I was in a relationship with Matt for like almost 3 year. The relationship was quite public in our neighbourhood. The relationship started nice and happy but after like a couple of months we started agruing and fighting constantly. We tried to remedy the situation by taking breaks and then getting back together, but after some time we would go back to fighting and unhappiness. We did this break up thing a couple of times in the 3 years.

There is the one time, I think in our second year, that we officially broke up and I hooked up with a guy. I really thought Matt and I were over but lo and behold we got back together. When we got back to I told Matt about my hook up with the guy. Matt was very upset and shattered, he felt betrayed but he was willing to work on it.

Fast forward to about a 6 months later, we were again very unhappy in our relationship and decided to call it quits. We still talk at times but we are not together.

I recently met a guy, we'll call him Nick. Now Nick is nice caring and makes me smile. The problem is I feel guilty for liking and spending time with Nick since I recently broke up with Matt (almost a month ago).

My question is, Should I tell Matt that I've started dating again? Coz our relationship was so public someone might tell him anyway. And last time "I moved on" he was very upset.

Do I have to feel guilty since I tried everything in the book to make my previous relationship work, it just didn't?

And finally I'm I moving on too soon?

24 hour Andy

All you've done with Matt is fight and argue... you broke up (something you should have done long before you did)... anything you do now is none of his business, Tell him nothing... he is owed nothing... nor are you owed anything if he is dating someone.

How old are you both?

You don't owe him anything, you are no longer together and you should remain split this time. Time to get off the drama merry-go-round

You feel guilty most likely, because he is trying to blame you, or put guilt on you. Common excuse.

You stop all contact, (if at all possible) drop him from Facebook, do not answer his calls, do not read his text messages, do not look up and see "how he is doing"

Just move on, if he does not find someone else soon, or breaks up with them, often they come looking back at you, as a someone, so they are not lonely.
Have more self respect than do that again.

What is the point of telling Matt? Do you want to rekindle the fighting? Have you learned things about yourself from your relationship with Matt that you are going to apply to the new guy relationship so you don't repeat the mistakes? These are just some of the questions I have.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

How old are you both?

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I'm 24 he is 29

You and Matt tried on and off for 3 years. It's about time to realize that you and Matt aren't going to happen. It's over, and it should be over for good this time. You two have shown that you can't be together and be happy.

So why feel guilty for moving on? No reason to. You gave it a good try, you both did your best, and it wasn't meant to be. Delete Matt from your life. Delete him from fb, delete him on your phone, no contact at all. Just move on. If he finds out about you dating someone else, who cares? It's not like you and Matt are together anymore, so what does it matter what he thinks about you moving on? You two are done, so moving on is expected.

Forget about Matt. Concentrate on the new guy, have fun, date, explore other options. You deserve to be happy, and you and Matt don't equal happy.

Leave each other alone and live your own lives. Takes time to heal and break old habits.

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Originally Posted by AndyGugu

I was in a relationship with Matt for like almost 3 year. The relationship was quite public in our neighbourhood. The relationship started nice and happy but after like a couple of months we started agruing and fighting constantly. We tried to remedy the situation by taking breaks and then getting back together, but after some time we would go back to fighting and unhappiness. We did this break up thing a couple of times in the 3 years.

There is the one time, I think in our second year, that we officially broke up and I hooked up with a guy. I really thought Matt and I were over but lo and behold we got back together. When we got back to I told Matt about my hook up with the guy. Matt was very upset and shattered, he felt betrayed but he was willing to work on it.

Fast forward to about a 6 months later, we were again very unhappy in our relationship and decided to call it quits. We still talk at times but we are not together.

I recently met a guy, we'll call him Nick. Now Nick is nice caring and makes me smile. The problem is I feel guilty for liking and spending time with Nick since I recently broke up with Matt (almost a month ago).

My question is, Should I tell Matt that I've started dating again? Coz our relationship was so public someone might tell him anyway. And last time "I moved on" he was very upset.

Do I have to feel guilty since I tried everything in the book to make my previous relationship work, it just didn't?

And finally I'm I moving on too soon?

24 hour Andy

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All I read here is:
We got together and then we broke up and got together and broke up and got together and broke up... ad nauseum. You've figured out, by example and many times at that, you and matt don't work well together. You should have let it die after the first time, but the allure of throwing good money after bad to recoupe something is hard to resist. You both put more into this relationship to try to make it work then you really should have.

You don't need to feel guilty, but you also need to properly grieve your previous relationship. When you get into another relationship, like you're doing with Nick, before you've properly grieved your last relationship you get a rebound relationship happening. You grieve your previous relationship but use your current one as a proxy for that process. Basically you muck things up with Nick because you're still finishing things off with Matt internally but externalizing that process on Nick. So you shouldn't feel guilty but I would be careful what you're doing with Nick because you could be doing him a disservice but rebounding on him.

Lastly you owe Matt NOTHING. You two are separated and doesn't rate being updated with what you're doing with Nick. It is salt in the wound for him grieving the relationship. Right now you need to divest yourself completely of Matt. Block him on Facebook. Block and delete his contact info. He is nothing and no one to you right now. Don't get stuck on him. Move on.

Read the relationship stickies especially the one on NO CONTACT.