Hi I've recently had my 5 year anniversary with my girlfriend, thinking things between us were going fine. A week later after this she tells me that she feels the spark has gone in our relationship and she may not love me anymore. She said it may be a phase and suggested a break or time to think about her feelings for me. She did say that she felt the relationship was now getting serious and it's at the stage where we may spend our lives together.
I still love her and it's killing me waiting for her to decide on how she feels. I was just wondering if this could be a phase or if she really has fallen out of love with me? And if anyone has any suggestions on what I should do?

That's such an awful thing to hear from someone you love, I can't say how she feels but I can say that I have went through this "phase" too, I get days when I'm wondering do I really love my boyfriend or do I really know what love is? I think everyone goes through this so hopefully it is just a phase, I'm sure its really hard right now waiting and its not very fair on you, you just need to give her that time and keep yourself busy, more than likely she's going to miss you, its been 5years after all, maybe you could do something really romantic? To show her that no matter how long you both are together something romantic can and will always happen every so often, its easy for the first year of a relationship because it's the "honey moon" stage, your busy getting to know each other and having fun doing it, then after a year is when you have to "work" at your relationship, you need to be a team and try and keep it fun at times too and try not forget the romance by getting stuck in a rut, keep it fun and mysterious, a little surprise here and there... hopefully you get to show her your new efforts,

Hi , what you need to do is start making more of an effort in the sense of making her feel more appreciated , the reason why she is saying those things is not because she means it , it is because she is feeling under appreciated , this is why people are unfaithful to each other etc because they are trying to gain the feeling of that extra special appreciation that a man has for his woman well before he is used to having sex with her then men tend to start under appreciating them lol it is true! I realise money is tight in these credit crunch times but you can show your appreciation in other ways petals on the bed and a cheap bottle of bubbly in a bucket with ice you get my drift, dress up , have fun, and don't fall into the trap of letting temporary doubts haunt your relationship, just take it as not her saying she doesn't want you any more she just wants things not to be boring are to serious even the longest relationships are successful because they are light hearted and keep the fun and spark in the relationship, good luck

I think what she's doing is very selfish an not very mature, or considerate.

After five years, the 'spark' should have turned into more of a simmering fire. 'Sparks' don't last, love does. Saying it is a 'phase' she's going through, and she's not sure if she loves you anymore, and needs 'space' to figure it all out, is just bullfeathers. Excuses.

She's in, or she's out. There is no between phase where you need time to decide whether you can 'settle' for what you have. She should know, without a doubt, if she loves you or not. There is no question if you love someone, and have built a long relationship over five years.

I would not personally accept what she says, without conditions of my own. There has to be an end to your agony, and you should probably, in my opinion, define the boundaries with her. To allow her to decide your fate, based entirely on her need for space to figure out if she loves you or not, makes you totally dependent upon what she decides, and when she decides it.

As hard as it is, you do know some things. The most important is, she is not sure if she loves you. If she is not sure, then she doesn't love you. Love is not something that is undefined. It is, or it isn't.

Please don't let your life be dictated by how she has redefined the relationship. Think long and hard about how you are being treated, and that it is possible that while you may love her very much, she does not feel the same. Otherwise, she would stay in the relationship and work on the problems.

For your own piece of mind, I would tell her that you are not going to continue to go through this torture for much longer, and give her a time frame. Tell her, that you need to know if she is willing to work on the relationship, and you need to know that if she is, she won't bail on you again because she needs 'space'. Perhaps set a month. If she is still unsure, then I would consider the relationship over.

She can't throw 'love' around and turn your life upside down waiting for her to love you again. If she cannot sort herself out in a month, then I would move on.

Hmm forget what I said LOL this hits the nail on the head... well said :)

After 5 years, you would think that the two of you have a better communication system in place.

It's time for you to stand your ground. She's either in or out (like Jake said). You don't need to put up with her indecisiveness. After 5 years, you deserve a definite answer.

That being said, you're just going to have to wait for her to make a decision, but you should definitely let her know that you want more of a definite answer, rather than anymore "I don't knows". You deserve better treatment from her part and keep that in mind when you talk to her. It's not fair to you that she's leaving you hanging in the air.

When they ask for a break, give it to them and disappear from there lives. The red flag to pay attention to, SHE RATHER BREAK UP THAN RESOLVE THE PROBLEMS Through HONEST COMMUNICATIONS. .

This always means that she is no longer willing to work with you, and so has changed the program you are use to, without your consent, input, or opinion. Change yours too, and don't wait for her program to work for you, get your own program that works for you, without her being a part of it.

Now you can sit and wonder what she is doing, and waste time, and energy being miserable, and prolong the agony of being hurt, and rejected, and looking for reasons, or you can leave her alone, and heal, while you regroup, and get your own thing to do. Its your call.

The important thing I think is, she decide without your influence, hence DISAPPEAR! She will let you know when she makes HER decision, and figures things out for herself.

I am going to try the romantic gesture route but to me it seems like I am the only one trying to save this relationship. She seems to avoid me and seems to want to spend more time with our housemates than she does with me.

Thanks for the help everyone, I feel a lot better for getting this issue off my chest!

And please if anyone else has any suggestions, please contribute! I am still not sure on how to deal with this situation and would appreciate the input.

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I am going to try the romantic gesture route but to me it seems like I am the only one trying to save this relationship

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You answered your own problem. It's completely one sided.

Heart says yes, pangs in the tummy say do it.. HEAD SAYS NO!

Listen carefully...

Why would you try to be romantic with someone that's avoiding you and would rather be around your house mates? Are they guys, or gals?

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Originally Posted by storman1

I am going to try the romantic gesture route but to me it seems like I am the only one trying to save this relationship. She seems to avoid me and seems to want to spend more time with our housemates than she does with me.

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Doesn't the fact she's avoiding you tell you something?

How far are you willing to grovel at her feet? Because that's what your doing and that's how she will see it.

Before you do anything read some of the threads on this site and you will see a pattern and none of them are good.

But be realistic here. If this was one of your mates what would you tell them?

You would tell them, to tell her, to take a hike... Wouldnt you?

She has now turned round to me and said that to save this relationship she needs to have 'freedom' meaning there are no strings attached to her. She said that a two week break would allow her to overcome this feeling. I love her and feel that if she needs to do this then it will be worth it in the long run. The thing I have concerns about is her seeing other guys, at the same time I understand that we have been in a relationship since she was 15, so she has missed her years of 'freedom'. I just hope she realises she misses me and that our relationship is a good thing in both of our lives. I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and whether this 'break' ever works for a relationship?

It feels a lot better to vent my feelings and let out some of these anxieties and concerns I feel.

And again thank you for the advice everyone, I don't feel alone anymore :)

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Originally Posted by storman1

She has now turned round to me and said that to save this relationship she needs to have 'freedom' meaning there are no strings attached to her. She said that a two week break would allow her to overcome this feeling.

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Harshness warning:

Sorry to say but no good can come of this.

As has been already said by previous posters, if she wanted to sort things out you should be doing it together.

She's playing you big time. But that's OK because you love her :confused:

She was a kid when you started seeing each other. She has grown up and is now a different person with different wants and needs.

See this for what it is, not for what you are hoping and wishing it becomes. Let go. If she wants you she knows where you are.

But get on with your own life and don't wait around for her.

She's like you've become the backup plan. What she really means by no strings attached is that she's going to try things out with other guys to see if it leads anywhere. If it doesn't amount to anything, she can always come crying back to you (exactly how you wish that she realizes that she misses you and comes back to you).

This isn't the most healthy route to go down. You've become the safety net. What if 2 weeks isn't long enough for her to go experiment? What if she wants an extension?

I understand that you're not ready to let her go, no one is going to force you to let go. Even though there's a chance that she could come back to you, realize that you're not longer her priority at this point in her life.

:: yoyo affect ::

One minute you're up.. next your down, next good times, next time bad.

Only a matter of time till someone comes along with scissors and cuts the string.

It ended yesterday with my girlfriend dumping me. I'm devastated and have felt incredibly low and upset. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat, I don't enjoy anything and I've had suicidal thoughts. We didn't end on bad terms but I've seen her since and she won't even say hi to me which just makes me feel worse. I was wondering how long it will take for me to feel any better? And if there is anything I can do to make me feel better?

Just don't know what to do :( this is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with :(

She said that she loved me but wasn't "inlove with me" anymore. She did say she was hurt because I missed our anniversary but surely this can't be the reason, I just wish she would snap out of it and love me again. I'm still in love with her and I'm heartbroken. Would she ever get the same feelings for me come back or when its gone is it gone forever? Or am I hanging on to a false hope? (which I know I shouldn't do)

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