Water Formula
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Little Johnny replies, "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O!!"
The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"
Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"
Travel Agent Terms
Old world charm - Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light.
Tropical - Rainy.
Majestic setting - A long way from town, at end of dirt road.
Options galore - Nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway - Directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms - Sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own - At your own expense.
Minutes From?? - By Plane
Romantic - No Phone in room
Knowledgeable trip hosts - They've flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees - No extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise - Your car's paint will never be the same
Nominal fee - Outrageous charge.
Standard - Sub-standard.
Deluxe - Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations- One complimentary chocolate, free shower cap.
All the amenities - Two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just Like Home - No Maid service.
Plush - Both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes.
Gentle breezes - In hurricane alley.
Light and airy - No air conditioning.
Picturesque - Theme park nearby.
24-hour bar - Ice cubes at additional cost (when available).
Oops
Astronomers were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang.
Apparently, that sound was "Uh oh."
Job Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."
Criminal Lawyer
A man walked into the local Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. Seeing a man at the counter, the stranger asks, "Is there a criminal lawyer in town?"
To which the man behind the counter immediately quipped, "Yes, but we haven't been able to prove it yet!"
