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eparkerc83 · Oct 21, 2010, 05:41 AM

This is the first person I've ever dumped. I was in a very intense and passionate relationship wiith a beautiful, smart young woman who loved me for who I was and with whom I often shared wonderful times, intimate and otherwise. Unfortunately, it was also saddled with issues of jealousy, mistrust, and insecurity. We fought with increasing frequency. She is 2 years older than me so that also raised issues of readiness for commitment which strained the relationship. I dumped her and got back together several different times. Every time I would reignite and grow weary and try to get away again. Here we are in the broken-up phase and she does not return emails or text messages and it consumes my every thought that what if this time were different. How do I get out of this pattern? Thank you.

kctiger · Oct 21, 2010, 05:57 AM

Once you break up, you break up, period. Why are you contacting her with texts and emails? It's over and it clearly should be. Allow her to grow and heal from this just as you should be doing. After a passionate relationship ends, so too do the privileges of correspondence with the person. Right now, you aren't together and you certainly aren't friends.

You need to make a decision and stick with it. If you don't feel right, then you shouldn't be together. It isn't anything personal as you both are probably the perfect match... just not for each other. But please, end the contact. That does no one any good. You both need time alone, without the others influence, to deal with your emotions and to think in a factual, rational manner.

eparkerc83 · Oct 21, 2010, 06:37 AM

Comment on kctiger's post

Thank you very much for your response and I believe your guidance is correct. Nevertheless I am haunted by the memories of this person and can't for the life of me take confidence in the reasons for breaking up that I was once so certain about.

Is that just normal? Because I'll tell you, every little thing triggers memories of her and they make me incredibly sad. Sad for the things that are lost and sad that this person is torn from your life, sad for a severed furture with this person.

And sad that she will be with someone else. Which I grant you is very selfish but I can't help thinking and feeling this way.

kctiger · Oct 21, 2010, 06:44 AM

What you are feeling is human nature. But, you can't hold onto something just because you don't want her to be with someone else. You know that the two of you just aren't right together, for whatever reason. It isn't fair to continue a cycle of breaking up, just to get back together. Be happy now that you have done the right thing and let her, and you, go find someone whom you are compatible with. Sometimes you just have to let go, and yes, it is hard.

Tvaughn29 · Oct 21, 2010, 08:41 AM

I know what your feeling and it hurts you everyday my first love I was with 12 yrs and married 5,I left him because his family always butted in and my friends were always hitting on him,I was like fine here you go have him,I never felt good enough,but I regret it everyday,he was everything to me,and I was stupid... but we r still friends,he moved away and now is married again,that kills too,but you have to live with the decions we make in life and sometimes I is to late,but its never to late to say Im sorry and to at least stay friends,if its possible... itll all work out,maybe not our way but gods way the way its intended to.