My Girlfriend broke up with me because she couldn't see us getting married...
This is going to be long so I'll get right into it. Hopefully someone will be able to shed some light on my situation as I can't sleep or eat well at all and it's really affecting my life in general.
I've been going out with a girl for almost 10 months and she broke up with me a week ago citing that she couldn't see us getting married and that she didn't see the point in continuing a relationship with me on that basis. She's 20 years old and I'm 26. We met at university and though we were very different (both in terms of maturity and also personality). We had a lot of fun together and though near the end, it began to feel as though we were settling into normalcy, we would both make sure to make time for each other. She's graduating at the end of this year while I'll still have a year and a half to go (I worked and travelled for 5 years and came back to do a university degree hence the age gap).
Then last week she brought up that she wanted to have a talk about us. This was her first time ever bringing up this topic so I was quite happy about it. Previously I had to bring up the relationship talks in regards to her lack of appreciation of things I did for her and her commitment to the relationship, but she slowly came around and I dropped my expectations and we reached a happy compromise. I always asked her to be open with me about any and everything but she struggles to say how she truly feels emotionally. For several months we had not needed to talk about any issues at all which is why I was absolutely dumbfounded when she dropped the bomb on me that she wanted to break up. We regularly go to parties and events together and always have a blast (like a university ball at the start of this month). She was even holding and cuddling my arm 5 minutes before she said she wanted to break up!
As far as I was concerned, I found her reasoning very childish (she was quoting that since I was 26 and she didn't see us getting married, she didn't want to hold me back from finding the "one"), though I didn't say this to her at the time. She also said that I kept bringing up issues from my past relationship of 5 years that I had with another woman and that I may have unknowingly been expecting too much of her. When I asked her why she didn't discuss any of this with me before the break up point. She simply apologised and said she didn't know how to express her emotions well (though I would've expected logic to dictate that if you're going to break up with your partner, you should speak with them first... ).
Regardless, I told her I didn't want it to end like this and that come what may (she had plans to travel in about two years time) I at least wanted to try and see where things would go for both of us. Obviously, she refused, hence why I'm here. I told her that I couldn't see us being friends and that she would likely never see me again (though that was probably raw emotions coming through).
In the lead up to this point, we met in the park for lunch (which was a lot of fun), went to the movies together with a bunch of friends, and went to a friends graduation together. Totally normal things we generally do and definitely nothing indicative of a potential break up (she admitted to this and constantly apologised for it). She had recently gotten a job whilst still studying and was finding it difficult to cope with the lack of sleep and stress. I always encouraged her and had planned a trip out of town with her after both our exams were complete (about a month from now).
The break up happened last Friday and over the weekend both her and I were very upset over everything (she admitted that she just lay in bed the entire weekend watching sitcoms to try and pass the time). On Monday she sent me an email apologising for the way she broke up with me and that she was stressed and exhausted at the time. But she stood by her decision and had no intention of marrying me still and did not want to hold me back as I was so much older than her (I never saw 6 years difference as that big a deal but I guess maybe she did?).
I didn't respond till the next day so I had time to consider everything and then called her to acknowledge that I had read it. We touched on a few of the topics she mentioned but not in great depth as I didn't want to sound desperate (I know that would just belittle me). In the end however, we arranged to meet up this weekend on Saturday night.
It should be said that I do wish we could still be together, but I have dated enough to know that trying to pull someone back who doesn't want to be with you is pointless and potentially damaging to me. But my plan this weekend is to have a good time with her and just let her know I've appreciated our time together and though I don't agree with how she has gone about our breakup, I respect her decision and will leave her to it. I want her to remember the good times we had as opposed to the nasty way we ended after our break up talk. I fully intend to do NC after this meet up except for those situations where we bump into each other in unavoidable situations.
The questions I have are as follows: should I be leaving this where it is and just forget about her? I will undoubtedly bump into her (at university and mutual friends events) so I can't necessarily forget her completely. Is meeting up with her and trying to leave things on a good note a good idea? I mean we can't predict the future and I really do love her and there's a part of me that hopes that further down the line she may come to realise this (I know this may be false hope but I can't help it!). She says I mean so much to her and she also said I was the first person whom she said she loved and actually meant what she said.
I'm sorry for making this so long and thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. I'm just so confused and though my head is telling me one thing, my heart refuses to let me move on and I'm slowly driving myself crazy!
