Here I am again. Year and half relationship over. Before that being best friends for a year.

The girl I lived with (also have broken up before see past threads) came back from a 3 week trip with reserve military and after two days said she wanted to be over. After a few days came back in tears telling me she had slept with someone whilst drunk and couldn't forgive herself even though I have tried my hardest to get her to stay. Her reputation within her unit has most likely gone down as well as the bloke who slept with her spread this fact around.

Honestly broken here. Recently started new job (bad timing), I am on sleeping tablets and anti d's. Devastated that she did this yet come back and tell me she still loves me last night, hugging me for an hour and crying on me. She even told me all the horrible things she had said was lies but she couldn't live with what she had done but doesn't think we can be together anymore due to many issues with arguing etc. This is despite all the travel we have done and I thought a loving caring relationship. I really don't know where we went wrong. We have spent the past 1.5 years with each other more than anyone.

I am barely eating or surviving but plodding on slowly. I guess the worse thing is the loneliness/emptiness of our home. My friendship group have gone off separate ways and I am sat brooding.

I actually do want her back not sure what to do apart from NC now, whilst leaving FB showing her what my new life has become.

I am having counselling (who seems to think my issues of co-depdency go back to childhood which I believe is wrong as my family support me) booked a dating course in a capital city, fashion course, planning a holiday with a friend and have a few potential running dates with girls. Nothing fills the emptiness inside though.

While she may have broken up with you, it seems you have not accepted it. And for good reason- she still cries on your shoulder, and you let her.

Try to realize that your health, and your healing over the end of this relationship, will depend on you accepting the relationship is over, instead of dwelling on the past and possible future where she may come back.

If you can accept the end of the relationship, then you can begin to heal, and go through the process of living your life without her constantly in your thoughts, and consequently your behavior, you are not strong enough yet, to even think about another relationship. You have to heal and stand steady on your own two feet before even considering another relationship.

Only then, will you have some insight into what went wrong, and why. You will see that your partner, who cheated, was not worthy of the trust you put in her. You misjudged this person, as having values and commitment equal to your own.

You need clarity of thought to see what you had, which wasn't good, and to plan and set your values and expectations a little higher, the next time you fall in love. There is still no guarantee, but you will be more alert and critical of behavior and behavior patters in the relationship, and hopefully won't find yourself in this dark and dreary place again.

To not mend, means that you are allowing the past to live in your present, and your future. And that is not fair either to yourself, or to the next girlfriend that comes along. If you don't get a grip on this, you will be comparing anyone new, with the one that is now gone, and neither side, needs that kind of fog hanging over them.

It is time now to decide to get yourself, and your life back. Block her phone number, take her off your friends' lists on social media, stop talking about her, and stop wishing and hoping that a bolt of lightening will make everything all right with her. Take charge of what you allow, and who you allow, and what you will allow into your life. None of which at the moment is getting you anywhere but miserable.

In so doing, you will be stronger and more capable and healthier, the next time around, with a clean slate. And, should the next relationship fail, you will be better able to cope with it. Because you helped yourself this time, and learned from it.

Hello yet again my friend. You are in the right place, and you know where the stickies are so grab a few and relax.

Vent as needed. Let me know when you are ready for NC.

Yes thank you all.

I have been doing a lot to keep busy and to change things.

I am hurting particularly badly today at work.

She is in my thoughts ALLL day! Every day. It hurts when alone.

Its hard not to pick the phone up to just to chat.

Unfortunately we had a long discussion over FB where she told me everything bad and negative about me which puts me in a worse position than before! Hard hard work this break up malarkey.

It looks like you have 1200+ posts here about your relationships. How about spending some time advising others here? You don't have to be a good example to give good advice.

Jiser, I've known you for years here on AMHD. You know by know that losing a relationship like this is like grieving a death. The only difference here is that you are still in contact with her, which isn't giving you the opportunity to grieve and heal properly.

Dude, you have preached No Contact, so now it's time to practice what you preach. Block her on FB, block her number from your phone. Keep busy with friends and family.

She broke up with you, did you really expect her to give you positives? If she were to give you positive points on yourself and your relationship she never would have broken up with you. Stop being. Glutton for punishment. Break free completely n

Some days are tougher than others, but at least you know where to go, instead of going to her. That's a plus.

It does get better.

Cheers all! The loneliness of my flat where we lived is the worse! Coming home to the silence. So empty.

The worse thing is I went to see a week ago before she went away and we slept together and we ended up sleeping in each others arms. That was the last time we saw each other lol. Apart from spats on face book.

NC time... wow. This has been the hardest break up yet.

That goodbye sex does that to you. Especially if you kept contact since then,so you know the rules...DAY 1 all over again.

Yes back to NC. Nights are the worse at the moment, waking up in cold sweats and in the mornings. Struggle to eat to and just look after myself and our old flat.

I realise this is going to take a long time!

It's a tough adjustment from being in a relationship to being single, and those alone moments just magnify it dramatically for a while. Even with the hobbies, and chores, and books, those first few weeks were pure hell. A good sympathetic friend that's a great listener helps a lot, and worth more than their weight in gold, as a good vent usually helps more than sleep aids.

I wrote TONS of letter that I never sent, but they went from sloppy love to anger after I reread them. Being able to go back and see your own feelings, and thoughts when you had them is rather revealing. Hmm, have you reviewed some of your old posts?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

It's a tough adjustment from being in a relationship to being single, and those alone moments just magnify it dramatically for a while. Even with the hobbies, and chores, and books, those first few weeks were pure hell. A good sympathetic friend that's a great listener helps a lot, and worth more than their weight in gold, as a good vent usually helps more than sleep aids.

I wrote TONS of letter that I never sent, but they went from sloppy love to anger after I reread them. Being able to go back and see your own feelings, and thoughts when you had them is rather revealing. Hmm, have you reviewed some of your old posts?

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I am doing as much as I can within my budget! I have even had to get out loans to accomplish what I want for this big upheaval in my life. This is includes a dating course I went on the weekend, climbing africas highest mountain, sailing, travelling around Scotland with an old friend,

My main weakness is my lack of social circle and good friends. This I am working on slowly. Also dates and meeting random people in the street.

I think time is the only thing which will help me. I am 29 and disappointing I have not found my life partner... I can't see that happening for a while yet now. Life feels very lonely and unloving now. It does after a breakup as you rebuild your routines and life alone.

I have reviewed both yours and chuffs posts. It is a shame the board isn't so active anymore. I know things will get better but it will be a while I know!

Yes it is all about giving yourself time, and what you do until then. Like taking your medicine after a serious illness or injury. Don't even feel bad about not having found that life partner my friend, because actually you thought you had, but was mistaken, this time. That happens many times in ones life as we explore and experiment our reality. Its called living.

LOL, knowing you for a few years though Jiser, you have built a life that you enjoy, and have always done your thing before, so it's just a matter of putting this behind you and getting back into it. I know easier said than done, mainly because you are not that ready yet, but rest assured you will be.

It's all part of the living, learning, thriving and surviving process. You may be at a valley in that journey now, but keep living and exploring and you find that next mountain to climb. They say that life is 1% what happens to you, and 99% what you do about it, and I have found that to be accurate, and learned to be grateful for the experience. So too will you, I think, as you heal, and get your groove back.

No Contact is all about NOT dealing with her, but dealing with yourself, and taking the right medicine to heal from your own hurt and disappointment, and you know in time it will get MUCH better.

So hang in there.

Cheers all. This has been my longest relationship. I keep replaying events in my head. I want to write letters and text but I know this would do no good. I don't think I will ever get closure. Nobody ever does. It hurts to loose your best friend. So this is my goodbye letter which will never get sent:

You pushed me to my limits and I loved it! It was fun, sad and eye opening being with you. We had the cutest and sweetest of times. Your flaws I just wanted to hug you not shout at you.

I apologise for not always being open, needy and demanding of your attention. I am sorry to myself for letting myself go, not having friends/hobbies and most importantly boundaries which you constantly pushed with me. I felt confused constantly with your own confusion about what you wanted to do in your life. This made me feel anxious.

I tried to be the best person I could be and in the end I am sorry I couldn't be that person. Your excuses for finishing with me suck, the fact you cheated sucks. The fact your no longer there to talk to me or hug me when I get home sucks. I feel an overwhelming feeling of loss and loneliness I haven't felt in a long time.

You said I wasn't adventurous enough. But here I am climbing a mountain soon, travelling around another country in a week. You said we didn't have similar interests. We have every similar interest.

I hate the way you can just flip out and turn into the very person you said you would never become. I am so disappointed and hurt. Every dream I have is of you, I struggle at night and in the morning. I think your be there but your not, I half expect you to turn around and walk in the door but I know this is my mind playing tricks.

I hope you realise what you have lost with me, I treated you well! They say the best revenge is to be happy and I will show you what you have lost for myself and you! Despite this is I hope you are OK and continue to be OK.

I so badly want things to work with you but I have to let go for my own sanity...

Not bad, now go get busy and reread it later. The world is at your feet. Act like it whether you feel it or not.

So had a few good weeks, been very busy. This is the first day I have been sat alone. Quite hard actually!

My ex messaged me on Facebook berating me saying I don't look genuinely happy. Then over the course of an hour berated me further about her lacking respect for me as a man, issues with me 'controlling', issues with me not doing enough with her, not having 'balls', not doing this not doing that. I got to admit I was pretty upset with all of this. Nasty nasty stuff. Even proceeding to stay she had broken up with me a month before in her head and cheated on me as she wanted to feel alive... saying she feels free and liberated to sleep with who she wants.

This is not the same person I thought she was. I feel like utter crap now. After this. Talk about being put down! Owch. I am not sure why she was messaging me in the first place apart from uploading loads of pictures of me having fun.

Jiser, why have you not blocked her on FB? You are defeating the purpose.

Well what did you expect when you left her a way to contact you? Why would you even let her live rent free in your head since she chose the low road to try and break your happiness. Mission accomplished, as she made you feel bad. You shouldn't at all. You should be relieved you are free from her, and can look at her actions in a better light that reinforces the good of this break up.

Block her without a word of reply, and keep doing your own thing, and let her wallow in her own vindictive misery. Her revenge move will fail, and you can continue to move beyond her, because for all the emotions, obviously she wasn't the one to share your happiness with.

Talaniman Rule-When you get dumped, disappear from their life... don't look back, and have no regrets.

Not your fault she is still following you and is mad you are no longer miserable about getting dumped... and evidently cheated on. She wants to inflict hurt, but don't let her, and don't worry about why she does what she does any longer.

When you have fully healed, my friend, thing will look and feel MUCH different than they do now. Let this pass.

Thanks guys. I have no idea why she berates me so much. Our relationship was far from perfect but she had equal responsibility as well. She makes many excuses for what she did for no reason. It wasn't that bad, I treated her well. Her lack of empathy is disturbing and down right nasty. Even going as far as saying no women will be able to put up with you... disgusting.

I have a women coming round mine for dinner this Saturday.

In a way she is making me hate her more now, looking back thinking Christ she was a nasty piece of disturbing work. My Cllr even thinks she be might even be slightly mad and abusive.

I will never let a women treat me like this again. Boundaries are so important and I let her over run mine and run wild with my emotions.

Back to no contact. I am going to go kayaking today alone to get used to my own company.

No Contact means blocking her from all social media, cell phone etc. You need to do that now. Right now.