She wants to be friends, but I want more.
So, here is my question. I was with this girl for six months, kind of a rather short lived relationship, but I felt that we got along together really well when we were together. She wasa younger, 22, and I am 30. She is a senior in college, and I am emplpoyed with the same job for 8 years. We broke up about 8 months ago, and she wanted to be friends from the get go, and even wanted to keep in touch a lot, and talk more often when things slowed down for her. I could not do it, because it was tearing me up, so I implemented the no contact thing, and told her I didn't want to be friends. She has sytematically contacted me once a month or every two months, via e-mail or instant message, never returning any of my calls, of which there were only four spaced out after the break up. When we started e-mailing again, she would not respond very promptly, and then kind of leave me hanging, which is why the relationship ended in the first place... I was just kind of left hanging and unfulfilled a lot, so I ended it, and it really hurt me. Each time she contacted me, I felt like it set me back and it was like starting the healing process all over again. I wrote her an e-mail detailing how much it hurt me, and how much I still thought about her, and in order for me to move on, I did not want to be friends. After all this time, she just called me out of the blue, and wanted to be friends again. I have since agreed to being just friends, because I was missing her terribly. She insists that we can not be anything else, as we are just at different place in our lives, and that the relationship clearly wasn't working if we broke up. She knows I want more from her, and still wants to be friends, and I told her that she was going to have to understand my feelings, and be okay with it if I got upset sometimes, and she seemed to be okay with that, and that we should proceed to just talk on the phone occasionally. I was kind of mean in some instances, during the 8 months, because it really hurt me, I cared a lot for her, and I was her last priority, and kind of got emotionally screwed over, and when it was time for me to have my needs met, she just didn't have the time or energy to do it. I care deeply about her, and really liked her. I guess my question is, she doesn't seem to want to let me go totally, but I want more. Do you guys think that sometimes when exes contact you, do they sometimes want to get back together, but just have a kind of, emotional shield up so-to-speak, and over time, that shield will drop and with enough time, caring, and being nice, they will come around? I am still trying to be friends with here, as of about a week ago, but I think about her a lot. I am meeting other people, and seeing a therapist to try to work out some of my own baggage. I am not going to date someone just to date them, but if the right person came along along the way, I would not stop myself. How do I find out if she really doesn't want anything more with me, or if she still misses me, and just things have to kind of slowly progress into something more? Do I just wait, and ask her to dinner after some time has elapsed, Most of my friends tell me to just let things come as they may, but I am having a hard time of it. She has been really good as of late about returning my phone calls, and e-mails, and seems to be treating my feelings with some concern, and it is definitely an improvement over how she was before, but I just don't know.. Does anyone have a crystal ball? Lol
