My boyfriend just told me he cheated on me a few weeks ago with an ex girlfriend of his. He told me he still loves me and is in love with me. He has a lot of internal issues and is very insecure with himself. He believes he has a sex addiction, and the more I think about it, I realize it might actually be true.

I just really need someone to talk to about all this. I hurt so much. While he was telling me, all I could think was that I was willing to forgive him and take him back... but now I realize I don't know if I could ever trust him again. I don't know what to do.

If you don't think you could ever trust him again and he has said he has sex addiction, It would be very hard to take him back. You would always be wondering and that would not help the relationship, especially if he is not getting help.
I would not take him back. Forgive him yes, take him back, No!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If you don't think you could ever trust him again and he has said he has sex addiction, It would be very hard to take him back. You would always be wondering and that would not help the relationship, especially if he is not getting help.
I would not take him back. Forgive him yes, take him back, No!

---

Even if he took steps to try to get better? At the moment, I just can't see myself without him, ever.

Is he getting help now?

He just told me two nights ago and told me he would call me in 3 to 4 days. So I don't know. I hadn't mentioned going to see a therapist and I don't know if he realized he could.
What if, when I talk to him, he said he would go see someone?
(Btw, thank you so much for responding. You don't know how much you've helped me already.)

Him saying he will get some help and him doing it are two different things.
He has to regain your trust and right now you don't trust him. I can understand that.
I would take it slow and cautious with him. I would not jump back in to a relationship with him.

Yeah, I want to stand up for myself and tell him he has to prove it to me that he's willing to change, but I'm afraid of pushing him too far away.

That is a chance you take. If he really loves you and wants to regain your trust that should not be a problem for him.
How long have you two been dating?

So he tells you he's a sex addict after he cheated on you? Doesn't that seem suspicious? I interpret that as him manipulating the situation so he's the victim and instead of breaking-up with him, you'll sympathize. To me, it sounds calculated.

Trying to repair a relationship after cheating is always stressful, it's much wiser to end it then and there.

Homegirl 50: We've been dating 9 months. Everything else about him is just absolutely perfect and we have almost everything in common... which just makes it so much worse to think I'll find someone better.

slapshot_oi: It does seem slightly suspicious, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. We did it a lot and he always wanted more. He seemed insatiable. I think he just admitted it to himself but had had issues with it for a while. It's like a drug addict finally admitting he has an issue. I understand what you're saying though.

How do you know he won't cheat again and the time he told you about is the only time.
He would have to prove he is getting help.
Don't sell yourself short. There could very well be someone better out there. You have only been dating 9 months and he has cheated with an ex, come on.

I am a big believer in paying attention to red flags when they wave, and maybe he was honest about his cheating, that sex addict stuff doesn't fly. Of course the trust is broken, and there are no quick fixes, not even if he does get some therapy.

The thing is don't let his issues change you and make you a person you don't want to be, insecure, resentful, and overly suspicious or impulsive. Better to leave than be made into an emotional wreck!

Homegirl_50: I guess I don't know. Thank you so much for your help. I really hope you're right... I just don't see how right now.


talaniman: But what if I'll be that way with or without him? How can I know I can trust any guy ever again?

You can and will trust again, but you are allowing this guy to break you. Don't do that. Leave him and get yourself strong again. Staying with him will keep you feeling insecure and a 9 month relationship where there was cheating is not worth it.

My boyfriend of 9 months cheated on me. We broke up two days ago. It's a long, complicated story, but he cheated on me and I know I deserve better. The problem is, while my brain knows this, my heart doesn't. And I hurt so much. And I'm terrified of being alone. How do I get over this?

Break ups suck for whatever reason. You treat them like a death, you mourn, accept, and heal and eventually move on. These links may help you understand this process, especially the NO CONTACT part, which is crucial to healing.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...es-590267.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...sh-510418.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...kup-78597.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...up-510427.html

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Break ups suck for whatever reason. You treat them like a death, you mourn, accept, and heal and eventually move on. These links may help you understand this process, especially the NO CONTACT part, which is crucial to healing.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...es-590267.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...sh-510418.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...kup-78597.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...up-510427.html

---

I've started the no contact... blocked him on Facebook and twitter this morning.
You're a saint for answering and helping me.
The links won't work though...

Sorry, but the stickies are here, at the top of the page