Lost in my man's heartlessness
Im totally lost now. This was my first long-term relationship. I went out with this guy who was supposed to be the love of my life for 4 years and suddenly out of the blue, he called it quits. We decided to move in together only after 7 months into our relationship. Both of us love travelling and moving around. We had broken up a lot of times before THE FINAL which fell exactly on the last day of March 2007,before this, we were always able to find a way to patch things up after a few days. Im still a virgin although he has seen me naked and we've 'touched' / 'felt' each other and stuff but everything stopped since last year.
We worked at the same place back in my hometown,that's how we met. He was never a good communicator in our relationship, otherwise, he is a very sociable person in general.
Now we are both away from our homeland. We are now still living under the same roof regardless our status. Mid of March, I found his flirty emails to one of his colleagues (yes, I know his password and suspected an affair after a long absence of intimacy). My heart stopped. I thought I was never going to be able to stand on my feet again. My whole body turned into a block of ice. I confronted him and he was very evasive,snappy,
ignorant and cold. He asked me to shut it and that it was just a harmless flirt. Nothing happened. Still, he asked for a breakup. I cried,begged,pleaded and reminded him about our future plans. He finally took me back because he admitted to being scared to live without me but asked for 'probation'.
A week later, he and his 'crush' went on a getaway with 3 other of HER friends (Total: 3 ladies and 2 gentlemen). Of course, I was against it but he convinced me nothing would happen and that it was just a week holiday by the mountain. So I let him go, I mean I didn't want cause a fuss again after last week's breakup. During his away, I texted him with lots of convincing replies from him then one day he didn't text me back so I called him and cried over the phone (I don't know why I did that,insecurity, I guess).
Another week's gone after he came back from his getaway. He broke the news. This time was FINAL breakup. He said he needed some space and didn't want to hurt me again. I did the same thing of begging,crying,pleading. I even declared that Im ready for sex (I really am) because I want to show him how much I love him and don't want to lose him but it didn't work. I mean, I really love this guy and didn't see it coming. I really thought he meant every word he said when he said he wanted to give it another go. I shouldve known better when he didn't bother to give me a present on my Birthday last year and he skipped our ritual Valentine's dinner this year.
He said he wasn't ready for our future plans to settle down (meant to be October). He said he had lost his feelings for me and had started seeing me as his sister/best friend instead of his woman, because we of the long absence of intimacy and the fact that we haven't really had sex. He apologized for faking his affection the past one year because he was just confused trying to make sure if he really had lost his feelings for me. Now he only wants to be my bestest friend as Im very important in his life (thats what he said). He keeps saying that he still loves me AS A PERSON but NOT as his woman anymore. He said it had nothing to do with her or any other third party,it was just him not ready for the future with me.
He asked me to move out straight away because he's been paying the rent but I refused to because I said it was unfair, this flat is practically mine as Ive been the one who keeps it clean and tidy the whole time. I do all the housework. He never would lift his fingers. He used to praise me saying how proud he was of me for multi-tasking as an executive, homemaker and everything. So I asked him to move out instead and told him that I was willing to take over the rent. He said NO unless I pay him a certain sum as the compensation to the previous rent.
My work contract finishes in June while his in August. I couldve just moved out but I don't know much about this place. I have acquaintances but not close friends or anyone like that. Its torturing living like this till June. Its easier for him to move out as he could at least have a short-term rent till August and be easily granted as per the local policy.
How could he do this to me. We were that close to moving on and settling down together.
The reason why we are out here overseas is to make as much money as possible to settle down in October. So its true as a couple, we had our aggressive fights, silly arguments, inexplicable resentments and all the rough times BUT we also had our GOOD times together. Out of the blue, he told me he couldn't live in the 'pretend world' anymore and needed time on his own. It seems so easy for him to get over me, us.
Nowadays, he still walks around naked after shower. Still sleeps in his underwear... we still share the same bed! As it is a one-bedroom flat. Yesterday I reminded him to move out ASAP and before I left for work, he quipped 'I love you'... I was so pissed that I gave him the middle finger and walked out the flat. Whenever he comes home drunk and he would me hold me in bed. Last night, he even treated me to Mexican delivery.
He is generally very cold and arrogant now but every time I ask him to move out, he would start acting like a cute puppy and ask me not to bring it up again or he would feel sad. He used to go out, smoke and drink often then he stopped for a while because it upset me BUT he's starting to go back to his old habits now. Could this be just him being cold feet for our future plans?? >> or, could he just be going through mid life crisis?? (hes 30 and Im 25).
Just my luck,isn't it, falling for a selfish man. I may be able to get over him but Its been real hard getting over the fact that its so easy for him to move on without me. Am I that forgettable? What about our future plans? That's it,gone just like that?!
How do I make him see that he's hurting me so bad without being snapped at again and again. How do I get my messages across that he can hold on to me, we can get through our confusion and anxiety for the future together. Im so in love and I took it for granted by not showing it to him on time,making love to him just seems so far away now.
Sorry it's a long one. Thank you for your help and advice. I truly need it and appreciate it.
xx
