In love with a married man
:confused: I am so torn. And confused about what to do. I know there will be posts to the effect that there is only one thing to do: leave him. But, as simple as that may sound, the truth of the matter is You Don't CHOOSE who you love. Love is a feeling right? How on earth can a feeling be controlled or stifled? I love him and he loves me- he tells me so and he Shows me and I Feel his love. That is undeniable. My quandary of course lies in what I am going to do about this... He has essentially given me the impression that he can't leave his family, not because of his wife (he says he could easily do that- there hasn't been any romance or intimacy there in a very long time) but because of his kids. He has two sons, 16 & 12. He has been married to their mother for 20 years and this little family unit is all they have ever known and he feels that divorcing his wife would be terrible devastating to his 12 year old because he is very sensitive and a bit emotional and quite attached to his Dad. I can totally understand the complexity of this and in a way I respect him so much for wanting to live up to his responsibilities to his kids. But, regardless he is in love with me. We talk about the complications that we have gotten ourselves into. Both of us sometimes a tiny bit feel like we should end it but it's like we can't. We don't want to - whether we Should or because it will possibly eventually happen anyway. It has only been 2 1/2 months. Some other facts that should be mentioned: I am 37 and he is 52. We work together. I have a daughter from a previous marriage. She is 16. And I am also married but for only 4 years as compared to his 20. The love and romance has been gone in my marriage for most of it. And me & my husband have an understanding that we will try to stay together until my daughter goes off to college next year so as not to disrupt her too much. Also, when he has implied that he is afraid it will not work in the long run because he doesn't think he can give me the relationship that I deserve, I have basically stated the most difficult conclusion but uncomfortably obvious fact that then I can't be in a relationship with him. And then he kind of softens it up like "Well nothings written in stone" and such. Like he does not want me to break up with him, even though he doesn't want to hurt me and I I think recognizes that that is was is happening anyway because of how much I miss him when I am away from him and how it feels to be just the other woman. (yucky to even say that :( Like, either decision (leave or stay) will hurt both of us. Unless IF (and that's the BIG 'IF') he eventually decides to leave her to be with me. Otherwise, as much as he makes me happy when I am with him, they're mere stolen moments and are not enough for me and when I am without him, I am sad, confused and feel lost. And miss him so terribly that my heart just aches and I long for him like I have never before. And no doubt, I have never felt this kind of love ever before and neither has he. It is so strong and powerful. It kind of has a life of its own. Its so intense and amazing. And even though it sounds all sad and hopeless, we really do make each other happy and there is such a warmth between us. Please... without judgements and criticisms. PLEASE what should I do?? :confused:
