Ask Me Help Desk - What do you think of this situation?

I've had this friend for about 6 years we have always had chemistry and lust behind our relationship so it's never been just a normal friendship. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years after having started a physical affair with this friend of mine who was also supposed to be a friend of my boyfriends but he obviously had stronger feelings for me. My friend also has a girlfriend who he is still with their relationship is off and on rocky but they have I guess a great sex life. Like she's wildly crazy in bed or who knows but.

The only times me and my friend have had sex they have been under rushed situations as in she’s in the other room situation so it’s never like we got to really enjoy it together. Well there was one time where it was great and I saw a shooting star while we were making love on a picnic table. We started this affair with him telling me how he had to leave his girlfriend because she was physically and mentally abusive and it wasn't healthy for him but now he says things like I take the good and the bad and my good outweighs my bad so he's happy and comfortable with her I guess.

And if we talk about things he says we should just get back to friend base but when I come around that’s not the case and its him initiating us fooling around and what not and he knows how I feel so I end up feeling like he’s just having his cake and eating it to and not caring about how I feel though he says he will always respect and appreciate what we have. He would like to wait a few years and see if we still have whatever this is between us in a few years and he would like me to find someone else in the meantime but I just can't think about anybody but him and I don't want to lose touch with him it already sucks enough that I only get to see him every other weekend or so. We have so much chemistry it’s ridiculous when were together its almost magnetic the last time we were together we didn't have sex but we laid next to each other trying to avoid the situation and just fall asleep but there was this strong connection that neither of us could resist so we spent the night kissing and touching.

His girlfriend is someone I hang out with we are not best friends she likes to consider me a best friend but I’m really not her best friend. Beyond this I am a really good friend it’s just that my feeling for him out weigh my feelings for her 10 times over and it’s hard to control. I guess my question is more on the line of what do you think of this situation is it something that is probably all in my head worked up into who knows what or is this something I should fight for and get what I want

You need to remove yourself from this situation and there business, and stop being USED for an easy, convenient sex toy. Then you can stop smiling in this girls face while you stab her in the back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You need to remove yourself from this situation and there business, and stop being USED for an easy, convenient sex toy. Then you can stop smiling in this girls face while you stab her in the back.

Its just hard this wasn't always a sexual relationship, I'm even the one who hooked him up with his girlfriend now and he hooked me up with my ex who I broke up with a year ago. I feel so connected to him I don't want to lose him he promised me he wouldn't go anywhere. I'm not fake to his girlfriend my relationship with one person does not affect my relationship with the other so what the friendship I have with her isn't 100% pure but believe me when I say I have my fair share of good karma I just can't help what my heart makes me do and she knows there has always been something between me and him she even made sure before she got with him that it was OK with me that they got together but she asked me in front of my boyfriend at the time kind of like black mail or I don't know but I feel like that was a giant mistake letting him go to her. I wish I could just lose my feelings for him and still be his friend but that last few times we've been together he has proved that might not be possible I mean the last times I did say no but I gave in eventually cause he's not just anybody and I trust him. I have let go before cause this has been going on for about a year now but I always get brought back. I'm a person who believes in signs so I'll like here his name everywhere I read my horoscope and it signifies something related to this. Even when I try to go out and meet new people they have his name I have talked to two people who have the same name as him. He has tried to get me to see other people but he provide me with someone who seems younger and just isn't my type and then someone who is older and just isn't my type or I'll be trying to stay away from him and his girlfriend will text me wanting to do something for the weekend and we are weekend buddies us and about 3 other people so this is a circle of friends and everyone knows about it except for his girlfriend. We having been partying on the weekends for years so it wouldn't make much sense if I just stopped talking to them he might know why but she won't and she'll start to ask questions and then what

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You need to remove yourself from this situation and there business, and stop being USED for an easy, convenient sex toy. Then you can stop smiling in this girls face while you stab her in the back.

Your right about the being used part I will no longer allow sex between us but removing myself from a situation and there business is kind of irrelevant for me. I can't help what my friends decide to share with me and I don't like to run away from situations I'm involved in unless the situations strongly suggests that and this situation I think can be taken care of in different ways. I do feel used and easy and convenient but its not like I'm getting treated like a whore someone is making love to me not doing what some men do to prostitutes. I don't smile in her face she understands how I feel about my friend we party together we share laughs but she knows nothing about what we've done and what the girl doesn't know won't hurt her. I understand that I can't just expect him to leave her for me if he has the slightest bit of feelings for her the relationship obviously has to play out and it will its not meant for the long run it based solely on sex and partying I will continue to be his friend but provide no benefits but my loving and caring advice. We will see how that effects him. If worse comes to worse and he marries her I'll go to the wedding hoping my friend made the right decision and always remembering the moments we had together. Because if that's all this is meant to be that's all it will be. I'm not leaving him though, I just can't, and I know there's a reason for that.

Does she know you two were having sex while she is in another room? The problem is you follow your heart, and other parts of your body, and go along with him being a cheater, or is she watching all of this secretly.

You maybe cannot control the feelings you have, but you sure can control what you do abut them. You really do need to stop lying to yourself, because you have allowed your lust to keep you hooked on a guy that loves to screw you, and talk nice.

Is there a reason you cannot see how unhealthy of a position you have stayed in? He said he is staying with this girl, so bug out and get some better friends, or at least LEARN to be a friend, because right now you don't appear to be.

Too easy to just be used, and fool this female he has. You have given no excuse for letting him cheat, and saying you cannot help your feelings doesn't cut it. Would you let him do to you what he does to her?

He has told you to find some one else, you don't want to, but really need to. Leave him alone for a year or two and get your life together. How old are you both?

I realize its unhealthy obviously that's why I'm on here but you are right its just hard we were friends before all of this now I have to let go of everything all at once its really scary

Yeah changes can be hard, and scary, but it must be done. Read these stickies here, they can help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Yeah changes can be hard, and scary, but it must be done. read these stickies here, they can help.

There is really no excuse for our cheating but bad timing in my opinion, I know its wrong but it happened. The guy I'm currently talking to is one of his friends that he kind of has hooked me up with is it smart to pursue a relationship with someone associated to him or not

I think it's a lousy idea, and think that you should take your life in your own hands and start fresh. Guys talk, compare notes, all behind your back. NOT GOOD!!

IDK I think there are some aspects of this situation you don't fully understand and I don't think it will make me happy to just drop everything. I will take your advice and stop the affair though but I don't want to lose him as a friend and I think I have gained the strength to not let things happen. I do actually like the guy I met through him, what me and my friend experienced will be put in the past and if I'm making a mistake by continuing to associate with him what's the worse that could happen. I don't plan on continuing the affair I just plan on mending our friendship back together if that can't be done I assume I will be upset enough to run away from the situation but until then something in me won't let me.