My children lived with their father despite the fact that I told the judge about him being an abusive alcoholic now 6 years later the state of NY put them in foster car for those reasons. I want my children but they are making it a long drown out process and now want to take even more of my money if they get what they want all I will take home from my pay checks is 200 a month which only covers the cost to go see them and leaves me with nothing. Not even to pay bills much less getting them the things they need to be able to live with me. If they are not ever going to give them to me I can't loose everything and not be able to support the child that already lives with me. If I sign off my rights do I have to pay support?

You will probably shorten the process with a good lawyer - do you have one?
But...
Why did he get custody in the first place? What have you been doing about visitation for 6 years? Were you considered a fit parent then, and since then? Were you not contacted about the removal to foster care?

And responders need to know what state do each of you live in.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by heyhey12972

my children lived with their father despite the fact that i told the judge about him being an abusive alcoholic now 6 years later the state of NY put them in foster car for those reasons. i want my children but they are making it a long drown out process and now want to take even more of my money if they get what they want all I will take home from my pay checks is 200 a month which only covers the cost to go see them and leaves me with nothing. not even to pay bills much less getting them the things they need to be able to live with me. If they are not ever going to give them to me i can't loose everything and not be able to support the child that already lives with me. if i sign off my rights do i have to pay support?

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First, there is a sticky at the top of the Family Law forum regarding termination of parental rights, which can be read here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...st-116098.html
Typically, TPR is allowed only when there is another party willing to adopt - not to mention that your ex/the father would also have to consent to the adoption.

Second, if the children were taken from their father and placed in foster care rather than given to you, who I assume is their biological mother, then you've done something pretty drastic yourself in order for them to deem foster care better than placement with a biological parent. What caused you to lose custody in the first place?

Whatever makes you think you can sign over your rights? Only a court can issue a TPR and one will never be granted if it means letting you out of child support.

I also agree that we aren't getting the whole story here. There are limits on the amount of support they can take from your pay. Why you did not get custody is another pointed question.

I live in ny. I thought we could be adults in the beginning and did not take him to court figured we could work it out ourselves then he did not give them back and filed for custody. I have seen them but not as offen as I would have like due to living 150 miles away and working weekends when they are off from school. My schedule is changing next week though so I will have weekends off. I have never been found unfit I have no criminal record or child abuse record. I don't even have a speeding ticket. The state contacted me 4 days after putting them in foster care. I do not make enough money for a good lawyer so I do not have one

'I thought we could be adults' tells us nothing except that neither of you went to court at first. 'Then he would not give them back' has a suggestion that you were happy enough for some amount of time to be free of responsibility while he took care of them and foot the bills. Naturally he would go to court if you just decided one day that you wanted them. Another question is: did you show up for the custody hearing?

Big mistake to not go to court. As soon as he refused to return them, YOU should have filed, not wait for him to. But that's in the past.

What did you do when the state contacted you? Why didn't you tell them you would pick them up from the foster family immediately? There is still has to be a lot more to this story. Why did it take 4 days to contact you? Why did they state take them from him?

If he was an abusive alcoholic, why did you let your kids be alone with him to begin with?

Sorry, taxpayers don't want to pay for your kids either, so you won't be able to sign away your parental rights to get out of paying child support. Don't you think that if you could, every deadbeat parent sitting in jail for not paying support would have just signed away their rights?

If your children are in foster care and your rights are SEVERED so that an adoption can go forward, you generally are relieved of child support--but not until your children are forever out of your reach and the adoption is final.

If you want your kids back, start calling lawyers and see if you can find one that will either take payments or work pro-bono. You won't get your kids back and full custody without a lawyer.

No at that time they were living with me. He has never worked and I have always paid the bills. I have allways shown up for court. He would not let them come back when I went to pick them up from a visit. As I said I thought we could be adults so we set up that they would live with me and go to visit him. He never paid me a dime as he has never worked.

I don't know why they did not call me for 4 days they said it was because it happened on a weekend. And yes I told them I would pick them up and they told me the only thing I could do was go to court to express that I wanted them which I did and they had me fill out 2 forms and told me I would have to wait until the forms cleared to move to the next step. They took them from him because cps has been called many times for him drinking while caring for them so the state drew up an order of protection that said he could not drink. Since them cps was called for those reasons again so they held him in contempt of court and arrested him.

I was very young and made mistakes like not leaving him sooner and not taking him to court and letting him be alone with them. But I have learned form those mistakes. I want my children I don't know what to do. I am so upset right now I can't stand it. I feel like no one will let him stop ruining there lives and mine. I just want the best for them. But I can not give them the best if they take all of my money away. I work very hard to do the best I can for everyone. I need to be able to keep a roof over the head of the child I have that lives with me. I would not want him taken away because I don't have the money to support him, And the court would not give me my other two children if I could not get the things they need. I hope people see I am a victem here and I am trying to get help.

Heyhey, it's very hard to believe your story. You maintain that you didn't do anything wrong, yet your alcoholic ex was given custody instead of you. Then when CPS stepped in, the children were placed in foster care rather than with you.

Clearly, both the court and the state did not feel you were a fit parent. That's why you don't have your children right now. If you tell us WHY, we can better advise you on how to change your situation.

No, YOU are not a victim.

YOUR CHILDREN are victims.

That's why CPS has them.

If you want them back, you need a lawyer. Few people can go up against CPS without a lawyer and win.

And I'm still not sure what you want. Do you just want to get out of child support, like the title of your question asks? Or do you genuinely want your children back with you, even though you cannot afford them?

I have to agree with the others. Your story is not 100% credible. I can't understand why custody was awarded to him in the first place. What happened the first time CPS was called? Why didn't you petition for custody then?

Reading between the lines, because I don't think you are being entirely straight with us, CPS sees a mother that let her children live with an abusive alcoholic. A mother who let her children exist in a dangerous environment. Therefore, they are loath to let the children be placed with such a mother.

So you will need to prove them wrong before you can get the children back.

P.S. Please use the Answer options for followups, not Comments.

You are still clearly avoiding stating a lot of facts.
I get the impression that you let him have your 2 shared children because you had a new boyfriend and a new child, not because you wanted to 'act adult.' It was convenient for you at the time. Then when you decided (when, by the way?) that it was convenient for you to have them back, he felt justified in refusing, understandably so. Young children aren't things you return like a borrowed lawnmower. We don't know if you were the one who moved 150 miles or he did, and how much you saw them. Perhaps the court feels that you just weren't interested enough; perhaps the children said that they barely know you.