, without a doubt, what true love really is. Really, I'm not lying to you my dear, it will happen, just wait and you will see.

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Originally Posted by dunnowhat

yeah there are some previous reasons preventing him from trusting me cz i had lied to him many times...but abt small issues .....

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As I said earlier, anytime you're in a relationship and you find yourself apologizing or lying about small things constantly, that is a sure sign there is something wrong in the relationship and it does not necessarily mean it is all you. This guy was manipulating you, making you think you were always doing something you should be apologizing for. Lyig to please him or stay on his good side. How old is he?
I'll bet he was no where near as accommodating to you as he expected you to be to him.