Want to leave my husband for my lover. Should I?
I have been marriage for 14 1/2 yrs now. My husband and I have 1 child together who is 11 yrs old. I got marriage so young at 23. My self-esteem was very low at that time. I had a hard time getting boyfriends. So I gave my virginity to the 1st man who paid attention to me at 22 yrs old. And married him 1 ½ later. I never ask him if he wanted children or what he wanted out of life.
I was just so desperate at that time to be with anyone. Now don't get me wrong he was very sweet and nice but I did notice he had a lot of self-esteem problems. His self-esteem was low about his self and he was always talking about suicide. He didn't get along with his family or sibling. But I thought once he married me I could fix that and change that because I'm a very loveable person and I always try to help everyone else and take care of myself last.
I married at 23 and he was 24 and we move from California to North Carolina where his parents live because he lost his job in California and I wanted a change because I never left home before and it was cheaper to live in NC. After about a year in our marriage he started treating me very bad. He would go into his depression and start argument with me. He would also get physical and emotional abusive with me. He also started having computer sex and phone sex with other women.
I also always wanted a baby and he didn't want one. He would not have sex with me because he was scare I would get pregnant. I even got on birth control for him so we can have sex more often. But he still wouldn't change his ways. I finally got off the birth control after the 2nd yr of our marriage because it was making me sick and then I finally did get pregnant after being marry for 4 yrs. My husband was not very happy about that. But of course I had my son.
After I had my son I finally got tried of my husband treating me any type a way and I started seeing this guy after our 8th year of marriage. He was so sweet to me. I was 30 yrs old at that time. So by that time, my way of thinking had change and my self-esteem was better even though my husband was treating me bad. This guy was more my type and so sweet. He loves his family and is not a depress guy like my husband. This guy has a daughter a year younger then my son that he raises on his own because his ex-girlfriend wasn't ready to be a mom.
So I figure that I can just start sleeping with this guy since my husband had his internet girlfriends and his phone sex partners. I also always though my husband was cheating on me but I can't ever find proof. The only proof I had is what he does on the internet and phone and he said that wasn't cheating. My husband love the attention these women online would give him because he had very low self- esteem about his self.
Any way I was scare to leave my husband because my son loves his father. My husband is a very good dad to our son. He just treats me very badly. So I said I was willing to stay with my husband for my son and just see this guy on the side. I have been seeing this guy for 8 yrs now and my husband has no clue. I actually stop sleeping with my lover for 2 yrs to give our marriage a chance because the older my son got my husband started changing and treating me better. He haven't hit me in 3 yrs and we started going to church together but I always still talk to my lover every blue moon.
Just lately since the end of 2010 He started back getting worst again. Hes not hitting me, but he's being very controlling, rude, and nasty to me. I'm almost 38 now and I want to be happy. My son just turns 11.
Should I stay married for my son? I'm scare my son will be mess up without a father in his life like I see other kids. My son is doing well in 5th grade and plays a lot of sports. . Should I take his dad always?
My lover always wanted me to live with him and his daughter. Should I take my son to a new man house? I took all this abuse for my son for years so he won't be mess up in life. But I want to be happy too and I'm tried of sneaking around once again cheating with my lover.
What should I do? Help please! I hope this doesn't make me a bad person.
Comment on talaniman's post
Hi Talaniman, Thanks for answering my question. I had a friend tell me that maybe I should leave my husband and get my own place and just date my lover instead of moving my son in with him and his daughter. I really never been along before. I know my son need his father in his life and my husband has told me if I leave he wouldn't be apart of my life or my son life. I don't know if he only said that to keep me with him or what. My hubsand knows how I fill about single family household. We both had our parents in our lives and both our parents are still marry for like 40 yrs. I guess I'm going to have to be strong enough to leave and be on my own but I'm scared of raising my son along. I know boys get to an age where they don't want to listen to their mother and I don't want him to blame me for not having his dad in his life. I'm going to get help first. Thanks
Comment on talaniman's post
So what do you suggest I do? That's why I'm on this site. The reason why I said my husband won't be in my son life is because my husband told me "if i ever leave he don't want to see me or the child". That's why I'm still with him and these are facts, my husband told me this. And when I got off birth control I ask my husband if I could get off and he told me yes since it was making me sick. So we made the decision together to get off birth control. He could had use a condom but didn't want to. I try better option like going to church and I stop seeing my lover for 2 yrs. My husband just won't change. I'm thinking about trying to get us both some help before I decide to leave because I want what's best for my son. I have sacfice my happiness so my son can have his dad in his life. I'm concern about my innocent son too. So I will get marriage help. Talk to a third party. Thanks Talaniman
Want to leave my husband for my lover
I have been marriage for 14 1/2 yrs now. My husband and I have 1 child together who is 11 yrs old. I got marriage so young at 23. My self-esteem was very low at that time. I had a hard time getting boyfriends. So I gave my virginity to the 1st man who paid attention to me at 22 yrs old. And married him one and half years later. I never ask him if he wanted children or what he wanted out of life.
I was just so desperate at that time to be with anyone. Now don't get me wrong he was very sweet and nice but I did notice he had a lot of self-esteem problems. His self-esteem was low about his self and he was always talking about suicide. He didn't get along with his family or sibling. But I thought once he married me I could fix that and change that because I'm a very loveable person and I always try to help everyone else and take care of myself last.
I married at 23 and he was 24 and we move from California to North Carolina where his parents live because he lost his job in California and I wanted a change because I never left home before and it was cheaper to live in NC. After about a year in our marriage he started treating me very bad. He would go into his depression and start argument with me. He was also physical and emotional abusive to me. He also started having computer sex and phone sex with other women.
I also always wanted a baby and he didn't want one. He would not have sex with me because he was scare I would get pregnant. I even got on birth control for him so we can have sex more often. But he still wouldn't change his ways. My husband finally let me get off the birth control after the 2nd yr of our marriage because it was making me sick and then I finally did get pregnant after being marry for 4 yrs. My husband was not very happy about that. But of course I had my son.
After I had my son I finally got tried of my husband treating me any type a way and I started seeing this guy after our 8th year of marriage. He was so sweet to me. I was 30 yrs old at that time. So by that time, my way of thinking had change and my self-esteem was better even though my husband was treating me bad. This guy was more my type and so sweet. He loves his family and is not a depress guy like my husband. This guy has a daughter a year younger then my son that he raises on his own because his ex-girlfriend wasn't ready to be a mom.
So I figure that I can just start sleeping with this guy since my husband had his internet girlfriends and his phone sex partners. I also always though my husband was cheating on me but I can't ever find proof. The only proof I had is what he does on the internet and phone and he said that wasn't cheating. My husband love the attention these women online would give him because he had very low self- esteem about his self.
Any way I was scare to leave my husband because my son loves his father. My husband is a very good dad to our son. He just treats me very badly. So I said I was willing to stay with my husband for my son and just see this guy on the side. I have been seeing this guy for 8 yrs now and my husband has no clue. I actually stop sleeping with my lover for 2 yrs to give our marriage a chance because the older my son got my husband started changing and treating me better. He haven't hit me in 3 yrs and we started going to church together but I always still talk to my lover every blue moon.
Just lately since the end of 2010 He started back getting worst again. Hes not hitting me, but he's being very controlling, rude, and nasty to me. I'm almost 38 now and I want to be happy. My son just turns 11.
Should I stay married for my son? I'm scare my son will be mess up without a father in his life like I see other kids. My son is doing well in 5th grade and plays a lot of sports. . Should I take his dad always?
My lover always wanted me to live with him and his daughter. Should I take my son to a new man house? I took all this abuse for my son for years so he won't be mess up in life. But I want to be happy too and I'm tried of sneaking around once again cheating with my lover.
What should I do? Help please! I hope this doesn't make me a bad person.
Comment on talaniman's post
Hi Talaniman.. I just repost it again because you are the only one replying to my post. I wanted to get some other people opinion to.. I'm still thinking about the marriage help and trying to see if its worth it. I know you think its simple to leave but its not. I'm not working yet, but I do start work in 2 weeks.. I have to look for a place and save money. I also have to see what car and funiture I can take and my son is in the middle of the school year. So its a lot that I am trying to do first before I leave. My lover and I have talk since I wrote the 1st letter and we both deciede I get my own place 1st and just move close to him and just date and slowly introduce the kids 1st. I don't want to be along until my son is 18. Hes only 11 right now and I really love this other guy. I have known him for 8 yrs. But you are right. I need to live by myself first. So the only positive I did since I last wrote this was found a job.. so now I will be saving to leave and getting my BA soon