Ask Me Help Desk - Should I stay at home!

My boyfriend does not like the fact that I go out, he hates it. He says it does not want a women that go out.. I must stay at home.
But the thing is, he always go out and do what he want without asking me.. he just gets in his car and says okay he's going. Should I stay at home and listen to him?

I never did, I always go out with my friends.. but I saw that he does not like it and that I'm going to loose him if I don't stop...
So Im staying at home and don't really go out with my friends. Maybe once in a blue moon I will go. Well I understand that any man does not like there women get drunk and party - I think they are paranoid at the fact that other men will try there luck with us ladies!

Anyway do you think its right that I respect his feelings and be a real women to him by not going a lot?

Another thing he hates.. is me having male friends - he does not like that at all!! So I stopped talking to them because he doesn't liike it. He doesn't think its friends - he thinks the guys want me and not my friendship. Sometimes some of them still phones me and ask how I am doing!

I just want to know what to doe.. and I want to do it right.

Im really confused and just want to do the right thing in this relationship!

To me, I have to ask you why you think it is okay, that you are treated like a dog. You must stay put! You cannot be off your leash! You cannot bark with other dogs! You cannot go to the dog park! Obey! Obey! Obey! Good grief.

Think of a relationship as a partnership. Equal, respectful, trusting, and honest. Take away equality, respect, trust, and honesty, plus take away dignity as well, and what is the receiving partner left with? Start with a loss of liberty, a loss of freedom, being controlled, and being expected to satisfy the insecurities of the partner who has no qualms about taking away from you, that which he would NEVER allow to be taken away from himself.

I don't see this as being about him at all. Guys like him are a dime a dozen. They want a possession, not a partner. They want control, but they won't be controlled, they have unrealistic demands on their partners, and no demands on themselves. They expect to be the top dog, the head honcho, the ultimate dictator, the non-compromising, selfish, imature, self centered macho male, who insists on complete and total control- over another person, and total and complete compliance from their partner, all the time, when and how much they choose, and feel completely free to punish their partner for daring to speak to complain or failure to obey, and it only results in more restrictions and demands... it does not end.

So, keep compromising yourself, and I guarantee you, eventually you will lose, yourself. He is bad news, he has problems, most likely insecurity, fueled by a false sense of entitlement (quite arrogant behaviour don't you think?), fueled in turn by jealousy, which is really only fear. Fear of losing control, over you. He will fight to keep you 'in your place'.

If I were you, I would walk, and while you're on your way out the door to regaining your dignity, self worth, confidence, and freedom, tell him the local pound has dogs that need good homes.

Thanks Jake!! For that piece of advice! It will help a lot!=)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweedypie

just wana do the right thing in this relationship!

The right thing to do would be to end this relationship. This is the beginning of an abusive situation. Verbally or physically, we can't tell you at this point.

What this coward is doing is trying to isolate you from friends first. If he has not yet, next will come family.

A real relationship is based on trust, equality, and to some extent freedom.

The relationship you are in right now is very unhealthy and will continue to spiral downward should you stay in it.

Your relationship is not healthy in any way.
I remember you from your first post last week : "What can I do to break my boyfriends heart the way he breaks mine" and yesterday, the one where you were asking what to do about him talking to his ex on Facebook.

This is your third thread within 10 days and it's a new problem.
You are jealous and insecure about him "hardly ever talking" to his ex on Facebook. He is jealous and insecure about you going out with your friends. He breaks your heart, ignores you and you ask total strangers on the internet about how to break your own boyfriend's heart and make him unhappy the way you are.

I don't know if it's your idea of a relationship, but it's not mine. You both need to work on your insecurities and trust issues - not together, not while IN the relationship. Otherwise, you will multiply your threads here, without ever solving any issue. Good luck.

J_9... We are together for 3 years now.. he always gave me freedom.. but never liked the idea that I'm going out! He says my friends are hores and that they will let me do the same things they do.. but I know I'm not like my friends.. so he doesn't tell me to stay home! Never and never will he but I'm just feeling I must stop going out and maybe go out once in a blue moon..

He never complains if I go out, One thing he don't like is me coming home early in the morning! But I sometimes have such a fun time with my friends that I forget about the time.

He said I can go out but only till 1 O'clock.. thats fine with me but he can do whatver he wants and if I tell himits wrong he says I'm a man and I'm not married to you!

The thing is if I want to date him I must accept what he feels and not like BUT he must accept and respect my feelings to!!

This is a ask desk and if I want to ask for advice that's my problem.. then don't give advice! I ask things that's not happening know.. iTS THINGS coming for long now and I just want to hear what people has to say... ok!

AND ask desk is there to ask STRANGERS advice( that's why you don't use your reall nam)!!

But thanks pandead. Have a great day!

Sweedypie, answers are not subject to criticism, they are opinions, based on your question. You read them, take what you can, and move on. Also you should know that past questions by the same posters, are looked at, to see if there are any similarities or differences, or problems that pertain to the new one.

Pandead is right in that both your past two questions, are related. We are talking about the same relationship here, and essentially the same problems. Trust, insecurity, jealousy, controlling behaviour.

And I agree, that the relationship you are in , is not a healthy one. If you are needing trust, as most of us do, in a relationship, and you are not trusted, or you do not trust your partner, then everything else will be a problem. Who he talks to, who you talk to, where you go, where he goes, who you text, who he texts, etc. Everything seems suspect, and nothing seems to point in the direction of mutual respect and trust between you.

I urge you to take another look at your past few questions yourself, and see if you can't see where anybody reading them would say, this is indeed, a continuation of essentially the same problems.

Sweedypie, allow me to express my little thoughts on this... You've both been together for 3 years, which is long enough to believe one is important to the other... So you might try to look at his efforts in building and remaining this relationship to adjust a bit... I think he needs you at night and felt a little jealous when you were out... He loves you so he didn't dare to complain.

Briefly I think communication is always the best policy. He doesn't understand today but he'll understand tomorrow. Loving him you'll have the patience to make him feel your feelings... Everyone has their own faults and everyone can change themselves for love, as long as they understand their faults...