Thanks ASH123. I wish I had gotten that advice over a year ago!! :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by little firefly

so does that maybe mean he's hoping that i'm waiting for him since i've been studying and attending meetings regularly?

---

No I believe he has moved on. Not to be harsh. But his behavior is not that of a man who wants to be with someone. If you want to continue your conversion I think that's wonderful but I would not continue the conversion with hopes that it will bring this guy back into your life.

--This cannot work and he needs to retreat back into his world... I fear you are not able to process this at this time. But that's OK. Love makes us all a little dizzy...

I would really suggest at least half a dozen sessions with a pro (get a name from you GP doc) It is normal to do this now and again in a complicated life. You need to get unstuck from this... I hate to say to but he MAY have a reason to be getting annoyed...

PS- Just saw your latest post - maybe you saw the light!!

But don't feel bashful about talking it out with a pro if it is making you restless...

Hi little firefly. Relationships are so hard! Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds as though he's playing mind games with you. By telling you that he'll contact you "when and if things change" is not leaving you with any definite answer. I dated somebody for a few years who broke up with me for another girl yet would keep stringing me along giving me false hope, and it just made the whole break up process just that much harder. Needless to say, we never did get back together, and he wound up engaged to the girl he broke up with me for. Don't wait for him. Move on, and if eventually he does come around and you're still willing to give it a go, you can decide then!

I really do appreciate all of the help I've gotten with this. It does seem like he's playing head games dosen't it? I really don't think I would ever be with him again though even if he would want to. He's hurt me enough already. I really do feel bad for his new girlfriend though. She got a double whammy when she got with him. First of all he's not even finished with his divorce, including a custody hearing, and second he's a member of a religion that dosen't believe in dating outside of the faith (I'm almost willing to bet that he's already been made to feel guilty by the elders of the congregation and by his own family for dating outside of the "truth") The more I learn about this religion the more I think I might be better off to stay a Baptist. :) I guess she'll have to learn the hard way like I did.

Seriously though, do what he said, don't talk to him anymore... and if he comes back crawling on his knees... still don't talk to him anymore... in fact, if you like you could give him a taste of his own medicine and pull the same tactic on him, but honestly... get away from this guy in every way, it seems like you know what's going on here so don't waste any more thought on this guy...

Thank you Grayfox. That's great advice. They say that hindsight is 20/20. Its too bad it took me getting hurt really bad to see him for what he is. An immature manchild who really dosen't know what he wants and probably never will! I would love it if someday he WOULD come crawling back so that I can do to him what he did to me. I know it would be mean, but it would feel good to have that kind of closure. I just have to keep telling myself that I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this and that he's got the problem, not me!

You know what - by the time he ever did you will be SO over it. You are going to move on and be much happier and find someone who treats you well and respects you. Good luck!!

A lying cheating sob, cloaked in respectability, is still a lyin cheating sob. Strip away all the entrapments, and you will see he is not friend material, let alone relationship material. Any female he gets close to catches, holy hell as you have witnessed for yourself.

Hey talaniman. I was hoping I would get some input from you. You give some of the best advice I've ever seen on this site. Thank you for the always great insight. :)

Hey guys, I'm back again. I wanted to give an update on my ex JW boyfriend who fell in love with his best friend.

As I had explained in my first post "i'm a Baptist who was dating a Jehovah's Witness, my ex and I met at an 80's club that I go to regularly and sometimes work at. I had already been a regular there for a good while before he even came out there for the first time, and since breaking up with me he had not been back. Last Thursday however I went out there to hang out with my friends and guess who was there, my ex and his girl. I had been feeling so much stronger and more in control until I saw them there together. It was as if all the hurt suddenly came rushing back. I ended up leaving without saying anything to them. Heck I don't even know if they saw me. I just had to get out of there.

I sent him an e-mail on Monday (it was the first contact I had made in almost 3 months) asking him that if he had any respect for me or the relationship we had to please let me know if he's going out there with her so that I can stay away (He didn't answer me, but I had not expected him to) Was that wrong of me? I mean he knows that I go out there frequently. He knows the trouble I've had getting over him because a mutual friend of ours talks to him regularly. I didn't ask him to stay out of there because I don't have that right, but I think it was a cold thing for him to do bringing a new love into the place that we met and spent so much time at together. Why would he WANT to bring her there knowing I could be there at any given time. A friend of mine who works there said that she saw him go upstairs to the 2nd floor alone acting like he was looking for someone. I feel like I've suffered a major emotional setback. :(

You have done everything you can. Since you sent him the email and he hasn't replied all you can do is wait until he does it again. If he does it again maybe confront him and ask him if you can talk to him for ONE minute semi private and ask him why he wants to continue bringing up hurt for you by bringing her there. Don't make a big scene or argument and keep it simple. If he wants to get crazy at you for doing that simply say that you just wanted him to take a minute out to consider your feeling and wasn't trying to cause a problem.

Quote:

---

I feel like I've suffered a major emotional setback. :(

---

You have suffered an emotional setback. It will be worse when he does not comply with your wishes. He didn't before, and I doubt he will this time. Get some real help with this, from a pastor or professional.

Hello all, I received an e-mail last night from my ex responding to an e-mail that I sent him several months ago, in which I asked him questions about my relationship with him.

He told me that his relationship with me had not been a game for him and that his feelings for me had been real. He went on to say that I had made him happy but that "living and learning the truth is the best way of life, you being with me is not. Thats on my side of things not yours. But it's true. I have changes to make, and i am making them. But i have to do it and you simply can't be a part of it, it's not right. I had been disfellowshipped before i ever met you, but i still want to see paradise." For those of you who don't understand, he is a disfellowshipped Jehovahs witness who wants to become reinstated. I myself am not and have never been a JW.

He then said that he misses me as a friend and that "it makes me smile when i think of you going to meetings and doing Witness service work, i smile when i think of you in general" (when I was with him I had talked of joining the JW's which he obviously thinks I did... I didn't and am very thankful for it!). He went on to say that he had tried to save his marriage when he broke up with me but it didn't work, and that falling in love with his best friend just seemed to happen. He had been in love with her but had not seen it before (she's not a JW either). He added that he HAD seen me when he was at the club a month ago. He had looked for my car first but didn't see it.

I had forgotten that I even sent that e-mail to him, and was shocked when I got the reply. I just don't understand why, after all this time he would reply to it. :confused:

Feel free to look up my previous posts to get the back story on my situation, but be warned, the first post "im a baptist who was dating a Jehovahs witness is a very looong one and I didn't format it which makes it even harder to read.:eek:

~side note to Talaniman, if you read this, I wanted to tell you that I took your advice (along with my family and friends) and got some professional help to deal with all the trouble that I've been having with this. I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder and am on medication. I'm already starting to feel better about my life, and am hoping that my ex isn't wanting to try to try to establish some kind of friendship with me. I don't want to be sucked back in to his confused and messed up world again!~

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by little firefly

I don't want to be sucked back in to his confused and messed up world again!~

---

If you respond to his email you run the risk of getting sucked back in and going backwards big time. You still need time IMO. The only reason he contacted you is probably because he saw you at the club. I would say you need to forget him in general. He doesn't sound like a good guy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by little firefly

so does that maybe mean he's hoping that i'm waiting for him since i've been studying and attending meetings regularly?

---

No it means he's a disturbed Individual and it doesn't matter what his Faith is, he need Help, LEAVE HIM ALONE! :eek:

Hello everyone.

Well, in just a little over a week we are going to see the end of another year.
I know that for most of us here 2007 brought us a lot of heartache and pain. We were left feeling hurt, confused, lonely, and unsure of how to move on with our lives. Some Are still trying to come to terms with things that have happened, others like myself are slowly starting to heal, and then there are those new to this site who are newly heartbroken.

When I stumbled here several months ago I didn't realize what a saving grace this site would be for me. So many of you gave me such good insight and helped me to realize that I'm not alone. There are so many others that have been feeling like I do. I found a group of nameless faceless friends who understood how I felt and helped me to cope. At first all I did was vent, but slowly I've been able to find some inner strength and I've been able to use my life lessons to help others that are hurt and confused. The more I heal the more that I find myself here, not really to vent, but to give others a ray of hope in what feels like hopeless situations.

It is my sincere hope and wish that all of us will go into 2008 with better outlooks on the future. I hope that we can all move forward and find ourselves again, being happy with who we are and not feeling so lost.

Even after I've totally healed and moved forward with my life I'm going to continue to come here. Sadly the next year will bring more brokenhearted people looking for answers and trying to make sense out of their situations. I want to be here for them when they need someone to talk to.

I wish all of you the best for the holidays. I refuse to allow my ex boyfriend to take the happiness that surrounds this time of year away from me. I hope that the rest of you will try to do the same. Peace and joy to all of you.

Firefly

Well, said and so glad you found this site, May you find the happiness you so deserve.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by little firefly

Hello everyone.

Well, in just a little over a week we are going to see the end of another year.
I know that for most of us here 2007 brought us a lot of heartache and pain. We were left feeling hurt, confused, lonely, and unsure of how to move on with our lives. Some Are still trying to come to terms with things that have happened, others like myself are slowly starting to heal, and then there are those new to this site who are newly heartbroken.

When i stumbled here several months ago i didn't realize what a saving grace this site would be for me. So many of you gave me such good insight and helped me to realize that i'm not alone. There are so many others that have been feeling like i do. I found a group of nameless faceless friends who understood how i felt and helped me to cope. At first all i did was vent, but slowly i've been able to find some inner strength and i've been able to use my life lessons to help others that are hurt and confused. The more i heal the more that i find myself here, not really to vent, but to give others a ray of hope in what feels like hopeless situations.

It is my sincere hope and wish that all of us will go into 2008 with better outlooks on the future. I hope that we can all move forward and find ourselves again, being happy with who we are and not feeling so lost.

Even after i've totally healed and moved forward with my life i'm going to continue to come here. Sadly the next year will bring more brokenhearted people looking for answers and trying to make sense out of their situations. I want to be here for them when they need someone to talk to.

I wish all of you the best for the holidays. I refuse to allow my ex bf to take the happiness that surrounds this time of year away from me. I hope that the rest of you will try to do the same. Peace and joy to all of you.

Firefly

---

Well said. I am in the same position.

I first came on here 4 months ago. I had been dumped by my ex 6 months earlier and after a couple of months apart made the mistake of allowing her to run the "let's be friends" line.

I actually found this site the week I told her I wanted to try again, and she said no, despite giving me all the signs and treating me like a surrogate boyfriend. I initiated no contact.

Without this site I definitely would not have stuck to NC. If I feel myself about to be weak I put a post on here and within hours it is drummed in to me that I need to think of myself & no contact is the only way to move on (whether or not your ex may come back).

I have now found myself answering posts from people who are in the position I was in 4 months ago and doubting where they are with their ex.

It has been so heloful for me and, like you firefly, I will try and offer guidance to people (based on my experiences) in the future.

Happy Christmas.

Well said Firefly... and glad you are doing well!