What would be the best way to tell your mom she needs to grow up?

I'm a mom and know about moms growing up.

How old are you, and what exactly does she need to work on?

I'm 19, & my mom has 4 of my sisters to take care of, she wants to get out of her marriage but she can't because of her situation. She says something & then doesn't go through with it like looking for a job, also a lot of stuff she says doesn't make sense, it seems like to me & a lot of people that she's in her own world. I really feel that the older she gets the dumber she gets.

I wonder how you can help her, instead of criticizing her.

How old is the youngest sib? Do you help around the house?

I have been told I have an attitude problem, so when she says dumb **** it makes me mad because I don't want my mom to be dumb like that, I would like to learn something from her instead of coming here to ask strangers question, you feel me? Also my youngest sister is 5, I help when I come around but me & my mom can't be together for a weekend w/out arguing. I want to make enough money to get here out of here situation, in her own spot, & going to school or getting a job.

Are you out of high school? In college? Working?

If you don't argue or shout back at her AT ALL, what would happen?

I'm working & looking for another job, I graduated high school, & I graduated from cosmetology school, also I'm thinking about going back to school, & when we fight I usually leave because she likes to be in her own world & not listen to anybody when she's wrong

Is she ever right?

(Yay! For school -- more cosmetology school?)

She barely ever is, but when she is I acknowledge it, & I might go back to school for business, Im done w/ cosmetology school

What happens when you tell her she's right?

What's your plan for the future by going to business school

She tries to make it seem like she's always right, & I want to go to business school because there is always going to be business jobs, also I want to start by owning my salon

Can you afford to let her think she's right most of the time? Smile and give her a hug without arguing? (In other words, be the bigger person?)

I was so hoping you would say you want to own your own salon! YAY!!

I do sometimes but it doesn't make sense to me that I'm younger & I have to be the bigger person, I can't wait to own my own salon, why where you hoping I said that though?

It sounds like the perfect blend -- learning cosmetology and then business = salon! Bingo!!

Even younger people can be the bigger person in a relationship. I know from doing counseling that the only way to make someone change is that you yourself make a change. If I'm a b!tch to my husband, guess how he reacts? If I'm agreeable and conversational, interested in the Chicago Bears, and I ask questions about yesterday's game, guess how he reacts then?

The same with your mom (except she probably doesn't care about the Chicago Bears, so don't go there... ).