Girlfriend says she needs to reassess how she feels, so things are up in the air.
I have been with my girlfriend for two and a half years. I met her during the summer of 2009. I had a lot of friends in Montreal and lived on my own. We did one year where she lived at her parents, I lived on my own, and we saw each other two or three times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. I was working hard on a portfolio to get into a creative writing program and spent one year working on it, and she wanted to go into law. I figured Montreal has reputable schools that offer good programs. She is a Francophone and I am an Anglophone, both bilingual, and both wanted to study in our language.
I got into my program in Montreal, but I knew she didn't want to apply to go to school in Montreal because she was nervous about not getting into Mcgill. She got into a school that wasn't in the city. Because we had been dating for only one year, I didn't think a long distance relationship would work very well, so I went into education near her school. That summer, she accepted a job outside of Montreal, where she would be living all summer, and we saw each other once or twice a week. Since I had decided to go to a school close to hers, we moved in together, lived the high life for a while, and then around February, I found a job we could both get and stay together in the apartment. It was then that she told me that she had accepted a job in France, and she was going there for four months.
Needless to say, Id was heartbroken. She said she wanted to stay together, and then our relationship started to go sour. The day she left, I told her I would drive her to the airport, and her family would go there too to say goodbye. On the way there, she got mad at me for taking the wrong highway (and it wasn't even the wrong highway), and then she got very angry and told me she hated me. I know she didn't, so I said for her to have a nice trip and that what she was saying wasn't fair. Oh, did I mention? -- she had two weeks off before leaving, and besides the three days we spent just together, she spent the entire time with her family.
Anyway, she left, we talked online, I wrote to her every day, sometimes we talked on Skype, but our issues were not resolved, but were put on hold. She asked me to pick her up; she came back from her trip the day before her school started. I said I would and I went to the airport and waited for two hours, when to my surprise, her family showed up. Her parents are very overbearing -- for Christmas they had expected us to be with them for the whole holidays, and when she has breaks from schooling, she goes to see them.
So when her parents showed up, I said, "Oh, thank God you guys are here. I have to go finish packing things up at home," and I left. For about a week, we talked about how she went behind my back, that a couple needs to be open about things, and that I can't handle another long trip like that -- what's the point? So we go on vacations, and spent almost a solid day arguing. When we got back, things were on again/off again. One day we were getting ready to go to a protest when she asked me to get her water bottle out of her bag. It's almost Christmas, and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but an exchange application for one whole year.
I was upset, so I told her that I understood that she wants to travel, and she can, because I want to as well, but because this all went along behind my back again, if she chooses that exchange, then I can't be with her. For two weeks she told me she wasn't sure she loved me and said she chose her trip. I left it alone for a weekend and went to my parents. I decided I would try to woo her. I planned to take her to a place I found while working during the summer, Quebec wine region.
I made two fake plane tickets, asked her for two hours of her time, and took her out to the mountains, pulled over on the side of the road, and said that the world is full of beauty, there are beautiful places to visit even in our own backyards. I said that love is a trip -- perhaps the greatest trip of all -- and any trip we take will be made better because we did it together. I pulled out the fake plane tickets that said Air Love and a bunch of other tacky stuff, had one for me and one for her, and asked her to take this trip with me. Two days later she said she chose me.
Fast forward two weeks, exam period, I wake up early with her because I'm teaching a class that day, she is studying for exams, lots of stress, we argue. I leave, and when I get home, I sit down with her, and she says she is leaving the apartment for a couple of days, is going to stay at her friend's house, and doesn't know when she will be back. She says she needs to think about things. We both lose our cool. She leaves.
This leaves many things up in the air. I might have to move out, and that screws us both over because she can't afford the apartment all on her own, plus I own most of what is in there because I had my own apartment beforehand. I have two weeks to confirm with a friend that I can take a room in his house.
For a couple of days after she left, we texted a bit, me trying to figure out what is going on, her telling me she needs to figure out what she needs. She tells me via text that she needs me out of the apartment next week so she can go do laundry. I say that I am in exams and need the place to study. She gets mad. I go through the house, collect some of her clothes, her shampoo, a bar of soap, a Maxim LaPierre shirt I had given her to sleep in for France (a habs one), and a stuffed animal. I put this, along with portioned-out food for dinners for 5 days, in my car, take her spare keys, and drive to her school where I find her car and put her stuff in it.
Later on that night, I'm driving in town and her car is in front of the bar. I fight the urge to go in and ask her to talk to me, but instead go home. So right now I am confused, know she is out with her friends partying (they are all single and right now she is living at one of their houses), but probably mostly studying. I trust that she won't sleep with other guys, am upset because after all these things have happened, things for me are up in the air.
There are many options for us, but she is unwilling to even talk to me. Right now I am playing it cool, laying low, and leaving her alone, but the walls of my apartment close in on me when I am in there, things that remind me of her surround me, and I have difficulty sleeping in our bed. I am acting like it is over, but half of me thinks she will come back, half of me thinks she will leave. Most of me wants her to come back, like 80%, but I don't want her to come back and us have to relive experiences like this again.
I told her that she never gave this relationship a chance, that she leaves me to stoke the home fires. Is it possible for someone to love you and just be that kind of personality, or am I being naïve and should have dumped that girl the first summer? (Please note, when we are together and things are good, it's really nice. We are supportive of each other, we are able to help each other out, her weaknesses are my strengths and vice versa. If it was always like that, we would be great.)
What do you guys think?
