Hello, I am a mother of a 4-year-old boy with defiant behavior. My son is very smart and advanced in his academics. He may also be Gifted and Talented. But his behavior is very BAD. I have been forced to dis-enroll him from TWO day cares because of it. He hasn't even started grade school yet. He sent a kid to the hospital from pushing him, he threw chairs at his teachers, and he also kicked a child in the head. He constantly picks fights with other children and I have had to leave work or school to go get him. We have been to counseling but it doesn't seem to work. He is not ADHD, because he is very well focused. Its just his BEHAVIOR! What do I do in a situation like this? Please HELP!!

Have you had him assessed medically for other disorders like Oppositional Defiant disorder or ADD... kids that seem very well focused can suffer from both disorders. ADD presents itself differently in each child, and is different from ADHD. Often when they act out it is because they are frustrated with their disorder, or are having trouble calming the thoughts in their head.

Many children that have either disorder just can't "shut their mind off" and act out in anger.

I would have him assessed by the school psychologist and then a psychologist of your own.

Angela, you sound like a very intelligent woman. I applaud your attempts to get a handle on this immediately. I can see that you recognize how dangerous his actions are becoming and that his bad behavior seems to be escalating. This situation is quite perplexing. I have a few questions.

When you say that you tried counseling, what kind of counselor did you see? Family, child, psychiatric, psychologist?

How long a period did you see the counselor for?

What did the counselor recommend or say to you?

When your son acts out, how do you discipline him?

Let's start with those questions. It helps if you provide as much detail as possible of the entire situation. I wish I could tell you there is a quick fix, but there isn't. We have to work together to think this through and find the best course of action for you to follow.

Hi there

I'm in the same position myself... with a boy just turned 5, just started school and behaving every bit as badly as your son. What have you done since? Has anything improved? What worked?

Ruth,
Post your question as a new discussion. This post has been quiet for some time.